Confessions

 

I stared at my reflection, straightening my long, black hair and wondering what Theo had planned for the evening. Even though I told myself it was only dinner with a friend, and not a date, the flat iron shook in my hand. I unconsciously lifted fingers to my lips, my mind drifting back to his unexpected kiss. Would he try to kiss me again?

I couldn’t deny that the idea appealed to me, but there were still so many things up in the air. It was clear the guys wanted me to return to Santa Cruz and were serious enough to remove Douglas as a threat. Knox swore I would finally discover the truth about Zenith, at least in general terms. But what of my romantic entanglements with Chase, Liam, and now Theo?

While I wasn’t quite sure where things currently stood with any of them, I knew my presence impacted the group. Ethan leaving was proof enough, even if the others didn’t realize it. I couldn’t risk something like that, or worse, happening again; I would never forgive myself.

And, what about the life I’d built in Portland? I could imagine Jess’s response and rolled my eyes, knowing it was a weak argument. Apart from my friendship with Noah and a decent job, there wasn’t anything holding me here.

My dad still refused to share his location, but I was fairly certain it was closer to Santa Cruz than Portland. Either way, we were in contact regularly enough that I could update him on my whereabouts. Hadn’t he even told me not to rule out the possibility of returning to Santa Cruz?

A knock at the door snapped me back to reality, and I sucked in a deep breath to calm my nerves. I didn’t know what the future held, but I was determined to enjoy the moment.

When I opened the door, Theo’s face lit up with a smile. Pulling me into a hug, he whispered in my ear, “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

“Love the bird dress, by the way. How apropos.”

I grinned. “I’m glad you appreciate my Portlandia reference.”

“I’m surprised you’ve seen that show. Strike that, I’m surprised you’re even aware of it.”

I swatted at him. “I watched a few episodes, thank you very much.”

He laughed, grabbing my hand and holding it until he we reached the car. Theo opened my door before heading around to the driver’s side and letting himself in.

Just a hug, no kiss. Kissing is usually an end-of-the-date thing, right? Ugh, Haley, it’s dinner, not a date!

“Have you been to Clarklewis?” Theo asked.

“Is that a restaurant or a furniture showroom?”

“Restaurant, and I’ll take that as a no.”

“That would be correct.”

“Excellent. I hope you’re feeling adventurous.”

“With you, always.”

Theo winked at me, then returned his attention to the road. “While I would chide you for failing to appreciate the awesomeness surrounding you in Portland, I am excited to share a new experience with you.”

“Eating at a restaurant together is a new experience?”

“No, but eating at a farm-to-table restaurant in Portland is a new experience for us.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. What kind of food do they serve?”

“Italian.”

“My favorite!”

“I know.” And with those two words, his tone conveyed everything. It was a reminder of all the times he did something, even as simple as selecting a star-covered phone case, just to make me happy.

Sitting with Theo at Clarklewis, I felt a lightness, a happiness, I hadn’t felt in months. The food was incredible, and the industrial space with roll-up glass garage doors brought back long-suppressed memories of the loft. It made me wonder if it was all part of Theo’s “bring Haley back to Santa Cruz” plan.

For at least the third time since our food arrived, a serious look passed over Theo’s face before he quickly hid it with a smile. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but my determination to savor our time together overrode my curiosity.

“Spending time with you these past two days has been . . . well, it’s been more than I ever hoped for, especially after how I left.”

“Haley,” he said softly, “I absolutely hated being apart from you, but I think I understand why.”

“Yeah, because of Douglas.” I cringed, feeling like a coward. How can I possibly tell him the whole truth?

“While that’s definitely part of it, I think there’s another reason.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I’m pretty sure it has something to do with Chase and Liam kissing you.”

I nearly snorted water out my nose. “You know about that?”

Theo took my hand and held it gently, his eyes compassionate yet seeking. “We all do.”

“Let’s rewind a second. You all know?” I listed each of their names aloud and Theo nodded.

I clamped my eyes shut, pinching the bridge of my nose in a futile attempt to fight the headache building. “And . . . and you kissed me anyway? Even knowing that?”

Theo shrugged. “What can I say? I couldn’t help myself.”

He at least had the decency to give me a sheepish grin, but the uncomfortable silence that followed was disconcerting. In the past, when Theo was nervous, he tended to talk more, not less.

“I have a confession to make.” Theo drew a deep breath. “I’ve liked you since the day we met. You were adorable, and confused, and shy. You looked ridiculous in Ethan’s clothes, and yet, I was immediately captivated by you.

“There were so many times I tried to play it off like I just liked you, not liked you, but it was all an act. I went half-crazy at my birthday party; all I wanted to do was kiss you in front of everyone, but I settled for a chaste peck on the cheek. After the break-in at Zenith, I wanted to hold you in my arms and never let you go. Every time you pranced around the loft in those sexy little PJs with the short shorts, I about lost my mind. Honestly, I deserve a freaking medal for my self-restraint.

