Chapter Six

Ryan

Alex looks up from the will with a huge smile on his face. “This is a fucking joke, right?” he says. “A new part of the play?”

I shake my head. “One million dollars”, I say.

“Minus taxes”, Alex points out.

“Minus taxes”, I repeat. “I just have to get married.”

Alex shakes his head. “Oh, man.”

“I know, right?”

I’m getting kicked out in three days, and the only packing I’ve done is the box Alex has his feet up on.

“You’re fucked”, he says.

“Thank you”, I say.

“I mean, having a girlfriend would be a novelty for you, getting married, that’s just another dimension for Ryan Speed”, he adds. “Plus, who’s going to marry you for real?”

I take the letter back off him, fold it up and throw it onto the island in the kitchen. “Why couldn’t she have just left me the money without insisting I got married for it?”

It’s meant as a rhetorical question, but Alex answers it anyway. “Traditional?” he says with a shrug. “Just to fuck with you?”

“Well she’s succeeded in that”, I say.

“Why don’t you just ask Sophia?” Alex says. “Share the money with her, get her a permanent visa, be an American hero.”

“I want to ask her out on a date”, I say, “I don’t know whether I want to marry her yet.”

“Sure you do”, Alex says. “You talk about this chick all the time like she’s the one. Great aunt Dorothy has just given you a golden ticket to the big time, with a million dollar bonus.”

“Caroline”, I say.

“And anyway, isn’t that what you’re doing all day anyway, what’s the difference? Just be straight with her, tell her it’s all about the money and forget about the rest. Even if you don’t last more than a week together, that’s still a hundred grand, which is more than enough to sort out your living situation.”

The idea of being with Sophia for a week scares me more than being with her for five years. If there were some kind of middle ground it would be perfect, but there isn’t, the letter is very specific about that. Married and living together, and then all of the money at once if we have a child together. It’s crazy.

“I’ve already spoken to Lucas”, I say.

“And?”

“And it’s not enough.”

“It’s not enough that you’ve just inherited a million dollars?” Alex asks, shifting in his seat to look at me.

“I haven’t until I’m married, and Lucas knows I live alone. He says it’s not enough to save me from being kicked out, even if it were true, which means whatever happens, I need to find somewhere else to live.”

“A homeless millionaire”, Alex says. “Sounds like one of your shit scripts.”

“I’m going to have to move back in with Mom and Dad, you know, at least until I find a wife that is”, I say.

“I’m sure one of your ex’s would be more than happy to help”, Alex points out. “Hell, my sister would probably do it too.”

I push Alex’s feet off the box and sit on it to think about my options. Is asking Sophia to marry me seriously something I can consider?

“Six months is enough time”, Alex says. “You’ll definitely be able to find someone by then. This is you we’re talking about.”

“I only thought I’d ever get married once”, I say. “And I didn’t plan on doing it at all this year.”

Alex looks at me wisely. “You didn’t plan on meeting Sophia either”, he says.

If we get married, she gets to stay in the country indefinitely and I get my inheritance, regardless of whether there is anything more than that between us at all, which has to be appealing for her. If she doesn’t want anything else, so be it, at least I’ll know. Is taking the play into the real world so much of a stretch for the imagination? If there is any relationship that’s going to be believable for the people that dead aunt Caroline has tasked to make sure it’s real, is the relationship between a leading lady and her poster perfect man.

“And do you know what the best thing about this whole thing is?” Alex adds after a long pause,  “especially because for some reason, unknown to the greater population of this world, this girl turns you into more of a coward than the lion in the Wizard of Oz, is that you get to extend your made up relationship, without having to tell her you like her.”

Alex pauses while a huge smile spreads out across his face. It’s the kind of smile that suggests he’s worked all of this out and I don’t need to worry about a thing. “You can move in together and share the same bed for real, in a purely business relationship, and then when her guard is down and you find your balls again, you can put on the Ryan Carter Speed charm.”

I throw the nearest thing I can find at him which happens to be a beer mat. It bounces off the top of his head and disappears towards the corner of the room.

“I won’t have an apartment”, I say. “That’s not exactly appealing.”

“No, but getting to stay in the US with you might be”, Alex says, and I roll my eyes at him. “Dude, seriously, think about it”, he goes on, “you don’t have to move in until after you guys get married anyway, by which point you’ll be rolling in it. She’s got, what a couple of months until her visa runs out, which means that you’ve got plenty of time to iron out the intricate details. You’ll be fucking each other in no time.”

“Your optimism is inspiring”, I say.

“Just trying to steer you in the direction I know you want to be going in”, Alex says.

“The marriage has to be legit”, I say. “It says it in the will. Don’t you think it’s going to be a little convenient if she needs to get married for a visa and I need to get married to get the inheritance?”

“In that case you are fucked”, Alex says, “but you won’t know unless you try. At least you guys have history, made up history, but history all the same.”

“Right”, I say. “But that might not work in our favor, of course. If they know we are good at making stuff up, I mean.”

Alex takes a swig of his beer. “People get married for visas all the time, it can’t be that difficult. You’ll just have to convince them you really are in love with each other.”

“How exactly are we going to do that?” I ask. “You know, in this completely hypothetical situation?”

Alex shrugs. “I don’t know”, he says, “do what all real couples do. Get matching tattoos, argue a lot and then have a baby.”