Chapter 8

My body slammed down onto the mat. Again. How many times could one person go down in an hour? I groaned, trying to count. Roughly nine.

Wren’s face appeared in my line of vision. “You okay, Sofe?”

“Totally,” I squeaked.

I took the hand she offered and let her pull me up. I didn’t care about my pride anymore. I’d left it unconscious and bleeding on the mat the first time Sauron’s mother threw me to the floor.

Gloria still looked pregnant. Gloria smoked a pack of Marlboros a day. If we crashed in the Amazon jungle, Gloria would snap my neck, eat me, and not think twice. Gloria was seriously kicking my butt. But Gloria was nice. And in her defense, she did seem to feel bad.

“Sorry about knocking you on your skinny ass again, Sofia,” she said.

I held up my hand and tried to smile. “It’s okay. These things happen, Gloria.”

Wren ordered us to the heavy bags, so off we went. My roundhouse kicks were as impressive as my takedowns, forcing Killian to abandon his class in the middle of his “strength is achieved through blood” speech. “Sofia. Drop your head, follow with your hips, use the weight of your body.”

All thirty pounds of me. Got it. I crouched low with the same results until Killian came up behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Bend this knee slightly—no, too much. Good. Real good.” He lifted the back of my knee, unaware of the scorching heat burning my face. “Now straighten your leg.”

He smirked when he caught my flaming cheeks. His instructions here seemed awfully similar to his pointers in the bedroom.

The women hooted behind us. “Hey, Killian!” one of the other moms yelled. “Do you think you can show me how it’s done?”

“Mmm-hmm,” another woman agreed, eyeing him up like a Twix bar.

Killian hugged me to him. “Sorry, ladies. I only make exceptions for my girl, Sofia.”

Truth be told, I liked him admitting he was all mine. That said, I couldn’t stop the heat creeping its way up my neck when he kissed my lips.

“Told you they were fucking,” a different woman muttered to Wren, who simply nodded.

I clasped my hand over my eyes. Oh, if they only knew.

I watched Killian return to his class before resuming my sad attempts at kicking the bag. Killian was an excellent athlete and gifted instructor. He could settle a group of out-of-control kids with his voice and teach someone as unassuming and small as his brother to take down men three times his size. Too bad he seemed to be wasting his talent and time with me.

Wren walked over to me, her expression pained as she took in my form. “I’m pathetic, aren’t I?” I asked her.

“Yeah. You are. Here, watch and learn.” She stood back, hands up, and kicked. “Pivot and kick. Pivot and kick. Just like this. Make this bag your bitch and watch it bleed. Now you try it.”

I pulled my leg back and imitated her movements. “Better?” I asked, excited I was somewhat holding my balance.

Sadly, my friend remained unimpressed. “Sofe, if you were taking on a kindergartner or maybe an old fart with a walker—you’d be fo’ sure kicking some serious ass now. But if anyone other than a first grader takes you on, you’re in deep shit.”

I lifted my hands and tried again, this time harder.

Wren pinched the bridge of her nose. “Sofe. Get mad at the bag. Pretend it called your mother a whore, your sister a bitch, and that hot brother of yours an asshat with tiny testes.”

Her motivational speech didn’t seem to help. “Christ,” she said when I tried again.

Thankfully, class ended for the day. I returned to the office and got to work on my new laptop. Killian was intelligent and strong, but he’d chosen not to attend college. He knew little about business, but learned fast that it took more to run one than simply rounding up a few bodies willing to throw him money. The more I became aware of his business needs, the more I added to the program I was creating, trying hard to make at least one aspect of his life easier for him.

I was actually quite proud of how it was coming along, and I was going to seek him out to show him a few things when he came in and plopped down beside me. “When do you think the new site will be up and ready to go?”

I glanced up from what I was doing. “Soon. Why?”

“My match in Atlantic City is coming up fast. Just got a text from the coordinator, they added more title matches—lots of promo planned. That means more business and more traffic to the site.”

