Chapter Five

Annie left her dad with a bowl of freshly made porridge, the way she remembered he loved. None of this soft nonsense of milk and sugar or honey the way they eat it in the city. A true Highland porridge is made with water and salt. Gordon Marshall was a true Highland man. It was one of the very few foods they enjoyed together. Annie loved her dad's porridge as a young girl. She remembered their morning chats at the kitchen table before school, before her mum died. Patsy might be outside hanging out the washing and Gordon would be stirring and serving up the porridge. That was a good time in Annie's life.

From inside, Annie heard the sound of several feet thundering down a flight of stairs accompanied by the raucous laughter of children. She didn't understand why the thought of meeting Kate's children made her so nervous. She was a primary school teacher for goodness sake. She encountered children on a daily basis.

“Quiet, the lot of you. You're like a herd of elephants coming down them stairs. I'm surprised the walls are still standing!”

Annie snorted, listening to her friend say something so mumsy was suddenly so funny. She couldn't stop the fit of giggles that erupted, exacerbated by nervous laughter anyway.

“I'm answering it,” a small voice announced close to the other side of the door which was followed up by, “Mum, Jack pushed me. You said I could open the door when she came.”

“I did not. Mum, Ben's lying,” came the defence.

Moments later, the argument was settled and the two faces of Jack and Ben appeared at the open door, followed closely behind by Kate with two-year-old Sophie on her hip.

Ben lurched forward and grabbed Annie round the waist and hugged her warmly.

“Ben's a hugger I'm afraid, Annie; come in, come in.” Kate patted Ben softly on the top of his head. “That's enough now, let Annie in the door.”

The over enthusiastic lad grinned up at Annie then ran off back upstairs.

Annie stared at Kate's chaotic, clean, but untidy hallway. It was homely, just as she expected it to be. The coat hooks were bursting to overcapacity with jackets and raincoats of various sizes, patterns, and colours. The table underneath held several bunches of keys, a hairbrush, toy car, Pokémon cards, and three Moshi monster figures. Underneath the table was strewn with several shoes, not necessarily accompanied by the relevant partner, but chances were its partner was somewhere else in the bundle of shoes, boots, sandals, and trainers. A plaque on the wall read the word keys but it was clear that the keys didn't ever make it onto the hook provided for them. Annie caught sight of the back of an overweight, balding man walk out of the back door, banging it loudly behind him. She cringed when she considered how much Craig clearly still blamed her.

“Come through,” Kate put Sophie down to play in the living room and ushered Annie into the kitchen and switched on the kettle, “I was just about to make a pot; how do you take your tea these days?”

Annie couldn't get over how fat Kate was. The friend she remembered was no more than a size ten. The woman who waddled into the kitchen must be at least a twenty or even a twenty-two. Her face wore no makeup and the responsibility of parenthood tugged at the sides of her eyes. She looked over forty rather than the thirty-six years she's been on this planet.

“Craig's out so we've got plenty time to catch up.” Kate stood facing Annie and sighed. “You haven't changed. You still look great.”

Annie knew etiquette dictated she should compliment Kate in return but she struggled to find the words.

“I know, you don't have to say it,” Kate beat her to it. “I've put weight on. Five kids leave their mark, I'm afraid.”

Kate's frank response lightened Annie's mind. “You look fine. I can't wait to see this dress of yours. Betty says you look beautiful in it.”

“You saw Betty before me, then?” Kate raised her eyebrows at the soft cheeky reprimand as a warm smile filled her face.”

“You know me, I had to get my priorities right. Do you make the best pancakes and jam in the entire world?”

“Quite right.” Kate laughed just as the kettle clicked off.

A huge commotion erupted from the upstairs bedroom followed by the sound of angry cries.

“Hang on a minute.” Kate quickly left the kitchen to investigate the source of the disorder.

Annie's eyes drifted over Kate's family kitchen. The dining table was piled high with clean, folded washing ready for taking upstairs to the relevant rooms and put away. The ironing board stood in the far corner, with yet more clothes piled in a basket underneath. The washing machine whirred quietly in the background which Annie hadn't noticed until Kate left the room. The kitchen led out into a cosy conservatory filled with bikes of varying sizes. A dusty treadmill lay abandoned nearby with a coat slung over the handle. The smell of a cat litter tray invaded Annie's nostrils and the sound of scratching could be heard from the back door.

“Sorry about that.” Kate returned from her peace mission. “Just let me let the Captain in.” She opened the back door and in waltzed the biggest, fattest cat Annie had ever seen. Kate filled his dish high with cat biscuits and laid them down for him to the sound of loud purring.

“Now, I'm all yours.” Kate smiled. “Sit down and I'll bring your tea.”

Annie was tempted to answer with, “Sit down where exactly?” but stopped herself and smiled back instead.

“Excuse the mess; it's not always like this.”

Annie knew that was a lie but went along with her friend.

“I imagine things have been a bit hectic with the wedding coming up; the place looks fine.”

Kate held Annie's gaze. “Seriously, you expect me to believe that you think this,” Kate held out her arms, “is fine?”

The two old friends burst into raucous laughter at the ridiculous notion.

“Annie Marshall, it is good to see you.”

“It's good to see you too,” Annie swallowed hard, “I've missed you. I know that we text and Facebook, but it's not the same as this. I'm sorry, it's my fault; I just…”

“Annie, you're here now and that's what matters. To be honest, I didn't think you would come but I am so pleased you did.”

“I couldn't miss it.”

