Blindsided

 

“Haley, when are you going to put your book down and pay attention to me?”

Not looking away from the page, I muttered, “Just one more chapter.”

“Nope.” Theo pulled the book from my hands and stuffed an envelope between the pages to hold my place. “You said that thirty minutes ago, and I’ve barely seen you the last few days. Let’s do something.”

I sat up on my bed and gave him a rueful smile. “Sorry. It’s an addicting series.”

He eyed the girl dressed in black leather on the cover. “I didn’t realize you were into vampire novels.”

“She’s a Nephilim, actually.” At his blank look, I said, “Never mind. What do you want to do?”

“Let’s go out to lunch. Maybe a movie? We haven’t done that in ages.”

“That sounds nice.” I gestured to my pajama pants and sweatshirt. “Give me a few minutes to shower and change?”

Theo walked to my closet. “You go shower. I’ll pick out something for you to wear.”

“Nothing formal, please,” I said as I walked to the bathroom.

“No promises!”

When I returned to my bedroom, I was surprised to find Theo still there, sitting on my bed and looking guilty. “What? Did you pick out an evening gown or something?”

He held up my phone. “Your cell dinged, and I glanced at the screen out of habit. Here, read it for yourself.”

The preview of the text showed an unfamiliar number, but the first few words told me who it was from and what he wanted.

“Holy—”

“Shiitake,” Theo finished for me. “I know.”

I opened the messaging app and read the entire text.

Unknown: Hi, it’s E. We need to talk. Can you meet me at the Walnut Avenue Café in 30?

I re-read the cryptic message several times, stunned to be hearing from Ethan after all this time. “He wants me to meet him today.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “Did you know he was in town?” Does Chase?

“His aunt’s wedding is tomorrow, so I assumed he was. But, as far as I know, no one else has heard from him. Guess we should have warned you. I didn’t think about it.”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have expected him to contact me, anyway.”

I put my phone down and paced the length of my room. Ethan was a sore subject for me, and I’d only recently started moving past my role in his leaving the team. Could I handle all that guilt re-surfacing?

On the other hand, if I didn’t go, could I handle never knowing what he would’ve said? Probably not.

I bit my lip and looked at Theo, who was watching me with an unreadable expression. “I think I should go. Is that okay? Can we postpone our plans?”

He stood and hugged me, kissing the top of my head. “Of course. Do you want me to go with you as backup? I can hide in the bushes.”

Despite the onslaught of nerves from knowing I’d be seeing Ethan in a few minutes, I laughed. “Thanks, but I need to do this alone.”

“Okay, I’ll be here when you get home.” He kissed me lightly on the lips and looked like he wanted to say something else, but he turned and left the room instead.

I responded to Ethan’s text, then dressed quickly in the outfit Theo had already laid out for me—skinny jeans, a soft green sweater, and my camel-colored riding boots—knowing I would look nice without appearing to have tried too hard. All the while, my mind was whirling with questions.

What did Ethan want to talk about? Would he be happy to see me? Would I be happy to see him? I didn’t even know. It felt like a lifetime, and no time at all, since he walked out of my bedroom six months ago.

After I parked near the café, I cut the engine and sat in the Jeep for a few minutes, trying to calm my anxiety. When I finally reached for my purse, there was a knock on my window and I jumped.

Ethan stood outside, watching me. I took a few deep breaths before opening the door and facing him for the first time since everything fell apart.

“It’s good to see you, Haley.”

I’d forgotten how tall he was, and as I strained to look up at him, so many things that I’d blocked from my mind rushed back. His smooth voice. That ever-present quirk to his lips. Those rich brown eyes. He was even wearing a plaid shirt.

“You too.”

He inspected the Jeep behind me. “Nice ride.”

“Thanks, but it’s Knox’s.”

“Right, because a white Jeep is so Knox’s style. Let me guess, you drive it ninety percent of the time?”

Annoyed at the implication, even though I’d suspected the same, I didn’t respond.

He inclined his head toward the restaurant. “Shall we?”