“You’re my partner in crime, and I always have fun with you. Simply having you in the loft baking cookies or reading or laughing at my stupid jokes . . . I loved every second of it.

“But, the problem was—and still is—that I wasn’t the only one. We all feel that way about you. So . . . five boys, one girl . . . what to do, what to do.” Theo wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

Surprise wasn’t a strong enough reaction. More like jaw-dropping shock. “Were my pajamas really that short?”

He laughed. “Out of everything I said, that’s what you want to know?”

“No, I’m just too astounded to say anything else right now.”

“They were short enough to drive me crazy, and that’s all I will say on the subject.”

I bit my lip to hold back a smile. “Okay.”

“Living without you these past few months, especially after knowing where you were, required a Herculean act of willpower. And, trust me, living with you and not kissing you or telling you how I felt was damn near impossible. But I’d rather have you around, even just as friends, than continue living like this.”

“Theo . . .”

“Don’t say anything, not yet. I, we,” he emphasized, “have a solution.”

Even as my head doubted the possibility, my heart fluttered wildly.

“We want you to come home . . . and we want you to date us. All of us. Well, any of us that you’re interested in, that is.”

This time, I actually felt my jaw drop. “You what?”

“Knox, Jackson, Chase, Liam, and I want you to come home. And, if you so desire, we want you to date us.”

“You want me to date all of you? At the same time?” I knew I must have been looking at Theo like he had three heads, but I couldn’t help it. It seemed like every word that came out of his mouth since we sat down was unexpected, times one thousand.

He nodded.

“And, then what? Watch as the team implodes?”

“Wow, the guys tease me for being dramatic.” His forced grinned did nothing to defuse the tension. “Look, I know it sounds crazy, but we’ve had a lot of time to discuss it. None of us want to lose you, but we also agree that it’s not fair to any of us—or you—to keep up the ‘no dating’ pact. And, we can’t ask you to choose one of us when you haven’t even had a chance to date any of us. So, we think you should date all of us.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea.” A terribly tempting idea, I thought, before quickly pushing it out of my mind.

Theo ran his hand through his hair, reminding me of Knox, and prompting my next question. “Knox and Jackson are in favor of this plan, for lack of a better word?”

“Oh, yeah. Definitely even Jackson and Knox.”

As much as I tried to process his words, they simply didn't compute. I knew Chase and Liam were interested in more than friendship, at least at one time. But, Knox and Jackson? I didn’t see that coming at all.

“Think about it. Not dating you was an epic failure. Living apart . . . well, that’s just unacceptable. So, what are we left with?”

He’d probably intended it as a rhetorical question, but I responded anyway. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe dating one guy, not five?”

“That’s an option.” He leaned back in his chair. “Are you ready to make that choice?”

That was the dilemma, as ever. As wrong as it seemed to have feelings for more than one of them, it felt impossible not to. But, what they were offering had to be the worst idea ever. Right?

The waiter appeared with our desserts, and I couldn’t have been more grateful for the interruption. I dug into my vanilla bean cheesecake, losing myself in the creamy and decadent slice. Theo seemed equally absorbed by his chocolate and stout cake, attempting minimal small talk before paying the check.

The silence during the drive back to the guest house was deafening. After twenty long minutes, Theo pulled to the curb, and I opened my door before he could put the car in park.

“Goodnight, thanks for dinner,” I called as I shut the car door.

Unfortunately, Theo refused to take the hint, and I heard footsteps behind me on the driveway. I sped up, dreading the moment I’d have to face him even as I acknowledged that my behavior was ridiculous.

“Haley, wait up a minute. At least let me walk you to the door.”

Keys in hand, I reluctantly slowed my pace but prepared several excuses if he asked to come in. When we finally reached the guest house, Theo angled himself so he blocked the front door. I fiddled with my keys, wishing I could dart inside.

“Clearly, that was a lot to take in, but you’re freaking me out. I feel like you’re going to bolt again.”

I shifted on my feet. “I’m not going anywhere,” I said defensively.

“Are you sure? Because it certainly seems like you’re shutting down and walking away from me.” The pain in his voice pierced my heart, and I forced myself to meet his eyes. A mixture of sadness and fear clouded his features, reminding me that Theo was no stranger to abandonment. In that moment, I wished more than anything that I could go back and undo all the hurt I caused him when I left Santa Cruz.

“Theo.” I reached out to him. He walked into my open arms and held me close. “I am so sorry.”

With our arms still wrapped around each other, he put his nose to mine, looking me straight in the eyes. “I know you are, and I know you believed you were doing the right thing. I just wish you had talked to me before you left. Maybe we could have avoided all of this and simply skipped to the fun part.”

“What’s the fun part?”

“Kissing, duh.” He grinned.

“Theo, I don’t . . .”

“Don’t worry, cupcake. I know you’re not ready, and I’m prepared to wait as long as it takes. Just promise me one thing.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Promise me you’ll come find me if you’re tempted to vanish again.”

I placed my hands on his cheeks and stared into his eyes, pouring my soul into my words. “I promise.”