I considered what I had to tell him.

“Wassup?” he asked, knowing something was.

I tapped my fingers on the desk. “I think you need to spruce up the gym. It’s clean and in great shape, but needs a paint job.”

He made a face. “You’re going to paint my gym orange, aren’t you?”

I giggled into my hands. “No. I was thinking darker colors—charcoal and black—with burgundy and sage accents.”

He rubbed his jaw. “Accents. Of course we can’t forget the damn accents.”

I ignored his comment. “Part of my course of study for interior design includes a final project where I redo an existing residence or building, making it more modern. I could do your gym, and we could both help each other out.”

He smirked. “You won’t be a senior for another year. You planning to stick around that long?”

Okay, hadn’t thought about it that way. “Ah…”

“Good,” he said, and leaned in to kiss me. He chuckled when I inched away. “What’s wrong?”

I motioned to the lingering band of stay-at-home moms watching us outside the door. “I’m on it,” Killian said. He marched to the door, waved to the curious onlookers, and slammed it shut, then leaned his body against it. “Come here.”

“Why?”

His sexy smile all but curled my toes. “Because I haven’t kissed you like I’ve wanted to today.”

Well, the feeling was mutual. I stood and timidly made my way to his side. But when his head bent forward and his hands gripped my hips, it was easy to surrender to that kiss and forget where we were.

Killian took his sweet time, even as his lips passed along my neck and his hands kneaded my backside. “You staying with me tonight?” he whispered against my ear before slipping his tongue in.

My mother was headed for Niagara Falls. I hadn’t planned to stay at my old place alone. “If you want me to,” I managed. Who was I kidding? I’d already packed an overnight bag.

My hands slipped beneath his muscle T-shirt and my body tightened against his.

Finn knocked on the door. “Kill. The local youth group is here. Are you available or are you and Sofia busy?” He half coughed, half laughed. “Father Flanagan would like to see you.”

I jumped out of Killian’s arms as if prodded by flaming swords held by the Knights Templar. Father Flanagan had baptized me and there I was groping Philly’s favorite son just a closed door away from him.

Killian’s body shook with laughter as he watched me scramble to sit behind the desk and adjust my body to a less horny position. He muffled his laughter against his shoulder. “Sure. Send him in.” I don’t know how he did it, but his laid-back position returned—like his hands hadn’t just been fondling me. He opened the door, smiling innocently like the good Catholic boy he pretended to be, and held out his hand. “Good afternoon, Father. What can I help you with?”

Father Flanagan shook his hand. “Killian, look how you’ve grown.” To me he nodded, scrutinizing me closely and homing in on the guilt spreading along my features. I was going to hell. I knew it then. “Sofia, how are you, darling girl?”

“F-fine, thank you, Father. And you?”

He took the seat Killian held out for him. “Looking for a way to keep the young ones occupied and out of harm’s way.” He waited until Killian took his usual seat beside me before continuing. “I was hoping you could help me with that.”

Killian leaned forward. “Are you looking to enroll the kids in some classes?”

“It would mean a lot to the church,” Father Flanagan told him.

And less time in Purgatory for you, he left unsaid.

“How many boys?”

“Thirteen, possibly more.”

“And how much can the church contribute?”

I knew Father’s answer in his smile. “Not much, I’m afraid.”

“When you say ‘not much,’ what do you mean exactly, Father?”

Again Father Flanagan smiled. “The boys need discipline. They can clean in exchange. And of course the church will continue to support you with referrals.”

Killian rubbed his strong jaw. While the money coming in was good, his staff was limited to his family plus a few of his fighters with the skills and willingness to teach. If he were to take on Father Flanagan’s group, it would mean another class for him to manage, more responsibility, and less time training for his upcoming match.

“What do you think?” Killian asked me.

It would also mean less time for us.

I leaned toward him and clutched his arm, whispering low. “Maybe they can do a little more than clean.” I smiled softly when he raised his brows. “I think we found your renovation crew.”

