Off-Kilter

 

I glared at my laptop screen, willing the correct answer to jump out at me, but the logic puzzle was beginning to resemble an unintelligible jumble of random shapes. The question, meant to test my inductive reasoning skills, was usually my favorite type to solve. I’d already been staring at this one for five minutes too long, though, which meant I should probably quit for the day.

Checking the time, I logged out of my home study program and closed the laptop. It was way past my allotted study time, and as much as I was enjoying the Zenith training program, there was no reason to go overboard. Not that my inner overachiever agreed. I was already considerably ahead of the schedule Diana created for me and would likely need to request additional assignments soon.

Since it was too early to start dinner, I reached into the back of the closet for my guitar. I hadn’t picked it up since returning to Santa Cruz, and my fingers were itching to get back to it. Playing had been my primary distraction while I was away, and I didn’t want to give that up just because I was no longer miserable.

After running through a few simple songs to warm up, I started practicing “Give Me Love.” It had become one of my favorites ever since first listening to the playlist Chase made for me. I especially loved singing it, so I was attempting to learn the guitar accompaniment. I hummed along as I practiced one of the more challenging transitions, determined to get it right. Once I was satisfied with my progress, I went back and played the song from the beginning and sighed in happy relief when I finished with only minimal bungling.

“That sounds great.”

I looked up to find Chase leaning against my doorframe, his guitar case swinging from one hand. How long had he been standing there?

“Hi. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“You were pretty engrossed in your playing.”

“I’ve been struggling with a few parts, as I’m sure you heard.”

“What I heard was amazing. You must have practiced a lot in Portland.”

I shrugged, not sure how much I should say. Was talking about my time away an acceptable subject now that I was back for good? “It helped. Gave me a way to release some of my pent-up emotions.”

“I get it.” He lifted his pristine black case. “May I join you?”

“Of course.” I scooted over to make room for him on my bed. “Are you going to play for me?”

He removed the Gibson Hummingbird from its case, and I took a few moments to admire it, like I had the few other times I’d seen it. It truly was a beautiful instrument.

“I thought we could play together. Or, I can play ‘Give Me Love’ while you sing, if you’d prefer.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his innocent expression. “If I’d prefer, huh? Are you trying to trick me into singing?”

“I didn’t realize I had to trick my girl—” He stopped suddenly, glancing away, and I realized he’d almost said girlfriend. “Into singing for me.”

Hoping to move past any awkwardness, I placed my guitar on the floor and adjusted until I was in a more comfortable position. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Chase grinned. “That was a lot easier than I expected.”

I smacked his bicep and immediately regretted it as I shook out the tingles in my hand. How had I not learned that lesson by now?

“Get to it before I change my mind.”

He complied and began playing the introduction, clearly familiar enough with the song that he didn’t need the sheet music. I closed my eyes, knowing if I looked at Chase I might not have the courage to sing. But, as the words flowed out of me, and I thought about the lyrics, I found my eyes fluttering open and connecting with his, which were trained intently on me.

Like at the open mic night, I wasn’t only singing for him, I was singing to him. But, this time, he wasn’t hiding. And, as the song continued, he didn’t try to hide how I was making him feel. In return, I let emotion seep out into every word and breath.

When the last few notes had been played, Chase spoke, his voice ragged as his chest heaved. “I need to kiss you.”

Worried that in his current state he would damage his guitar, I took it from his hands and carefully placed it back in its case before moving to stand between his legs. Without hesitation, he gripped my hips and lifted me onto his lap so I was straddling him. His mouth crashed into mine, and I wound my arms around his neck and held on, shocked by his aggressiveness. I forgot about my surprise, though, as I got lost in the moment, meeting each of his kisses with equal fervor.

Chase’s hands traveled down to my thighs, which were bare below the hem of my shorts, his fingers digging into my skin. Out of pure instinct, I shifted on his lap, needing to be as close to him as possible. When his hardness pressed into me, I froze, all of a sudden acutely aware of my position. He groaned and held me in place so long that I started wondering what he was thinking. Eventually, he slid his hands back up to my waist and gently lifted me off of him.

My knees almost buckled beneath me when my feet touched the floor, and I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself. With our bodies still only inches apart, his heavy breath warmed my neck, and I realized I was panting as well. What. A. Kiss.

Once feeling returned to my legs, I retreated a few steps and waited for Chase to raise his head. When he did, his usually pale eyes were dark, the blue seemingly swallowed by his pupils. I watched him silently, hoping he would say something, anything.

He clutched at the back of his neck, a sure sign that his uncharacteristic boldness had disappeared. “I hope that was okay.”

