I hadn’t noticed the little dotted circle in the top corner. I'd been too focused on the content, I completely skimmed over it.

Turning up the volume, I held the image down with my thumb…and fucking died.

Erotic sounds of a drag and a pull that could only be recognized as sex teased faintly in the background. And to my absolute shock, my hips shifted of their own accord as Kova slid in halfway. I was as drenched in this live photo as I was while I watched.

Then it stopped.

No! I watched it again and again, secretly wishing for more, but there wasn't any more to it.

Until he sent an actual video.

Heart in my throat, I pressed play and watched with parted lips and zealous eyes as fiery blood rushed through my veins. Kova had a hand clamped around my hip as he slowly pulled his bare cock out and inched back in halfway. My hips rose in need—or he lifted them—I wasn't sure, and a long mew echoed in the background. He pulled out and gripped his cock at the crown, using it to trace circles around my pink clit a handful of times before plunging back into my slumbering body, this time all the way. The view of the camera showed Kova's sexy toned pelvis contracting and flexing as he pushed his hips forward until he was flush against me. He was panting hard and a growl intertwined with a sensual moan. My pussy ached with desire as I watched his free thumb circle my clit, a loud sigh of pure abandon sounded in the background, and the faint flicker of a memory teased my mind.

His thumb picked up the pace and my hips stirred faster from his illicit touch. My breathing deepened, and I whimpered in noticeable pleasure in the video. There was no way to confuse the sounds fleeing me. Bits and pieces were coming back to me. I'd thought it was a deep sleep sex kind of dream I'd had that night. I remember waking up with a sweet, throbbing ache between my legs and wishing it were true. I undoubtedly loved every second, just like I did now. My hips moved and moved until I orgasmed over his cock in a slow, hard wave. A long dreamy moan played in the background that could never be confused for anything other than pure bliss.

The camera dropped from his hand and fell into the sheets. I couldn't see anything now save for a black screen, but I could hear the grunting and groaning and sounds of euphoria that came from Kova. My panties were soaking wet as I listened in fascination, my fingers itching to touch myself.

There was some shuffling and shifting and the camera view was back. The top of my sex was exposed and flushed with a cherry hue, his penis seated deep inside. My breathing labored, and in this moment, I wished this exact thing was happening.

As Kova slowly pulled out his glistening cock, a thin line of white dripping fluid followed. Cursing in Russian, he gripped himself and the rest of his orgasm unloaded all over my pussy. He pressed his throbbing head against my center as he did. Fluid so thick and creamy seeped everywhere, like he was coming for hours.

The video stopped, and I was out of breath, and in dire need of an orgasm. Maybe five.

Fuck. That was the hottest thing I'd ever seen in my life and I knew nothing would compare. I quickly saved the video to my photos and chewed my lip. That was raw and uncut and hot as sin.

I needed him in me.

I should've deleted them. I didn't have sneaky apps like he had, but it was hot as hell and I wanted to be able to watch it again whenever I felt like it.

But then something dawned on me and I had to call him. I for sure thought he was going to click the fuck you button on me until the phone stopped ringing, followed by a rustling sound, low grunts, a door shutting, and then finally his rich voice. "Allo?"

"Can you talk?"

The silence on the other end told me he was not alone.

"Yes, but not for very long. Katja is in the other room."

"How did I not wake up?"

"Wake up?" he asked, his voice sounded perplexed.

"How did I not wake up from you touching me? From you having sex with me? How did I sleep through that?"

Kova sighed deeply on the other end. My pussy throbbed and my stomached clenched tighter than a slipknot as I waited for his answer.

Low and quiet, but with complete control, Kova said, "Remember the melatonin I gave you before your ice bath? It was a strong dose to help you sleep. I knew from earlier in the day you needed rest. It is all-natural, so you are okay, no need to worry."

No need to worry. My jaw dropped, a throb behind my eye began to thump harder with every passing second. I stared at the wall in complete shock.

"But…but how?" I stammered. Another memory stirred in my mind. It was faint but I couldn’t quite grasp it. I'd been drained that night, exhaustion had settled in, both mentally and physically.

"Ria," he stressed my name.

"Did you plan that?"

"No. Malysh. Trust me, I did not."

Trust me. Those two words never did me any good when it came to Kova. They must've been equivalent to fuck you in Russian. I wish he'd remove those two words from his vocabulary.

"Then how did it come to that?"

He didn't answer me. My blood began to simmer but I rationalized with myself. My first thought upon seeing the video wasn't anger…it was the complete opposite, and it baffled me. I was turned on.

"You shouldn't have done that."

"You are upset," he stated, remorse heavy in his voice.

"I feel like I should be upset, but I'm not."

"Then how is it that you feel?"

I chewed my lip, trying to come up with how I felt, until I decided to show him. "Hold on a sec…"

I pulled my phone away from my face and opened the camera app. With him still on the phone, I flipped the camera to front-facing and held my cell phone up high, angling the lens to take a selfie, only it didn't capture my face. It captured me from the shoulders down. My breasts free and bare, I pinched my nipples to harden them even more, then pulled my knees up. I dropped my legs to the sides just a little to give him a clear view of my hand under my panties while I touched myself. My fingers coated the slippery wetness and my back arched in pleasure. I snapped a few photos then debated if I should show him how wet I really was.

What the hell. He had a video of us having sex.

