It may have been the spirit of the holidays, but I found myself grinning from ear to ear when I picked out the perfect evening dress for the gala. Thankfully I found a gown so Mom wouldn't have to make a call to have an assortment delivered. That would require her to critically assess my body, which was never fun. I typically hated shopping for these kinds of events for that reason alone, but I knew I couldn't go wrong with an Elie Saab floor length chiffon dress with a high slit up one thigh. The strapless gown's pleated black top showed off my sharp collarbone—which would please my mom immensely—and the vivacious array of purple, gold, and pink ombre colors on the skirt bled into each other. I paired it with nude, strappy heels.

"You know, I'm patiently waiting for new deets here," Avery said, as she looked through a rack of dresses, eyeing each one as if she was talking to the clothes and not me.

"Deets?"

"Yeah, Ria, deets."

I tensed, flattening my lips. I knew it was coming. "I was kind of hoping you'd forgotten about all that."

She held a black dress against her body and looked down. "About fish lips? Never." She shoved it back on the rack.

"What makes you think I'd want to tell you anything after suggesting my coach and his girlfriend come to my house? I almost strangled you!"

Avery burst out laughing. As much as I wanted to tell her every blissful—and despicable—detail that had occurred since the last time, I was nervous about it after the way Hayden reacted. I didn't want her to look at me the way he did, especially since she practically insisted I not have sex with Kova. The situation was sticky, and even though I could trust her explicitly, I was still uneasy about the whole thing. She didn't know about the sex, about the morning after pill, or that we hadn't used condoms. She knew nothing.

Instead, I deflected by ignoring her and continued shopping to buy time, piling a variety of items in my hands I didn't truly need.

I picked up an adorable onyx Chanel flap bag purse and flipped it over to look at the price. Avery eyed the high-end accessories as she strolled closer and I got a little nervous, so I pretended to need jewelry to go with my dress. I quickly made my way over to the glass counter and asked to see a bangle styled bracelet.

"What are you hiding? Whatever it is, it must be juicy," Avery said as I studied the rose gold band designed of ivy leaves.

My heart was racing, and if I kept evading Avery's question, I was going to rack up a hefty bill.

I eyed a pair of black stiletto heels I'd probably break my neck in and asked the jewelry clerk to have someone get me a size six. They would go fantastic with any gown.

"Okay. You have about twenty thousand dollars' worth of shit in your hands. What aren't you telling me? You're hiding something."

My eyes fell to my hands. She was right. I did have about twenty grand worth of merchandise, and coupled with the cost of the dress that was on route to my home, along with the bags of clothes I’d already purchased, I was close to forty at this point.

"Good thing I have the Black Card," I said with a blasé smile and made my way to the second floor used for private shows.

"You can't run from me."

A light giggle rolled off my lips. I didn't make it very far, maybe a few strides, when she figured out my secret. She whistled behind me. I peeked over my shoulder, biting the inside of my cheek. Shit. Her eyes were enormous with vivid certainty and a shocked smile spread across her face.

"You fucked him!" she hissed, walking toward me.

My stomach sank to the floor in a wave of nausea. Rattled with anxiety, I glanced around for listening ears and placed a finger in front of my lips, begging for her silence. Palm Beach Island was small. Everyone knew everything about everyone. A whisper of indecency was all it took to get the ball rolling. I felt like she was on a loud speaker announcing the loss of my virginity to the entire island.

"Avery. Please keep your voice down."

She ignored me and continued. "I knew it! I freaking knew it would happen! You little hoebag."

Avery was hot on my tail and grabbed my elbow, turning me to face her. She eyed me strangely. "Why are you hiding this from me? Why can't you tell me?"

I shook my head and let out a defeated breath. "I'm not hiding anything from you, but remember the talk we had when you came to visit me? You were insistent about me not having sex with him."

"So."

"So?" I copied, my voice raised.

