Chapter Twenty-One

Sophia

I never pictured myself buying my wedding dress on the day of my wedding, but then I rarely pictured myself getting married in the first place either. I imagined it from time to time, as I’m sure every other girl in their life has, but not in the traditional way you see in films and TV shows.

I never saw myself in the white wedding dress with train and veil, elaborate stitching and intricate detailing, because that was never the focus of the event for me. I imagined myself being happy, and what I was wearing at the time to do that never seemed all that important.

Alice has totally different ideas though, and despite explaining to her beforehand that all I want is something that makes me look hot enough that Ryan will be practically begging to get the ceremony over so he can take me as quickly as possible back to bed, she’s spent most of the morning dragging me around the tradional wedding dress shops, insisting I at least take a look at what’s on offer.

“That is fucking incredible”, Alice says, taking a step back to admire me. “That’s definitely the one.”

I look at the person in the mirror and can hardly believe it’s me. “You know this isn’t what I was looking for.”

“Forget about that”, Alice says. “You look incredible. Ryan’s going to freak out when he sees you.”

It isn’t at all what I was looking for, but now that I’m wearing it, I’ve got to hand it to Alice. I do look really incredible. It’s a white wedding dress but without the train and veil, which would have just gotten in the way anyway, especially with no invited guests to lift it up for me as I walk, and has been designed to look much more modern than most of the other stuff I’ve seen so far. I like it. Actually, I really like it.

“You don’t think it’s over the top?” I ask.

Alice shakes her head. “No chance”, she says. “You look hot, and it’s your wedding day so it’s totally suitable. Ryan’s dressing up isn’t he? I mean, even if he turned up in jeans and a shirt I still wouldn’t change what you’re wearing.”

“He’s getting a suit”, I say, this whole thing suddenly feeling a lot more real than it did even this morning.

“Well then”, Alice says. “You guys are going to look amazing together.”

“I still can’t believe we’re doing it.” I don’t mean to say it out loud, but it’s been a pretty constant thought all morning, I just can’t help it. I know I’ve had a long time to think it over but now that the day is actually here, and we’re going to do it for real, the whole thing seems totally bizarre to me. It’s not just that we’re getting married either, I mean that part is pretty mind blowing on it’s own but it’s not the entire reason for my disbelief, it’s the fact that Ryan and are have been sleeping together too that’s leaving me utterly speechless. I can’t believe he feels the same way about me as I do about him, and that we’re not only deciding to get married, we might actually be starting a real relationship as well.

“You totally made the right decision”, Alice says. “Just think about the money. If the sex dries up, you’ll still have fifty thousand dollars to play around with.”

I think men have made her cynical. The money will help, but the opportunity to extend my visa and spend more time here with Ryan is much more exciting to me. I held myself back from my feelings for him because I couldn’t cope with the thought of having my heart broken, but now that I’ve got every chance to stay here long term, I’m so excited to see where this has the potential to go for us. Ryan’s an incredible man, and the sex is out of this world phenomenal, and this wedding, although a giant leap for us, is really also our first step together of what I hope will be many more.

Alice chooses a gorgeous, light blue, body hugging dress from the same shop, both of which I put on my credit card and together, dressed in the outfits we’ve just chosen and turning heads as we get in it, we take a cab to a hair stylists recommended by the shop.

If I were doing this alone, I wouldn’t have even come into the shop, let alone even considered buying something like this and I definitely wouldn’t have thought about getting my hair done. This is a fake wedding after all, and I don’t exactly have a huge amount of spare cash to spend on it, but Alice convinces me that if I’ve decided to wear this kind of dress in the first place, then it would be a crime of fashion not to get my hair done to match it. As she’s offered to pay, there’s still an hour before I’ve agreed to meet Ryan, and we’ve managed to get an appointment straight away, I can’t exactly argue.

“You know this whole thing is probably only going to last for fifteen minutes”, I tell her, while the hair stylist begins her work. “We tell them we want to get married, and then they get us all to sign a form.”

“It’s still your wedding day”, Alice argues. “You’ve got to make sure you look good for it.”

“It’s not a big deal”, I say.

“Not a big deal?” Alice repeats back to me. “Come on, Sophia. You guys are getting married and then you’re planning to live together, not to mention the fact that you’re sleeping together now. It’s a big deal, believe me, and I’m going to make sure you enjoy it.”

