Chapter Twenty-Three
Lucy
“Lucy, what’s wrong?” he asked.
The guilty, nagging sensation in the back of my mind hadn’t dissipated, and I knew I had to talk with Jason about it. I knew I had to clue him in on what was going on because it wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair that he was jumping in headfirst when I was only swinging my legs off the edge of the deep end of this pool.
“Jason, I-I really just need you to listen, all right?” I asked.
“Whatever you need,” he said.
“I’ve been feeling guilty.”
“Why?” he asked.
“For being with you,” I said.
He sat there for a little while, darting his eyes between mine. I felt like I had just fallen off a cliff. Like I was sinking through a thick fog and heading for the sharp rocks below. I felt them grabbing onto my ankles, pulling me faster and faster away from a man who was standing on the edge of the cliff watching me fall.
“If it makes you feel any better, I understand,” he said.
“You feel guilty, too?” I asked.
“Not in that respect, no. But I have a feeling it has something to do with David?”
Tears rushed to my eyes before I dropped my gaze to my lap. I had been in my own head so much that I hadn’t stopped to remember that Jason got it, that he understood a lot of what I’d been going through. He had lost a spouse in a very detrimental way. It was one of the ways we had first bonded. Another wave of guilt wafted up my core, and it pushed the tears from my eyes toward my cheeks.
“Lucy,” he said, grabbing my hands. “Talk to me. It’s what I’m here for.”
“Losing David was—fuck.”
“I know it’s hard. I think I get it, but you need to say it,” Jason said.
“Losing David was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through,” I said, hiccupping. “And I-I closed myself off because I never wanted to go through that again. Losing someone I loved so much.”
“Shhhh,” Jason soothed. “Take a few deep breaths.”
“And I’m petrified that if I fall in love with someone else, I’ll—”
Jason’s hand migrated up to cup my cheek. He pulled my gaze toward his, where ghostly tears of empathy brewed in his eyes. He leaned over, pressing his forehead against mine while tears trickled down my face, and before I knew it, he had pulled me into his lap and buried me into his body.
“I’m so scared I’ll lose them, too,” I whispered.
His hands rubbed up and down my back while my face buried into the crook of his neck. His soft lips pressed kiss after kiss along my salty, wet cheeks, and his own breathing turned ragged as he tried to take deep breaths to keep himself under control.
“I promise you, I understand. How long have you been walking around with this?” he asked.
“About a week. Maybe the whole time.”
“Don’t wait so long to come to me next time, all right? I’m not just here to have fun with. I’m also here to listen.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be. And as far as what you’re feeling, it’s completely normal. I went through those same feelings for a long time after losing my wife.”
“Do you have them now?” I asked.
“There are fleeting moments, yes.”
“How do you deal with them?”
“You know those random phone calls you get sometimes where I tell you I just wanted to see how you were doing?” he asked.
I leaned back and peered into his eyes. All those random phone calls where he checked up on me or called for a few minutes to see what I was up to had been his fear getting the best of him? I didn’t realize he had cared that much about me. I didn’t realize whenever he called he was really making sure I was alright. There was something about that admission that felt oddly intimate. This strong, vivacious man was admitting to me that he cared about what happened to me. He cared about my safety and security. He cared about what happened to me.
And I realized I cared about what happened to him, too.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
“I didn’t wanna freak you out,” he said.
“So, how am I supposed to come talk to you if you won’t come talk to me?” I asked.
“Fair enough,” he said, grinning. “From now on, if something like that is building in the back of my mind, I’ll talk with you about it. But only if you do the same.”
I smiled and leaned into his lips, encompassing them with my own to seal our deal away. There was a part of me that felt relieved as Jason’s hand slid to the back of my head. His tongue swiped along my salted lips, wanting entrance between them as I cocked my head to the side. His other hand began massaging my thigh, sparking a fire in my gut that drove me to run my fingertips through his hair.
“Don’t you die on me,” I said, whispering into his lips.
“Never,” he said.
His hands roamed all along my body while my tongue swiped along the roof of his mouth. His palms dragged along my thighs and stomach, my back and face. They cupped my breasts and massaged my nipples to life behind my padded bra and brushed my wild hair away from my face. We inhaled each other’s air, our teeth clattering together as my pelvis began to grind down into his.
And as I started to move, his hands dug into the meat of my ass and lifted me from the couch.
I locked my legs around him while we traveled to his bedroom. He moaned and hummed with delight, his rock-hard cock throbbing against my clothed pussy before he set me down on the edge of the bed. He stepped back from me, watching me while he peeled his clothes off his body, and my eyes took in the sight of his muscles being stripped for me.
His chiseled abdomen ran up into a strong, broad chest. His shoulders rounded off with his solid muscles rippling while he slid his jeans down to the floor. His legs pulsed with each movement he made, sliding himself from the confines that kept him hidden away from me. It was as if I was watching someone unwrap my own present. My fingertips burned to reach out and touch him. To feel the heat of his skin underneath my fingers. I wanted to rake my tongue along every inch of him just to watch him jump. I wanted to wrap my mouth around that throbbing dick just to make him shake.