"Yeah, so what? I worried about the ramifications you two morons would face if caught. That doesn't mean I still don't want you to fill my cup up." Avery began playfully backhanding my arm while she pretended to hold up a cup with her other hand. It was an ongoing joke between us. Fill my cup right up with all the juicy and dirty details.

"Stop," I laughed and shooed her away. "Fine! I'll tell you everything. God." I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh worthy of an Oscar.

"Does he have a big dick?" Her eyes were huge and humorous. I wasn't surprised in the least that was her first question. Avery was strictly dickey.

I lowered my voice to a tight whisper. "Considering he's the only guy I've ever been with, I'd say yes."

She squealed. Avery literally squealed, and I felt embarrassed for her over the sound that she just made.

"If we're going to have this conversation, it's not going to be inside Chanel where anyone can overhear us."

"Done!" she agreed. "I have the perfect place."

With a one-track mind, Avery tugged me down the stairs. I pulled her to a stop right before we reached the glass doors.

"Let me check out first. I highly doubt my dad wants to get a call from the manager saying we walked out with an arm full of high-end shit."

"Oh, right," Avery said, backtracking. "Orange was never your color. Then again, it might go with the six-six-six you have newly tattooed on the back of your neck."

Avery, always cracking redhead jokes and how evil they were.

---

Two hours later, Avery was nursing what I’m sure was one hell of a mental hangover after I unloaded every little dirty detail on her, from the multiple doses of the morning after pill to the confrontation between Kova and Hayden the night before. We were sitting on a lounge chair facing each other on the small section of the private beach Avery's family owned. Each home on the water came with its own oceanfront walkway. While I lived on a golf course, her family lived on the water.

"You know, you should've told me to strap on a seatbelt for this crazy fucking story you just told me. I was not prepared for any of that."

"How do you think I felt when it was all happening and I had no one to talk to? I was a hot mess, Ave. So many times I wanted to call you, but I was scared." I didn't add in that the times I had called, she didn't answer.

She smiled apologetically. "I completely understand, I really do, but if you ever hold out on me like that again, I will fuck you up." A burst of laughter rolled off my lips and I fell back against the beach chair, amused at her harmless humor. "For the record, I hate Kova. Like, really hate him. Why couldn't you have gone for Hayden?"

"I don't know. It wasn't like I made a plan to pounce or anything. It just sort of happened."

"Oh, and you need birth control ASAP or you're never going to be able to have kids. That shit is bad for you, it probably fucks up your body more than the warnings listed on TV say. I can't believe you were so dumb. You made everything so much more—" Avery slammed a hand over her mouth. Her eyes were huge blue globes. "Ohmygod," she muttered behind her palm and dropped it. "I suggested Kova and Katja come for New Year’s. What was I thinking?"

I shot upright. "Why did you think I wanted to murder you when you said that? I couldn't believe it."

"This is all your fault. If you had confided in your bestie, I would've kept my mouth shut."

Oh no she didn't. "Really? You knew something was going on between us. Don't act so clueless and innocent."

"True, and you're right, but this is a totally different ball game, girlfriend. You should just go hang yourself, because you're fucked. You. Are. Fucked." She paused. "Ohmygod! Hayden will be here too." She jumped up from the chair and began pacing. "And after he punched Kova! Jesus H Christ. I have a feeling this is going to be a New Year’s party we'll never forget. That is, if you live to see it." She stifled a laugh. "Oh, this just got so fucking juicy. By the way, Hayden punching Kova upped his hotness factor by a lot. He may be a fuck boy, but you should really consider keeping him as a side piece."

Fuck boy? With Avery, you never knew what was going to come out of that motor mouth of hers.

"You know what this means, right?"

"Avery."

"Yes!"

"Stop squealing. I'm embarrassed for you again." She was too excited for her own good.

She rolled her eyes. "You do know what this means, right?

"What?"

