Chapter Four
There was something about Billy Lawson that terrified yet excited Annie. One part of her was relieved to leave his cottage. Another part wanted to stay with him all night. He wasn't her physical type at all. Annie had never been attracted to huge muscles in the past. For some odd reason, she liked a slim physique on a man; that is until she met Billy, and he was built like the proverbial brick shit house as the ever so quaint expression goes in these parts. His upper arms must be at least twice the width of her thighs. He was quite literally the opposite of Paul whom she loved dearly but recognised that looking at him naked didn't fill her with the longing it once did. Paul was tall and well-toned—that was true—but if she was honest, he had absolutely no bum at all. His jeans went from waist to leg with nothing in between. Billy's posterior positively rippled with taut muscle she'd noticed through his skimpy towel as he'd walked away from her. Secretly, Annie enjoyed this unexpected distraction. A private fantasy couldn't hurt, could it? Back in the real world, a text landed on her phone in her pocket. She blushed slightly when she worried that it was from Paul who'd found out her secret attraction. When it said Kate's name on the text, she became angry that it wasn't Paul after all. She thought he should have replied to her safe arrival text from earlier.
'I can't wait to catch up tomorrow old pal. Come to ours at 11am. Don't be late. The kids are excited to meet you x'
Annie smiled and replied, 'I won't be late I promise x'
She stuffed her phone back deep inside her cardigan pocket and reached for the handle of the farmhouse door. From the corner of her eye, she spotted a light on across the field. Betty Mason was still up. Annie bit her bottom lip and checked the time on her watch. It was late but an invisible force drew her to visit her other granny. She realised she didn't have the right footwear for the walk across the field, which would be pretty muddy after the heavy shower earlier. She looked across at Betty's cottage then back to Billy's door. He would surely have spare pair of wellies she could borrow. She hesitated briefly then knocked confidently on his door. Jess the collie's barks rang out before the outside light blinked on and the keys rattled in the lock.
“Couldn't stay away.” He grinned and fixed his eyes on hers.
“Sorry,” she stuttered, suddenly feeling giddy around the object of her fantasy. “Do you have a pair of wellies I can borrow?”
He laughed. “I don't think any of my wellies will fit you, Annie.”
“I've actually got quite big feet for a woman. I'm an eight.”
Billy laughed even more loudly. “I'm a size fourteen but here, you can give these a go if you want.” He reached behind the door and handed her a pair of huge wellies.
“Thanks.” Annie kicked off her sandals and sunk her foot into the first boot which swamped even her large foot.
With both feet inside, she tried to turn and walk away but the sheer size of her feet now made her unsteady and Annie found herself gently drifting downwards.
“Whoa there.” Billy caught her in his muscular arms and helped her upright again.
Annie held up her hands. “I'm fine really, thank you.” She smiled awkwardly. “I'll leave them outside the door for you when I get back.”
Billy's eyes widened. “Where are you going at this time of night?”
Annie's eyes turned and she nodded across the field. “Betty's still up. I'm going to surprise her.”
“Good night to you, then, Annie Marshall.” Billy yawned and stretched, his biceps flexing powerfully. “I'm beat; maybe see you in the morning.”
With that, the cottage door was closed and Annie stood alone in the harsh glow of the outside light before it blinked off.
The soft bleating from the sheep soothed Annie's racing mind while she trudged across the grass. Her thighs ached from the effort of trying to keep the enormous wellies on her feet. They were almost twice the size she normally wore. Annie giggled when she caught herself imaging that everything about Billy Lawson was huge. The light mist that fell left her short black hair damp. Annie pulled herself over the small fence at the side of Betty's garden. She tapped the front door softly at first so as not to startle the elderly woman. The sound of a dog barking furiously alerted her to Annie's arrival. Annie nibbled her lip nervously while she watched the door open slowly. Betty Mason hadn't changed in twenty years. Her five-foot frame remained cloaked in a silk looking blouse and cotton trousers, accompanied by a waistcoat to match whichever colour her trousers happened to be. Her snowy hair styled short and neat as always. Betty Mason didn't look ninety-five. She passed for eighty, easily. Her active lifestyle was her secret to her youthful appearance. Although she'd been retired forty years, Betty kept busy with her large garden in which she grew enough produce to be virtually self-sufficient in fruit and vegetables. She still collected fresh eggs each morning from her brood of former battery hens, which lived in the pen she maintained alone for the most part. Jobs she can't manage now fall to Billy Lawson, who often dropped by to lend a hand, taking payment in homemade pancakes covered in Betty Mason's legendary strawberry jam. Her twice weekly bus trips to the nursing home in the nearby town are a key part of her routine.
