“It can’t be true,” I say without thinking. Sitting around the same small table in the coffee shop feels surreal as I read the article.

“You broke him,” Maddie jokes to try and lighten the mood.

His company, his friendships, his father. I know the tabloids make shit up, but the mugshot is something that can’t be denied. What the fuck happened?

“The charges have all been dropped and he’ll be fine.” Sue waves her hand in the air, blowing it off.

The newspaper falls to the table and the faint sound of the paper crinkling is all I can hear.

“I don’t understand what happened.” I think out loud. “He never said anything to me about his father or anything with the business.”

Sue shrugs. “Sometimes people don’t talk about that stuff. He’ll be fine.” She’s good at shaking things off, but I can’t. I don’t know what happened, and I shared so much of myself with Mason. I was raw and open and gave him every bit of me. Obviously there’s something he was holding back. And that’s an excuse for you to run back to him, that snide bitch in the back of my head says, but her voice is different this time. She's coaxing me. I can practically feel a sharp elbow nudging me to go see him.

“Coffee?” Kat asks as she sits down and places a hot ceramic mug in front of me. It’s the color of my cream accent pillows at home, very light from the almost offensive amount of creamer… just the way I like it.

I pick up the coffee and blow over the top, inhaling the smell and trying to feel normal. Kat’s busy reading over the manuscript on her smartphone, but I don’t even care.

She murmurs the lines as she opens up the book.

Sweet lies you told me, beautiful forever.

A dream or a terror, I craved it, whichever.

A taste so sweet, too much to say no,

I couldn’t resist, and you couldn’t let go.

Your healing touch, and comforting kiss.

But I never thought it would end like this.

Kat tilts her head, her lips stopping mid-poem and she gives me a questioning look. “Is this one about Jace?”

The book was supposed to be about mourning and loss. And it is, but it’s a deceptive cocktail of the two men. I loved and lost both of them.

I shrug my shoulders and take a sip of coffee. “I don’t remember,” I lie.

“So have you heard from him?” Maddie asks me, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I shake my head no. He got the message after I refused his calls repeatedly. I don’t think he’ll ever reach out to me again.

“Have you called him?” Maddie persists.

“Not yet,” I tell her, not realizing the intention of my words. “Or, no. No I haven’t.”

Her voice is hopeful as she scoots forward, the sound of the stool scratching against the floor making an annoying screech. “You should,” she tells me.

“I don’t know. I want to.” I trail my fingers up and down the cup and stare at a lone muffin in front of me. I haven’t eaten since I heard about Mason this morning.

“I think you should,” Maddie says softly.

“I think you should shut your mouth,” Sue bites out and Maddie merely gives her a look of defiance.

“She breaks up with him and he falls apart-” Maddie goes off, but she doesn’t get much out. What she does makes me feel like shit though.

“Stop it,” Sue snaps. “That’s not her fault.” Sue points at the paper for emphasis as she says, “This has nothing to do with her.”

“You don’t know that.” Maddie’s response is soft as she looks down to her own blueberry muffin and picks at the top of it. “Everyone’s saying he’s heartbroken.”

“Jesus, Maddie!” Sue scoffs.

“It’s not like I was trying to hurt him,” I tell her, my throat feeling tight. “I didn’t think he’d care that much…” I don’t know if that’s true. I wasn’t thinking of him when I ended it. I was only thinking of me. Of my anger. I take in a breath. “It just happened so fast, and it was too much.”

“There’s nothing wrong with fast,” Kat offers. “Dave and I got engaged in three months.”

It was a whirlwind romance, as they say in the novels. Picturesque in a lot of ways. But I had that, too. And it’s over.

My heart begs me to stop, but I have to ask. It’s fucking killing me. “Isn’t it wrong? To fall for someone else so quick? After Jace?”

“No,” Kat says and shakes her head. “It’s wrong to turn something away because you’re afraid of it though.” Her voice is full of regret, but it didn’t stop her from telling me exactly what she thinks.

“You guys are giving me whiplash.” I groan and push the hair out of my face, resting my elbows on the table and burying my face in my hands. “I shouldn’t be with him; I should be with him. I don’t fucking know what to think!” I finally snap.

“What do you want, Jules?” Sue asks me. “Love isn’t about thinking, it’s only about what you feel.” Of all the women in this group, I’m not sure I should take her advice on love, but she says it with such conviction and I believe it. And I trust her.

“I feel like I’ve been sad for too long.” I tell her. “I feel like I deserve to be punished for moving on. I feel like I miss Mason. Like I hurt him,” I brush my fingers under my eyes and suck in a breath to keep myself from falling to pieces. “And I’m a bitch for that. I feel like my life was spinning out of control and he was the one thing that was keeping me steady and I was taking advantage of that.” I run my hands down my face and stare at the coffee in front of me, finally finishing my thoughts. “I don’t know if I’m running away from all this shit or running to him.” I swallow and whisper, “Maybe some of both?”

It’s too much to take in and process, but I need all this mayhem to just stop.

“And you don’t have to know. You don’t have to do anything,” Kat says. Her phone’s turned upside down on the table and as soon as I notice that, I also notice all three woman staring at me with sympathy. Waiting for me. I don’t deserve this. I don’t know how I ended up so close with these women, but without them, I’d be so lost.

“You can take as much time as you need.” Maddie says with a small nod.

That’s the problem though. I wanted things to be slow, but he was a force I couldn’t control. My body bowed down to his, and I would have been swallowed whole if I gave any more of myself to him.

It doesn’t stop me from wanting him and the way I feel when I’m with him. He was right that first night, that he’d make me forget everything but his name and what he’d done to me.

“Are you sure it’s not wrong? Because it feels like the worst kind of wrong.” I look up at each of the girls, feeling like whatever they tell me will propel me in the direction I need to go.

“It’s scary,” Maddie says, shifting in her seat and breaking eye contact.

“Love is terrifying,” Kat adds.

“It’s not wrong. You haven’t done anything wrong, and you should do what you want to do. Even if that’s breaking every bachelor’s heart in New York City.” A soft, playful smile greets me as I look up at her. She nudges me and reaches for the paper. “This wasn’t your fault though, but I can’t say I’m not curious about the gossip.”

My heart clenches in my chest. He never said anything about his father, or his partner. I bite the inside of my cheek, realizing maybe he was running from something, too. Maybe he wasn’t running toward me at all. I just want to know the truth.