“Okay”, I say, not entirely convinced all this is necessary but enjoying the attention all the same. I get treated like a doll sometimes at the theatre while costume designers, hair stylists and makeup artists rush to get me ready in time, so it feels pretty awesome to have someone take their time with me. “Thank you for this.”

“Are you kidding?” Alice says. “I love getting dressed up, and I absolutely love weddings.”

I settle back into the chair and try to relax while the hair stylist twists my hair around in ways I’m not entirely convinced are healthy for it. I’m a lot more nervous than I was this morning now that the whole thing is getting nearer, and I think it’s beginning to show.

“Besides which”, Alice says, her hand on my arm. “The other reason for getting dressed up is to make sure you don’t do a runner.”

I don’t have to pretend to be stunned by that, because the thought of doing a runner never crossed my mind at all. I’m nervous, not only because we’re about to get married but because in doing this we’re making a big deal out of something that originally wasn’t meant to be a big deal at all. My relationship with Ryan has changed too, and even though I’m not entirely sure whether that matters, it’s definitely something I’ve got on my mind. When I agreed to do this we weren’t fucking, even though it was something I wanted to do, and right now the dynamic between us has changed and we are, so when we get fake married later on today we’ll be doing so as real lovers.

All of this elaboration may not work to stop me doing a runner, largely because the idea never crossed my mind at all, but it may work in our favor anyway to convince everyone else this is real. I mean, who turns up to the city clerk’s office for a marriage of convenience looking like they’ve had the whole thing planned for a year.

“I hope the guy is worth it”, my hair stylist says to me. “Because you look absolutely gorgeous.”

I catch her eyes in the mirror and can’t help but blush. “He’s worth it”, Alice says when she sees me struggling for the words. “Lucky, without a shadow of a doubt, but worth it.”

When they’re done, Alice and I look like a million dollars, which is kind of coincidental considering that’s exactly what this wedding is worth to Ryan and I, in an economic sense anyway.

I’ve never had my hair done up and styled in such a way, and looking at it in the mirror, I have absolutely no idea how she’s done it so well. I have a series of plaits that disappear into a kind of woven bun at the back of my head and then out again in such an intricate pattern I get lost just looking at it. I have long hair and I hardly ever wear it up, but like this, with my neck and shoulders exposed, it looks absolutely perfect and I can barely stop myself from smiling.

“I look good”, I say, daring myself to touch my hair just to see what it feels like.

“Honey, you look knockout”, Alice’s stylist tells me.

“She’s right”, Alice says. “You look even better than I thought you would. I knew you were going to look good, but wow. Ryan really is a lucky guy. Does he know you’re doing all this?”

I shake my head. “We just agreed to find something to wear and then head to the city clerk’s office.”

“Maybe you ought to take some ice with you”, Alice’s stylist quips. “Just so you can cool him down when he sees you.”

We pay, call another cab and head towards the venue, my hands beginning to tremble and my heart just about beating out of my chest.

“This is getting real”, I say. “I mean, I’m actually doing this.”

The cab driver gives me an idle look through the rear view mirror but decides not to say anything.

“We’re late too”, I add.

“Fuck that”, Alice says, her ability to sum up a situation with the fewest words necessary something that has always made me laugh. “That’s the way it’s meant to be.”

We carve through Manhattan traffic, the odd car honking its horn as we pass, kids waving to us like royalty and the rest of the world going on as it normally would on a Thursday just after lunch.

“I’m nervous”, I confess, the city clerk’s office getting ever nearer. “Really nervous.”

“I thought you were used to this by now”, Alice says. “How many times have you got married so far?”

The cabbie looks at us again, this time a little more suspiciously, but still doesn’t say a word.

“I don’t know, fifteen, sixteen, but it’s different anyway.”

“It’s exactly the same”, Alice says, her hand on my arm.

I feel like I’m beginning to panic, not necessarily about getting married but about whether he’s actually going to be there at all. I’ve got a sudden creeping fear I’m going to show up like this and he’ll have already changed his mind and ducked out. “Do I look alright?”

“You look fantastic”, Alice reassures me. A little bit later, and just before we turn onto the street the office is on, she asks, “do you want us to stop?”