I nodded and led the way, feeling his commanding presence behind me the entire time. The hostess shot Ethan a flirty smile, and I was relieved when he didn’t seem to notice. I wasn’t jealous anymore, but seeing him hit on another girl in front of me would’ve reopened old wounds I’d rather leave in the past.

While he studied the menu, I found myself studying him. His skin was darker than I was used to, like he spent more time at the beach now that he lived in Florida. And, there was something different about his face that I couldn’t quite define. It was as if the edge he’d developed before quitting the team had sharpened into something almost dangerous. He wasn’t the same Ethan I’d met in the cabin, and although I’d already known that was true, I still hated to see it.

Deciding I needed comfort food to get through this meal, I ordered French toast and sipped on my water as I waited for Ethan to say, well, anything. When he remained silent even after the waiter left, I gave in and started the conversation.

“Is your aunt ready for the wedding?”

“She’s pretty stressed right now, but she seems excited. Happy.”

When he didn’t say anything else, I forced myself to keep up the small talk. “That’s good. How do you like Miami?”

“It’s all right. Hot. And, they take fun very seriously there.”

Wasn’t Miami known for being overrun by beautiful, bikini-clad women? “I bet you love that.”

He shrugged. “Like I said, it’s all right.”

“Have you joined a new team?”

“No, that’s not an option for a while. I float from assignment to assignment, helping where I’m needed.”

More consequences from quitting a team, I suspected.

“Do you think you’ll stay there permanently?”

“You’re full of questions today, aren’t you?”

“You didn’t seem inclined to talk, so . . .”

“True.” Ethan smiled for the first time. “I don’t know if I’ll stay in Miami. I’m taking it one day at a time.”

“Does that mean you might come back someday?”

“Maybe.”

“But not to Team Jaguar?”

His laugh was harsh. “That’s impossible. They’d never take me back, even if Zenith allowed it.” He took a drink, then asked, “What have you been up to?”

I took the hint and allowed the change of subject. “I’m in Zenith training.”

“Don’t tell me you’re joining the team?” He sounded horrified by the idea.

“No.” Our food arrived, and I explained Patrick’s plan for me to be hired on as a trainer specializing in strategy.

“That’s great. Sounds like a good fit.”

“I think it will be.”

Ethan stared at me, and I picked at my food self-consciously. I was tempted to ask him another lame question, but I wanted to know why we were here.

Finally, his face softened. “Haley, there’s something I’ve needed to say to you for a long time. That night, in your room . . . that was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. I already had one foot out the door, but I was looking for a reason to stay, and I pinned all my hopes on you giving me that reason.

“I never should have put you in that position. It was selfish and . . .” He shook his head, as if disgusted with himself. “I’m so damn sorry.”

I gaped at him, too astonished to speak. Out of everything I thought Ethan might say to me, the last thing I expected was an apology.

“When you left right after me, did it have anything to do with what happened, or didn’t happen, between us?”

I wanted to lie, but I didn’t know when, if ever, I’d get a chance to talk to him like this again. Now was the time to be honest. “Yes, that was part of it. I found out you quit the team, and I kind of lost it.”

“Fuck.” He removed his glasses and scrubbed his hand over his face. “I didn’t even think about how you would react to the news. Actually, I assumed you would run into Chase’s arms.” Those words were spoken with enough bitterness to make me realize that Ethan still wasn’t completely over my rejection.

“Why Chase?” I probably shouldn’t have asked, but my curiosity won out.

“Right before Knox’s birthday party, Chase told me he’d kissed you.”

The pieces started clicking into place. I’d suspected that Chase told Ethan about our kiss, but I’d never confirmed it or the timing. Now, it all made sense. Ethan leaving the party early to hook up with a stranger, then showing up in my room a couple of days later to plead his case. He’d acted out and then tried, in vain, to win me over.

“Although, by the time I left the party, I was convinced you might be into any of them. All of them, even.”

I refrained from ducking my head, but I could feel heat rising to my cheeks.

“Is that what’s happening now? You’re with all five of them?”

Deny, deny, deny, my brain screamed at me. “What makes you ask that?”