Okay? Unable to hold back, I grinned. “That kiss was way better than okay.”

Pink infused his cheeks. “It was beyond amazing, but that’s not what I meant. I, uh, just wanted to make sure . . .” He trailed off, clearly uncomfortable.

Realizing he needed reassurance, I sat back down on the bed, leaving a couple of feet between us. “This is all new to me, but I . . . well, I liked it.”

He picked at a tuft on my comforter, not looking at me. “You know, this is kind of new to me, too.”

Did that mean . . .?

Lifting his gaze to mine, he seemed to hesitate before saying, “As in, other than a good night kiss here and there, everything is new to me.”

I sucked in a breath. Chase is a virgin. That revelation made me happier than I wanted to admit. At least one of the five guys I was dating had experience comparable to mine.

Keeping my voice soft, I said, “Thank you for telling me.”

“I thought you should know. Wanted you to.”

The intensity radiating off him made me think his words held a deeper meaning. Was he trying to convey that we could share firsts? That he hoped we would?

The sound of a door slamming from the direction of the garage broke the tension stretching between us, and I stood, thankful for the distraction. Everything, from Chase’s welcome assault to his confession, was making my head spin.

“It’s probably time to start the manicotti. Will you be here for dinner?”

“No, I have a class. Save me some leftovers?”

“Of course.”

Chase followed me out of my room, then headed up the stairs without another word. Was he feeling off-kilter, too?

I plugged my earbuds into my phone and selected a playlist of upbeat tunes that didn’t include love songs. That was the last thing I needed while on the verge of freaking out about my encounter with Chase. Out of all the guys, I worried about him the most, and what he told me didn’t help matters. As much as I hated to admit it, I was beginning to believe I was taking advantage of him. Maybe he deserved better than this absurd dating situation . . . better than me.

Usually, I tried not to think about everything from the guys’ perspectives, because it made me feel too guilty. Even though they came up with the idea, agreed to it, it still seemed unfair to them. Am I doing the right thing? I wondered for the millionth time. Unless I was willing to break up with all of them, choose, or leave, what else could I do?

Attempting to push all thoughts of the guys from my mind, I busied myself with putting water on to boil, making the filling and sauce, then stuffing the shells. By the time I placed the manicotti in the oven, I was feeling calmer, mostly because of my efforts to remain distracted from the doubts swirling in my mind.

Knox came in from the garage, wiping his hands on a towel. “Something smells good.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek, and the scent of motor oil wafted to me. He must have been tinkering again. It wasn’t like there was ever anything wrong with the vehicles, since he kept them in perfect condition.

I removed my earbuds. “The manicotti will be done in about fifteen minutes. Do you know if Theo will be home soon?”

“I’m right here,” Theo called from the second-floor railing. “Be down in a minute.”

Knox glanced at the grease smeared over his hands. “And, I obviously need a shower. Thank you for making dinner, again. You’re spoiling us.”

“Just returning the favor.” I was still well-aware of the fact that I lived in the loft rent-free and was now driving Knox’s brand-new Jeep several times a week. Even though he and Theo didn’t expect any reciprocation, it made me happy to contribute, especially considering what I’d learned about their background. They’d never had anyone who put them first or spoiled them. It was well past time to change that. “Plus, I don’t mind cooking. You know that.”

“I do. Otherwise, I wouldn’t let you cook for us.”

I settled my hands on my hips in mock irritation. “You think you could stop me?”

He walked toward his room, saying over his shoulder, “I’d find a way.”

No doubt. Knox would probably cut off power to the appliances before he allowed me to continue doing something I disliked, even if it resulted in eating takeout every night.

Theo bounded down the stairs a few minutes later. “Need any help?”

I looked pointedly at the table already set with salads at each place. “Coincidentally, you showed up right when there’s nothing left to do.”

He loosely wrapped his arms around my waist. “Sorry, I should have come down earlier. Was trying to finish a paper that’s due in the morning.”

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t have anything else to do this evening.”

“You’re too sweet.” He kissed one corner of my mouth, then the other. “Not that I’m complaining. I love how sweet you are.” He licked his lips, as if tasting me on them.

I watched his mouth, fascinated. “Are you sure? You didn’t get a proper sample.”

The gold in his hazel eyes brightened. “Must remedy that.”

Instead of the kiss I expected, Theo’s tongue slowly traced my lips, then again. It slipped through my mouth and twirled around my tongue before disappearing. He settled his mouth over mine as he said, “Mmmm. You taste like sugar. Just as I thought.”

The timer beeped, and I jumped, laughing. “I’m glad we got that cleared up.”

“Me too, sweetness.”