His thigh glistened with the precum dripping down his leg, his boxers soaked in the front while his dick screamed for mercy. He was bared for me in the only way a man could be. He was showing me his entire body, no longer trying to conceal all the ways in which he wanted to ruin me. I could feel my body humming with sheer delight at the wetness growing at the front of his boxers, and I thought it was such a shame—all that beautiful juice going to waste.
His body brought out something primal in me. Never had I craved a man like I did him. Never had a man permeated my thoughts and dreams the way he had. Never had I taken a shower and wanted someone’s body pressed against mine.
But I wanted Jason’s. In every way I could possibly have him.
I dropped to my knees after his boxers dropped to the floor and pressed my tongue to the divot of his knee. I caught the small drip of precum that had left a glistening trail down his skin, and I fluttered my eyes up to his gaze. I could see the confusion wafting behind his eyes, wondering why in the world this woman had her tongue on his knee.
But I was about to show him just how wild he drove me. I was about to show him the disgusting instincts he rose up within me.
I was about to show him the monster he was creating.
“What are you—”
Jason’s words caught in his throat when I licked my tongue all the way up his leg. I caught every drop of precum running down his leg before I took one of his balls in my mouth, and the groan that left his lips hardened my nipples to almost painful peaks. His hand wrapped tightly in my hair as I ran my tongue up his long, thick dick. The racing of his heart pulsed in his veins, and his thighs shook. As my lips sucked him deep into my mouth, our bodies sank to the carpet of his room while the moonlight poured through his open window.
“Fuck, Lucy,” he said.
I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock, feeling him jump in my mouth before I hollowed out my cheeks, making him shake at every inch of his body. I sucked him down to the back of my throat before I wrapped my hand around his base, and my free hand came up to play with his balls as his hips began to buck.
He tasted like salted coffee and sweat. I gobbled him down as he squirmed underneath me, and I took great pleasure in him losing himself to me. His body was caving—breaking down its barriers as my tongue swirled around the tip of his cock—and with every suck I pulled against his skin, a drop of precum was there to greet me.
Like a little treat he had saved just for me.
His balls hung low with want, full of cum I wanted to suck from his body while his hand yanked my mouth off his dick. He fisted my hair and shoved it back into me, hitting the back of my throat before his hips rolled into my face. Time after time, my nose touched the skin of his pelvis while his cock grew between my lips, and I wrapped my hands around his thighs and dug my fingertips into the strength of his muscles.
“Shit, Lucy. Yes. Oh, damn. Don’t stop.”
I hummed around his length before sucking more salacious drops of precum from his cock. His heels dug into the floor, bracing himself while his thrusts sped up. His hands tangled into my hair, and a sheen of sweat broke out on his chest. I fluttered my eyes up to take him in, with his eyes screwed shut and his chest heaving for air, and all I could think about was how I wanted to see him like this for as long as I could.
“I’m almost there. Almost there. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, fuck, Lucy. There. There. There.”
His hips reared off the floor, and his dick turned down my throat. I dug my nails into his trembling thighs as his hips shook in midair, and I swallowed every ounce he pumped into my mouth. Stream after stream of salty, wet cum poured down my throat, and I swallowed the whole of him down before his hips dropped to the floor.
Then, I released him with a pop before I kissed him all the way up his sweating body.
His muscles glistened with the moonlight streaming across his body. I straddled my jeaned legs over his hips while he continued to pant for air, and I pulled my shirt over my head before unhooking my bra and tossing it to the side. I wanted to feel his body against mine, even if he fell asleep right here and now. I wanted to feel his warmth pressed against my hardened nipples and experience the tingling sensation of his fingertips against my back.
But before I could fall to his body and lay my head on his chest, he rose up and captured my lips with his.
His tongue ran all along my cheeks and teeth. He soaked me up, trying to drink all of me, while his body trembled against mine. I slowly eased him back to the floor, encouraging him to rest while my lips fluttered kisses along his cheeks and neck, but soon I found myself on my back when he turned me over and trapped me underneath his rock-solid body.
“You are incredible,” he said.
“I take it you enjoyed it?” I asked, smirking.
He dropped his head to my nipple and scooped it in between his lips. All words flew from my vocabulary as I felt myself spill into my panties, and his hand began to massage my pussy through my jeans as I pushed wildly into his hand. I wanted his tongue desperately. I wanted it scooping me up and flicking my clit that was already swelling beneath my panties. I wanted him to lick me dry and throw me over the edge while I choked on his name.
His lips blazed a trail down my stomach while his fingertips undid the button on my jeans, and as they slid down my legs and bunched up at my feet. Jason’s fingers slid down the front side of my panties.
“Oh, someone’s very wet for me,” he said.
“Please, Jason,” I said breathlessly.
“Please what?” he asked.
“I want your tongue so badly.”
“Oh, you do, huh?” he asked. “Well, what if I did this?”
He swirled the pad of his thumb around my clit, and my hips jumped to life.