I then turned to Father Flanagan. “Father, does Dugan O’Malley still own that chain of paint stores?”

Father considered. “He does.”

I smiled politely. “Do you think he’d be willing to give Killian a discount on paint on behalf of the church?”

Father’s gray eyes twinkled. He knew where I was headed. “He very well might. What’re you thinking, Sofia?”

My attention cut to Killian; this was his decision after all. He leaned back, but not before offering a smirk my way. “Tell you what, Father. I’ll give every kid under your watch free classes on Mondays so long as they clean the bathrooms and mats each night before they go home. But I need help painting my place, too. Do you think we can work something out with the kids and Mr. O’Malley?”

Father’s grin widened. “Killian, me boy, if you help the boys out, the church will help you, too. When do you need us?”

“You’re quite the businesswoman, you know that?”

Killian helped me unpack the groceries we’d bought on our way home from the gym. I shrugged. “I don’t know about that.”

“What do you mean? You fixed it so I’d get charged close to nothing on the paint, and then made it so I wouldn’t have to pay a crew to come in.” He rested his forearms against the brown granite countertop. “I just hope these kids know how to paint.”

I rinsed the cabbage leaves. “It should be fine. Father Flanagan promised to hang out and help. You know how strict he is. And with the kids’ families also there, things should go fast.”

“I take it you’ve got a plan?”

“Totally.” I’d spent the last hour taking shots of the entire gym from the observation deck on the second level. The digital camera Uncle Lino had given me made it easy; so had the view from above. I was going to download the images, blank out the colors, and redo them in different shades so Killian could choose what he wanted. “I’ll work on the images tonight and tomorrow so you can see what I mean.”

Killian’s hands fell to my hips as he came up behind me. “That can wait, don’t you think?” He massaged my small curves. “You’ve been working hard all week.”

My skin tingled when he kissed my neck. I turned off the water and clutched the edges of the sink when his kisses turned to bites.

Although I welcomed his touch with my heart, my mind wasn’t as yielding. My body tensed as Killian unhooked the front button of the sundress I’d changed into. One button quickly followed another, exposing the pink lace bra I wore beneath.

My muscles tightened further as he pulled the straps down my arms. He paused. “Do you want me to stop?” Despite my insistence that I was safe, and the knowledge that Killian would never hurt me, my body failed to relax and had begun to tremble. The inability to control my fear frustrated and humiliated me. But as bad as I felt, Killian’s reaction made it that much worse.

He withdrew, backing away from me slowly. “Sofia…you’re scared.”

I wished I wasn’t, but it was true. It terrified me to have him behind me and not be able to see his face—to know for sure that it was him. Even though every rational part of me realized it couldn’t be anyone else. “This isn’t a good position for me,” I stammered.

He watched me for a beat, understanding spreading along his features. “I’m sorry.”

The last thing I wanted was for him to apologize. “Please don’t be.”

He crossed his arms. “What about the way I was touching you? Does that scare you?”

I wrung my hands. “It’s not about the way that you touch. I-I have this fear of being overpowered. It’s worse when someone’s behind me.”

I’d never admitted that before. And in a way, the admission frightened me more.

“You’re afraid of being overpowered?” he repeated.

“Yes.”

“By me?”

I angled my chin away from him. “By anyone.”

“I see,” he responded almost silently.

The sadness in his tone had me rushing to place my arms around him. “I don’t want to feel this way, Killian.”

Yet I did anyway. For a while, he didn’t seem to have the words. But when he finally formed them, I didn’t like what he had to say.

“Do you think we should take a break?”

“A break?” My heart sank. “You want to break up with me?”

“No. That’s not what I mean.” He sighed. “What I’m saying is, maybe I shouldn’t touch you for a while. Maybe it’s been too much for you and you need some space.”

My hands slipped away from him. But then what will happen to us?

I tried to slow my words so they wouldn’t sound rushed or desperate. “I want you to touch me.”