“Well, well, you are a sight for sore eyes, Annie Marshall.” Betty beamed a grin which lit up her crystal blue eyes.
In that moment, Annie couldn't speak. Her words dried up and her head spun. It was like the past twenty years didn't happen.
“Don't just stand there, lass; leave your wellies at the door and come in.”
Betty turned away, expecting Annie to follow immediately and was shocked to find her stood motionless on the doorstep.
“Come away in, you're letting the cold air in,” she insisted.
It was that sentence that woke Annie from her stupor.
“Sorry,” she shouted back and kicked off Billy's boots and went inside.
An elderly Jack Russell terrier hobbled slowly towards Annie and sniffed her legs then wagged his stumpy tail. Annie recognised the colouring on the dog but it couldn't possibly be, could it?
“Before you ask, aye that is Jinky, he's deaf and a wee bit blind but he will be twenty-one next month”
Betty's voice echoed through the cottage and Annie clasped a hand over her mouth. She couldn't believe even Jinky was still here. She remembered like it was yesterday, the day Betty invited her up to meet her new pup. Through all the turmoil she was facing at the time, Annie enjoyed the distraction of Jinky's puppy hugs. The cottage even smelled the same, furniture polish and lavender. Betty kept a well-stocked herb garden and dried lavender pillows were her favourite. She stashed them everywhere and the scent of lavender wafted throughout. Betty's head popped round the corner.
“Come on, lass,” she dried her hands on a tea towel, “I've put the milk on.”
Annie couldn't make her mouth grin widely enough. She was so glad she'd commandeered the wellies and trudged across the field. She should have come here first. Her eyes wandered as she moved into the kitchen, finding that nothing had changed since that last visit; the day before she left.
“It's good to see you, Betty.” Annie pulled the old woman into her arms and hugged her tightly, inhaling the sweet scent on her hair.
Betty wrapped her arms round Annie's waist then removed a cotton handkerchief from her trouser pocket to dry her eyes.
“Aye, lass, it's been too long.” She hid her emotion with firm words.
Annie shrugged her shoulders. “I know but…”
Betty placed her hand on top of Annie's and squeezed. “I know.” She nodded.
Annie closed her eyes and sniffed away her own tears.
“Help yourself to pancakes on the table. You know where everything is.”
Betty poured the hot milk into two mugs and placed them down next to Annie on the table. She retrieved the sugar bowl from the pantry and a clean spoon from the drawer, then sat on the chair on the opposite side of the antique pine table. Annie smeared a pancake with a large spoonful of jam and devoured half with one bite. It was perfect. Nothing on the planet tasted as good as Betty Mason's pancakes with strawberry jam. Betty wiped away another stray tear and dropped a spoonful of sugar in her mug. She grinned at the tiny drop of jam stuck to Annie's chin.
“That Billy Lawson looks just like you do when he eats my pancakes, too, except he stuffs it in whole.” Betty laughed softly.
Annie could feel the heat land on her cheeks at the mention of Billy's name and hoped Betty wouldn't notice, but of course she did. She knew Annie too well.
Annie's blush made Betty smile. “You've met Billy, then?”
“I have, aye.” Annie attempted to retain her composure. “He seems nice.”
“He's a handsome big lad, too.”
Annie shuffled uncomfortably in her chair and felt like a teenager again. “I hadn't noticed.”
Betty raised her eyes and touched Annie's arm. “I'm only teasing. We've a lot to catch up on, you and me. Where do you want to start?”
