Performing

 

At precisely seven o’clock, a knock sounded at my bedroom door. Right on time. Chase had insisted on “picking me up,” probably in an attempt to make this feel like as much of a real first date as was possible considering our roommates status. When I opened the door, I half-expected to find Knox asking Chase about his intentions and reminding him of my curfew.

Instead, Chase stood there, his face a mixture of happiness and nerves. He leaned down to place a soft kiss on my cheek, and I got a whiff of his familiar cedar scent. It was a little stronger than usual, like he’d sprayed the cologne only moments before. I didn’t know why, but that tiny detail made my heart rate kick up as the realization that this was actually happening sunk in.

“Shall we?” He held out his arm, ever the gentleman. “You look pretty this evening.” We’d barely made it to the front door when his steps faltered. “Not that you don’t always look pretty. Beautiful, really.”

I squeezed his arm in reassurance. “Thank you. You look nice as well.”

We walked outside, the warm night air enveloping us, and Chase stopped in front of his SUV. “Is it ridiculous that I’m nervous?” His embarrassed tone made me want to give him a hug, so I did.

When I pulled back, he was smiling. “What was that for? Not that I’m complaining.”

“It’s not ridiculous.” In fact, I found his mild anxiety endearing, but I wasn’t about to say that aloud. Instead, I said, “I’m a little nervous, too.”

The front door opened, and Theo peeked his head out just long enough for him to yell, “Have Haley home by midnight!”

Right idea, wrong brother, I thought, amused.

“Guess we better get going,” Chase said, looking oddly pensive. He did realize Theo was joking, didn’t he?

Once we were in the car, Chase fiddled with the radio, turning the volume down so it was background noise.

Wanting to distract him from whatever thoughts Theo’s appearance had prompted, I said, “Did you hear that the thimble was voted off the Monopoly board?”

“I did. It will no longer ‘Pass Go’ and collect two hundred dollars.”

I laughed. “Did you cast a vote?”

“Maybe,” he said, giving me a sheepish grin.

“You totally did. So, yea or nay to the thimble?”

“Yea. It’s a classic.”

“What about the argument for making the game more modern?”

“That’s the purpose of all the themed Monopoly boards. Changing the classic game is just wrong; it’s like putting a puzzle together from the inside out.”

I gasped. “Can you imagine the horror?”

“Yes, actually. That’s how Kyle assembles puzzles.”

“Yikes. I think that might drive me crazy.”

“See what I mean?”

“You couldn’t be swayed by the computer token?”

“Eh. It already looked outdated.”

“What if there had been a guitar?”

“I would have rigged the ballots to ensure its selection.” He grinned at me, and for a moment, I wondered if he was serious. How good of a hacker was he?

After a few moments of silence, I asked, “Is this weird?”

“Weird?”

“Well, if you think about it, this is our first date, but we already live together. I feel like I know you so well, and yet not at all.”

“Oh,” he said, his shoulders visibly relaxing. “I don’t think it’s weird. And, if there’s something you want to know about me, all you have to do is ask.”

“What’s your middle name?”

“Edward.” Chase Edward Phillips. Nice and traditional, just like Chase.

“What about your birthday? I’ve known you almost a year, so I’m assuming you had a birthday in there somewhere. I’m positive Theo wouldn’t let it pass by unnoticed.”

“It’s July eighteenth. Yours is coming up in a few weeks, right?”

“Yes.” Remembered my birthday? Another box checked in the perfect boyfriend material category.

“How do you want to celebrate?”

“I don’t know. After last year’s fiasco, I’m not sure I’m ready to celebrate.”

“What happened last year?”

“The short version—I finally found out the truth about my mom’s death and why my dad and I were in hiding. Then, my life was turned upside down when our house caught fire and my dad vanished.”

“Oh, yeah. Maybe this year we can skip all the drama and just have fun?”

“That sounds nice.”

After Chase parked, we followed another couple into the venue. The seats around us filled in with other couples and friends out for an evening. When the lights dimmed, Chase wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer and placing a kiss in my hair.

“Please welcome to the stage, Raked Over.”

