42 - Clay
No words can explain the hurricane of emotion inside me right now. My blood feels like fire in my veins as I try to understand what just happened.
The look on Val’s face when she put up her hands and walked away from me was pure hurt and anger and betrayal. If she’d only given me a second, I could explain!
For the second time, that woman, that black-haired snake, slithered her way into my life and left me holding my heart in my hand with a hole in my chest. Except this time it’s not just me she’s hurt, it’s Val.
The waiter walks up to the table with two steaming plates of pasta and all of a sudden I realise where I am. I look around and see the sideways glances from the tables around me. I’m naked and exposed.
It’s not true! I want to scream. I’m not that kind of guy!
The plates are dropped in front of me and the waiter hovers awkwardly.
“Will the lady be coming back?” he asks tentatively.
I look up at him in a daze.
“I’ll just get the bill please.”
“No problem. Would you like this food to take away?”
“No, just the bill.” I can’t eat right now. I can’t think, I can’t talk. I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to stand.
Just when I thought I had Val back, when my heart was singing just looking at her across from me, she was ripped away from me again.
I need to fix this.
My heart is beating faster, I’m frantic.
I need to explain.
I need to tell her everything. Tell her what happened before.
I need her to listen.
I can’t lose her. I can’t go back to the way things were! She’s shown me how good things can be, what happiness tastes like.
It tastes like her.
I pay the bill and get out.
Stumbling, frantic, panicking, I make my way towards her. I need to talk to her. I run up the stairs to her apartment and bang on her door.
“Val! Valerie! Please open the door!”
“Go away!” The words sound like they’re coming from just the other side of the door. Her voice, her beautiful voice sounds strained and choked. A knife passes through my heart like hot butter at the thought that I did this to her, I made her feel like this.
No, I didn’t. Caroline did.
“Val, please,” I plead to the door, my voice softer. “The things she was saying weren’t true. I can tell you everything.”
I hear shuffling on the other side of the door and the lock scrapes open. My heart beats faster and I feel a tendril of hope sparking inside me. The door flies open and there she is.
Her eyes are red, her cheeks blotchy. The tears are still streaming down her face and my heart breaks all over again. Her pain shoots through me and almost knocks me down. My arms are aching for her, I just want to wrap myself around her and make it better. She speaks before I can.
“Leave.” Her bottom lip is shaking violently but her voice is low and firm. My heart drops like a stone.
“What?”
“Leave, and don’t come back.”
“Val, just let me explain.”
“I told you, Clay. I’m sick of your explanations. You’ve made a fool out of me one too many times. So you can make me come, so what!” she spits the words at me. “You’re a player, and congratulations, you’ve played me. Don’t come back.”
The door slams and locks with a finality that knocks me back.
Just like that, she’s gone. I’ve lost her.
Somehow I make it home. I have no idea how, I can’t remember getting here.
She’s gone. I’ve lost her.