39 - Samantha
The day has dragged on. I glance at the clock again as the kids start to file out. Dean still hasn’t contacted me. As much as I force myself to believe that I can do it, the weight that dropped onto my shoulders at the doctor’s office is still there. My heart beats a little bit faster when I think about telling Dean about the baby.
Should I tell him right away? I know I should wait until everything with his family blows over. But maybe it would change his mind? I jerk my head up when I hear my name.
“…Samantha?”
“Sorry, Margaret. I was in a world of my own there.”
“Are you feeling ok? I was just going to say that you can head home if you want to. I’ve got everything under control here.”
“Are you sure? It was supposed to be my night to set up for tomorrow.”
She smiles kindly and nods her head. “Go home, Samantha. I’ll see you tomorrow. And tell Dean to call me! I was expecting to hear from him or his boss today, we have a lot to organise with the children’s clown school days.”
“He’s been busy today,” I say, not wanting to tell her that I haven’t heard from him either. “I’m supposed to go see him now so I’ll make sure to tell him.”
“Thank you. Have a good night.”
I head out the door and shuffle to my car. I sit down and let out a sigh, turning the car on to let the air conditioning blow onto my face. I close my eyes for a few moments, letting my hand drift to my stomach.
How did this happen?
I mean, I know how this happened. But how did this happen?!
Dean’s mother’s face appears in my mind and I shudder. She was ready to ruin my life if I kept speaking to Dean, threatening to drag my name through the mud. And now with a baby on the way I can’t imagine what she’d threaten me with.
The thought of her using this baby against me makes my blood run cold. I sit up a bit straighter and open my eyes, gripping the steering wheel as I sit in the parking lot.
The realisation dawns on me then - the realisation that I can’t tell Dean. I can’t tell him about the baby until I know what’s going on with his family. I can’t risk her finding out and putting me or the baby in danger. I can’t risk it. I let my hand fall to my stomach again and take a long breath.
First, I need to figure out what’s going on. I need to find Dean and demand an explanation. Once I know that, I can figure out whether or not I can tell him about this baby. If I have to do it alone to protect it, then so be it.
With renewed energy, I turn the key in the ignition and the car rumbles to life. I send Dean a quick message to tell him to meet me at Jess’s. For the first time today I feel alive. I feel like I can face this, and I can figure it out. I’m not alone anymore, I’m not waiting for Dean to explain anything. I’m sure as hell not going to let Dean’s mother push me or my baby around. I flick on the radio and head home, singing alone to every song that I know.
By the time I pull up to Jess’s house, I feel like at least part of the weight on my shoulders has been lifted. I check my phone before going in and purse my lips when I see it’s still blank.
“Come on, Dean,” I say to myself. It’s more important than ever for me to see him and figure out what the heck is going on.
I jog up the steps when something catches my eye. It’s a brown envelope sticking out from under the welcome mat. It's exactly like the one Dean’s mother had with my divorce papers in it, . I lean down and pick it up, glancing up and down the street. There’s no one there, or at least no one who looks like they delivered the envelope. I flip it over but it’s blank, so I open up the top.
My heart sinks like a stone when I pull out the photos. I flick through them one by one, seeing Dean with a woman. I frown and squint as I look at the pictures more closely as my chest gets that horrible hollow feeling and my head starts to feel light. I know that woman! She’s the one who came to my work, the one who told me Dean wasn’t all he appeared to be.
My heart starts hammering against my ribcage and I flick through the photos again. I shake my head as I see images of Dean and the woman, laughing and kissing and smiling and all I can do is whisper no, no, no. I stuff the photos back inside the envelope and rush in the door. I barely glance at Jess as I hurry to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and falling down onto my bed.
The tears start stinging my eyes and I brush them away angrily.
Was she telling the truth? Was she trying to tell me that I shouldn’t trust him because he was cheating on me with her?
There’s that word - cheating. Even thinking it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I thought I’d never feel this again, not after Ronnie. I thought I was done with it. I open the envelope and look at the photos again, more slowly this time. My vision starts to blur as the tears start streaming down my face and I shake my head.
“It can’t be true,” I whisper to myself. “It just can’t be true.”
My hands are trembling and my eyes are so full of tears that I can’t see anything anymore. I let them fall down my cheeks and I cover my face with my hands. His betrayal pierces me like a hot dagger through the heart. I sit on the edge of my bed and cry, my mouth open in a silent sob as I try to hide my pain from the rest of the house. I shake and shudder and wrap my arms around my stomach as my whole body crumples over. I rock back and forth and let the tears fall down my face.
I only realise I wasn’t being quiet at all when Jess appears by my side. Her arms are around me and she’s holding me against her chest, stroking my hair and cooing. I feel her reach over towards the photos and look at them before wrapping her arms around me a little bit tighter.
I want to tell her about Dean’s mother, and about the other woman, and Dean showing up last night. I want to tell her everything but she’s been so stressed and tired these days that it just seems selfish to burden her more. And now…
“Come on, Sam. There, there. Come on,” she cooes. I sniffle and choke and sob until I feel empty again.
Finally, I’m able to look up at her. She shakes her head.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know! Dean’s mom threatened me and that woman warned me and now Dean is worried and he won’t talk to me and I’m pregnant and it’s all a bit mess and I should have just stayed in Lexington.” I run out of breath and stop talking as I inhale. Jess’s face is a picture of complete confusion.
“Wait, what?”
I sob again and try to wipe my eyes. “I don’t know what to do, Jess.”
“Tell me what happened. Who gave you these pictures?”
I finally wipe the tears away and am able to see her a little bit more clearly. I take a deep breath and start talking.