Chapter 9

I woke up when I heard Killian moving around the suite. I rolled onto my side to see him fall on his knee and tie his sneakers. A sexy smile inched across his face. “Hey.”

I hugged the pillow over my naked body, feeling shy, but not so shy that I couldn’t smile back. “Hey. What time is it?”

“A little after five.”

No wonder I was tired. “You’re going for a run? Now?”

“You mean considering we’ve barely slept and after everything we did?” He chuckled when I buried my face in the pillow. I glanced up again when he sat on the edge of the bed and played with one of my curls. “It’s hard to sleep, knowing you’re naked beside me,” he said quietly. “I figured I’d go for a run and then maybe come back and wake you.”

I squirmed a little. I was too reserved to tell him he could have just woken me and no way would I have complained. Images of how we’d teased and played flashed in my mind like the remnants of a perfect fantasy. Except it had all been real. Killian and I were growing closer.

“Last night meant a lot to me,” he said, as if reading my thoughts. “But I want to make sure that you’re okay with everything that happened. Any regrets?”

This time it was my turn to smile. “No. I liked being with you.”

His hand passed along my bare back. “Did the tie help?”

I nibbled on my bottom lip. The tie had provided that security I’d needed¸ but as the night progressed, it was no longer necessary. The only thing missing between us was him pushing inside of me. Last night, I was almost ready for it. Now that some time had passed, it remained that frightening leap of faith to take. But I didn’t want to focus on any fears that remained. I’d rather focus on the progress we’d made. “It made me feel secure,” I admitted.

“Then that’s what we’ll keep doing. So long as you need it.” He scanned my body, then shook his head. “I’d better go, before I don’t.”

I pushed up to a sitting position when he stood. He seemed tense all of a sudden. But I wasn’t sure why. “Is something wrong?”

He shrugged. “Nah. Just a lot on my mind with regard to my upcoming match.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

My question made him smile. “I guess if I can’t talk to you, I can’t talk to anyone, huh?” He fell into a deep leg stretch. “The deal is, I’ve met and beaten my opponent once before. But since then a lot’s changed. He has my old trainer working with him. He’s gonna know what to expect. If I don’t focus, or switch it up enough, he’ll figure me out and I won’t win.”

Okay, I wasn’t liking the sound of this. “Gil switched sides?”

Killian glanced up from his lunge. “Gil’s always been about the money. He thought Marsh—the guy I’m taking on—had more potential. When I told him to bounce, he went straight to Marsh, figuring he’d get me back and make more bills in the process.”

“So who’s training you?”

“No one. I’m on my own this time.”

I rolled onto my belly and folded my arms in front of me. I didn’t want to doubt Killian. But this was a high-stakes professional match he’d agreed to. He needed more than just himself. “Do you think it might be better to have input from someone else? Sometimes it’s hard to be objective and catch your own mistakes.”

“Finn and Wren have offered to help—record some training, sparring—this way we can analyze what I’m doing wrong, decide what’s working and what all I need to cut.”

“You may need more than just family this time, sweetie.”

The intensity in his focus lessened when I called him sweetie, but it resurfaced quickly. He shook his head. “I’m done with trainers who are only out for themselves—risking my hide to fill their wallets. It’s not fucking worth it. I have a plan, and a strict regimen that I’m following. I also set up a couple of sparring matches with some guys the Boss used to know. They’re tough and know the biz. Most have mixed it up professionally.”

I adjusted my position on the bed. Richie “the Boss” Mancini had trained Killian and my brother since they were kids at his gym in Center City. He died of a heart attack a few years back. The Boss was a good man. He didn’t have kids of his own, but he took those he trained under his protective wing and gave them someone to look up to. Hulking men the size of giants, from all ages and backgrounds, attended his funeral. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place. It was one of those rare times I’d seen Killian and Teo cry.

“Just be careful,” I said, quietly.

Killian switched legs. “Will you go with me?”

“Running?”

He laughed, a little too hard. “No. I mean to the fight.”

“You want me to go with you to Atlantic City?” I asked slowly.

“Why not? You’re my girl, aren’t you?”

I returned his smile. Yeah. I was. “Who else is going?”

“Wren, my brothers. We usually go out to a late dinner after I’m done with the press.” He rolled his head, to loosen his neck. “Afterward, I usually head back to my room and unwind.”

