Logan

 

I was expecting Prairie to argue or at least try and figure out where I’m taking her, but when I told her it was a surprise she simply smiled and let me wrap my hand around hers. The weight of her hand in mine feels…right. There’s a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t be taking her anywhere, why I shouldn’t have been waiting outside of her building, counting the seconds until I could see her again. But I can’t recall a single one. When she turned the corner and I looked up, I forgot everything. Her curly hair is piled on top of her head and I can tell she’s not wearing any makeup. She’s wearing faded jeans and a snug white T-shirt. She looks like her, like the most beautiful thing in the world. Without even trying.

“I guess you managed to get that fancy truck you always wanted,” she smirks. “Although, I actually miss the old one. It was cozy.”

“We’re lucky the damn floor didn’t fall out underneath our feet going over those gravel roads,” I snort. “That thing belonged in a junkyard.”

“I guess I never noticed much. I was too busy being happy.”

Her words sting, but I know she doesn’t mean them to. They’re innocent and honest, just like her.

“Have you talked to Gary at all over the years? Or any of the guys from the shop?” she asks, fiddling with the radio stations until she finds the country station.

“No, I haven’t.”

Another thing I feel like shit over is how I treated my old boss after my arrest. He tried to see me and even testified on my behalf. Told the court I was a good kid and didn’t deserve time in prison. But I was so full of shame that I couldn’t even look him in the eye, let alone offer him a thank you. Just another thing that I managed to fuck up, I suppose.

“I haven’t been back since I left for college, my mom moved down to Edison when I left so I’ve had no reason to go back,” she continues.

She tells me about her mom remarrying and about her stepdad. I already know she works at a bank downtown but I’m surprised that she never finished college and got her degree. She was so determined when we were younger.

“It just wasn’t for me,” she shrugs. “I like Fortune. I like my job and it pays the bills…so, I figure I might as well stay put where I am.”

She keeps the conversation away from Brenda and Brad and even if she didn’t, I’d have nothing to tell her. I have no idea where my mother is or that piece of shit husband of hers. I haven’t seen her since she took the stand and lied through her stained teeth. As far as I’m concerned, she doesn’t exist to me anymore and I’m sure I don’t exist to her either.

“That girl you were with at the club, she’s a friend of yours?”

“Brooke? Yeah, we work together. She’s great. She’s an actress actually,” she says proudly. “I know once she gets her big break she’ll take off.”

“She’s lucky to have you in her corner.”

“She’s a good friend,” she states. “Okay, so we’ve officially left the city. Where are you taking me, Logan?”

I take the overpass and head for the fairgrounds north of the city. It’s probably cheesy as hell where I’m taking her but if some things haven’t changed, I know she’ll appreciate it.

“I told you it’s a surprise.”

“I bet I can make you tell me,” she brags, turning up the dial just as some twangy song about a sin wagon begins to play.

“Babe, you can play that country shit as loud as you want to, I still won’t tell you.”

“Ugh, just tell me!”

“Nope.”

“Logan Mackenzie, you’ve only gotten more stubborn I’m afraid,” she sighs, leaning back against her seat.

I turn up the music even louder and thump my fist against the steering wheel in time with the beat. Her laughter fills the cab of the truck the rest of the way.

After a grand total of four country songs that Prairie knew every single word to, I finally pull into a busy lot and cut the engine. People are coming and going, fathers with small children riding on top of their shoulders, older kids packing massive stuffed animals and half empty cartons of popcorn. I watch Prairie as she gazes out the window and takes it all in.

“The carnival?!”

“If you’re up for it,” I tell her, suddenly nervous that this was a stupid idea.

She smacks my chest and unbuckles her seatbelt, climbing from the truck and shutting the door behind her while I scramble to keep up. I lace my fingers with hers and we head for the gates.

“I can’t even remember the last time I went to a carnival,” she says. “I was probably ten years old.”

“Then I made the right choice,” I grin.

She stops and leans up, pressing her lips to my cheek. “Thank you,” she beams. “Now let’s get in there so you can win me something big.”

“All you have to do is ask, you know that.”

The last time I said those words to her we were seventeen. I meant them back then and I sure as hell mean them now. We can figure out the messy shit later, right now I just wanna be with her. She blinks quickly before she tugs my hand and guides us to the ticket booth.

 

*

 

“No pressure, but I’ve got my heart set on the purple dragon,” Prairie whispers against my ear, the scent of buttered popcorn on her lips. We’ve been on just about every single ride and now, as requested, I’m settling to win her a prize.

“That thing is half the size of you,” I grin, removing the fake gun from the holster in front of me.

“Which is exactly why I must have it.”

I’ve already overpaid the carny manning this particular booth for my three attempts and now all that’s standing between me and that damn dragon is a moving target that is obviously fixed.

“And if I don’t win it?”

She shrugs and pops another handful of popcorn into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully before she replies, “You still get the girl.”

I take aim and miss the first shot, followed quickly by the second, also a miss. I tune out the noise around me and watch the target slide back and forth. I squeeze the trigger and smack the bullseye, Prairie shrieking with delight beside me.

“You did it!”

I ignore the carny and snatch the purple dragon from the top row of prizes and hand it to Prairie. She wraps her arms around it and laughs. The stupid thing really is half the size of her and I can’t help but laugh at the way its tail sweeps the ground as she rocks it back and forth in her arms. She looks up at me, eyes bright, her smile wide.

“Once again Logan, you’re my hero,” she says.

 

The drive back into the city is quiet. We left the carnival after Prairie declared me her hero and I shrugged it off with a mumbled assurance that it was nothing. There’s a lightness in my chest as we near the blinking city lights that I haven’t felt in a long time. In just over five years to be exact.

“I had a great time Logan, thanks for taking me.”

“I’m glad. Me too.”

“It’s funny, isn’t it? In so many ways we’ve changed but tonight it felt like we were picking up right where we left off.”

I pull over and park across the street from her building, turning off the ignition I take a deep breath and try to find the right words which I can almost never seem to do.

“I’m sorry that I pushed you away after I was arrested. I was stupid and convinced that you’d be better off without me.”

“Logan, al-“

“Please, let me finish,” I say, angling my body towards hers. “I knew when they slapped those cuffs on me that I fucked everything up. I was so damn pissed at myself for giving in and ruining what we had and I knew that I wouldn’t get off easy. I didn’t wanna string you along and I thought I was doing the right thing but I was miserable without you. Please believe me.”

“I do,” she tells me, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

“The thing is, after today, or even the other night, I know that I can’t do it again. I can’t walk away from you.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“I was so damn grateful for your love and I gave it all back, like it meant nothing. I’m so fucking sorry Prairie. I gave up on us, on you. But I don’t want it to be too late for us now.”

She slides across the seat and closes the space between us, wrapping her slim arms around my neck.

“I’m here,” she says. “We’re here together, and nothing is going to get in the way of that. Not this time.”

She tilts her head back, her green eyes shining and I know for certain that I can’t fuck this up again. I need to get out of the club and out of my deal with Zavier.

“I need you to trust me Prairie.”

“I trust you.”

I know that I’ll always want her, that I’ll always need her. When I stepped out of that shithole prison and into my new life, I was ready to accept my fate. To embrace the dangerous parts of myself and ignore any past desires to be better or do better. But the minute Prairie walked back into my life, I once again find myself wanting more than anything, to be worthy of her. To be the man she deserves and gives herself so willingly to. I vow to myself that I’ll clean up my own mess and do whatever I have to in order to keep her.