Ethan laughed, the sound grim, and his expression fluctuated between disbelieving and distressed. “Wow, that wasn’t a no, was it? Haley . . .” He shook his head, like he didn’t know what to say. “Haley, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

My hackles instantly rose. “It’s really none of your business.”

He drew in a deep breath, then released it. “You’re right, it’s not. But, as someone who screwed things up beyond repair, would you consider a piece of friendly advice?”

“Okay,” I conceded.

“Don’t make my mistakes. Don’t put your own desires before the team. I guarantee you’ll only end up losing in the end.”

I wanted to be angry, but how could I when Ethan was right? His selfish actions looked like minor blips in comparison to my own. For the guys, losing Ethan was like losing a hand. They were handicapped, but they could learn to adjust and be nearly as capable as they’d been before. What I was doing? It was like placing their heads in a guillotine and waiting for the blade to release.

I pushed my plate away and tossed a twenty on the table. “You know what, I’m not hungry anymore. I’m going to go.”

When I stood, Ethan caught my hand. “I didn’t ask you here to upset you. Believe it or not, I hope everything works out for you.”

“Thank you. You too.”

And, I meant it, even as I walked away from him. Seeing Ethan again was difficult, like I knew it would be, but it hadn’t devastated me. Some part of me regretted what could have been with him, under different circumstances, but I didn’t regret my choice to rebuff him all those months ago.

I turned the key in the ignition, grateful the engine roared to life almost immediately. The screech of tires told me that I needed to slow down, but after meeting with Ethan, all I wanted to do was run away. I drove without a destination in mind, knowing I wasn’t ready to go back to the loft and face Theo. I contemplated calling Kara, but there was really only one person I wanted to talk to—Jess.

After all these months of avoiding this conversation, it was time. I’d been living in denial far too long, allowing myself to believe I could date five guys without consequences. But, seeing Ethan had brought all my old fears to the surface: I was being selfish, I was going to ruin the team, I was going to damage all our relationships beyond repair.

I pulled into a beach parking lot, slamming the door shut and leaning against the hood. What am I doing?

Before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed my phone and navigated to the Favorites screen. With shaky hands, I pressed Jess’s number and felt sick to my stomach as I waited for her to answer. The phone rang twice before I heard her voice on the other end.

“Hales!”

“Hey, Jess.” I sounded pathetic, even to my own ears.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is your dad okay?”

“We’re fine,” I answered, not quite knowing where to start. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course. My next class is in an hour. What’s going on?”

I took a deep breath, wishing I’d taken time to rehearse what I was going to say, how I was going to reveal this huge secret I’d been keeping from her for months. “I’m not sure how to tell you this . . .” I trailed off, willing myself to stop being a coward despite my racing heart.

“Haley, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

I laughed, but the sound was mirthless. “No. Why did you jump to that conclusion?”

“I don’t know. I guess you sounded so upset, my mind automatically went there.”

“You may wish that was the case after you hear what I have to say.”

“You’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry,” I huffed out. “Okay. Do you remember the time you dated two guys?”

Maybe if I used her own dating history as an example, she’d understand. No matter what, I knew she’d be hurt that I’d kept this secret for so long.

“Yeah, Brian and Barrett.” She laughed. “A word of advice, don’t date two guys at once, but if you do, at least pick ones with names that can’t be so easily confused.” A beat passed. “Oh my god,” she squealed. “Are you dating two guys? I would’ve been happy with one, but it’s about damn time!”

She sounded so excited, I wished I could gush to her about them and the fact that I was finally dating. For a moment, I debated leaving it at two guys and doing just that.

I shook my head. No, I refused to keep this from her any longer. Jess was the one person who I was supposed to be able to trust completely. Who I could talk to about anything and everything. How could I continue calling myself her best friend while keeping this from her?

“I am dating two guys, but I’m also dating three more.”

Silence. Jess was never silent.

It felt like hours passed before she finally spoke.

“I know it’s November, but please, please tell me this is an April Fools’ joke. An elaborate prank. Something.”

