Logan

 

I watch from my seat in the corner of the library, my eyes following the girl with the curly hair and the chemistry books. Prairie. She probably thinks I’m a creep but seeing her this morning in the office and then again just now, I couldn’t help myself. I had to know her name. I didn’t think anything pretty existed in Redemption, until now. It makes me sound like a pussy but when she slammed into my chest and looked up at me with those bright green eyes, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I look over at the clock and figure I should head home soon. My mom will be home from work in a few hours and I wouldn’t mind trying to sleep for a bit before her and Brad start drinking and fighting. I slide my books into my backpack and head for the main doors. I turn down the side of the building, across the grass towards the trailer park. I throw my bag over one shoulder and walk through the parking lot, mostly full of staff vehicles but a couple student vehicles as well. I notice a shiny new Dodge and smirk to myself, thinking it must be nice to have shit like that.

When I reach the dirt county road, I look ahead and see the girl from the library walking in the same direction. I think about shouting at her, but I don’t want to scare her so I keep quiet. After a few minutes, she glances back and notices me. I watch her take a couple more steps before she pauses and looks back again, this time standing still. She’s waiting for me.

“Hey,” I say, once I’ve gotten closer.

“Hi…again,” she replies, using her hand to shield the sun behind me. “Um, do you wanna walk together? Maybe?”

I nod and keep my pace the same as hers. I wanna ask her where she lives but she beats me to it.

“Where are you headed?”

“Paradise Court,” I mutter quietly. Paradise…yeah right. There isn’t even any grass, every single faded tin can sits on a concrete slab, lined up one after another in uneven rows.

“Me too,” she says, surprising me. “You must be new, right?”

“Yeah, I just moved here last week from Drayton.”

“That’s in the next county, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm. Why’d you move here? I mean, if you wanna tell me…you don’t have to. Obviously,” she mumbles.

“It’s all right. I used to live with my grandma but she passed away,” I explain. “So, I had to move back here until I finish school.”

“Back here?”

“Yeah. I was born here but I only lived here until I was four.”

A few moments pass before she speaks again. “I’m sorry,” she says. “About your grandma.”

“Thanks.”

It’s quiet between us again, but it doesn’t bother me. She’s obviously too polite to ask me why I haven’t lived with my parents this whole time. I can hear a vehicle coming up behind us so I step on the other side of her, putting her between me and the grassy ditch. I don’t think much of it but after the truck passes, she looks up at me and smiles as if I just gave her a million dollars.

“Thanks,” she says quietly.

We talk a bit about our classes after I ask her about the chemistry books she was picking up. She wants to be a nurse and even though I don’t even know her, I can see it. She has a nice smile. Something people would be grateful to see when they’re stuck in a hospital. I figured she was a senior too, but I’m impressed when she tells me that she’s technically a sophomore and a year ahead.

“What about you?” she asks. “Do you have any plans after graduation?”

I haven’t told anyone what I want to do, I’m scared that if I tell my mom or Brad they’ll find some way to make it seem stupid. But for some reason, I wanna tell Prairie.

“I’m gonna apprentice and get my mechanics certificate,” I tell her. “Back in Drayton I was working part-time at an auto body shop. They’re holding a spot for me.”

“And you’d just move back there by yourself?”

“Yeah. Rick, the guy who owns the shop has a place I can stay, and I’ll make some money doing easier repairs and shit when I’m not studying, for rent and stuff.”

“Sounds like you have it all figured out,” she sighs. “All I know is I’m heading out of state. Somewhere with more green grass and less dust,” she laughs lightly.

Soon enough I can see the neon sign flickering on and off ahead of us and I’m wishing that time didn’t go by so fast. It seems like maybe her feet slow down a bit when she sees it too, but I’m probably just imagining it.

“So,” she begins. “Do you work?”

“Not yet, but I’m hoping to find something part-time. Do you?”

“I help out at the diner once in a while,” she says. “Lureen’s, just on the highway. The apple pie is really good. My mom works there, so...You should talk to Gary down at the service station. It’s right beside the diner, he might be looking for help.”

We walk past the chain link fence and keep heading in the same direction. She pauses in front of a two-tone brown trailer with a line of potted flowers placed neatly along the rusted siding.

“This is me,” she says.

I point down the same row towards the end. “I’m down there, in the blue one.”

“Oh, I think I’ve seen the lady that lives there before,” she says. “She has red hair, right?”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “That’s Brenda, my mom.”

