I don’t know how long we stood there before I heard Kova speak.

"I am not going to hurt her, Hayden," Kova said in a tender tone I didn't expect. "Step back."

Hayden listened and created a small amount of distance between us. "Don't you understand, you dumb fuck. You already have."

He was right and more tears seeped from my eyes. Kova had hurt me more than anyone I thought physically possible.

"I hate myself for that more than you can ever know," Kova admitted, and the conviction in his voice broke my heart. He did hate himself, that I knew. One of his hands drifted to my lower back and ran in soothing circles. I let out an exhausted breath.

"And what about Katja?" Hayden demanded. "Do you hate yourself for hurting her?"

Kova tensed.

"She does not know anything…and it is going to stay that way."

Hayden drew in a breath. "You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

"You think I am happy for what I have done? You do not know anything, Hayden. Not even the half of it."

Pulling back, Kova looked down at me but I was too mortified to meet his gaze. My nose was running, my eyes couldn't stop leaking, and my hair was matted to my face.

"Come."

Taking my hand, he guided me into the kitchen. I gripped the counter behind me and jumped up, sitting on the edge as Kova's eyes skittered around before he went looking for something.

With my hands on my thighs, I stared at my palms. While I hadn't had rips in a while—thankfully—I still had callouses. I began picking at the dead skin and pulling little pieces off at a time. Kova's feet appeared in my line of vision and another silent tear slipped from the corner of my eye.

Without thought, I widened my legs to accommodate him and hooked a foot around the back of his leg and pulled him closer. He leaned in so his cheek touched mine.

"Malysh," he whispered only for me to hear. "Take this."

For whatever dumb reason, that made me cry harder. I nodded and reached for the tissues that appeared between us.

"Kova, I think you need to leave," Hayden said. "I'm serious. Go."

"I am not going anywhere right now," Kova bit out, not bothering to look at him.

I wiped under my eyes with the tissue and Kova smoothed my hair back. My stomach was in knots. I was nauseous to the core over everything that had transpired tonight and I fought to push it down. The vodka wasn't helping.

Kova placed a finger under my chin and tilted my head back. He took the tissue from my hand and dabbed around my face.

"Open your eyes. Look up."

I did as he said and let out a long breath. He sniffed. "Vodka? You have been drinking."

I pursed my lips together before I asked, "How can you tell?"

"I can smell it."

"Liquid courage. Isn't that what they call it?"

The corner of Kova's mouth twitched and his eyes softened. "I suppose so."

"That stuff tastes gross. I don't know how you drink it."

"It is an acquired taste."

"So is rape," Hayden chimed in, his voice tinged with bitter resentment.

I looked over my shoulder at Hayden. "You can't rape the willing." His jaw dropped.

Kova went ramrod straight and angled his body defensively toward Hayden.

I panicked. I knew what was coming.

"I did no such thing!" Kova bellowed. "I am not what you think I am, Hayden, and I am not going to try and make you understand when you refuse to open your mind. You think I like what has happened between me and Adrianna? I am mortified by my actions, but sometimes you cannot control how you feel about someone. Things happen."

"You're right, I can't understand it. In fact, I think you liked what happened. I think you're a sick individual who took satisfaction in the power of authority you have. Things don't happen unless you want them to." He paused and sent a fleeting glance in my direction before he was back on Kova. "I think you belong in jail."

Jail. Dear God. Fear set in. The friction in the room intensified as the temperature dropped. The vicious pounding of my heart echoed in my ears. I wasn't sure how much more I could take. Jail was the last thing I wanted.

"Hayden," I begged, hiccupping for air. "You promised me you wouldn't say anything to anyone, including the police, if I told you the truth. You promised."

He stared at me, pity evident in his eyes. "That was before I knew everything. This is so much more. He needs to be held accountable for his actions."

"This is how you repay me after what I have done for you?" Kova sneered at Hayden.

"I'm not entertaining that topic, so drop it."

Terrified he would call the cops, I gasped for air. I couldn't think straight and feared the worse.

Gripping the edge of the countertop, I pleaded with him. "You think we're the first people to ever have an affair? Because we're not."

Kova cupped my cheek to turn my attention back to him. "Breathe," he ordered, his eyes soft as he regarded me. With Kova, that was all I needed. One deep look to know his thoughts, and right now, guilt prevailed to be the strongest emotion. "Are you okay?"

"No, she's not okay, you asshole," Hayden snarled.

"What can I do for you to see it from my perspective?"

Hayden shook his head, and my stomach dropped like a ten pound weight had settled in my gut. "We're running in circles here. I don't even know how to respond to that." He put his hands up. "You know what? Fuck this. I'm out." He grabbed his keys and made his way to the door. "I can't sit here and watch this pedophile manipulate you," he spat in unreserved disgust and I recoiled. "I'm going for a run. When I get back later, he better be gone."

"Get back later? Why would he come back?" Kova probed, his heated glare scorched my cheek. I looked at him.

"He's sleeping over."

