Chapter Fourteen

Annie sat motionless, still dressed in the purple Stella McCartney dress she'd worn to Kate's wedding. The chairs in the corridor outside the operating theatre were hard and uncomfortable. She didn't even have any change to buy a cup of what was probably awful coffee. Annie had literally arrived with the clothes she stood up in. The wait was agony. The past two hours felt like two days but what it did allow was thinking time. Annie had been given plenty of time to re-evaluate her life. Life with Paul hadn't been great for a long time. They'd stayed together out of habit and out of a need to not be alone. The magic was gone and now she didn't blame him for looking elsewhere for it. Isn't that what she'd just done with Billy? Something positive was about to come out of this. Annie would go home to their flat and tell him what she'd decided but not until her dad was stable. She bit her nails as the wait continued. The harsh lighting in the corridor appeared to grow brighter the longer she waited and the more tired she became. She closed her eyes against the background hustle and bustle of the busy hospital. Porters pushed trolleys past in a hurry and the swish-swash of nurses legs moved quickly from one end of the corridor with purpose and all this happened while Annie sat, silently waiting.

Annie realised she must have nodded off when the doctor gently tapped her shoulder.

“Annie,” he spoke quietly so as not to startle her, “I'm Dr. Montgomery; I'm the neurosurgeon who operated on your father.”

Her eyes snapped open abruptly and she sat bolt upright, jarring her shoulder in the process. Her mouth was so dry yet a small drip of saliva gathered in the corner of her lips. She tried to swallow before she spoke, “I'm … I'm sorry, I must have fallen—is he okay, is my dad okay?”

The surgeon smiled. “We managed to stop the bleeding and the clot was removed successfully. He's been moved to intensive care. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours are the most crucial and I need you to be prepared for the fact your dad may have suffered some permanent damage to that part of his brain but like I said, we'll know more in a day or two.”

Hot tears pushed their way out of Annie's eyes with sheer relief that he was alive.

“Can I see him?”

Annie abruptly sniffed back her tears and wiped her face clean.

“Of course, come on, I'll take you to him.”

When Annie entered the small intensive care ward she was glad to have someone there to point him out to her. Every bed held the same sight of a faceless, still human being with lines coming out of them and their faces were obscured by oxygen masks.

The doctor lifted his hand. “There, in the corner. I'll be over to see him later.”

Annie walked slowly to her dad's bed space. Next to him lay a much younger man with an older woman, Annie presumed was his mum holding his hand. She looked up briefly and gave Annie a half smile then returned her focus to her motionless, sedated son. A chair had been placed next to Gordon's bed for her and she took her seat obediently on arrival. She licked her dry lips and reached for his hand.

“Dad,” the word became trapped in her throat and she coughed gently before trying again, “Dad, it's me.”

Annie's eyes drifted to the machines that monitored his progress and hoped they showed he was coping with his ordeal. From behind her, an alarm rang out producing a flurry activity around the man in the next bed. His mum was quietly ushered away by a nurse with her arm tightly round her while she cried and looked back helplessly at the commotion. Moments later, the panic was over and he resumed his quiet slumber, and his mum was permitted to return to her silent vigil by his bedside. Annie found herself breathing in time with the respirator which was breathing for Gordon and for the first time in her life, she prayed to God for his recovery. As tears spilled down her face, she promised to sort out her life and begged for forgiveness in return for her father's life. A small voice tore into her spiritual exchange.

“I'm going out to get a cup of coffee; can I bring you one back, too?”

The young man's mum's offer of refreshment was gratefully accepted with a gentle nod.

“He might be able to hear you,” she added. “I sometimes tell Martin what his little brother has been up to at school and just boring stuff like that.”

“Thanks,” Annie answered her fellow worrier and vigil holder who smiled and walked out through the security door.

“You hear that, Dad,” Annie added a tiny chuckle. “I'm still allowed to chew your ear off. It seems there's no escape after all.”

When her angel of mercy arrived with her coffee, Annie drank as much as she could, as quickly as she could. She realised she hadn't eaten all day and it was four o'clock in the afternoon. This coffee was the first thing she's had since the one Billy had served up to her naked as the day he was born.

“I'm Maggie,” the woman handed over a Mars bar, “I got you this, too; you looked like you could do with a sugar hit.”

Annie ate the chocolate and downed the last of the coffee. “Thank you, you have no idea how good that was. I'm Annie.”

“I was where you are a couple of weeks ago, so I know a little of how good that tastes.”

The temptation to ask was too strong for her to resist. “Is that your son?”

Maggie nodded. “He came off his motorbike at fifty miles an hour. I won't tell you all the details but his recovery has been slow and steady, you know.” Her words reflected her positivity. “He'll get there and I'll be here when he wakes up. That's your dad, is it?”

“Yes, he's just come out of surgery,” Annie answered. “He's a stubborn old coot, he won't be down long.”

Maggie's positive attitude was contagious.

30 September 1996

I've decided that this will be the last time I keep this diary. Diaries are for little girls and I don't think I need this anymore. I've not had a lot of time recently anyway. College is so much fun. I've a great new bunch of friends; we all hang out in the union and there's a club in town we go to on Saturdays. We have a few beers and a laugh, nothing serious. No boyfriend-girlfriend shit; just friends having a great time together.

I can't finish without saying something about him, though. Being with Danny changed me and what happened to Lisa was horrible, but we all have to move on and I hope he's been able to do the same.

Goodbye old friend x