Annie swallowed the last of her pancake and washed it down with a large swig of hot milk. She reached for another pancake and began to spread on the jam.
“Where should I start?” Annie joked and devoured another pancake in one go.
“Tell me about your lovely fella, Paul, he's called is he?”
Right then, Annie didn't want to talk about her Edinburgh life at all. She was relishing the warmth of Betty's cottage and all that it meant for her as a child. She shrugged her shoulders.
Betty frowned. “Do I sense all is not well there, then?”
Annie shrugged again and gulped down the last of the milk.
“I think he's seeing someone else,” Annie admitted. “I guess it serves me right really.”
Betty flashed a stern frown and attached her hands to her hips. “That's enough of that, do you hear? What makes you think that anyway?”
Annie rested her elbows on the table and dropped her head into her hands and sighed.
“It's the textbook late nights at work, secret texts, new clothes, and,” she found herself chuckling unexpectedly, “he's grown a beard. I hate beards, especially little goatees.”
Betty listened silently while Annie continued, “He hasn't answered any of my texts since I got here. He's not missing me, Betty.”
“Are you missing him?”
Betty's question caught her off guard. Was she missing Paul? She certainly wasn't thinking of Paul while she was admiring Billy's body when he opened the door straight from the shower. She hadn't thought of Paul when she'd fantasised that everything about Billy was huge. Maybe this break from him was what she needed after all. Annie found herself shrugging her shoulders once more and tried to change the subject.
“Kate and Craig are finally tying the knot, then?”
Betty's eyes sparkled at the mention of Kate's wedding.
“Oh, Annie, her dress is beautiful and she is going to be the most beautiful bride, you mark my words. Wait until you see her.”
Annie couldn't wait to see Kate. The thought of seeing Craig made her nervous but Kate assured her it would be fine. The couple had argued about Kate's wish to have her old friend at the wedding, but Craig had relented to make Kate happy.
Part of Annie envied Kate's happiness. Kate had everything Annie wanted. She had a man who adored her and lots of children. She didn't think she could handle five children, but she would have loved to have children of her own. Sadly, an infection after the abortion Annie had after leaving Carrlochry at sixteen left her uterus and fallopian tubes damaged—even IVF wasn't a possibility. Annie had long since come to terms with a life without motherhood, but occasionally her loss raises its head. The abortion is still a secret that her dad and Kate are unaware of. Even Betty didn't know and Annie would prefer to keep it that way. The only other person who knew is gone. Patsy's sister, Rita, who took Annie in all those years ago, to her small flat in Edinburgh, passed away five years ago and took Annie's secret to the grave with her. Even Danny didn't know she was pregnant. Annie could see he had enough to deal with already.
“I can't wait to see her, all fancied up like a princess. It's not a meringue, though, is it?” Annie teased.
Betty playfully flicked the tea towel at her. “Just you wait. She's beautiful.”
The elephant in the room then pulled up a chair and was now breathing down Annie's neck. She couldn't hide it from Betty.
“I imagine he'll be there on Saturday,” Annie felt sick just saying those words and she hadn't even uttered his name.
Betty briefly pursed her lips. “Craig was once his brother-in-law and of course, wee Matty is Craig's nephew.” She took hold of Annie's hands and squeezed them tightly. “Kate wants you there, so there you shall be, you hear me?”
Her face was stern which made Annie concede with a gentle nod. “I know, it's just…”
“It's just nothing, Annie Marshall. You were not to blame for what happened to poor Lisa.”
Hearing that name sent a cold chill right through Annie and she was relieved to find Betty change the subject.
“I was with your gran this afternoon. The hairdresser had been in and her hair was more like the way she used to have it. I know the staff tried their best but Gladys' hair is never quite right.”
Annie smiled at the memory of her gran's weekly shampoo and set at Marian's hairdresser in the village. Marian had long since retired, but still visited the nursing home once a week as a volunteer to cheer up the residents. She knew exactly how Gladys Marshall liked her hair. Alzheimer's disease was so cruel. Gladys didn't even know how to hold a hairbrush today.
