Limbo

 

I followed Noah around the coffee shop, restocking the sugar and napkins after he wiped down the tables. He droned on about his latest TV obsession, and I did my best to nod at appropriate intervals. My body went through the motions while my mind churned with possibilities about my future. Haley or Brooke? Santa Cruz or Portland?

Sooner or later, I needed to make a decision; in the meantime, I was stuck in a sort of limbo. No matter how many pros and cons lists I made, they didn’t seem to help. And while my conversation with Knox after yesterday’s run had been reassuring, something was still holding me back.

“Sounds good,” I responded absently to Noah as I bent to place another huckleberry muffin in the glass case.

“Excellent. I’m going to hold you to that, Brooke.”

Hearing the name Brooke snapped me out of my daze, making me wonder what I had gotten myself into.

“You can wipe that panicked look off your face. I didn’t ask you to sing at open mic night next week.”

“Whew,” I sighed dramatically. “What exactly did I agree to, then?”

“Congratulations, you are the future Mrs. Noah Armstrong.”

“And, here I was afraid it was something momentous.”

“I could make you happy.” He smiled hopefully. “But I’m pretty sure your heart already belongs to someone else.” Someone else plus his brother and three best friends.

I shrugged.

“How do you expect me to make it through the late-morning slump if you won’t even contribute to the conversation?”

“I’m sure you’ll survive without me.”

He paused in his cleaning, towel poised above the counter. “Are you going somewhere?”

I sucked in a deep breath before releasing it slowly. “I don’t know.”

“Does this have something to do with your ‘best friend’?”

“Theo?”

“Wow, just saying his name makes you light up. He’s clearly into you, so what’s the hang up?”

I wasn’t sure Noah was the best person to discuss my complicated love life with, but I needed to talk to someone. Jess wasn’t an option. She was biased toward the guys, and I wasn’t ready—wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready—to tell her they all wanted to date me. My dad . . . yeah, that wasn’t happening. Maybe I could keep it simple and get Noah’s advice without telling him everything.

“Well, for one, he lives in California.”

“I assume you don’t want a long-distance relationship. Would he be willing to relocate?”

I shook my head. “But, he asked me to move in with him.”

Noah’s mouth dropped. “Wow, that’s a huge step. Are you ready for that?”

“I stayed with him for a while when we were friends, but things are different now.”

“That’s for damn sure. That kiss the other day was more than friendly.”

“Okay, so there’s definitely some chemistry there,” I admitted.

“Some? Try off the charts.”

I twisted the strings on my apron, focusing intently on them instead of Noah. “That’s great, but what if it doesn’t work out?” I asked, knowing I would be completely devastated by such an outcome.

What if it does? my heart whispered. Are you willing to miss out on something amazing because you’re afraid?

I had been so fixated on the assumption that this would be an epic disaster that I hadn’t allowed myself to fully consider the alternative. If Knox, Theo, Chase, Liam, and Jackson all believed we could make this work, maybe it was possible. Wouldn’t I rather take that risk than spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been?

Forget the pros and cons lists, I thought as excitement replaced my indecision.

“So, when are you leaving?” Noah pouted, comprehending my train of thought.

I bounced on my toes. “I don’t know. I need to talk to John, and I have to pack.”

“Why don’t you talk to him now? Your shift’s almost over, and I can manage out here.”

Perhaps I was acting impulsively, but now that my decision was made, I couldn’t wait to put things in motion. After giving notice, I returned to the front and updated Noah—John had generously suggested Sunday as my last day, even though I was scheduled to work several shifts next week. Since Noah was off on Sunday, this would likely be our last chance to see each other. Before I left, he gave me a big hug and wished me well after making me promise to stay in touch. The goodbye was bittersweet, because as much as I liked him, I knew I wouldn’t contact him once I was back in Santa Cruz. It would be too weird to continue pretending to be Brooke, never telling him the truth.

When I glanced outside and spotted the rental waiting for me, I started imagining Knox’s and Theo’s reactions. As ridiculous as it sounded, I wanted to burst into song like a character in a musical. Instead, I calmly climbed into the passenger seat and handed Knox a cup of coffee.

“What are you so happy about?” Theo asked as Knox pulled out of the parking lot.

My heart was racing. “Can’t I just be happy to see both of you?”

“Absolutely,” Knox said. “Did you have a good morning?”

“I did, thanks. You?”

“I’m better now.” Knox gave me a lopsided grin.

“So, Haley,” Theo said, “what do you want to do this afternoon—try Voodoo Doughnuts, shop at Powell’s Books, visit the zoo?”

“Those all sound nice. Would you mind swinging by Helen’s first so I can change?”

I was bursting to tell them my decision, but I wanted to see both their faces when I shared the news.