“Alone?” I held out a hand when I realized how that came across. “I just figured if it’s A.C.—lots to do there—and lots of people.” I fiddled with the edge of the sheet tucked beneath me. And lots of women out for a good time.

“My family usually hits the casinos. I don’t. All the adrenaline pumping through me before, during, and after the match leaves me wiped. I don’t need more noise. Rather leave all that behind me.”

That was what he said, but I wasn’t blind to Killian’s hotness. It wasn’t just his ripped body, Killian’s face teetered on that fine line between boyishly cute and ruggedly handsome.

What sucked was I wasn’t the only one who noticed.

I could see Killian skipping out on his family to return to his room. What I couldn’t see was him spending the remainder of his night alone. Killian would have company if he wanted it. All he had to do was ask. No woman in her right mind would deny him.

He tickled my chin. “The hotel usually hooks me up with a sick suite. You’ll like it. We can order dinner in if you want. But if you’d rather walk around A.C., see the sights, check out the beach at night, we can do that, too.”

Alone and away in Atlantic City with Killian. It sounded like heaven. I only hoped I could get through the match. It was hard watching him fight, watching him take a hit. My father had struck me enough times for me to know how much a blow can hurt. “I don’t know, Killian….”

In my silence Killian leaned forward. “I want you with me, Sofia. But I get that the attention might be too much for you.”

I angled my head. “The attention?”

“There’s lots of press. A shitload of interviews, photo ops, and cameras constantly shoved in my face when I’m out. It’s the part I won’t miss when I retire.”

“I can understand that,” I agreed. Killian’s public persona was unparalleled. He wasn’t loud, pretentious, or flashy like some of the other more notorious fighters. But he knew how to draw attention and keep it, despite his laid-back and reserved personality. The real him came out only around those he trusted.

I smiled, knowing I remained among those select few he could be himself around. That knowledge made it easy for me to reach a decision. “Okay, I’d love to.”

He smirked. “Love to what?”

“Go with you to A.C.,” I answered, meaning it. “I think it would be nice to get away together.” His expression warmed when I met his face. I crinkled my nose. “The only thing is I don’t turn legal until September.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll be with me. It won’t be a problem.” He lowered himself to kiss my forehead, but then paused and met my lips instead when I lifted my chin.

My fingertips lifted to stroke his face, my arousal stirring when I realized I could still taste a bit of me on him.

Killian broke our kiss, swearing. He kicked his shoes off and joined me in bed, rolling me on top of him.

It wasn’t until much later that Killian left for his run. I used the time alone to shower and send Teo a text. I told him about Gil and how he was now training Killian’s opponent. Teo had never thought well of Gil and had often referred to him as “that sleazy bastard.” I wanted to let him know he’d been right about him, and that Killian was now on his own.

Teo responded with a brief text, thanking me for telling him, but not much more than that. I thought maybe he was still mad at me for spending time with Killian. I didn’t press him; instead I decided to Skype with my sister, Lety, in England. There was a lot I needed to discuss with her, and I hoped I wouldn’t lose my nerve.

I set up my laptop in the dining room and made the connection. I smiled when I saw my beautiful sister yawn and wave back. An oversized white sweater covered her hourglass figure. As thin as she was, she had perfect round breasts and a backside most women would kill to have. Yeah, nature hadn’t been as generous with me. “Hey. Did I wake you?”

She was in a bedroom. It was all I could make out. Well, that and Brody’s feet dangling off the bed. She pushed her long, wavy hair away from her face. “It’s two in the afternoon here. We’ve just had a long day.”

Considering what type of long days Killian and I had been having lately, I had a feeling I knew what she meant. She peered around my shoulder. “Where are you?”

“Killian’s.”

“I figured.” She laughed. “Teo was bitchin’ about you staying with him.” She reached for a mug of steaming liquid and took a sip. “How are things between you?” She laughed again when all I did was blush. “That good, huh?”

“Yeah, they’re real good.”

“You on the Pill?”

My sister never did mince words. “No. We haven’t gone that far yet.”

Her expression softened, bordering on a sense of sadness. “Does he understand—your need to take things slow, I mean?”

I nervously slid my fingers over the keys, unable to look directly at my sister then. “He does. But things are speeding up pretty fast.” I couldn’t keep still and began playing with my hair, only to return my hands to my keyboard and skim them along the edges. “Can Brody hear me?”

