Chapter Seven

The evening chill made Annie pull her shawl firmly round her shoulders. Kate was ten minutes late. She would give it five more minutes then call it a night. Annie didn't know if she was just being paranoid but she didn't appreciate the unpleasant glances she'd been getting from some of the pub goers as they passed her. She didn't recognise them but she was sure they knew her, judging by the way they stared at her.

“Sorry, I'm late,” a voice from behind startled her, “Liam was told to be home by half seven but as usual, he came wandering in at ten to eight. He won't be so slow to take the tenner I give him in the morning though, wee bugger.”

“No worries, I've only just got here myself,” Annie lied. “Shall we go inside?”

She invited Kate to go ahead of her so she could carefully scope the crowd from behind her. The warmth from the roaring fire in the hearth hit them as soon as they opened the door. The crackling rhythm of the flames danced in time to the sound of Joe Cocker playing on the old-fashioned Juke box. The Thomsons had owned The Stag since 1956 and the Juke box is the original machine that was installed by old Jim Thomson in 1960. It was quite the revelation to his punters back in the day. His grandson, George, who runs the place now, keeps a bowl of shillings on the bar for customers to use in it. Annie scanned the crowd for familiar faces and was relieved not to recognise anybody. Even George Thomson didn't know who she was.

“What can I get you, Kate?”

Kate turned to Annie, unsure what her old friend's tipple would be these days.

“I'll take a bottle of lager, what have you got?” Annie glanced at the fridge behind the bar as George stepped aside to allow her to look. She pursed her lips and screwed up her eyes.

“I'll take a bottle of Becks, thanks.”

George opened Annie's bottle then turned back to Kate.

“I'll have a large glass of red, thanks.”

“Coming right up.” He turned to pour from the bottle behind the bar. “Drinks are on us tonight, your money's no good here tonight.” He winked at Annie. “Good luck tomorrow, you'll need it, getting hitched to that big lump.”

George grinned.

“You cheeky beggar,” Kate chirped, “and thank you, that's very kind of you, George. Give my love to your mum, will you.”

Annie hung her cardigan on the back of the chair and downed a huge gulp from her bottle.

“Since when did you start drinking wine, Kate McDonald?”

“When a woman gets to certain age she discovers the finer things in life.” Kate giggled then her face became twisted with concern.

Annie frowned and turned to look in the direction Kate was facing. It was Danny. He'd just taken a seat at the bar and was ordering a double whisky. Annie's heart thundered in her chest and she became light-headed. Her instinct was to run but that meant revealing her presence. She felt like rabbit caught in headlights and didn't know what to do. Kate had chosen the table tucked away in the far corner so Danny would only see them if he knew they were there. He would have to walk right to the back of the pub and he looked settled where he was, nursing his whisky.

“He'll probably have a couple of nips then head home, don't worry,”

Kate tried to reassure her.

“It's fine; I'm fine.” Annie swallowed another huge swig just as George was collecting glasses nearby.

“George get my friend another, will you?”

George nodded and moved back towards the bar.

“Let's not let him spoil things. This night is about you. Here's to Kate and Craig.”

Annie clinked her beer bottle against Kate's glass and smiled. “Really, it's fine. It's better I see him here first maybe anyway, before the wedding.”

For over an hour the two old friends talked and laughed about old times and new. Annie loved being with Kate again. She'd never met anyone since that completed her like Kate did. She'd never met anyone else whom she trusted enough to call her best friend. Annie was so comfortable back in Kate's company, it was like the past twenty years hadn't happened.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Annie now wanted Kate to know everything.

“Of course, you can.” Kate finished her second glass of wine and placed it on the table. “Fire away.”

Annie leaned in closer to Kate who frowned in anticipation. “I was pregnant with Danny's baby when I left.”

“Did he know?” Kate whispered then looked across the pub to see if Danny was still there.

Annie shook her head, then finished her last drop of beer.

“I hate to ask but…”

“I had an abortion in Edinburgh; I couldn't keep it, I was only sixteen for goodness sake and well, Danny had enough on his plate what with Lisa and all. If she hadn't, maybe, I don't know. What's done is done”

“Do you think you and Paul will ever have kids?”

Annie scoffed. “No, we won't be having any. Mostly because I can't have children and even if I could, I think it's pretty much over, Kate.”

Kate clasped her hand to her mouth.” I'm sorry.”

Annie shrugged. “What's done is done. Let's get you home, you've a big day tomorrow.”

Danny appeared to have vacated the stool at the bar so they headed for the door only to find Danny had only left the bar to use the bathroom and smacked right into him by the pub entrance. He didn't notice Annie at first and greeted Kate with a warm hug and wished her all the best for tomorrow and said how much he was looking forward to the wedding. In that brief moment, Annie could observe the man he'd become. He wasn't the sexy, exciting older man she'd fallen for. He'd aged considerably. His eyes sagged with the weight of responsibility and years of heavy drinking left a red tinge to his skin. His mop of thick blonde hair had thinned to a short, cropped look. Annie headed for the door, in the hope she'd remain invisible but she was to be disappointed.

“Annie.” A familiar, deep highland brogue stopped her exit. “Annie, is that you?”

She felt his hand on her shoulder and closed her eyes. Annie nibbled her bottom lip and spun round to face him after painting a forced smile on her face.

“How are you, Danny?”