She smiles in a way that makes me think she’s not judging me. Maybe she’s just being nice and pretending not to, but I don’t wanna think that.

“It’s weird that I haven’t seen you up until today,” she realizes. “Being that Redemption is so small. When did you move back?”

“A couple weeks ago. I, uh, guess I haven’t gotten out much.”

“Well, I assume I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she says. “Thanks for walking with me.”

She turns for the water stained front door, reaches into her pocket and pulls out a set of keys on a bright pink keyring.

“See you tomorrow,” I say. She gives me one more smile before she steps inside and closes the door behind her.

When I get to my own front door, I don’t bother digging in my bag for a key because no one ever locks it. When I shut the door behind me, the smell of booze and weed makes me wanna gag. I open the kitchen window all the way and the one near the messy kitchen table to get some fresh air through the room. Out of habit, I check the fridge but I should know better. Brenda hardly ever buys groceries. I reach for the orange juice I bought the other day and drink it straight from the carton, taking it with me back to my room. I close the door behind me and slide the chain lock that I put on myself after my first night here. My mom and stepdad were up until four a.m. drinking and fighting, something they’ve repeated just about every single night since I’ve been here. I know a chain isn’t gonna keep anyone out but at least it’ll give me a warning if they decide to let their fighting spill into my bedroom.

 I leave my backpack near the door and set the jug of juice on the floor beside my bed. I lie back on the worn out old mattress and close my eyes. I remind myself to check my stash of money hidden under the loose, frayed chunk of stained carpet in the closet to make sure it’s still there.

When I lived with my grandma, we didn’t have a lot but we always had food and our house was decent and clean. I worked at Rick’s shop and chipped in whenever I could and still had enough money to save. After my grandma died, I knew I’d have to come back here cause there was nowhere else to go. I don’t have very many memories of my mom from when I was younger. She dropped me off at my grandma’s one summer and they must have worked out some kind of deal because she never took me back. She’d come by every few months when she needed money and she’d stay and visit for a few days. Who the hell knows where my father is, I don’t even think Brenda knows who he is.

I close my eyes and think about Prairie. She’s the only person I talked to today besides that bitchy old woman in the office. I didn’t have a lot of friends in Drayton and I doubt I will here. I spent all my free time at Rick’s shop with the other guys who worked there. It wasn’t much, but I had a life. Here, I have nothing.

 

*

 

I open my eyes to the sound of voices in the kitchen. My bedroom is dark, the only light coming from the cheap fluorescent bulb in the streetlamp outside my window. I sit up and rub my eyes, listening closely. I can here Brenda rambling on and the sound of The Eagles playing on the stereo in the background. I hear another woman and a couple of men. Great, a party. Maybe they won’t try to kill each other tonight if they have company.

 I climb off the bed and turn the light on, stretching and checking the time. It’s after eight but not by much. My stomach grumbles and I realize I haven’t eaten since lunch. I open the closet door and slide the heavy box full of books and other things that would never interest Brad or my mom. I lift the flap of stained carpet and grab the envelope full of cash, I take out a twenty and tuck the rest back. The last time I counted it, I had almost three grand. Not a lot to some people, but this money is gonna help me get the hell out of here as soon as I get my diploma.

I reach for my grey hoodie and pop the screen out of the window. I land on the concrete and reach up, sliding the window closed behind me. Heading towards the chain link fence, I slip through an opening where it’s rusted and loose. I don’t know where I’m going but I just keep walking, it’s the only thing that seems to take my anger away. Sometimes I think there’s something wrong with me. Sometimes I feel like if I just hit something until my knuckles are numb that I’d feel better, and I know enough to know that shit’s not normal. Rick at the shop used to tell me that I was just one of those people that had natural anger simmering below the surface. He also told me I better figure out a way to deal with it so that I don’t end up getting arrested for something stupid.

 Once I’ve crossed the field, I see the lights from the truck stop along the highway and remember what Prairie told me earlier. When I get closer, I see the bright orange diner sitting beside the service station. A glowing red sign sits on top blinking, Lureen’s Truck Stop Diner.

I walk into the diner and slide into the first booth I see. It’s pretty dead except for a few people sitting up at the counter.

“Hey hun, what can I get ya?”

I look up and know right away that this woman must be Prairie’s mom. She has the same green eyes and the same smile. Her hair is darker and a bit shorter than Prairie’s, and she’s wearing a yellow dress with a dirty white apron. I glance up at her name tag, Kim.

