CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Chapter 16
Forward
Maggie
Over the next month, everyone did everything they could to help me get read for the hearing.
When my dad got back from his trip he was surprised and I would say a little irritated to find Max at the house with me waiting on him. We all sat down at the kitchen table and I told my dad about the letter, having a breakdown and Max being here with me. Through it all he just held one of my hands while Max held the other and let me get it all out. At the end he got out of his chair, walked over to me and pulled me up into his arms and just held me for what seemed like minutes. He gave me a tight squeeze and leaned back so I could see his eyes as he told me how proud of me he was. Yes, I had a hard time, but it was a hard situation and my response wasn’t drastic. I didn’t think about hurting myself or actually hurt myself. I stayed strong and true to what I promised myself when I left he mental hospital. I kept fighting.
I don’t know if that would have been the case if Max hadn’t shown up so I couldn’t really accept it as an accomplishment. If I had been left on my own to sit and think about the darkness and the past I can’t be sure I wouldn’t have wondered down that road had I been on my own.
I explained that same thing to Dr. Sasha the following week at our appointment and she pointed out sometimes life sends us the people we need when we most need them. She said the fact that I let Max in and let him help me was what I should be proud of if I couldn’t be proud of the strength it took to not head down that dark road. I didn’t have to let him in. I could have pushed him away and drawn back into myself. I could have, but I didn’t and that is something to be proud of myself for. After I left that session with her a part of me felt stronger knowing that.
I think after that I finally realized that being strong doesn’t mean doing everything on your own. It means knowing when you can’t do it on your own and allow someone to help you. Leaning on the people in my life doesn’t make me weak, it makes me stronger than I already am because I know my own limits. I know when I need a little extra push or a little help pulling me out of the hole I feel myself sinking into. Recognizing that point and letting someone in are both hard things to do and I did them both. That’s something I am definantly proud of.
Char and Max were both rocks in their own ways. Char took me out to the mall and we did “girly” things according to her. She took me to get my hair cut, we got manicures and pedicures and I bought a outfit for court. That was actually Dr. Sasha’s idea, she told me to pick out an outfit that I felt make me more confident in myself. Something that when I wore it there wan’t a doubt in my mind that I looked good. I have had a problem with self- esteem for so long that picking out an outfit was defiantly a challenge, but Char was the one who pushed me into actually following through with it. I was convinced that it wasn’t really something that would help me.
I was so wrong. After about the third store Char told me to let her try to pick something out based off of what she thought I would need. I gave her free reign and told her as long as she made this the last store she could put me in a yellow pants suit for all I cared. One thing I will never do is doubt either of those ladies again. Char came back with a pair of black slacks that were form fitting, a light blue silk blouse that was structured but didn’t stick to my skin and a white blazer. Separately, I didn’t think much of it, but when I went into the dressing room and looked at myself in the mirror with my new haircut, some make-up on and this sophisticated powerful outfit on I totally got it. Char found me a pair of killer black pumps to wear with the outfit and when I took it all in I could not believe the person staring back at me was actually… me.
The person in the mirror looked put together, capable and confident. None of those things I would ever consider myself to be, especially the closer we got to the hearing date. I felt like at any moment I was going to fall apart, that I would get into the courthouse and pass out or throw up. I went back and forth about my decision to speak constantly. In that outfit though, I saw the person I wanted to be, not the person I felt like I was stuck being.
When I walked out and showed Char she looked up from her big purse and her mouth literally dropped open. I mean all the way open, like in a cartoon. I bust out laughing and so did she.
“You look hot. Confident and hot. If I didn’t totally dig guys I would be asking for your number right now.”
I laughed so hard I had to sit down on the bench in the dressing room.
“You like it huh?”
“If you don’t buy it I will, I am under strict instructions from my brother to make sure you get everything you need today, I’m even armed with his credit card”.
Shaking my head I closed the door to the dressing room, gave myself one last look in the mirror and took the confident lady off and put my jeans and t-shirt back on .
Later that night, when Max came over to the house, as he had started doing everyday after work, I explained that to him while we were both laying on the couch together. I told him it felt like I was a different person, but not in a bad way. He sat there a minute playing with my hair before he nodded his head.
“Think about it like a suit of armor. That’s what you put on when you go into battle to protect yourself and make you look formidable to your opponent. This feels like you going into battle and ever warrior needs their suit of armor”.
Shaking my head I closed my eyes and settled into him. He had taken to calling me that, little warrior and as much as I tried to put him off of it I actually loved it. I loved that he saw me that way and that he always tried to do things to show me how strong I was.