"You have to be dressed to kill for the party now. We need you turning heads and dropping jaws." She puckered her lips and stared up toward the sky. She gasped like the answer hit her in the face. "I have just the dress for you! A killer dress," she added with a huge grin.

My brows crumpled together. "Why would I do that?"

She looked at me like I was an imbecile. "Because both fish lips and fuck boy will be there."

"And?"

"And! What do you mean and? We want their attention on you."

I stared straight at her. "Are you mental? After the way he just treated me? I can't even stand to look at him."

She gave me a droll stare and I tried not to laugh. "Okay. I can stand to look at him, but…" I trailed off. "What good could come from this? You do realize Katja will be there, right?"

"And?" she asked like it was a nonissue when it was a massive fucking issue. "You're acting like an old maid."

"I'm not going to put on a show while she's here on top of everything."

Avery shook her head and put a hand up. "Just stop. You don’t have to go parading around. You just need to look absolutely amazing. That will piss Kova off because Hayden will be there."

"Ave?"

She perked up like I had an awesome suggestion for her. "Yes?"

"Shut. Up. This is starting to sound like a soap opera. Drama for the sake of drama, and I don't do that."

Her shoulders sagged. "You're no fun."

I flipped her off and she smiled. "Why the hell would Kova care that Hayden is there anyway?"

"From everything you’ve told me, he sounds like a jealous ex and can't stand to see you around another guy. Taunting him with what he can't have would be fun after what he did. You should want to make him want you."

I mused over her words. I didn't have the drive to do that, not after how much he hurt me. Not to mention, it really wasn't me.

"I hadn't thought of it like that, but Kova is a man, Hayden is a teenager. That would be stupid if he really did get mad."

"God. Do I have to teach you everything?" She was overdramatic. "Guys always want what they can't have." Avery sat down next to me. "All jokes aside, how are you handling all this?"

I shrugged, shaking my head. My eyes focused on the long strip of white caps curling into crashing waves. I loved the sound of the roaring ocean kissing the shore. The beach usually helped me clear my head, but this time…this time was different. I was a mess. I didn't know how to answer Avery's question without throwing out a handful of adjectives.

"Honestly, I don’t know. I'm usually pretty good with blocking things out so I don't allow myself to hurt, but this is different. I told myself I wouldn't let it bother me, but the truth is I feel everything, Ave. Every word, every action, every touch. I feel like I was sliced and diced into pieces without a single care. I'm so close to breaking down and I don't want to." I exhaled a heavy breath. "There are moments when my sanity is close to the surface and it's mocking me. I hate this jittery feeling, this feeling of unease."

"If it helps, by the looks of it, no one would ever guess you have too much chaos raging inside of you. I'd say you're doing a pretty good job."

"I wish I could be more like you and say fuck it all and not give a damn. So careless and free. That's what I admire most about you, you know. The ability to brush things off and go with the flow and not let it affect you."

Avery's face slipped as she pulled away, but I'd caught it. She reached between us and scooped up a pile of sand into her palm, then let the little grains fall through her fingers. "It's tough acting the part, you know?" Her voice softened. "Some days I feel like I'm fading inside while wearing a flawless smile. I have no motivation… I don't even know who I am sometimes or if anything matters anymore."

The hair on the back of my neck rose. Her voice was thin and raw, so unlike her, and it concerned me. I had a gut feeling when I couldn't get ahold of her that something was going on. It wasn't like Avery to completely ignore me.

"Ave, what's going on?"

She was quiet for a long minute. "Just thinking of past shit, you know?"

Something dawned on me. "How are you and your boyfriend doing? Am I ever going to learn his name? I think I’ve earned it after everything I’ve told you." I nudged her arm.

She popped up and gave me a megawatt smile, like what she said didn't even happen.

"Well, you still need to be dressed to kill, your mother wouldn't have it any other way."

I agreed. A brow lifted to a point the same time one corner of her mouth tugged up. Her eyes glittered with mischief. I knew that look.

"How about we go the extra mile?"