“Please,” I begged.
“Or maybe this?” he asked.
He slipped his finger inside of me while I kicked my jeans off my feet, but the moment he crooked it against that smooth little spot inside my pussy, my back arched off the floor. A light moan jumped from my throat as my legs twitched in pleasure, and the pad of his finger slowly swirled around that beautiful little spot he’d found. This man had memorized the whole of my body in his dreams. I bet he relived these moments time and time again—just like I did—so he wouldn’t forget a thing.
I wanted to fall over the edge with him just to remind myself what it felt like to be that close to him.
“Oh, god,” I said, groaning.
“Or maybe you might like this?” he asked.
At that very moment, his finger danced at the entrance of my asshole. I clenched down, resistant to the idea that was working through his head. I had never done anything like that before, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but the moment Jason descended between my legs and pulled my panties aside with his teeth, my body relaxed naturally.
And he slipped his finger into my ass as I groaned.
“Fuuuuuuuck.”
The press of his tongue right up against my clit drove me higher, and I lost myself in his touch. Sensations I’d never felt before ran up and down my legs. Electricity shot through my ass cheeks as I clenched my holes down on his fingers, and my toes curled into the carpet. I could feel him smirking against my skin, proud of the work his hands were doing to my body. I could feel the pride he took in his work with every swipe of his tongue, and I rolled my body into his face as he pressed buttons I didn’t even know I had.
I was filled in a way I’d never experienced before, not even with David, and all the fears I’d had earlier on this evening fled my mind as Jason’s tongue danced along my clit. He flicked it back and forth, side to side, shaking my hips as his stubble raked along the edges of my pussy. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as my hands flew to his hair, and I curled my legs back into my body just so I could open myself for him further.
I wanted him to find other treasure troves of pleasure I didn’t believe to exist.
“You like that?” he asked, humming into my pussy.
“Yes. Yes. Oh, fuck, Jason. Please.”
My legs locked around his head and pulled him closer as my hands wound tighter into his hair. My hips bucked eagerly against his face while he slowly pumped his fingers in and out of my holes, and I could feel my end approaching as it robbed me of my very breath. Never had I felt so electric and alive before, and each time he pressed his tongue into the tip of my clit, my back arched off the ground.
He was going to ruin me for any other man to come, but the revelation that I didn’t want anyone else drove my body to lengths I didn’t even think it could reach. I felt my pussy clenching down hard onto him while my ass pulled his finger deeper into its confines. I’d lost all control of my senses as words just repeatedly poured from my lips. Tears crested the folds of my eyes as the new sensations tore through my body, and I planted my heels into his strong, sturdy back as the tears streamed down the sides of my face.
“Mmmm, you taste divine,” Jason said.
“Please don’t stop. Please don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”
I chanted it like a whispered prayer upon my lips, feeling the electricity shoot to my nipples. My hands released his hair, flying to the hard nubs while my fingertips massaged and pulled at my tits. I’d lost all control of my body, rocking my hips against the floor while my juices dripped all over his hands. I twisted my tits in pure bliss as my building orgasm began to burn behind my pelvis with Jason at the helm of it all with his magical fingers and his beautiful tongue.
My legs slid to the floor, and my heels dug into the carpet, raising my hips to his face one last time before my jaw unhinged in absolute ecstasy.
“Yes! Yes! Holy fuck, Jason. Jason. Jason. I’m coming. I’m coming.”
My entire body contracted and shook as my hips cleared the floor. I felt something squirt out onto Jason’s face, making him lap his tongue faster over my pussy as my heels dug in for leverage. My hands pushed my tits together, stoking the fire burning behind my nipples while Jason licked thick stripes inside my sopping wet slit.
I’d never felt so alive and beautiful, losing control like this with a man.
My back dropped to the floor, and my hands fell to the side while Jason slowly slipped his fingers from my body. He kissed my pussy lips one last time before crawling up to me, his lips planting wet kisses along my body as he traveled. I fluttered my eyes open just as my mouth ran away with me, a phrase I never thought I’d ever utter flying from them in oblivious happiness. My heart leaped with joy at every syllable that sprang forth, and I knew that I meant them.
I meant every single one of them.
“I love you, Jason,” I whispered.
I caught his gaze as his eyes flickered back and forth between mine. My body was physically incapable of holding him close, and all I could do was lay there and hoped he didn’t walk away. Deep in the pit of my stomach, I was expecting him to do just that. I was expecting him to put on his clothes, peel me off the floor, and cast me out the door.
It wasn’t possible for two people who had endured what he had to then experience this a second time.
People like me and him were never as lucky.
But I felt my heart burst to life when he captured my lips in a long, sensual kiss. He smiled into my skin, wrapping his arms around me as he slowly peeled me from the floor. My lifeless body fell into his chest, still heaving for air as I tried to steady my heartbeat, and he ran his fingers through my tangled hair while he pressed kisses into the crook of my neck.
And even though he didn’t say it back, I knew where he stood.
I knew he felt it, too, and I giggled in sweet delight.