35 - Valerie
I’ve seen that look on Emma’s face before, and it’s never been good. I look at Clay and see the shock on his face, his mouth open as he turns towards me. What is going on!
“Do you guys know each other?” I ask.
“I don’t know, do we?” Emma responds quickly, her voice dripping with snark.
The three of us stand in silence for a moment. Both Emma and I are staring at Clay and he’s just glancing between the two of us, back and forth.
“This is your best friend?” he finally says, turning to me. His voice is incredulous, almost pleading.
“Yes, this is my best friend Emma. And again, do you guys know each other?” My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel the panic rising in my throat. Someone needs to explain what’s going on!
“I, uh, yeah. We met,” he stammers. I frown. I still don’t understand, but I know I won’t like what I hear.
“We met,” Emma repeats drily. She rolls her eyes and turns back to the coffee in front of her. “Why don’t you tell your new girlfriend how we met?”
She emphasises the word girlfriend and for some reason it stings me when she does. She looks really, really angry. I still don’t understand. I turn to Clay and square my shoulders, searching his face.
“Clay. Tell me what is going on.” My voice is hard, and I can feel my heart hardening with every second that passes.
“We met on a night out,” he says quickly, and then inhales sharply. Emma snorts. I’m glancing from one to the other and finally the realisation hits me. My heart drops like a rock into my stomach and I feel my throat constricting. I turn to Emma.
“This is the guy? This is the guy who never called you back?” Emma looks up at me with one eyebrow raised and she doesn’t need to say anything for me to understand. I don’t know what to think. I’m angry at him for hurting my friend but I’m also jealous and I don’t know why. I feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.
“Val,” Clay says softly, bringing his hands up to my arms. “It was before I met you, it didn’t mean anything.”
Emma snorts again and turns to stare at him. I pull away from his touch. I don’t know who to trust.
“Didn’t mean anything, hey?” Emma starts. “What about you telling me I was the coolest chick you’d met in New York, and I was different, and you were breaking all your rules for me. What did THAT mean? Saying all that bullshit and then never calling me back. You’re a user.”
My heart sinks even deeper when I hear the familiar words. Breaking all the rules, being different. I feel like a fool. I look at Clay and the tears start streaming down my face. I hate crying but I can’t help it.
“Is that what you tell every girl you sleep with?” I ask. He’s not saying anything, just staring at me with his arms outstretched. I can’t even look at him anymore. I need to get out of here. The walls are closing in on me and I feel like I can’t breathe. I brush past him and rush out the door.
I gulp in the fresh air and turn towards the subway station. Tears are still streaming down my face and I can hardly see where I’m going. My steps are unsteady as if I’ve been drinking all day. I hear the bell of the diner’s door jingle behind me, and Clay’s voice calling after me.
“Val, wait! It’s not like that! I swear!”
“Leave her alone, you pig,” Emma jumps in. She’s at my side now, with her arm wrapped around me. “Don’t listen to him, Val, you’re better than him. You deserve better.”
Her words are like a punch in the gut and I start sobbing into her shoulder. My heart has been split in two and I feel a searing pain in my chest. I can’t walk straight, the ground feels unstable. All I can do is lean into Emma and feel the hot tears streaming down my face.
She’s shushing me and guiding me towards the subway. I’m in a daze, my mind is blank and buzzing at once. I’m trying to gulp in the air, to calm my beating heart but all I can do is cry and lean against Emma. I don’t even care how many people are staring at me as I cry. She holds me the whole way back to my apartment, unlocks the door for me and sits me down on my sofa.
I sit down and the realisation of who Clay really is sinks in. She’s right, he’s a user. Everything he told me he said the same to her. My tears dry and I stare into space. He’s been lying to me, using me. I’m no different than any of the other girls he sleeps with. He’s made a fool of me. Emma is in the kitchen making us some tea. I can’t move, I can’t speak, I can’t think.
I thought I’d found someone that I could trust but all I found was a womaniser. I opened my body and my mind up to him, telling him my deepest secret. I thought he was genuine and he was just pretending the whole time! He said the same exact things to gain Emma’s trust. He slept with Emma. She told her they had a connection. It doesn’t even matter that it was before he knew me, now I know his true colours. The outrage is building inside me like pressure inside a kettle.
Emma comes back with the tea and sits down beside me.
“I’m sorry this has happened, Val. The way you were talking about him I thought he was a good guy.”
“So did I.” I’m still staring into space. I don’t think I can’t look at her without crying. Clay, my Clay, the one person who can give me an orgasm, has been lying to me. He’s used me, and he’s slept with my best friend.