After dinner, Knox convinced me to do a half-hour of strength training, even though he was skipping to finish up some work. By the time I completed my workout and showered, he was done and ready for Arrow.

When I sat next to Knox on the sectional, he gave me an inscrutable look. “You’re too far away.”

“There are only three inches between us.”

“Like I said, too far.” He lifted his arm to the back of the couch. “Closer, Haley.”

I scooted over until our legs were touching. “Better?”

“It will be, if you relax.”

I let my body ease into his side and rested my head against his shoulder. He ran his fingers through my hair, and I sighed in contentment. Okay, this is better.

“Should I text Theo to see if he’s done with his paper yet?” I was too tired and comfortable to walk from the basement up to Theo’s room and check.

The few times we’d had a chance to watch Arrow, Theo insisted on joining us. Knox grudgingly agreed, although I always got the impression that he missed our alone time watching our show.

“Or, you could just assume he’s still working.”

“He’ll be mad about missing an episode.”

Knox’s lips twitched. “I know.”

He started the episode, and when Theo joined us about fifteen minutes into it, I gave him an apologetic smile. Surprisingly, he took the seat on the other side of me without saying anything. He did tickle the bottom of my foot, though.

I jerked and squealed, “Theo!”

“That’s what you get for starting without me.” He tickled the other foot.

“It’s Knox’s fault.” I felt bad for selling him out, but my feet were so ticklish, I couldn’t stand it.

“Thanks a lot,” Knox grumbled as he reached for the remote to pause the show. “Are you done yet, baby brother?”

“Let me think about it.” Theo took a break from torturing me but kept a firm grip on my ankle. “No.”

This time, he tickled a foot and my side at the same time. I was wiggling so much that Knox let out an oomph. I’d probably elbowed him or something, but I was too busy laughing and attempting to squirm away from Theo to care.

When he didn’t let up, I managed to say, between laughs, “We can start . . . the episode . . . over.”

Theo stopped the tickling but didn’t move his hands away from their strategic positions. “And, you’ll promise never to watch one without me again?”

Knox threw a pillow at Theo’s head. “Let it go, or we’ll only watch them when you’re not around.”

He helped me sit up and snuggle back into his side. “Here we go again.” I would have thought Knox was annoyed, but his lips were pinched together in a way that told me he was holding back a grin.

After binging on three episodes, Theo gave me a kiss on the cheek and headed upstairs. Knox waited for me as I stretched and slowly made my way to my bedroom.

Outside my door, he hesitated. “Would you want to sleep in my room? Just to sleep,” he added quickly. When I didn’t immediately respond, he shook his head, like he was regretting having asked. “If you don’t feel comfortable, that’s fine.”

“I’d like that.”

The edges of his mouth lifted. “Yeah?”

I tried to hold back a smile that would undoubtedly be enormous. “Yeah. Meet you in there in ten?”

“I’ll be waiting.”

I hurried through my nightly routine, then stared at my drawer of sleepwear. It was still warm enough at night that I’d been sleeping in my relatively skimpier options. Should I change that?

You’re dating him, Haley. It’s okay to show some skin.

I selected a silky, matching shorts and camisole set in deep blue and slipped it on. It was subtly sexy while still covering enough skin that I wouldn’t feel indecent.

As I approached Knox’s room, I tried not to think about how Chase or Theo would react if they found out I was spending the night with Knox. Sure, I’d shared a bed with Jackson at the tree house, but that was different. Tonight, I was choosing Knox, and I had a perfectly good bedroom across the hall.

Knox was sitting on his bed in a T-shirt and shorts, and when he saw me in the doorway, he slowly perused my body, making my skin tingle. He got up and took my hand. “Come on, I promise to be good,” he murmured, his words at odds with the heat in his gaze.

The click of the door shutting behind me made my heart race. Why did this feel so different than any other time I’d slept with one of the guys? Was it because I didn’t expect the invitation from Knox? Because Theo and Chase were upstairs? Because the idea of sleeping with one of my roommates felt somehow more intimate, permanent?

“Haley.” He cradled my face in his hands. “Sweetheart, you look scared right now, and that’s the last thing I want. Just sleep, okay?”

I stared into his emerald eyes and was overwhelmed by the realization that he would always protect me, care for me. Not out of a sense of duty or friendship, or because I needed someone to watch over me, but because he wanted to. The knowledge took root, and I knew in my heart that Knox would always be my protector. If I gave him the chance.

“Do I get a goodnight kiss first?”

As I drifted to sleep, I knew the temptation to sneak down the hall and into his bed would be strong from now on. I couldn’t spend the night enveloped in Knox’s arms without wanting, needing to repeat the experience.