He didn’t appear to believe me. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I said, meaning it. “I only wish there was a way to tame my fear.”

Killian stroked the length of my back, only to stop suddenly right where my spine curved. “What if you tie me up?”

I thought I’d misheard. “What?”

He laughed, appearing embarrassed for the first time in years. “If my wrists are tied behind my back, you may not be as scared. You wouldn’t have to worry about being overpowered. I’d be the one at your mercy.”

I blinked back at him with wide eyes. “I-I don’t know about this.”

“Let’s try it and see.” He shrugged. “If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.”

He left and disappeared up the steps while I remained standing in the middle of his kitchen like an imbecile. I heard him open his bedroom door and heard him step over to what seemed to be his closet.

What was he getting? Fuzzy cuffs—leather straps? My hand gripped the chair in front of me. Dear. Lord. What if he came down with chains? He wouldn’t, like, have chains, would he?

My pulse raced as I heard him jog down the steps. He held up an old silk tie, dark blue like his eyes. “Do you think this will work?”

I didn’t know much about bondage. Who was I kidding? I didn’t know anything at all. But I imagined there were worse things I could bind him with. “Ah, sure?”

The edges of his lips curved. Apparently I amused my manservant…or whatever it is the binder calls the bindee.

“Okay. I’m all yours,” he said, trying to hold in his laughter.

Killian positioned himself directly in front of the chocolate couch with his back to me. He let the silk tie dangle from his fingers. It took me a moment to move and even longer to reach him. I crossed the room, the soles of my feet slick against the smooth wood. Nothing had even happened yet and I was already sweating down to my toes.

I reached for the tie and grasped it hesitantly. “H-how should I do this?”

“Pretty bow?” he offered.

I laughed when he did, his demeanor helping to ease some of the tension.

I examined the tie. It was long enough that I could wind it around each wrist a few times before joining it at the center. “This looks familiar.”

“It’s the tie I wore for confirmation.”

The color drained from my face until he burst out laughing.

I dropped my hands to my sides. “That wasn’t funny.”

“Yes, it was,” he said, laughing harder.

I giggled. Okay, maybe it kind of was. I stretched out the tie and took a breath. “Okay, here goes.”

As planned, I wound the silky fabric in even sweeps around each wrist, then tied it in the center in a loose knot. The binding itself wasn’t tight, but it kept his wrists linked together. In truth, Killian could still overtake me with his strong legs. But something about him being bound like this gave me a sense of security I hadn’t expected.

“What do you want to do?” I asked, my voice sounding oddly husky.

Killian straightened, his voice lowering as well. “Whatever you want me to. Your call.” He turned slowly to face me, then lowered himself to the couch, the position of his hands tilting his hips upward.

To see him like that, waiting for me, increased my breathing. This time, I wasn’t afraid. No…this time my body was simply responding to what was to come. I moved forward, standing close enough so that my knees touched his.

Killian remained patient, waiting in silence for me to make contact.

I lifted my skirt and straddled him. “Hi,” I whispered.

“Hi, beautiful,” he answered, just as quietly.

My hands smoothed across his shoulders. God, I loved the feel of him…and knowing I could touch him any way I wanted to.

Our kiss began slowly.

So did the grind of my hips against his lap.

At Killian’s groan, my hips swiveled harder. “Do you like this?” I asked, digging my short nails into his shoulder to help me burrow deeper.

“I like everything you do to me,” he whispered against the small space between my breasts. He tugged on the center clasp of my bra with his teeth and it snapped open, whipping back and exposing my breasts.

Killian’s tongue flicked over my dark areolas, tickling and enticing me. But I wanted more of him against me. I finished unbuttoning the top of my dress and slipped it down to my waist before removing my bra. In one motion, I fell back against the couch, pulling him on top of me.

It was now his turn to grind his body against mine with hard heavy strokes while his teeth remained fastened to my left breast. “Mmm, Killian…”

I yanked off the rest of my dress so that only my panties remained. This was the most Killian had ever seen of me, but having him tied made it okay. And in many ways, it made it better.