“Coffee, please,” I say.

“Coffee? This late? You’re gonna be up all night, sweetie,” she warns, pouring me a cup. “You want something to eat?”

I order a burger and fries and when she comes back with it, I wait until she leaves again before I shove it down my throat like I haven’t eaten in days. I watch the occasional car drive past the diner along the dimly lit highway. Folks probably heading to Fortune. I’ve never been there, but I can’t blame people for passing right through this shithole and towards the bright lights. If it were up to me, I’d be anywhere but here.

My mind wanders again to Prairie. Maybe if she talks to me again, I won’t hate it here so much. She probably won’t though, and I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I know what the kids at school think of the trailer park. That we’re all a bunch of hillbilly trash, raised by drunks and losers. I suppose part of that is probably true. Prairie might live in the park too, but I can tell she doesn’t belong there. Why would she waste her time talking to me again?

Just then, her mom comes back to the table and collects my empty plate. “How was it?” she asks.

“Good, thanks.”

She puts a Styrofoam container down in front of me, along with the bill. “The best apple pie you’re gonna find for miles,” she says. “On me.”

“Thanks.”

She smiles and heads to the next table, topping up more coffee cups before she heads behind the counter and disappears into the back.

Two hours later, after wandering around aimlessly, I crawl back through my bedroom window and set the takeout container on my dresser. All the lights are still on in the trailer and I can hear that the crowd in the kitchen has gotten louder. I kick off my boots and set the alarm clock beside my bed before I strip down to my boxers and climb into bed. I close my eyes and try to ignore the noise in the other room, reminding myself that it won’t always be like this.

 

*

 

I kick aside the empty beer cans that litter the hallway floor on my way to the bathroom. I can see a couple people sleeping in the living room from here. I dozed on and off all night until four or so when everyone finally shut the fuck up and I managed to sleep for a few solid hours.

Locking the door behind me, I turn on the shower so it’ll warm up. I take a leak and brush my teeth before I climb under the water, annoyed that it won’t get any better than lukewarm. I soap up and wash my hair, groaning when I brush my hand against my morning wood. I should take care of that shit but I let myself sleep in a bit and I don’t wanna be late just so I can jerk off.

I’m still the only one up when I head back to my room and get dressed. I find a clean pair of jeans and a black T-shirt. I pull my grey hoodie over my head and slide my feet into my boots. Grabbing my bag and the pie from last night, I head out the door. I eat as I walk down the row, thinking that I should start handing out resumes and try to find work. I don’t want to end up spending all of my savings with nothing coming in.

The sound of a car door shutting has me looking up towards Prairie’s trailer. I see her sitting in the passenger seat of a banged up Monte Carlo and her mom staring under the hood of the car. Her head is tilted and her hands are on her hips when she notices me getting closer. She gives me a familiar smile.

“Hello again,” she says.

“Morning.”

I watch Prairie get out of the car, she smooths down her flowery dress and pulls her yellow sweater tight around her body as she stands. Her hair is just as wild today as it was yesterday, which she must notice because she gathers it in her hand and twists it over her shoulder.

“Hi,” she smiles.

“Hey.”

“Our car won’t start,” she shrugs.

I set my bag down beside her and the empty container that had my breakfast in it. “I can take a look. If you want?”

“That would be great, thank you,” her mom says.

I look under the hood and see that one of the battery cables is a bit loose, still giving it juice but not quite enough to get it started.

“Give it a try,” I say.

She gets behind the wheel and turns the key. The engine fights it but eventually starts with a groan. I catch Prairie’s eyes on me.

“Thanks Logan,” she says.

“No problem, you should probably get it checked out though, you might need to replace that cable,” I say to her mom.

“I’ll get Gary over at the service station to have a look when I get to the diner,” she says. “Hop in, we’ll give you a ride.”

Prairie nods along and turns to slide her seat forward so I can crawl into the back of the car. Her dress slides up a bit as she leans forward, her skin looks so soft and smooth, which is probably something I have no business thinking about. I get into the backseat and set my bag beside me.

“I’m Kim by the way,” her mom says. “I drop Prairie off every morning before work, so if you ever need a ride, consider the offer always open.”

I look up as Prairie flips down her visor and smiles back at me in the mirror. “You’re our hero, Logan,” she says.

And I know right then, that I’d do anything for Prairie Bennett. All she’d have to do is ask.