16 - Samantha
Saying goodbye to Dean was difficult, but when I close Jess’s front door and lean against it with my eyes closed, I’m glad I didn’t go to his place.
I wanted to. Obviously, I mean, come on. What girl wouldn’t want to be with him. I was so close to giving in and going to his place and letting myself have a wild night with him, but I couldn’t. I just sent my divorce papers to the lawyer today, it feels wrong to go to bed with someone else.
All I need is some time to think. I don’t know if he’s a rebound, or a distraction, or a way of me getting over Ronnie. Or maybe, and this scares me almost more than anything else, maybe he’s the real thing. Maybe he is as caring and kind as he seems to be.
Jess surprises me when her head pops up around the corner.
“Tell. Me. Everything,” she says in a hushed whisper.
“I didn’t think you’d still be up.”
“I couldn’t sleep,” she admits. “Come on, you want some tea? Wine?”
“Tea sounds good,” I say, following her to the kitchen. I sit down and she starts boiling the water and then turns to me.
“So…???” She looks at me expectantly. I laugh and then shrug.
“It was fun. It was great! We went to a jazz bar and then went out for a walk.”
“I saw that car he picked you up in. A Bentley? Was that a rental? Who is this guy?”
I laugh. “I’m not sure,” I say as I shake my head. “He said his father is an investment banker, and I’ll be honest I’m not exactly sure what that means.”
“Neither am I,” Jess says as she drops a cup of tea in front of me. “So?? I thought for sure I wouldn’t see you until tomorrow. Will you see him again?”
“Yeah,” I reply. “Well, I hope so. We kissed.”
Jess makes a noise and gives me an approving nod. “Good girl,” she says. “As you should.”
I laugh. “It was nice. I mean, it was better than nice. He did that thing where he wraps his hand around my head and like pulled me closer. Do you know what I mean?”
“Mmm,” Jess says approvingly, nodding as she takes a sip. “That’s hot.”
“So hot,” I reply with a laugh. “I couldn’t think straight.”
“And you didn’t want to sleep with him?”
“I mean, yeah, obviously I did. I do!” I laugh. “He invited me back to his place.”
“You said no?!”
“I’m not ready, Jess. I just sent the papers to the lawyer today. I’m not even officially divorced yet.”
Jess shrugs. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
“I know, but I just don’t feel ready. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like I’m still mourning the end of my marriage. It feels wrong to just jump into bed with someone else.” I hold up my hand. “I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say it didn’t feel wrong for Ronnie, but I’m not like him. I don’t know, I can’t put it into words.”
Jess smiles. “I wasn’t going to say that. I get it. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely want you to bang him, but if you’re not ready yet then that’s ok. I don’t think you have to wait for the official divorce to go through though, if that’s what you’re waiting for.”
“It’s not,” I say as I take a sip. “I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Even when I was kissing him, like I was loving it and it was so hot and I was more turned on than I’ve been in years. But it still felt like I shouldn’t be doing it. Or like, I was going to get caught. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah,” Jess says. She takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry you’re going through this, Sam. I thought your wedding was the real deal.”
“So did I,” I say, but the words catch in my throat. I shake my head and blink my eyes a few times. “I don’t want to cry. I just met an amazing, sexy, respectful man that wants to see me again. I should be happy!”
“Did he seem upset when you turned him down?”
“No! Not at all. He was so nice about it, it seemed like he really understood why I said no. I mean, when we were kissing I think I felt a boner,” I say with a grin. Jess bursts out laughing and claps her hands before bringing her hands to her mouth.
“The twins are asleep,” she explains and then grins at me. “You could feel it?! How did it feel?” she asks. “Like..?” she pulls her two index fingers apart. “Tell me when to stop,” she says and wiggles her eyebrows at me. I laugh.
“I don’t know, it’s not like I felt it up. I mean, I could feel it through his pants so it’s not like it was small.”
Jess grins. “I can’t wait for you to get laid.”
“Me too,” I laugh. “Who knows, it might happen sooner than later.”
“I hope so,” she says. “So when are you seeing him again?”
“I’m not sure, we haven’t made any plans. Hey, Jess,” I start, looking at her hesitantly. I take a deep breath and try to ignore the nervousness in my chest. She nods her head expectantly.
“What is it?”
“I was thinking I might stay in New York a bit longer than I thought. Would it… would it be alright if I stayed here?” I ask, finding the courage to pull my eyes up to hers. “Only until I find my own place! I promise. I’ll pay you rent.”
Jess laughs and stands up to move towards me. She wraps me in a hug. “Of course, Sam. Stay as long as you want. I told you that! We have an extra bedroom for a reason, and you’re great with the twins.”
She sits back down and grins at me. “He’s had quite the effect on you,” she teases. I feel my cheeks blush immediately and I shake my head.
“It’s ok,” Jess says with a laugh. “I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy.” She smiles at me and I feel my heart grow in my chest. “You also deserve to get laid,” she says. “Like, properly laid.”
I laugh. “I can arrange that.”
“Good. Alright, I’ll see you in the morning. Just leave those mugs in the sink, I’ll get them in the morning.”
“See you tomorrow.”
Jess gives me another hug and goes back to her bedroom. I sigh and look around the kitchen. I can hear the noise of cars outside and a distant siren. I shake my head. I guess I’ll be trying the city life for a while.