He had started picking me up and taking me on dates. The weekend before my dad had to go on another out of town trip for the whole weened and Max stayed with me. We didn’t tell my dad but I wasn’t exactly hiding it either. We never did anything more than make out, I just wasn’t ready to go past that point, but everyday I felt like I was closer and closer to breaking through whatever wall was holding me back. Max never pushed me there and sometimes he had to be the one to pull back when I got carried away.
While the kissing was great, well way more than great, the time we spent together was even more amazing. Max took me on dates doing stuff I had never done before. On our first official date he took me to Galveston Island, an island city about 45 minutes outside of Houston, and we went to Pleasure Pier. I had never been and had been meaning to go. It was great. We walked on the pier, had dinner, ate dippin’ dots for dessert and watched the sunset on the beach before driving back to Houston. It was the perfect first date. After that we went roller blading at Discovery Green Park, went to the Houston Zoo and even took a cooking class. Last week Max convinced me to go to a club with him. He promised it wouldn’t be very rowdy and he would be with me the whole time.
That brings us to tonight. The hearing is exactly two weeks away and Max is using everything he can to take my mind off of it. We end up at this Salsa Club called “Havana Nights”. When we go in it is unlike any club I have ever been in. It has two stories with the second floor bing a large balcony all the way around the room so that the dance floor on the main floor looks like an arena. We make our way over to the bar on the bottom floor and grab two drinks before heading up to the balcony.
Max leads me over to the railing and wraps his arms around me after handing me my drink and setting his on the big ledge of the railing. I’m about to turn and ask him what we are waiting for when he squeezes my waist and points to the side of the dance floor where the DJ is turning something on. Suddenly the lights lower just a little give the place an almost sunset romantic lighting feel. Then the people in the middle of the dance floor move off to the edges and a new upbeat song comes on right as a couple twirls into the middle of the dance floor and starts dancing.
I mean really dancing the kind of salsa you only see in the movies. They are turning and twisting and its like you can almost see this tangible connection between them . They dance so intimately that it feels like your intruding to watch. Next thing I know Max takes my hand and leads me down to the first floor. As soon as we get down there everyone starts dancing along with the couple. Max pulls me onto the dance floor and turns around and pulls me close to hime. I shake my head and lean up to talk in his ear so he can hear me.
“I don’t know how to dance like this.”
He leans back and gives me a wink with a wicked smile on his face before he starts moving his feet.
For the next two hours he pulls me along and I follow his lead. I step his toes a few times, but I think I have smile permanently etched on my face form laughing so much.
At around 11:30 they announce three couples will be having a dance off and to clear the floor. Max takes my hand and we head back up to the second floor. As we make our way over to where we were before Max stops and pulls me over to a table in the corner by a set of french doors that lead out onto an outdoor balcony. Standing next to the doors is a tall guy guy with long black hair and skin the color of caramel. He is leaning against the wall next to the doors with a drink in one hand and his phone in the other with an irritated look on his face. When he glances up from his phone and sees us the irritated look slips away and a smile replaces it. Max leads me over and releases my hand to give the guy a back slapping hug. When he steps back again they are both smiling and Max grabs my hand once again. The guy notices and raises an eyebrow at Max while glancing at our intertwined hands.
“Something you need to tell me man?”
Max laughs and pulls me close so he can slip has arm around my shoulder instead.
“Parker this is my Maggie. Maggie this is Parker. We have been friends since we were like 5 years old.”
I reach out my hand and Parker takes it gently before bending down and kissing the top of my hand giving me a mischievous smile as he does.
“Pleasure to meet you Maggie. Is that short for Margaret?”
I blush from the old school gesture and nod my head when he releases my hand. I jump when suddenly Max lets out a growl and takes the hand Parker kissed and starts rubbing the back of it against his shirt like he’s trying to wipe it off. I laugh when I realize what he is doing and reach up and pull his face down to mine so I can give him a quick reassuring kiss. His friend is hot, I’m not blind, but nowhere near as hot as Max. When I pull back I whisper against his lips so only he hears me before I pull away.
“Your the only guy for me hot stuff.”
When I look back in his eyes they soft but he still doesn’t release his old on my hand.
Turning back to Parker I see him looking at us with a curious expression on his face before he gives us both a soft smile.
‘Well I will be damned. Maxie has been sunk. Who would have thought”
Max rolls his eyes as I laugh.
“What do you think of my club Maggie?”
I glance back at Parker in shock.
“Your club? You own this whole place?”
He smiles and nods his head once before motioning for us to sit down at the table in the corner with him.
Once we are seated a girl comes up to the table and takes our drink order. Apparently the boss gets special bar service.