Quickly, I slipped my panties down just enough and spread my knees wider. I placed the camera between my legs and the desire turned to a hard throb as I took a photo to show how I truly felt. Wetness seeped from me, dripping down my swollen lips with the knowledge of what I was doing, so I took another photo to show him. I was so worked up my breathing deepened, and my fingers ached to finish myself off. A little moan escaped me, but I resisted.

"Ria, what are you doing?"

I took a deep breath and texted the photos. "I shouldn't feel this way," I whispered.

Kova was quiet for a long moment before he said, "We know each other, Ria. I am not just some one-night stand or a guy you met three weeks ago. That is why you feel differently." He was right. Kova was completely right on why I wasn't furious with him. Had it been anyone else, I don't think I would've reacted that way.

"Fuck," he growled into the phone. He got the photos. "Holy shit… Fuck."

"That's how I feel." Then, I hung up.

Kova called back, but I didn't answer.

I scoffed, shaking my head as my trembling fingers flew over the keyboard. Everything I read for the next ten minutes said nothing but how melatonin was an all-natural remedy used to help treat insomnia. High doses could cause a solid six hours of sleep, which is what he must've given me.

I was torn. I remembered him telling me what he was giving me, along with the Motrin and other vitamins, I just hadn’t known then what melatonin was exactly or how potent it could be.

I dropped my forehead into my palm, utterly and completely confused. I stared at my crossed legs in a daze trying to figure out what I should do. A thousand questions flew at me all at once, but the most important question I had to ask myself was did I feel violated.

The answer struck my gut, drove up, and pierced my heart so fast.

The truth was, no, I did not.

I couldn't find it in my heart to feel any other way. Not because I feared the repercussions, or what anyone would think, or I was worried about my future, but because it was Kova, and I cared deeply for him. And no matter how fucked up this relationship was and what we were doing, deep down, I knew he cared about me too.

And to be honest, I liked it. A lot.

My phone rang again, but I ignored it.

I was too fixated on my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings.

A knock resonated at my door minutes later, breaking me free of my thoughts. I quickly slipped on the shirt I had on earlier, then ran to answer it, and found a completely disheveled and wide-eyed Kova gripping the doorframe.

Before he could utter a word, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside. Kova shifted on his feet. His usually heavy shielded emotions were bare to me.

"Why did you not answer my calls? Are you upset with me? Because fifteen minutes ago you asked me to come over, then you send me a very erotic photo of your pussy. Then you ignore me. You are sending me mixed signals."

My cheeks reddened. I flattened my lips. He was right, and it took me a minute to answer. Kova stepped toward me and looked down at my chest, then back up. My stupid nipples were still hard.

"I did not video or photograph your face. We both know the truth and that is what matters." Kova's eyes sharpened in my direction but his voice was gentle, apologetic. "Do not try and twist it for what it is not. I thought you would find the absolute forbidden beauty in it, but I am very sorry I upset you."

I glanced away. I stupidly did find beauty in it. He knew that because I asked for more.

"Listen, I thought the videos were really sexy, but next time I'd like to be awake."

I chuckled softly. What the fuck was wrong with me?

His eyes softened and he looked at the floor. He was embarrassed, ashamed. Two emotions last on my list I'd expect from him. He stared long before he surrendered and dipped his chin in agreement.

"I truly am sorry," he said quietly, unable to meet my forgiving gaze.

Kova dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a white, folded piece of paper. He flipped it over between his hands as if he was buying time. Lifting the paper, he looked at me and exhaled a tortuous sigh. His shoulders sagged, and I felt the weight he carried on them for a hundred men.

"Like everything that involves you, I probably should not do this, but I want you to read this." I glanced at him suspiciously. "I convey my thoughts better on paper," he stated. Which I already knew.

Rooted in my position, I stalled. I looked at the note, then I looked up at him. This was originally how I found out about his contradicting emotions and how everything really began between us.

He lifted the paper higher toward me. "Take it, please. Read it when I leave."

A light bulb went off in my head. "I have an idea." I reached for his forearm and turned, pulling him behind me to follow me to the spare bedroom. Once in the room, I backed him up to a decorative chair and pushed him to sit next to the desk.

He looked up in confusion.

Unless I had homework and wanted a change of scenery, I barely came into this room. It was like a store-all. I began rummaging through the shelves in my unorganized closet. One day I'd clean it up, just not today.

"Do you need some help?" Kova offered. I twisted over with my backside to him and glanced over my shoulder, his penetrating eyes took in every inch of my skin like he was concentrating hard. He dragged his teeth along the bottom of his plump lip, lewd thoughts danced in his animalistic eyes. We were forbidden chemistry. A lethal attraction.

With Kova, I had this dark desire to always want to be his little vixen and attract all his attention. I'd do anything for it.

Pretending I had an itch, I dragged my fingers across the back of my thigh. I could feel his searing gaze follow my hand across my bare skin, still only in panties and a shirt that rode up my back. At this angle, I knew if I leaned any lower that he'd be able to see my breasts. The possibility of events that could occur after floated through my mind.

"What did you say?" I pretended to not hear him the first time.

Kova cleared his throat and ran a hand over his mouth. "Do you need help finding something?"

"Nope. I got it." I feigned innocence and smiled.

A few seconds later, I pulled out a small spiral-bound notebook. It was a gift Avery had given me when she came to visit last year for my birthday.

I walked back to the desk and pulled the top drawer open to search for a pen. Kova's eyes hadn't left my body. A modest smile curved my lips. I leaned down and penned a few salacious thoughts to paper.

It was genius and inconspicuous, and the perfect solution to get him to open up.