Chapter Eight

Billy drew back his curtain when he heard voices outside. He watched Annie perch herself on the wall outside the farmhouse, deep in conversation with Danny Randall and wondered what business they could possibly have to discuss at this late hour. He recognised Annie's defensive body language and the open, vulnerable stance Danny displayed and guessed there had once been feelings between the two, which intrigued him.

“You are a dark horse, Annie Marshall,” he muttered under his breath and replaced the curtain.

“I meant what I said in the pub,” Danny began. “You look great.”

The beers she'd consumed allowed Annie to speak openly, “I wish I could say the same for you.” She nodded at his large belly. “What's happened to you?”

“Being a single dad was hard all those years, I guess,” he spoke the words directly into her eyes.

Ouch, that hurt. The gloves are off then, Annie realised.

“I didn't make you into a single parent. Lisa did that all by herself.”

Saying that name made Annie shiver, as she saw Danny's face fall.

“What we did drove her to it though, didn't it?” he added then turned away.

These wounds were still so raw after all the years that passed. Annie didn't know how to respond. She wanted to argue her case but she knew he was right. The day it happened remained as fresh in Annie's mind as clearly as it had in Danny's. It was awful. Annie had never witnessed pain like that, ever. The twisted agony of Sarah Roberts at the loss of her daughter was horrific. Craig was inconsolable at the loss of his big sister and Pete Roberts was a broken man. His beautiful daughter was gone, leaving Matty without a mum. The whole village blamed Annie and Danny for her death despite the fact that she killed herself by walking onto the railway line as a train thundered along it. The driver had to be taken away by ambulance due to the shock. It's believed he was off work for at least a year with post-traumatic stress.

“What do you expect me to say?” Annie asked. “I'm sorry, but I don't think that's quite enough, is it?”

“Why did you leave me?” Danny's voice quivered. “You left me here alone. I was a mess and you ran out on me when things got tough.”

“Did you think after that I was just going to move in and become Matty's new mum? Do you think the Roberts were going to let that happen?”

Danny moved forward and took hold of Annie's hands. “I fucking loved the bones of you, Annie Marshall, and you abandoned me. Did you not love me at all?”

Annie stared into the eyes that excited her all those years before as they begged her for an answer. Danny's eyes searched for the answer he'd been looking for, for twenty years.

“Yes, I loved you,” her words were soft and trembling, “I loved you more you can ever know.”

She wiped a small tear from her cheek. “But what else could I do? I had to go. Everybody hated me, even my own dad. If I hadn't had Auntie Rita, I don't know what I would have done.”

Danny squeezed her hands. “But you had me, Annie.”

The touch of his firm hands drifted Annie back to another world, the world that only she and Danny inhabited. The time before the whole world knew. Danny leaned in to where Annie could smell his warm, whisky sour breath. She knew the right thing to do would be to push him away, but her body froze as his lips moved closer. She closed her eyes to hear his deep masculine breath in her ear until their lips were pressed together in the passionate, longing kiss both had thought about so often. Danny took a firm hold of Annie's neck and held her close to him while they kissed. Paul's kisses were never able to reduce her knees to jelly the way Danny's did. She wrapped her legs around his back and tugged at his short hair with her nails and dragged them down his neck as he let out a deep moan of satisfaction. The years of frustrated, unsatisfied desire exploded the sexual tension between the forbidden lovers; only this time, Danny was free but Annie was not. A stark reminder of this fact rang out from her pocket.

“Leave it,” Danny begged, “please, Annie.”

Annie tried to ignore the call but she couldn't stop thinking that it might be Paul. Maybe it was a sign from the universe that she about to make a monumental mistake, again.

“Hang on,” she gently pushed Danny backwards, “I have to get this.”

It was Paul. She looked at her phone then back at Danny, all fired up and ready to explode with desire. She clicked the word ignore and threw her phone onto the grass, then tugged Danny's shirt and resumed their illicit encounter.

25 June 1996

I have no idea where to begin. The most horrible thing has happened. Danny is devastated. I want to go to him. He needs me but I know I can't, not tonight. Kate came round tonight to tell me, her eyes were red from crying. There were police and ambulances by the railway line. The police tape stretched from the platform right across to the exit gate. The passengers on the train were being treated at the scene for shock and minor injuries. I didn't realise it was Lisa. She found out about us yesterday. Part of me was glad, but my dad screamed at me like I'd never heard him before. Then he told me to stay in my room because he couldn't bear to look at me, and said how my mum would be so ashamed of the filthy slut I'd turned into. Craig saw us together in the van, put two and two together, and told his sister, and then had a huge fight with Kate, who admitted she'd known for a few weeks. Why can't they just understand that we didn't mean for this to happen. We couldn't have possibly known that Lisa was going to step in front of a train. That poor driver, Kate said he was crying and wailing when they took him away in the ambulance. The police are coming to talk to me in the morning; they need me to make a statement or something. They're talking to everyone about the circumstances that led up to Lisa's death. I'm not sorry that she's gone; really, I'm not, but I'm sorry that she felt she had to do something so horrible. Danny must be going through hell tonight but maybe this will turn out to be a blessing. With Lisa gone, we will be able to be together. I snuck out and went to Betty's cottage. I confessed about being with Danny and all she did was hug me. She told me to sit down at the table and she would make us some hot milk. Why couldn't Dad be like that? I told her what he called me and she said she would be talking to him about that. I hope she does because I'm hurting too. I didn't know Lisa was going to do that; it's not my fault. Even Betty agreed that it wasn't my fault. She said sometimes people are so ill that not even the love of a beautiful baby son was able to overcome the depression she suffered from, and that Lisa must have thought death was the only way to end her torment. She explained what postnatal depression was and how some new mums have a terrible time after their babies are born, no matter what else is happening in their lives. Even millionaires get depressed, so learning that Danny was cheating was not the reason she stepped in front of that train. It was her illness that made her do that. It's not my fault.