Annie sipped the tea then screwed up her face. “Did you sugar this?”

“Do you take sugar now?” Kate looked shocked. “I thought you hated sweet tea. Maybe you have changed a bit then. Hang on I'll get the bowl for you.”

Kate pulled the sugar bowl over from the work top and pushed it towards Annie.

“Blimey you do like it sweet now,” Kate remarked as Annie spooned three spoonfuls in her mug.

“I've changed in a lot of ways, for the best I hope.”

A silence settled on the pair until Annie asked, “What's Craig doing this morning?”

“He didn't go out because you were coming if that's what you think. He's helping his dad shift something in his garage or something; I didn't ask all the details.”

Sophie's arrival ended the chance for any further awkward questions.

“This is Mummy's best friend, Annie.” Kate lifted the toddler onto her knee.

Annie took hold of Sophie's hand and shook it very gently. “I'm very pleased to meet you, Sophie.” She ran her fingers through the girl's long blonde hair. “What pretty hair you've got.”

“You have no idea the work that goes into that pretty hair,” Kate added.

“I bet.” Annie grinned at the toddler whom she thought was beautiful just like her mum. “She's so like you. You are gorgeous, Sophie.”

“Aye, and she knows it already. One smile and she's got her daddy wrapped round her little finger. Sophie can do no wrong in Craig's eyes. She's very much a daddy's girl, aren't you?” Kate kissed Sophie's cheek softly before reaching into the fruit bowl on the table and opened a banana for her.

“That suits you.”

Kate frowned. “What?”

“Being a mum, it suits you,” Annie told her.

“What, with the fat belly and the bags under my eyes,” Kate teased. “I know I'm only joking. Thank you. I wouldn't change my life for a million pounds.”

Annie was shocked to find tears well up in her own eyes. She sniffed and rubbed her face with her sleeve. “I'm so sorry; I don't know where that came from.” “Annie, what's happened?”

Annie's first few tears quickly descended into full blown sobs. It was as if being here with Kate was a safe place for her to reveal her pain.

“Just let me put Sophie into the living room with her toys for a minute.”

Annie pinched her nose then wiped her snot-laden fingers on her cardigan.

“Hey, what's up?” Kate wrapped her arms round Annie before Annie clung on tightly and wept.

“I'm sorry, Kate, ignore me.” Annie wiped her face on the piece of kitchen roll that Kate handed her.

“You know I can't do that. Come on, spill it.”

Annie ran her hands through her hair.

“Your hair's fine; come on, tell me.”

Annie allowed a small laugh to escape and scratched her face. “My life's a mess, still and I'm nearly forty.”

“Oh, for goodness sake, we're only thirty-six this year; how can your life be a mess? You have a lovely life with a great job and a man who loves you.”

“Paul doesn't love me, Kate; he's seeing someone else, I'm sure of it.”

Kate reached out her hand and rubbed her fingers over Annie's sleeve. “If that's true then I'm sorry that's happened to you, but he's an idiot if you ask me. What makes you think he's seeing someone else?”

Annie stared into Kate's concerned face. “I guess it's karma catching up with me, eh?”

Kate's shoulders dropped and a disapproving glare landed. “For fuck's sake get a fucking hold of yourself.” She swung the kitchen door closed so the children couldn't hear her colourful language after catching Ben dropping the F-bomb on the school playground.

“Yes, you fucked Danny Randall but it goes both ways. It takes two to tango and all that other bollocks, but what happened to Lisa was not your fault. If Paul's shagging someone else then let him. You can either forgive him and move on, or leave him. It's your choice because it's your bloody life. You're in control of it.”

Annie sat right back in the chair and silently listened to Kate's reprimand. She knew Annie better than anyone else in the whole world, even now.

“You're smart and you're funny and God damn it, woman, you're still drop dead gorgeous. Now stop letting me stroke your ego and pour me another cup of tea.”

Annie's mouth pulled into a genuine, happy smile and she offered a cheeky salute as she walked over to the kettle.

23 May 1996

Well, today couldn't have gone much worse! Danny and I went to our usual place and had the most fantastic sex. He's even shown me a new position. When he screws me from behind, it is so good. Obviously, that was the great part of my day. It was what happened next that nearly ruined everything for us. I've never seen Danny look so worried. His face was actually grey when Lisa's dad picked us up. Pete Roberts is the factory manager so Danny had no choice but to phone him when the van broke down. He had to think fast and came up with a reason for me being with him. He didn't want to leave me stranded, on my own so far from home. He told him he caught me hitch hiking when he was on his last delivery and we stopped for chips at the chippy at the back of our car park. Mr. Roberts seemed to believe him. He didn't look too concerned by my presence anyway. He was more worried about the factory van. The journey home after the breakdown man got the van started was a bit awkward, to say the least. If Mr. Roberts had seen what his son-in-law was up to an hour before he arrived…

Dad was waiting for me when I got in. Mr. Sullivan wants a meeting with me and my dad to discuss my future. A meeting with my head teacher does not fill me with joy. I think me and Danny should just leave Carrlochry for good. Leave and not look back. Wee Matty will be fine; he has his gran and granddad, as well as Lisa and Craig. Danny will get over it, I know he will. I'll make sure of it and who knows, maybe one day we'll have a baby of our own. Dad asked me again if I had a boyfriend, then he dropped a bombshell. He asked if Danny was my boyfriend! He doesn't know for sure and of course I denied it, but all the same he must have seen me getting out of the van at the end of the track. I told him the same story we told Mr. Roberts and he seemed satisfied.