Claps and cheers sounded from the audience while two girls and a guy picked up instruments and took their places behind microphones. The group launched into the first song, and I immediately fell in love with their sound, their energy. They somehow managed to be upbeat without being too peppy, and the eclectic mix of songs they played showed how great their range was. I could feel myself smiling, and I looked over to find Chase grinning happily back at me.

“Wow, they are incredible,” I said when the band finally stopped for a break.

“I’m glad you like them.”

“Like them? I absolutely love them, especially that last song. They used Ed Sheeran’s lyrics but completely reinterpreted the composition. They made it into something different and beautiful.”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, brow furrowing when he glanced at the screen.

“I need to take this,” he said, answering the phone. “Hi, Gran. Is everything okay?”

My eyes darted to his, and I was relieved that he didn’t appear overly concerned. Instead, he patiently listened to whatever his gran said on the other end of the line.

“I’m in the middle of something, but I can come by to look at it in a few hours. Make sure all the water is mopped up so it doesn’t ruin the wood floors.” He paused. “Great, I’ll see you then.”

“Is everything okay?”

He waved a hand through the air. “Yeah, nothing major. Gran has a sink that’s leaking.”

“I understand if you need to go.”

Chase frowned. “It can wait. This is more important.”

“Not more important than your gran.”

“I know, but it’s not an emergency, and I don’t want to blow my chance with you.”

I stressed over the idea of dating and choosing one of them, but Chase’s confession reminded me that they were under pressure as well. Whether it was creating the perfect date or feeling like they were in competition with the other guys, each of them had their own insecurities about the situation, their own concerns. Just like me.

But, instead of putting a stop to it once and for all, I found myself saying, “We can always have another date.”

He seemed to perk up at the idea. “Really?”

“Of course.”

He hesitated. “Do you want to go with me?”

“I’d love to.”

Twenty minutes later, Chase pulled up to a charming one-story bungalow with a white picket fence. The outside light was on, inviting us in, and potted plants lined the front porch, complete with a swing. Was this his childhood home?

From the outside, it looked like the American dream come true, but everything wasn’t as perfect as it seemed. Chase didn’t know who his father was, and his mother abandoned him and his brother as children. But, I knew without a doubt that Chase loved his gran and she loved him in return.

As Chase escorted me to the door, his hand on my lower back, I suddenly realized how impulsive my decision to join him had been. Apart from Patrick, Chase’s gran was the only real family any of the guys had. I wanted to meet her but wondered if it would make an already complicated situation even more so. How was he going to introduce me?

If he said I was his friend, I imagined (wise woman that his gran was) she’d see right through us, especially considering it was a Saturday night. But, telling her I was his girlfriend didn’t feel right either. Until I chose one of the guys, how did I explain my relationship with any of them?

Chase knocked, and when the door swung open, I did my best to hide my surprise. I had pictured someone frail and elderly, but the woman standing before me was full of energy. Apart from her silver hair, I wouldn’t have immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was a grandmother. She had golden skin and minimal wrinkles, and I could see an obvious resemblance to Chase.

“Chase, honey, what are you doing here?”

She beamed and pulled him into a hug before peering curiously at me.

“I came to fix that leak of yours. Gran, this is Haley. Haley, Gran.”

I decided to follow Chase’s lead on how to portray our relationship to her, although his introduction did nothing to clarify his preference.

“Very nice to meet you, Ms. Phillips.”

“Oh, please call me Mary. And, come on in.”

The smell of freshly-baked cookies filled the house, only adding to the quaint and cozy feel. A piano overlooked a large picture window into the front garden, and the original character of the home had been maintained with beautiful woodwork and antique light fixtures. I couldn’t remember meeting any of my grandparents, but I always imagined and hoped they’d have a home like Mary’s—one full of family photographs, full of memories, full of love.

She invited us to sit on the couch, then eyed me curiously. “My grandson has talked about you for so long, I was beginning to wonder if you were real.”

“Gran!”

I laughed, surprised by how bold and outgoing Mary seemed compared to her grandson. “Well, here I am, very much alive and real.”