I take a deep breath. “No”, I say, pulling myself together. “No”, I say again, just to hear myself saying it. “It’s not a big deal. I’m going to meet Ryan, get married and I’m going to do everything in my power to live a happy and harmonious life with him whether we continue sleeping with each other or not. I’ve made my mind up and I’m not going to change it. Ryan and I are going to step inside the city clerk’s office and get married and nothing is going to get in our way of that.”

“You look fabulous”, the cab driver says, his eyes meeting mine again in the rear view mirror. “And we’re here. That’ll be ten dollars eighty.”

I hadn’t even noticed the car had come to a stop. I look quickly out of the window for Ryan, but my heart leaps when I don’t see him. “He’s not here”, I say, worry tainting my voice.

“He’ll be here”, Alice says. “He’s probably inside getting everything sorted.”

“He said he’d meet me here outside”, I say, panicking mildly.

Alice pays the cabby and without even being asked, he gets out of his seat and comes around the side of the car to open the door for me.

“Good luck”, he says and offers his hand to help me out.

I feel like a real celebrity as I step down out of the cab, a crowd of people already gathered to watch me, some of them clapping and cheering while others stop to take photos with their cameras or cell phones. While I scan their faces, looking in desperation for my soon-to-be husband, I wonder if this is something they do to everyone who arrives here to get married, or whether there’s just something special about me.

I smile and wave, as though these people might be friends or family members invited here by Ryan, and then walk towards the office, my heart beating wildly while every ounce of the rest of my entire being hopes to all hell that Ryan is already inside that building.

I’m nearly at the door when I hear someone call me. “Hey”, he says calmly. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

I spin on my heels and I almost don’t recognise him when I see him standing behind me, his hat in one hand and a huge bunch of flowers in the other, even more gorgeous than I think is humanly possible.

“Ryan”, I say, in a voice that sounds as relieved as it does excited.

Ryan stares at me practically open mouthed, and it’s a while before he says anything. “You look, wow”, he says, searching for the right words. “Like an angel.”

I feel my heart skip a beat and wipe away a tear from my eye. There is no reason for me to be this emotional but I can’t help it. He looks incredible, like he’s just stepped down off a billboard poster advertising a new grade of human being superior in every aspect to our own. That suit doesn’t just look good on him, it looks like it belongs. He’s totally owning it, and if he didn’t know it before, he certainly does now because I’m just stood here gushing at him like a crazy fan.

“I got these for you”, he says, holding the huge bunch of flowers out towards me.

There’s still at least three metres distance between us, and a crowd of spectators gathered around as though this whole thing were some kind of performance, which even if it was meant to be at some point in the past, it definitely doesn’t feel like it is now. I begin to close the gap between us, while Ryan slowly advances towards me too.

We stop, about a foot away from each other, this whole thing so unusual for both of us I feel like neither one of us knows the right way to proceed. I take the flowers, smell them and beam up to Ryan, my cheeks reddening.

“Thank you”, I say and Ryan smiles.

“You’re welcome. Are you okay?”

I nod. “You look incredible”, I say, edging a little bit closer, the tension between us almost unbearable.

“Just something I found in a thrift store”, Ryan jokes, “I thought you might like it.”

“It looks like you’re planning to get married”, I say.

“It was something I was considering.”

I shrug. “I suppose you’ve come to the right place then.”

We’ve shuffled so close together I’m practically standing on his toes. “Shall we go in?” Ryan asks.

“Not yet”, I say, reaching out for his hand.

“No?” Ryan asks, his voice barely a whisper.

I shake my head, while Ryan leans down into me. “Not until you’ve kissed me.”

There is a deafening cheer from the gathered crowd as Ryan cradles my neck, holds his hat up for us to hide behind and presses his lips softly against mine. My heart all but stops beating as the blood rushes from my brain to my lower belly and Ryan kisses me so passionately I feel like I’m floating. When he finally lets me go, I stand there too stunned to say anything for a while, a little unsteady on my feet, and not at all because of the high heels I’m wearing. My lips are buzzing with Ryan’s taste, my knees are weak and I feel like I’ve just moved one step closer to falling in love with him.

“Is now okay?” Ryan asks, the crowd still cheering raucously around us.

I nod, largely because I’m still too high from that kiss to form the words properly, and with my arm linked around his, my hands trembling like leaves in the wind, and this whole thing about as surreal and incredible as life can possibly get, we make our way slowly towards the door.