Lety turned around just when Brody began to stir. From where Lety sat, I could only see the foot of the bed. Well, that and Brody’s big bare feet. “You awake, big shot?” she asked him, her voice soft and full of affection.

“Sort of.” He groaned. “Getting hungry.” The sheet covering his calves rumpled as he moved. “Shit. We missed lunch.”

“No, I got up and made something. It’s ready if you want it.”

“Thanks, pequeña,” he said.

“Brody, wait,” she said when he began to move. “Sofia can see you. We’re Skyping.”

He ceased his movements. “Does this mean I have to put on pants?”

Lety turned back around to face the screen, her hands covering her eyes but her grin wide as she laughed. “Yes, baby,” she told him.

“Uh…okay.”

I heard him yank on a pair of pants before his chiseled abs appeared in front of the screen. He bent to kiss Lety’s lips, then waved at the camera. “Hey, Sofia. How’s it going?”

“I’m fine. You guys having fun?”

“Yeah. Trying to finish up my work, hoping to hit Paris this weekend.”

“Nice,” I said.

He winked. “I’ll let you girls talk.” He rose so only his abs and part of his chest were visible on the screen. “That isn’t kidney pie I smell,” he said.

Lety laughed. “No. I made you filet mignon stuffed with blue cheese and mushrooms—”

Brody smashed his lips against hers. If he hadn’t held on to her shoulders, she would have toppled off the chair. I tried to look elsewhere. Lety and Brody weren’t shy about making out in front of me, but I was still shy about watching them.

My eyes scanned the room, waiting for them to finish. They broke apart seconds later with Lety giggling. “You know how to turn a guy on, you know that?”

“By wowing you with my cooking skills?” she asked him.

“Hell, yeah—oh, and the sex is pretty hot, too,” he said. He grinned at the camera again. “Later, Sofi. Come visit if you can make some time.”

I waved, blushing on his behalf. “Bye, Brody.”

He disappeared, but then yelled from further away, “Lety, you want me to wait so we can eat together?”

“No. You go ahead. I want to talk to Sofia.” She tucked her knees against her. “I’m sorry, baby girl. You were talking about you and Killian, and how things were going between you. They’re good, right? He’s good to you?”

I shrugged. “Yeah. He is.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I just find it a little odd, you know? For him to like me like he does. Wren says he has since we were kids. I never would have guessed.”

Lety smiled. “You were pretty tight. Always playing with those little cars, sharing candy. He’s the one little kid you always seemed comfortable around.”

I tapped my fingers against the dining room table. “I thought so, but then he forgot all about me.”

Lety shook her head. “He didn’t forget, Sofia. He just grew up a little quicker, that’s all. I never realized how bad you had it for him, though. How come you never told me?”

I made a face. “I was supposed to be a nun—nuns weren’t supposed to like boys.”

She rolled her eyes. “God, Ma and all that bullshit. If it were up to her and Teo, you would have taken your vows by now and I’d be visiting you in some tripped-out convent.”

“Teo wants me to be a nun? Still?”

She threw out a hand. “He’s protective. Short of putting you in a bubble and surrounding you with weapons of mass destruction, he probably thought nunhood was the next best thing.” She smiled playfully. “This thing you’ve got going on with Killian is better, don’t you think?”

My temperature rose slightly. “It is. It’s just not what I originally imagined.”

She placed her chin on her knees. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve done things with him—to him. Stuff I’ve never done before.”

Lety was well aware of my past and yet met me with kindness. “You’re in an adult relationship. Physical intimacy is a part of it and can be something that brings you closer.” She took another sip of her tea. “There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. So long as it’s consensual, I’m certain it will lead you in a direction you’ll both enjoy and grow from.”

“Mmm.”

She knitted her small brows. “What is it, Sofi?”

Just come out with it, Sofia. If you can talk to anyone, it’s your sister. “Can Brody hear me from where he is?”

She craned her neck. “I don’t think so,” she whispered. “He’s in the kitchen heating up the food I made him. You should see this cottage we rented. It’s the sweetest little thing—”

“I’ve been tying Killian up,” I blurted.

Her legs dropped to the floor, joining her jaw. For a second, she fell speechless. So not a good sign seeing how outspoken and opinionated my sister was. “When you say you’ve tied him up, what do you mean exactly?”

I closed my eyes and spilled more TMI since, hey, I was on a roll. “I bind his wrists behind his back so he can’t touch me.”