After changing, I returned to find Theo flipping through a magazine while Knox studied his phone. I watched them silently for a moment, cataloging their features, before Theo looked up from the couch and smiled.

“Where to first? I vote the zoo.”

This is it, I thought. The moment of no return.

“Actually, I had something else in mind.” My heart was in my throat, but somehow, I maintained a straight face.

“Great. What is it?”

“Will you help me pack?”

“Pack? As in, let’s pack your stuff because you’re moving home?” I could hear the barely restrained glee in Theo’s voice.

Knox dropped his phone on the floor before fumbling to recover it.

“Yes, but I have one condition,” I said in a level tone.

“You name it, anything you want.” Theo started to rise from the couch.

“You may want to wait to agree until you’ve heard the condition. It could be a deal breaker.”

“Haley! You’re killing me.”

“Fine.” I sighed. “I want to live with Liam.”

“What?” Theo shrieked. “You’re kidding, right? Please tell me she’s joking.” He looked to Knox.

Knox appeared stunned but quickly recovered. “Is that what you want, Haley?”

I laughed, unable to maintain the charade even a moment longer. “No, but I do want my old room back. If you’ll have me, that is.”

I had scarcely finished the sentence when Theo pulled me into a hug. Knox pressed against my back, wrapping his arms around us, and placing me in the middle of a Bennett brother sandwich. I had never felt as happy as I did in that moment.

Knox nuzzled into my neck. “Of course, we’ll have you.”

“Always,” Theo affirmed.

 

*  *  *

 

I had delayed this moment for as long as possible, but with my flight booked for tomorrow, I couldn’t put it off any longer. I composed a new text message to my dad, hoping to escape an actual conversation.

Me: Just wanted to check in. I’m moving back to Santa Cruz.

Not surprisingly, the phone rang almost immediately, and I answered with a sense of dread.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hey, kiddo. How are you?”

“I’m good. You?”

“Good,” he answered.

“Any news on the case?” Considering we spoke last week, I didn’t expect much of an update on his progress to put DuBois behind bars.

“Haley, we talked about this,” he said, alluding to our ongoing discussion about how much information he should share with me. In his opinion, the answer was always none.

“I know, but at least tell me if you found her.”

Danny Franco’s former girlfriend remained our only lead to implicate DuBois for murder. We tried to avoid using names on the off-chance that someone was listening in on our conversations.

“Fine, I located her.”

“And?”

“And, I don’t want to say more over the phone.”

“Dad,” I pleaded.

“I’ve already said more than I intended. Now to the real reason I called—when are you moving?”

“I fly into San Jose tomorrow,” I said, purposefully avoiding any mention of Knox or Theo.

“What are you planning to do about our favorite politician and his threats?”

“I imagine he’s a little too busy to be bothered with me at the moment, since he’s being investigated for accepting unethical campaign contributions.”

“That’s rather convenient.” His tone made me wonder if he suspected the guys of any involvement. “So, you don’t need me to contact him?”

“For now, I don’t think it’s necessary.”

“I assume you have a job? A place to live?”

“Yes and yes.” Please don’t ask for details, I thought.

“Are you moving back in with those brothers?”

I remained silent, unable to lie to my dad, but not wanting to admit the truth either.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He sighed, and I could imagine him scrubbing his hand over his head. “You’ll always be my little girl, but I’m realizing you’re not so little anymore. I, um,” he cleared his throat, “do we need to have the talk?”

My face flushed from his implication, and for once, I was grateful for the distance between us. “Dad, no. Please, just stop.”

I could sense his relief through the phone.

“Okay. I just wanted to check. I may have more gray hairs than I used to, but I’m not ready to be a grandpa.”

“Oh my god. Seriously, Dad, please stop talking.”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend you could room with?”

“Not really, and I wouldn’t want to anyway. Look, I should probably get going. It’s getting late, and we have an early flight.”

“We?”

Crap.

“The brothers.”

“Ahhh, I see. Be sure to tell them that if they ever do anything to hurt you, I swear to god I will not hesitate to hunt them down, regardless of who’s looking for me.”

“I’ll get right on that.”

“I’m serious. I love you, kiddo.”

“I love you, too.”

I fell back onto the bed, relieved to check that call off my list and exhausted from the whirlwind pace of the past few days. Fortunately, Helen was understanding about my sudden move, and it hadn’t taken long to pack or donate my few belongings. But, Theo was wearing me out. Even with the limited time we had left in Portland, he insisted on exploring as much of the city as possible, and I half-wondered if he was trying keep me distracted so I wouldn’t have a chance to second-guess my decision.

Despite my overwhelming sense of happiness at the idea of returning to Santa Cruz and the guys, I was anxious. I assured myself that it was due to the rapid upheaval of my life, and once I saw Jackson, Liam, and Chase again, I would feel better. Right?