“That’s a relief, although I’m sorry for spoiling your night out.”

“Not at all. I’ve heard so much about you from Chase, I’m glad we finally got to meet,” I said, meaning it.

“Would you like some cookies or lemonade, Haley?”

“Yes, please.”

“What about me?” Chase asked.

“Fix that leak, and then we’ll talk.”

“Deal.” He smiled and stood from the couch. “Gran makes the best cookies, apart from yours, of course.”

Chase disappeared down the hall with Mary, leaving me to wonder what I had gotten myself into. Feeling antsy, I stood and distracted myself by looking at the framed photos on the mantle—a younger version of Gran crouched down with two boys, her arms around their skinny shoulders, a faded photograph of two girls in tutus, and a photo of a dark-haired boy with sad eyes, his arm slung over his friend’s shoulder.

Mary returned with a plate of cookies and a glass of lemonade, setting them on the coffee table before coming to stand next to me. “Ahh, yes. I remember that day well.”

“I’m guessing this is Chase, but who is this with him?” I pointed to the unknown boy in the picture.

“Ethan. It was the last day of school, and I took them for ice cream.”

Swallowing my guilt, I said, “I didn’t realize they’ve been friends for so many years.”

“This was taken not long after they met. Chase was eleven, and Ethan had to be about thirteen. They’d only known each other a few months, but they formed an immediate bond, probably because they’d both been through so much.” She set the frame back on the mantle. “Such a shame what happened to his father.”

“Ethan told me he was killed in the line of duty.”

“Yes, and as if it wasn’t already tragic enough, his murderer got off on some technicality.” She shook her head sadly. “Although Chase didn’t meet him until years later, Ethan was still devastated. I don’t think he’s ever quite gotten over it.”

My heart sunk. Ethan hadn’t gone into detail about his father’s death, and now I understood why. It was more than a sore subject. He’d never received the closure he deserved.

“Come,” Mary said. “Sit with me.”

I followed her back to the couch. Taking a seat in the arm chair, she focused all her attention on me. Feeling uncomfortable under such scrutiny, I glanced around the room for a topic of conversation when my eyes landed on the piano.

“Do you play the piano?”

“I do, and I teach music lessons.”

“That must be where Chase got his talent from.”

“I’d like to think so.” Mary’s answering smile was warm. “He’s played for you?” She sounded surprised.

“Yes, he even let me play his beautiful Hummingbird.”

“That was such a lovely gift from the boys.” The way she said “the boys” made it sound like they were ten, not all over twenty, and I laughed to myself while she continued talking. “They’re very generous.”

“Yes, they gave me a guitar last Christmas. It’s not a Hummingbird, but it’s a lot nicer than my old one.”

“They’ve all been so busy this summer, I haven’t seen as much of them as usual. How are they?”

“They’re good,” I answered, wondering how much she knew about my relationship with them. I would be surprised if Chase even told her that we were roommates.

“You don’t let Jackson boss you around, do you?”

“Not if I can help it.”

“That’s good, keep him in check. And, Liam is a rascal. He is quite the flirt.” I could just imagine Liam flirting with Mary and her dishing it right back out to him.

“Knox and Theo, oh my. Don’t get me started on those two.”

I laughed, amused by her assessment of the guys. “They can be a handful.”

“And, then, there’s my Chase. He’s a sweetheart.”

“Yes, he is.” I smiled, thinking of all the sweet things Chase had done for me, the ways he understood me that the others didn’t.

She openly assessed me, but I didn’t know what more to say and was grateful when Mary changed topics to baking. Her oatmeal-raisin cookies were delicious, but I couldn’t stop wondering what she would think if she knew what was really going on. Would she despise me for what essentially amounted to wanting to have my cake and eat it too?

Chase finally returned, his shirtsleeves rolled up to reveal his muscular forearms. “I think it’s fixed. I ran it a few times to make sure.”

“Thank you.”

Chase snagged a cookie off the plate and took a seat next to me.

“Oh,” Mary paused, as if the thought just came to her, “I ran into Julie the other day, and she said to tell you hello.”