“No,” I said, my voice scarcely above a whisper.

“Five?” Her voice was incredulous. “Five guys?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a burger place, not a way of life, Haley. What the hell are you thinking?”

So far, this was going even worse than I’d feared.

“I don’t know. When it comes to them, I can’t think clearly.”

“I assume you’re referring to Knox, Chase, Jackson, Liam, and Theo?”

“Yes.” I swore to myself I would answer any questions she asked, and answer truthfully. She deserved that much.

“Do they know about each other? Because it’s really going to blow up in your face if they don’t.”

“Yes, of course they do. It was their idea.”

“How long . . .?” Have you been dating them, having you been keeping this from me? I read both into the silence that followed.

“Since I moved back to Santa Cruz.”

I knew she was counting the months. “Since August? You’ve been dating them since August and didn’t tell me? All this time.”

The pain in her voice was like a knife to the heart, and I imagined she felt the same, thanks to my deception. And, yet, I was about to plunge the knife even deeper, and I knew it, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Why do you think I didn’t?”

“I don’t know, maybe because you realized it was wrong on every level imaginable.”

“Trust me, I told myself it was.”

I stared out at the ocean and tried to calm down by listening to waves crashing, but my mind flashed back to the last time I visited this spot and talked with Jess. My situation was different—I was obsessing over my kiss with Chase and how he was avoiding me. Not to mention, things were heating up with Liam and Ethan, and I confessed to Jess that I had crushes on those three, as well as Knox, Jackson, and Theo. And, now I was dating all of them, well, except Ethan, of course.

“Look,” she finally said, “you blindsided me with this. I just, I don’t want to see you get hurt. And, dating five guys at once, not to mention five guys that work together and are super close, is asking for trouble.”

“I’m going to pick one.” It came out more defensively than I intended.

“Oh yeah? When?”

“I don’t know. It’s not like there’s a strict timeline. I’m still getting to know them.”

“Getting to know them? Do you hear yourself? You’ve lived with them all this time.”

“As friends.”

“Keep telling yourself that. The longer you drag this out, the worse it will be.”

“You always tell me, ‘you only live once.’”

“I was trying to get you to experience life, not go off the deep end and fuck five guys.”

I reeled back, her words like a slap to the face. We’d had minor disagreements in the past, but I’d never known her to lash out.

“I’m not . . . fucking five guys.” It was difficult to even say the word, let alone consider the act, and my guys, in such crass terms.

“Tell me something, are you kissing them? Touching them? Letting them touch you? You may think it’s all innocent, but I guarantee if you keep this up, it won’t be long before you’re having sex with them.”

My cheeks flamed. She wasn’t too far off the mark, but I’d never admit that considering her staunch opposition. “You know what? It’s none of your business.”

“I thought I was your best friend, and you were mine. Which makes it my business.”

“Do you know how hard I tried to fight this? I left them. And, you know how miserable I was in Portland. When they came to me with this, I wanted to say no.”

“Then, why didn’t you?”

“I tried.” I revisited all my earlier arguments against it. “But, I couldn’t fight it anymore. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you, but I hoped you’d be supportive. Or, at least listen without judgment.”

“I’m not judging you, I’m trying to protect you! Don’t you realize you’re in danger of destroying everything you’ve built there?”

“Of course, I realize it. It’s all I’ve thought about since the day I returned.”

We both fell quiet, perhaps realizing there was nothing more to say.

“I need to get going, or Theo will worry.”

“Yep. Sounds good.” Her reply was curt.

“Okay. Well, talk to you later.” What was I supposed to say? We’d never had a fight like this, and while I didn’t want to hang up without some resolution, I knew that wouldn’t be possible. At least, not today or, I suspected, anytime soon.

The line went dead, and I stared at the horizon, stunned. First, my confrontation with Ethan, and now this. Although I wasn’t completely surprised by Jess’s response, it still hurt.

I sank into the sand and wrapped my arms around my knees, feeling numb. How many relationships would I destroy with my decisions? There was only one thing to do, and I was the only person who could do it. I had to put an end to this madness. I had to choose.