Killian released my breast, nibbling his way down to my belly. I gasped when he buried his face between my legs, his hot mouth against me. His actions surprised me. But instead of closing my legs, I opened them for him and pushed up on my elbows to watch.

He peered back at me. “Will you let me lick you?” he asked, his voice guttural.

Every soft part of me hardened. As much as my body seemed to want to give in, I wasn’t sure I was ready for him to see me so intimately. But as I sensed his desire, and his eagerness, any modesty I had dissipated.

I shoved the crotch of my panties aside.

“Oh, fuck,” he gasped.

I screamed in total ecstasy when Killian rammed his mouth against me. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I hadn’t expected anything close to what he had to give. His tongue swirled and his mouth sucked, pulling my folds with audible smacks.

My whimpers turned to moans that morphed into more screams. I dug my heels into the couch, writhing and unable to keep still. The chills overtaking my back in waves were unfamiliar, but I knew what was happening long before my body jerked out of control.

My orgasm released violently, shooting out through my legs, making them quiver and weaken. Part of me fought it, bracing for something awful to happen. Killian pushed forward, his mouth taking more of me until I finally succumbed.

I cried out his name, my back arching so severely I thought my spine would snap. In my mind, this wasn’t supposed to be so sweet or last this long. Killian disagreed. He kept going, eager to taste more.

Tears leaked from my eyes, blinding me, until the sensation finally ceased. My left leg collapsed onto the floor, and my left arm draped over the side of the couch. If I hadn’t been lying in the center, my body would have followed in one flaccid heap.

I couldn’t control my breathing or my racing pulse. Lying there, barely able to do more than breathe, I finally understood what the big deal was about sex.

Holy amazeballs. I only wish he’d shown me sooner. I blinked my eyes open. “Killian…that felt so good.”

He didn’t answer. I sat up, realizing I was alone. I hurried toward the stairs to find the silk tie abandoned halfway up and his black T-shirt draped over the top step. My hand reached for the tie. I wasn’t sure why he’d left it until I heard his labored breaths coming from his room.

I hurried up the steps, snatching his shirt up when I reached the second floor. Although I’d all but run, my steps slowed as I neared his bedroom.

My hands clutched the tie and his black T against my bare breasts. I could feel my heart pound against my balling fists. I knew what he was doing, but I still froze in the doorway when I reached him and saw.

Killian was spread along his white comforter, his teeth clenched, his hand stroking. I watched him move up and down on himself, his movements slowing when he noticed me, but failing to stop.

The scene unfolding before me was like a fantasy out of my most impassioned dream. The tie and shirt slipped from my grasp as I walked toward the bed, my head dizzy with desire from watching him. I wanted to help. I didn’t want him alone, especially after what he’d done for me downstairs….

He kept his focus on me as I stopped in front of his bed and yanked off my panties. His eyes widened, taking me in. Naked. I was finally naked for him.

I crawled to his lap. Although traces of my shyness remained, my eyes never wavered from his. My right hand reached for his base, my left just a little bit lower, taking control. I licked the tip, causing him to groan and tilt his hips upward. “Teach me what to do,” I begged him.

Killian dragged his body upward, to sit and, I imagined, to watch. I followed along, my hands remaining in place. He didn’t say anything, so I swirled my tongue around the top. “Do you like this?”

He scrunched his eyes closed. “Yes.”

“More?”

He nodded slowly.

And I put him in my mouth.

At first I went down just a little, but then I noticed the harder my suction, the more tightly his fingers gripped the wrought-iron bed frame. I continued, going deeper when Killian asked, drawing tighter when he groaned, moving faster when he pleaded, until Killian grasped my shoulders and hauled me off him.

I kept my hand on him, watching him finish.

His eyes burned with heat when I finally glanced up. “I want more,” I admitted. “Can we keep going?”

He paused briefly before wrenching my thighs toward his face.