“With cuffs?” she squeaked.

I held out my hands. “No, with an old blue tie he owns.”

Lety covered her mouth with one hand and pointed at me with the other. “Holy shit. With the tie he wore on confirmation!”

“Ah…”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Lety repeated over and over, although it didn’t really seem like it was. “It’s consensual—and that’s all that matters. It’s all that fucking matters.”

It was almost as if she were trying to convince herself. I groaned. “So you and Brody have never…”

Lety shook her head. “I can honestly say I’ve never tied Brody up—”

“You can if you want!” Brody yelled from another room. “I’ll take one for the team.”

“Brody!” Lety yelled.

“Fine. You can go first.”

Lety covered her face, laughing, while I did my best not to melt from the heat of my rising humiliation. “Baby, this is a private conversation between me and my little sister!”

“So you don’t want to tie me up?” he asked, sounding confused. “Is this another Cosmo quiz thingy?”

“Brody!” Lety yelled again.

“Did I fail this one, too?” he questioned.

Lety stood, laughing so hard she curled into her body. “Hold on, Sofi,” she managed before vanishing from sight and whispering something to Brody.

I couldn’t hear what she said as she spoke to him between bouts of choked laughter. Whatever it was seemed to satisfy Brody and lessen her amusement.

A door clicked shut before she reappeared and sat back in front of the screen. Her head cocked to the side and her smile grew more demure as she took me in. “You know what I think?”

“That I’ve left purity behind and driven straight into Smutville?”

Lety chuckled. “No, I think Killian’s trying to get you to trust him. That’s a good thing. Especially since he knows everything you’ve been through.”

Guilt burned its way up my throat. “He doesn’t know everything, Lety. If he did, his opinion of me would change.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “God, if he ever finds out about those boys I’ve been with—and what I let them do to me—he’d never let me touch him again.”

“Sofi, that’s not true.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

Lety considered my words. “Have you thought about telling him?”

I returned to playing with the ends of my long hair. “I have. I just don’t think it’s the right time.”

Lety hugged her body. I thought she’d agree with me until she said, “Killian can have anyone he wants.”

I made a face. “Thanks for the reminder.”

“You didn’t let me finish,” she added gently. “He can have anyone, Sofi. But he’s waited for you. He’s with you. And he’s taking his time. He wouldn’t bother if he didn’t care. Men, the kind who aren’t worth it, won’t wait for sex if they have other options.”

As much as my insecurities tried to argue otherwise, Lety had a point. Killian could have his needs met elsewhere. Yet despite his seeing how damaged my past had left me, and how pathetically fragile I remained, we spent very little time apart.

“What if he decides I’m not worth it? I come with a lot of baggage. Baggage he doesn’t need in his life.”

“Then he’s not the man you think he is, and you need to move on.” Lety tossed her hair behind her. “Sofia, the shit we were raised in—stuff we’ve seen and the pain we were subjected to—it’s not something I’d wish on anyone. And it fucked with our heads long before we took our first steps. But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved. If Brody has taught me anything, it’s that.”

“I wasn’t talking love,” I said quietly, although I knew it was too late for me. I couldn’t remember when I’d fallen for Killian. I only knew it was long before this.

Lety sighed. “Take a step back, Sofia, and take a look at what he’s risking. For a big guy like him—to let you tie him up and allow himself to be vulnerable—that speaks volumes. That’s trust. Killian trusts you. I think you need to try to trust him.”

I let her words sink in. “Okay. I’ll try.”

“Good.” She smiled. “I miss you, you know.”

“I miss you, too.” I tried to smile back and work up my nerve. “Lety, you have way more experience than I do. Do you have any advice—you know, something I absolutely have to do when it comes to Killian?”

“Get on the Pill,” she said. “And while you’re at it, get a Brazilian.”

As I mentioned, my sister didn’t mince words. “A Brazilian?”

“Just trust me on this.” She waved me off when I continued to stare at her. “But forget that for now. You seriously need to get on birth control. Teo will go batshit crazy on Killian’s ass if he knocks you up.”

I took a moment to glance down. “You’re assuming we’ll definitely have sex. What if I can’t go through with it?”

“Then you shouldn’t and won’t. Either way, it’s better to play it safe.” Lety’s kind dark eyes met mine. “But, Sofi, the way you talk about him, the way things are going, it’s just a matter of time before you give yourself to Killian….”