Danny looked her up and down without speaking for what felt to Annie like forever. She felt his eyes bore into her like daggers.

“It's been a long time,” he finally said. “You look well, great even. The short hair suits you.”

Annie wished she could be as complimentary about him in return, but the truth was he looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot and he was fat. Annie realised that if she hadn't escaped Carrlochry she would probably have let herself go just like everyone else here seemed to have.

“Well, it was nice to see you.” Annie turned away and Danny grabbed for her wrist before she could leave, forcing Kate to get between them.

“Danny, not here, please,” she pleaded with him quietly. She didn't want any trouble, not tonight.

Kate stared Danny directly in the eye and that was enough to make him release his grip much to Annie's relief, who exited the pub as quickly as her legs would move. Once outside, she began to hyperventilate and felt like she couldn't breathe. She gasped for air which was all around, but none of it would go into her lungs. Through the fog of her anxiety attack, she watched Kate exchange words with Danny but couldn't hear what she said to him. It was clear that she made her point as he slumped back on his stool with a pathetic look of resignation written all over his face. Annie exhaled sharply and began to regain control of her breath. Kate swung the bar door open forcefully and joined her.

“Are you okay?”

Annie nodded.

“Never mind him.” Kate slung her arm round her shoulder. “He's not worth a single moment of your time. Not a single second. He's a loser who has just got divorced from his second wife; did you know that? He can't keep his dick in his pants or his mouth away from a bottle of booze.”

Annie looked up and saw that Danny was heading outside.

“Shit,” she whispered and dashed to the other side of the car park wall.

Kate spun quickly to find Danny stood next to her.

“Where is she, Kate? We need to talk.”

“She's gone home, Danny; leave it will you.”

Annie knew how ridiculous she must look right now, hiding behind a wall at her age but she couldn't face him. She was an idiot to think she could come here this weekend.

“Annie,” Danny called out. “Annie, where are you?”

Kate grabbed his arm.” I bloody told you she's gone home, now you do the same and go home and sober up.”

Annie watched Danny stagger off and turn the corner at the end of the street. When he was out of sight she sprung from her hiding place and rejoined Kate, who shot an exasperated glance in her direction; her hands out stretched.

“What the fuck was that?” Kate's tone was pitched higher than usual.

“I know, I know, you don't have to say it. I know how stupid I must look; you don't have to say it.”

Kate smirked and threw her arm through Annie's and held on and the pair walked slowly towards Kate's house.

“You're still mad as a fucking brush.” Kate giggled.

Annie said good night to Kate at the door and wished her luck for tomorrow. She was tired and hurried back towards the farm, hoping her dad would be okay and she could go straight to bed. Annie checked her phone for messages and wasn't surprised when she didn't see one from Paul. She sighed and considered how thoughtless he was when she was going through a hard time. He knew what a difficult decision it had been to come here this weekend, not to mention the fact she'd just told the man she shared her life with that she wouldn't be home for a few weeks now rather than a few days. Surely, they should talk about it.

“Fuck this,” she muttered and pressed the button marked Paul on her phone.

When it went straight to voicemail she frowned and tried again. On the third attempt, she pushed the phone back into her pocket without leaving a message and shook her head and exhaled an angry sigh.

“It's not nice when someone ignores your call, is it? Especially when that person is the only person in the world who understands you.”

Danny's words tore into the silent darkness and Annie spun rapidly to face him.

Annie wanted to run and run and never come back, but he would always be here, waiting. Maybe it was time for closure; time to come clean and face the past.

“Annie, all I want to do is talk.”

She swallowed hard and stared while she nibbled her lip. She nodded gently before answering, “You're right. Let's talk.”

14 June 1996

I have just had the best night of my life! The factory needed someone to go to a sales thing in Glasgow and it meant an overnight stay. They sent Danny and he took me with him. Dad thought I was staying at Aunt Rita's in Edinburgh and because they don't get on that well, he didn't check up on me. Rita never liked Dad. She was gutted when her sister married a country boy farmer. I loved Rita. She's the cool aunt that every girl wanted.

We stayed at this B and B, and spent the whole night in bed. It was fantastic. I love the way Danny smells and the way he touches me. I ache for him when we're not together so much that it hurts. We shared a bottle of champagne in bed to celebrate spending our first whole night together. Danny introduced me to feelings and sensations I didn't know existed a few months ago, like the way my entire body tingles when he caresses me ever so lightly, making me beg for more. He likes me to beg him for more. He needs to feel wanted and God, do I want him. When he returned from the convention I was ready to greet him with a long lingering kiss. I'd waited all day for him and when I heard his footsteps approach the room, butterflies tumbled in my stomach and the need grew in me. He took off the T-shirt I was wearing and undid his trousers and laid me back onto the bed. His touch was urgent while he removed my knickers and he fucked me long and hard until we lay together, satisfied; my head resting on the rise and fall of his chest.

I didn't want to go home, not after that. If we can't be together soon I think I'm going to die. Why can't he just be free to be with me? It's me he wants, that much is obvious. He doesn't deserve all the shit he gets at home. Lisa is a complete and utter spoilt bitch. Her parents run round after her the whole time because she's depressed, apparently. Well, what about Danny? If it wasn't for his time with me he'd be close to his breaking point. He's got to work, take care of the house, and take care of Matty while Lisa needs to rest! The world's gone totally mad if that's what passes as acceptable, it really has.