42 - Dean
My heart is broken. Shattered. There’s a million shards of it floating inside me sending searing pain through my whole body.
Sam walked out the door and now I’m finished. I’m done. It’s over. My life is completely over. She heard the truth, and she accepted it. I glance from my father to my mother to Victoria and I feel nothing but disgust. Disgust and hatred.
My father lifts his eyes to me and I see nothing in them. No regret, no love, no care. Nothing but coldness.
“You three are sociopaths,” I finally say, shaking my head and leaning back in my chair. “You’re complete sociopaths. Or psychopaths. I don’t know the difference. You’re fucked up.”
“Oh shut up, Dean,” Victoria says as she rolls her eyes. She flicks her hair behind her shoulder and raises an eyebrow towards me. “It’s over.”
“I know it’s over, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re all fucking psychopaths.”
“Where were we?” My mother asks a bit too loudly. “Henry, let’s see the draft prenup agreement. Victoria, you’ve had a chance to review this?”
Victoria nods and my mother hands me the papers. I start scanning them and let out a gargled noise at the second page.
“A baby clause?! You want her to carry my child? You expect me to have sex with this fucking monster?” I say, waving the papers towards Victoria. “I agreed to marry her, I didn’t agree to sleep with her!”
“You’ll do what it says, Dean,” my father growls. My eyes flick back to him and I shake my head.
“I can’t. I can’t fuck her. I can’t even fucking look at her without dry heaving!”
“You never had a problem fucking me before,” Victoria snarls.
“Yeah well that was before you cheated on me, you conniving bitch.”
The vitriol in my voice surprises me. It’s not like me to talk like this, or to feel like this. I’ve never had such hatred inside me. I thought my heart was broken when I found Victoria in my bed, but I was wrong. It’s broken now. This is what it feels like. It’s not just my heart that’s broken, it’s my whole soul, my whole being. The void that’s been left behind is quickly filling with nothing but anger and bitterness. That sour loathing is starting to poison everything inside me.
Maybe I should just embrace it. If I’m going to be living in their world, I should become one of them. How else will I survive?
I don’t even know what’s happening. I sign some papers - the prenup, maybe. I’m in a daze. I’m led back outside and I get in the same car. Ronnie and his accomplice are still sitting in the front seat. We drive, and soon I’m back at the motel where they had me this morning.
No words are spoken between us as they drag me up to the same room. I get in and sit on the edge of the bed. I stare at the brown stain on the floor and take a deep breath.
This is it. This is my life now.
Sam’s face appears in my head and I shake it away. I can’t think of her, it’ll only make me feel worse. I should just forget about her. It’s for the best.
I sit on the edge of the bed until a the door opens. I look up, surprised to see the street lights on. I must have been sitting here for hours. Ronnie steps in with a styrofoam box. I smell food as he lifts the box up towards me.
“Dinner,” he says. I grunt in response. He drops it on the little round table by the door and turns to leave.
“Wait!” I call out. He pauses and turns towards me. We stare at each other for a few moments until my face twists and I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.
“Why, Ronnie?” I finally croak. His eyes narrow and his lips press into a thin line. He stares at me for a long time and then glances out the door before closing it.
“What do you mean?” he answers.
“I mean why are you doing this? Why are you working for my mother? Don’t you see that you’re hurting Sam?”
Ronnie’s face falls and he shakes his head.
“I didn’t think it would go this far. She said she could get me a better settlement in the divorce if I helped her. And I saw you with her and you were making her laugh. You know how she looks when she laughs?" he looks at me and his face contorts. "I never thought that…” his voice trails off and he stares at the brown stain on the ground that I’ve been looking at for hours. He sighs.
“She’s a monster,” I finally say. “My mother. She’s a monster. You should get as far away as possible.”
Ronnie looks back up at me and all I see is pain in his face.
“I made a mistake. I lost everything. I couldn’t…” his voice trails off and he looks through me. I watch his face harden. He stands up a bit taller and turns towards the door.
“Wait, Ronnie!” I call out. “Wait!”
The door slams.
“Fuck!” I exclaim. He doesn’t want to be doing this. He thinks he has to, maybe he’s in too deep. Maybe my mother knows too much about his past and his divorce. I shake my head. I thought we were understanding each other, I thought maybe he’d let me go. Maybe he’d let me call Sam.
I stare at the styrofoam box of food and finally get up off the bed. I flick it open to see a chicken drumstick and a pile of rice. I sigh, pushing the rice around with a plastic fork. I don’t feel like a billionaire right now. I leave the food and fall down onto the bed. My eyes trace the outline of the water stains on the ceiling over and over until my eyelids get heavy and I fall asleep.