“I got very lucky when I was a teenager and managed to start working construction for my grandfathers company when I was 15. Every since then I have saved all my money and then two years ago my father and grandfather helped me get a loan for this place. I sunk all of my savings into it, but it was all worth it. I budgeted a year for the renovation and another year to get this place operating in the black. The construction took a little over a year with some delays, but within six months we were operating in the black and have been doing better and better each quarter since. “
If Parker and Max are the same age then he couldn’t have been more than 22 when he decided to take this on. Im looking at that number coming up and I have to say I couldn’t imagine taking on a project like that.
“Well you did a great job. This place is amazing. I can’t believe how fun this is and how much energy seems to flow through this place.”
Parker smiles and points a finger at me before saying, “Exactly! That’s what I wanted. A place that seemed to almost be alive in itself. Im glad you are having a good time Maggie.”
Fore the next half and hour or so I sit there and proceed to learn all kinds of things about Max, Parker and their other friend Declan who I know Char is secretly in love with. I learn about the time they snuck into the coaches office in high school and superglued all of his equipment keys to his desk only to be caught when they accidentally superglued their hands to the desk as well. The time they tried to sneak in Declans house after going to a party drinking their freshman year of high school only to be caught when they climbed in his parents window instead of his. I know about the time Max lost a bet to Parker and had to dye his har hot pink for his senior yearbook picture.
I will defiantly be getting Char to dig that up for me.
Suddenly the conversation takes a turn and by the way Max tenses up next to me I know its not a good one.
“Slade came by the other day. He just moved back to town.”
By the look on Max’s face I know that’s not something he is happy about.
“Why the hell is he back here?”
“Come on Max. How long are you going to hate him?”
“Leave it alone Parker. Come on Maggie. Lets get you back home. Its getting late.”
Just like that the conversation is over and Max is getting up from the table helping me out of the booth. He turns to Parker and gives him another hug and without a word turns to start leading me back through the club. I turn around and wave at parker who gives me a small smile and a wave back.
I don’t say anything on the way to the car because it seems like tension is rolling off of Max in droves.
Once we get in his truck and are driving through downtown he reaches over and takes my hand. I glance over at him and he still looks tense, but he is rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. Like he’s trying to calm himself down. Once we are on the freeway he speaks.
“It used to me Parker, Declan, Slade and Me. All four of us met in kindergarten and were best friends. After Char was in the hospital and Stephanie and I broke up it took her like a day to hook up with him. I found them together at the gym no less, in my office. I didn’t care that he hooked up with her, I cared that he did it not knowing we weren’t actually together anymore. He was one of my best friends and all said was that he was in love with her and couldn’t help himself”.
I sit there and place my hand over his giving it a squeeze before he flips his hand over and interlaces our fingers.
“I told him I couldn’t trust him, not after that and he told me he couldn’t help the way he felt. After that they became a couple but only lasted a few weeks. Then they were broken up and he was gone.”
“ You ever talked to him again?”
“No and I don’t want to start now.”
I sit there and try to think of something to say and when nothing comes to mind I undo my seatbelt, slide across the bench seat and wrap my arms around his arm, placing my head on his shoulder and just try to show him I’m there for him. After a few seconds I hear him take a deep breath and when he lets it out the tension in his body seems to go with it. I feel his lips brush against my head before he pulls his arm away and wraps it around my shoulders to being me close to him.
“I’m sorry about your friend. I know what it’s like when friends turn out to suck. I lost all of mine at Yale after Dustin started speeding those rumors about me. Going forward you know if they could just turn so quickly on you then they were never true friends to begin with, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
“Very true. baby. Very true. “
We drive the rest of the way in silence. When we get back to my house Max gets out and walks me to the door. Just as we get up to the front porch the front door swings open and my dad charges out with a pair of boxers in his hand. Confused I stop and it’s only when he walks right up to Max that I see that they have little boxing gloves on them. I feel my eyes widen as I realize those belong to Max. He must have dropped them when he spent the night last night. Before I can say anything my father is hold them up in Max’s face.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE DOING IN MY HOUSE?!”
“Well-“
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER?!”
“Dad-“
“I WANT YOU TO LEAVE. YOU UNDERSTAND ME? STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!”
Dad turns around a tries to usher me into the house, but before he gets the chance Max is there pulling me away from him. He pulls me behind him as my dad whirls around looking like he is going to get ready to hit him so I shout out the only thing I can think of to defuse the situation.
“WE DIDN’T HAVE SEX!”
Both of them stop and turn to look at me at the same time. I feel myself flush. My father seems to lose a little of his bluster with the flush that creeps up into his own cheeks and Max gives me a sly smile and another one of those sexy little winks of his. I try to roll my eyes and play it off but I can feel myself getting more red by the second. I walk over and snatch the boxers out of my fathers hand before walking into the house and motioning them in.