I saw a brief look of pain flash across Chase’s face before he schooled his expression into a smile. Julie? Although the name sounded familiar, I couldn’t place it, and I wondered if she was an ex-girlfriend. Somehow, that didn’t seem quite right.

“Ethan’s enjoying Miami, and she hopes he’ll visit soon. If nothing else, I’m sure he’ll come back for her wedding. Maybe you’ll get to see him then.”

It all snapped into place—Julie was Ethan’s aunt. But, more importantly, Ethan moved to Miami? I had never considered the possibility that he would leave San Jose, and hearing he moved halfway across the country came as a shock.

“Maybe,” Chase said, but we both knew that was unlikely. He stood. “Thanks for the cookies. It’s getting late, and I should probably get Haley home.”

“Of course. Let me wrap some up for Knox and Theo.”

“Thanks, Gran. They’ll love that.”

Chase was silent during the drive home, his entire demeanor somber after the conversation about his former best friend.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I blurted, “I’m so sorry, Chase. I know you were close to Ethan, and I feel terrible about what happened.”

“You have nothing to feel bad about.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” I said glumly.

He glanced over at me, a puzzled look on his face, before returning his attention to the road. “If anyone is at fault for Ethan leaving, it’s me. I should have realized he wasn’t acting like himself.”

Despite Knox’s assurances that I wasn’t to blame for Ethan’s departure, I wondered if Chase would agree if he knew the whole truth. I debated whether to tell him about Ethan’s declaration of feelings to assuage some of my guilt but decided it wasn’t worth it. Though confessing might make me feel better in the short-term, it wouldn’t change anything.

“What do you think was bothering him?” I asked, genuinely curious whether Chase had any additional insight.

“I don’t know.” He scrubbed a hand over his head. “I wish I did. I wish I could have stopped him.”

“Did he quit Zenith?”

“No, he transferred to our Miami office.”

“Have you talked to him since he left?”

“We’ve sent a few text messages back and forth, but they were pretty superficial.”

“Well, at least you don’t have to worry about running into him, if you don’t want to. I remember when Jess’s boyfriend broke up with her in middle school. For weeks, she hid in the bathroom during passing period so she wouldn’t have to face him.”

Chase laughed. “Really? Jess, as in wild-and-crazy, outgoing Jess?”

“Hard to believe, I know,” I said, feeling a little better for making him laugh.

“Thank you for going with me. I’m sorry we had to cut our date short.”

“I enjoyed meeting your gran. And, the band was incredible. It makes me want to go home and pick up my guitar.”

“Does that mean you’re ready to perform at another open mic night?”

I laughed. “Um, no. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for that.”

“Would you consider playing in front of me again?”

“I think I could handle that, if you’ll teach me a few Taylor Swift songs.”

“Deal.” He laughed.

Chase walked me to the front door. Expecting him to simply unlock it and let us in, I was surprised when he stopped on the porch.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?”

“I’d be kind of disappointed if you didn’t,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He tipped his head forward, gently placing his lips on mine. The kiss was brief, but sweet, and left me wanting more. We smiled at each other, and he waited for me to enter the loft before returning to his SUV and driving around to the garage to maintain the facade.

I floated through the door, half-expecting to find Knox sitting in the corner, lights dimmed and one leg crossed over the other with a disapproving look on his face. Fortunately, the room was empty, and I let out a sigh of relief. After I changed into pajamas and climbed into bed, my phone chimed with an incoming text.

Chase: Looking forward to making music with you.

I smiled, imagining Chase lying in his bed upstairs and texting me.

Chase: Sweet dreams, Haley.

Me: Sleep well, Chase.

I stared at the screen a moment longer, rereading his messages. My first kiss was with Chase; would he also be my first boyfriend? He was incredibly sweet, thoughtful, and adorable, and it would be easy to say yes.

But, what about Knox, Liam, Jackson, and Theo? I hoped my upcoming dates with each of them would help shed light on this impossible decision, but I doubted it. It seemed like the more time I spent with each of them, the more I got to know them, the more I cared about them.