Chapter Eleven
Lucy
I’d spent the last two hours getting ready for my date with Jason. I’d tried on just about every dress I owned trying to figure out what would be appropriate for a date with a man like him but, eventually, settled on some nice jeans and a sweater. The air was getting colder every single day, providing no relief from the Washington chill that was blanketing the town, but the jeans I picked for the date clung to my ass just in case. I knew Jason would wear something that would catch my eye and make me rake over his figure, so the least I could do was attempt to do the same. The hunter green sweater I chose made my eyes pop, which meant I didn’t need any sort of makeup, and the dangling earrings I chose sparkled against the dark outfit, which had the possibility to draw his eye to my face instead of him staring at my tits all night.
Plus, I was comfortable, which meant more to me than what I looked like anyway. I didn’t really know what was going to come from the date, but I figured I had it covered from both sides. If he really did find me attractive and wanted to get to know me, then my clothes showed off my figure. But if this was just a friendly encounter and not the type of date I was thinking about, then I looked comfortable enough to not seem like a desperate, idiotic single woman.
I was nervous, though, because he gave no inclination as to what we were doing on the date. I knew traditional dates were dinners and possibly a movie, but I hadn’t done this in so long, I wasn’t sure if the definition of a traditional date had changed. If Jason was expecting to get laid, he could forget it. I wasn’t anywhere near ready for that kind of stuff, and part of me wondered if I was ready for this now. I was about to go on my first actual date with a man since David had died, and my hands were shaking as I surveyed myself in the mirror one last time.
“Keep a lid on it, Lucy. You’ve got this.” I kept talking to myself, trying to calm my own nerves. I didn’t tell anyone about this date, including my sister, because they’d all descend on my house and try to dictate my every action and move. I wanted peace and quiet before I stepped into this world again, but now I was regretting my decision. If there was one thing my sister was good at, it was pep talks, and right now, I really could’ve used one from her.
“Deep breaths,” I whispered.
Megan was still coming around, and that made me nervous. I was keeping an eye out on his house because I knew the reputation and what Megan was capable of. Whenever she’d pass by and see he wasn’t home, she didn’t seem to be up to anything, but when she did see he was home, she’d almost always go knock on his door. Sometimes, he would answer and, sometimes, he wouldn’t, but the times she caught him in his yard, I’d watch them converse again.
One time, she brought him over another pie that he looked reluctant to take it, but Jenna was ecstatic when she saw it. Another time, she just stood there while he was working on his car, and I found that a little creepy. I debated on whether to bring the subject up with him while we were out tonight, but while I didn’t know much about dating, I did know Megan wasn’t an appropriate topic of conversation.
Plus, with this town talking the way it had been, he probably already knew about her past anyway. What kind of man would still let a woman come around when he knew about her past? Especially if he had a kid to take care of? Was that something I needed to be nervous about?
“Keep a lid on it, Luce. Come on,” I said.
I really hoped he didn’t think he was getting laid tonight because I was not about to be another notch on his bedpost. Megan might have been all right with that kind of legacy in her life, but I was not. I was worth much more than just a little divot on someone’s sexual record, and he could forget it if he thought he was peeling these jeans off my body tonight.
All I knew was I had to put up with him for one evening. He fixed my car and bought all the parts necessary to get it running again, and the moment he dropped me back off tonight, the deal would be complete, and my car would be drivable again. That’s all this was: a business transaction between two individuals who needed something from the other.
Right?
I turned and looked at myself in the mirror one last time before I smoothed my hand over my clothes. This was the first date I was going on in a very long time, and thoughts of David began to creep to the forefront of my mind. David never once took me on a traditional date. In fact, our first date was a before-dawn fishing trip he surprised me with. He had called me and called me until I woke up, and then told me I had five minutes to bundle up and that he was already outside. I’d stumbled around trying to find decent clothes to wear on the chilly autumn morning, and after he whisked me away to fish for the day, we went back to his place and had our very own fish fry.
I found out two very important things about David that day. He loved the outdoors, and the man could cook.