They are both reluctant, but they both come.
“Okay. Here is the deal. Max spent the night again while you were out of town last weekend. No I didn’t tell you, but it wasn’t because I was hiding it from you. Honestly. It’s just that Max and I didn’t do anything I think you need to be concerned about. Plus, you said this was just as much my house as it was yours and I didn’t think I needed your permission to have him here. I’m 21 I thought I was entitled to some privacy.”
I stand there trying to be confident while having this discussion with my father, but with Max in the room and me holding his underwear all I am really aware of is how hot it is in this room and how much I wish I could just go hide under my bed from embarrassment.
My dad reaches up and rubs the back of his neck while looking down at the floor and Max leans against the wall by the door and crosses his arms like he doesn’t have a care in the world. When I look at his face I see the biggest shit eating grin on his face and I narrow my own eyes at him which just makes him smile bigger. Little shit is enjoying this. To add to my embarrassment he glances down at the underwear in my hand and then back up at my face before moving his eyebrows up and down in a very suggestive manner. If this goes on any longer I’m going to be giving tomatoes a run for their money int he red department.
Finally, my dad breaks the silence.
“From now on I know when he spends the night and no clothes come off. You understand?”
I nod and then walk over to him and give him a good squeeze.
“I know your an adult baby girl but I worry and I always will. Your going to have to just accept that.”
I laugh and give him another squeeze before pulling back to give him a smile letting him know we are okay.
He looks over at Max and though I know it kills him, he says,
“Sorry about all that.”
Max to his credit walks over to my dad and holds out his hand.
They shake and just when I release the breath I was holding he has to go and screw it all up.
“For the record I know your Maggie’s Dad and I know considering everything going on your being as protective as you can. I just need you to know that I care for your daughter, deeply and anything related to us moving forward intimately is all up to her. We go at her pace, but I won’t be waiting till I marry her if that’s what you want form me.”
He is not seriously having the sex talk with my father… right in front of me.
Wait.
Did he say marry? I think he said marry…. Oh lord. I feel myself turn bright red again and a funny excited feeling builds up inside of me at the thought of marrying Max one day.
My dad stands there for a second and just when I think is about to blow he takes a step back and gives Max a curious look.
“You two haven’t known each other that long. How can you say you want to marry her?”
Max gives him a look and then looks back at me. He makes sure to hold my gaze when he answers.
“Because I love her.”
At his words I hear myself gasp. I stand there staring at him not knowing what to do. Max gives me a smile, but not his usual mega-watt smile and walks over to me. He reaches up and cups my face.
“I love you Maggie.”
I feel tears slide down my face. I reach up and hold his hands against my face with mine, his boxers long forgotten on the floor. I can’t say it. I feel it, but I can’t seem to say it. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Max gives me an understanding, if not a little sad smile and places a kiss on my forehead. He then wraps his arms around me and buries his head in-between my neck and my shoulders. I see my dad give me a nod over his shoulder and back out of the room. I hold on tight to Max with my eyes shut tight hoping this doesn’t make him leave. I feel it. I know I do, but I just can’t seem to get the words out. Just when I start to freak out feel Max’s breath against my ear.
“I know you love me baby. I feel it every time you give one of those sweet smiles of yours. I see it every time you let me touch you. I feel it every time you hold on to me like you are now, like your afraid ill disappear I feel it in my soul every time you let me kiss you. I know you love me, baby. Take all the time you need to say, because you show me everyday. Okay?”
He leans back and I see the truth of everything he said in his eyes.
I nod and reach up and kiss him with all the love I feel. I put everything I can’t seem to say in that kiss. By the time we pull back we are both breathing heavy. Max gives me one last kiss on my forehead before bending down and picking up his boxers. He shoves them in his back pocket before heading toward the door. Once he gets there he turns around and when he sees me flushed and breathing heavy he gives me that smirk of his and opens the door.
“See you tomorrow gorgeous.”
With that he leaves me there wanting nothing more than to chase after him and tell him I love him, but try as I might I don’t think those words will come out until they are ready. Turning around to head upstairs I see my dad standing in the doorway to the kitchen with his arms folded across his chest. Before he can say anything I give him a little wave and rush up the stairs. It isn’t until I am in the shower that it really hits me that Max loves me.
Max loves me.
He loves me.
I let out something between a laugh and sob.
It’s amazing and terrifying at the same time, but it makes me want to say those three little words back to him. I know he wants to hear them and I think the only way I will be able to say them is to get past Dustin. With that thought in mind I go to bed that night thinking about the future and Max.