“Did she know who you were?” Annie asked tentatively.
“She stopped knowing who I was a long time ago.”
“Why do you still visit so often, if you don't mind me asking?”
“When you've known and loved someone as long as that, it doesn't matter. I know who she is, Annie. She's still my best friend and I love her.”
Annie felt a lump appear in her throat listening to Betty's obvious devotion to her friend. She moved to hug the old woman but was gently waved away.
“Och, don't be soft,” Betty rubbed her eyes, “you'll have me blubbing.”
Annie stood to clear the cups from the table and left them in the sink, and then turned to face Betty.
“Thanks for tonight. I needed that.”
“Just like old times.”
“Just like old times,” Annie repeated. “I better be getting back.”
“Give my love to your dad; I'll see you at the wedding.”
The two women walked to the front door. Betty rubbed Annie's back as they moved.
“Don't you go worrying. You're welcome here in Carrlochry.”
Betty's words swam round Annie's head on the return leg over the field. This time the screech of the bats unnerved her. The sheep were silently dozing, too. She spotted a light on in the bedroom of Billy's cottage and caught sight of his silhouette through the curtain. Her eyes were drawn to it and she was unable turn away until the room went dark. Images of him sleeping naked invaded her mind, both uninvited but very welcome. A longing stirred in her as she stepped out of Billy's wellies and back into her sandals. She sighed and closed her eyes before heading into the farmhouse. Annie presumed her dad would be in bed but was surprised to find him in the kitchen frying sausages.
“Dad,” she whispered.
Annie's words startled Gordon Marshall, who spun on his heels. “Who are you? Get out of my house,” his words spat terror. “What do you want?”
He held aloft the spatula to threaten his intruder.
“Dad, it's me.” Annie didn't know what to do and panicked until a flash of insight hit him.
He immediately dropped the spatula. “Annie? I'm sorry,” Gordon Marshall wept.
Annie rushed forward and hugged her dad tightly. She kissed his cheek as he sobbed.
“It's happening to me isn't it?” he cried. “I'm scared.”
“Don't worry, Dad; I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.”
She rocked her dad slowly back and forth to soothe his pain. Tears tumbled from Annie's cheeks. She couldn't leave her dad like this. She owed it to him. Paul would have to understand. That is if he even cared. Where was he tonight? What was he doing? Or better still, who was he doing?
She had six weeks holidays so there was no excuse for not staying longer. Her dad needed her and the thought of getting to know Billy Lawson better made her tingle with excitement which should make her feel guilty, but if Paul can't be bothered to send even a little text…
Danny and the others would just have to deal with it. Annie Marshall was here to stay. For now.
15th May 1996
That was so close today! How Craig didn't see us, I don't know. What the hell was he doing out there anyway? He drove into the car park on his new motorbike and didn't bat an eye when he saw the van. Thank goodness. Danny and I have found a spot for us, a place for us to be together. A place where nobody could see us. A place where we could be together without prying eyes to catch us. Danny has started to do the factory deliveries, which he volunteered to do as a way of having the van for us to have some privacy. I think Kate thought this would blow over, this thing with me and Danny. She couldn't be more wrong. We are meant to be together, I know that now and so does he. Lisa's mental state has gotten worse, though. He doesn't think she suspects anything. It's the post-natal depression he said. Matty goes to Lisa's mum every morning now so Lisa can get some rest after Danny leaves for work. Danny does all the washing and cooking and cleaning when he gets home. Matty sometimes sleeps over at his gran's, too. We were almost caught by Mrs. Finch today, too. She saw me slip out the gate and I think she shouted my name but I didn't turn round. Danny was waiting round the corner for me in the van. Kate said she would tell her I had stomach cramps and had to go home. When Danny has his hands on me I feel so alive! He said we still have to be careful, but waiting is hard. I want us to be together every day. I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want everyone to know how much we love each other. He said I make him feel things that no other woman ever has. He can't live without me and thinks about me always. He made a huge mistake getting married to Lisa, but he does love Matty he said. Sometimes after we have sex, he cries. He doesn't deserve all the pressure she puts on him.