We sat underneath the stars in his backyard that night and ate fried fish slathered in coleslaw. I’d taken charge of the homemade French fries and gathered ingredients for fresh blackberry tea, and we sat close together for warmth under the stars in the night sky.
Tears rose to my eyes while I looked at myself in the mirror, and suddenly, I felt safe. No man on this planet could ever top the first date I’d had with David, and that’s what would protect me tonight. Jason would take me out on some boring date to some restaurant he’d probably already taken Megan to, and I’d be comparing him to David all evening. He’d talk about himself and flex his muscles, relying solely on his looks to get him by, and I would simply remind myself of all the things David was that he wasn’t.
David’s memory and the times we shared together would keep me safe during this business transaction. A sudden relief washed over my body.
Until tears started racing down my cheeks.
“Shit.”
I went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. Thinking about the date tonight didn’t just bring back memories of David, but it brought back all the memories of people my sister had tried to set me up with. Over the past three years, she’d tried to set me up with men she thought I’d find interesting. She’d hand my number over without my permission, and they’d call me up, or she’d set them up on a date and tell me to show up. Then, it was my responsibility to show up at the restaurant or pick up the phone and tell them I was sorry on behalf of my sister.
She had been relentless for quite some time before I finally put my foot down and told her to cut the shit. I told her she was being pushy and thrusting some personal agenda onto me that I didn’t appreciate, and the fight resulted in her not talking to me for almost a month. Yes, she thought I should be over David already, but she didn’t understand. He’d been gone for three years, but I can still remember that phone call as if it were yesterday.
“Mrs. Jones?” the doctor asked.
“This is she. Is this the hospital? Could you let David know I’m on my way? I just had to come back and get some new clothes.”
“Mrs. Jones, you really should get down here now. Your clothes can wait.”
“I know, I know. The nurse reassured me David wouldn't wake up before I got back. Tell David I’m getting in my car now. I finally secured a room in that hotel across the street, so I’ll be staying there until—”
“Lucy,” the doctor said.
“Yes?”
“We need to talk.”
I felt my heart stop before my eyes fluttered back open. Even now, three years later, those four little words knocked the wind from my lungs. There I was, droning on and on about clothes and hotels and getting back before he had woken up, and the doctor was simply trying to communicate the fact that he hadn’t woken up.
That he was never going to wake up.
“I can’t do this,” I said breathlessly.
I closed my eyes and leaned against my bathroom counter. I tried to imagine what it would be like to move on, to lay in the arms of another man. I tried to envision what it would be like to kiss a man who wasn’t David and lay with a man who wasn’t David. To moan over a man who wasn’t David and call out a name in pleasure that wasn’t David. I tried to think about what life would be like if another man eventually settled into this home with me. A man who might want children, or a bigger house, or to move to the other side of town.
There was a part of me, a sliver of a part, that yearned for all those things. A house full of children and a two-story home with a backyard full of apple trees and a yard for him to mow until he was sweaty and panting for air. I didn’t expect that for myself or from any man anytime soon, but I sure as hell didn’t expect that type of life from a playboy like Jason.
Yes, he had the cutest little daughter alive, and yes, everything about him seemed cocky and arrogant. He always flirted with me whenever I walked over to talk, and his eyes always lingered a little too long on my breasts whenever I wasn’t bundled up in a coat, but then another thought popped into my mind.
He honestly wouldn’t like me once he got to know me anyway.
My laugh was too loud, and I snorted when I really got going. My thighs had little stretch marks from all the pies I loved eating at the diner, and I had the most vanilla sex life alive. I knew very little and had tried even less, and to a man like Jason, that would be the epitome of throwing him in solitary confinement and throwing away the key. I was a bit of a nerd with all the books I had scattered around that I read, and I had no want to further myself in my career. I’d been waitressing so long, I couldn’t see myself doing anything else, so I stayed where I was.
I’d stalemated, and that wouldn’t be appealing to a go-getter like Jason.
“Well, nothing to worry about now,” I said with a shrug.
And then, my doorbell rang, seeming suddenly like a death knell.