"He is sleeping over?" he growled.

"Yeah, since we're dating and all," Hayden antagonized. The gleam in his eyes overshadowed the revulsion he exhibited moments before.

"Oh my God. Seriously?" I asked in annoyance.

He shrugged. "It's the truth." His gaze moved to Kova. "Right, Coach? It's why you took Adrianna out of the meet, isn't it? Because you thought we were fucking, meanwhile you were the one screwing her all along." A sardonic snicker escaped Hayden. As he grabbed the door knob, he paused to get in one last word. "It's pretty fucking sad how he brainwashed you, you know."

My lips parted as he pulled the door open, letting it bang against the wall, then slammed it shut on his way out. In the time that I'd known Hayden, I'd never seen such aggressive emotion or heard him curse in the way I just had, and it was all my fault.

My shoulders slumped as I glanced at Kova. A tick worked in his jaw. If looks could kill, Hayden would be a pile of ashes right now.

Kova looked back at me and our eyes locked. Inches from my face, I inhaled his cologne that I'd come to love. Dark notes of tobacco with a sensual blend of light citrus and warm cinnamon enveloped me. My gaze travelled to his mouth. The light dusting of jet black facial hair was becoming his signature, lazy look. My heart thundered in my chest, beating against my ribs, as I reached out tentatively to feel him. His eyes followed my hand as he held still, and the tips of my fingers gently grazed his cheek, brushing the stubble of hair. "I like this," I whispered. My thumb glided along his sharp jaw toward his ear where my fingers threaded in his hair. The man was gorgeous on the outside, but I had to question the color of his soul.

Kova didn't move a muscle. My eyes focused on his inflamed lip where Hayden sucker punched him and I wondered what he'd tell Katja. I had a good idea why he was here, but then again, this was Kova. Always enigmatic.

"Why did you come here?" I asked.

Kova grasped my fingers in his hand and brought them to his lips. Closing his eyes, he gently kissed each finger like he was savoring the touch of my skin.

"To talk."

"Talk about what?"

He opened his eyes to reveal a startling emerald color. "How I treated you earlier, what I said to you, it was wrong."

A burst of hope bloomed in my chest and I sat up higher. A little smile tipped my lips. "You mean you’re apologizing for taking me out of the meet." He stayed silent as I stared at him for a long moment, waiting. "That's what you're apologizing for, right, Kova?" I asked again, almost demanding that was what he came here for. I waited… and waited… and waited. When he didn't answer, I jerked my hand back as the smile fell from my face.

"You're not sorry at all, are you?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

Kova exhaled a breath and glanced away. He wasn't sorry. Not in the least. He may be ragged with shame, but my heart could only take so much. It wasn't fair what he did, and I wasn't going to allow his guilt to make me forgive him. It wasn't okay.

While the vodka had allowed me to momentarily forget the mess I was in, his nonexistent words brought everything back full circle and slammed into my gut.

"I think we're through here." I tried to jump off the counter, but Kova placed a hand on my thigh to stop me.

"Wait."

His nostrils flared while his eyes darted around every surface, besieged, I’m sure, to find the right words. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Scratching the back of his head, he finally spoke. "I am incredibly sorry for what happened between us in my office. It was not what I expected, nor what I would have wanted to happen. I am disgusted. The words I said to you, what I threatened you with, it was heartless and cruel and I hope one day you can forgive me. I should have told you sooner that I planned to pull you from the meet instead of catching you off guard and embarrassing you in front of the team." He shook his head and looked around my condo again, unable to meet my gaze. He let out a long sigh, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I do not know who I have become… I hate myself for the pain and agony I have caused you."

Kova left me utterly speechless.

I didn't expect an apology from him, let alone one to carry so much weight. This man surprised me every day. One minute he made my blood boil, the next he was the most encouraging person in my life. It physically hurt to see such anguish fill the depths of his beautiful eyes, but I knew in that moment I needed to stay strong. Otherwise, if I caved, then I’d be tolerating his heinous actions, and I couldn’t allow that. It would only give way for it to happen again in the future.

"Ria, please, say something." His voice cracked.

"Thank you for your apology, but it doesn't take away how you sabotaged me. I thought that’s why you were here, to apologize for that, but you’re not even close to feeling bad about that.” I scoffed. “I thought you would understand more than anyone how important each competition is, what I need to do to achieve my dream. But you stripped it from me. You hardened me in mere seconds with your words and your actions, and I don't know if I could truly ever forgive you for what you did."

"I am not seeking forgiveness when it comes to the matter of the meet. There is motive behind it, and soon I hope you will understand why."

A disdainful huff rolled off my lips. The audacity of this man. My heart plummeted to the floor but I inhaled strength deep into my lungs and prayed for my next set of words to come out fierce.

"You've accomplished what you set out to do."

He stared straight at me.

"And what is that?"

I repeated the words he first said to me soon after I arrived at World Cup, though he used them in a different manner.

"I can't stand the sight of you."