Chapter Twenty-Nine
Alfie
I’m a piece of shit, a bastard, a cold-hearted asshole.
I was no different than Harry which settled in my stomach bitterly. I knew that Molly didn’t understand why I didn’t mention to Gary that it was her marketing idea, but she was right about one thing: I had only thought about myself throughout the entire time I spent in the U.S. office.
I didn’t sleep a wink that night, but paced the floor in the living room, going from furious to devastated. I’d hoped to offer her both a job and a future with me as first my girlfriend and soon, my wife. What a joke. I didn’t even have the nerve to call her and apologize.
I should have gone after her like I did the night she disappeared from the church, leaving Harry up front, but I couldn’t. She wouldn’t forgive me no matter how innocent I felt I was in the whole tainted situation.
Besides…that night I offered her a place to stay in Devon, I had nothing to lose. My heart wasn’t involved, but it was now. I had everything to lose now. I paced the floor some more until my phone buzzed. It was time to head down to go home.
I picked up her bag and mine, checking hers into the front with instructions for them to send it over to Peyton’s place. My heart ached horribly in my chest, and it didn’t help much that I kept seeing her pressed to the window, letting me fuck her so deep and slow. She was in love with me, and she had to know that I felt the same.
“Or maybe she didn’t.” I walked to the front and paused as hatred for myself raged through me. It had been a long time since I’d been the bad guy, the kind of man I was embarrassed to be. The type who I wanted to kick in the balls and beat the shit out of, but it would seem, I was once again, back to that same familiar place.
I was no different than the asshole who used women and cheated life back in University, and I certainly was no better than Harry. He’d cheated Molly out of security. I’d cheated her out of trust. Fuck us both.
Rubbing at my eyes tiredly, I sat down in a chair to wait for my driver to pull up to the front of the hotel. I had to resist the urge to pick up my phone to call Molly to remind her that I was leaving today. That I had hoped she was boarding a plane with me right now.
Never let someone get beneath your skin, Alfie. Even if you think you are in love.
My mother’s voice echoed in my mind. It had always been difficult to explain that my mother, not my father, was the one who broke my heart. Money had never been an important thing to her, but passion for adventure and life was. She couldn’t travel with my father who looked after his business every single day.
It wasn’t much of a surprise that my mother had been the one to cheat first. She didn’t deny it. She didn’t fight the divorce proceedings. All she did was tell me to never let anyone close enough to hurt me because people eventually did hurt one another. It was human nature to suffer, but to also create suffering too.
My phone buzzed from inside my coat pocket. I pulled it out to see that it was a message from my driver who was now waiting for me outside the hotel. Shoving thoughts of my mother away, I stood, grabbed my briefcase, and walked out. This would be my last venture to New York City, and it filled me with a strange pang of emotions. There was honestly no reason to come back. My American investors loved finding an excuse to come over to Europe, so they could come from now on. I took in the bustle of the crowds when I stepped outside to pack my suitcases back up in the SUV trunk again.
I was aggravated, amongst other things at the complete waste of time and money from the night before. I had paid dearly for the hotel to impress Molly only have it backfire in my face without getting a chance to explain myself to her. None of this trip to the States had gone the way I had planned it. Then again, I had never planned on getting close to Molly either. A few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have had a thought of her in my head. She would’ve been settling in London with Harry if the wedding had gone through.
Everything had changed—quickly.
I took in the towering skyscrapers as we drove to the airport almost an hour away. I received a message from William asking if they needed to clean the guest room for Molly right as we pulled up to the airport drop off and terminal.
William: Do we need to clean Molly’s room up before you two come back?
I replied: No, and please make sure everyone is gone by the time I arrive back at the estate. I’m tired and don’t want to speak with anyone.
William: Of course, sir. Do let me know if there is anything that you require of us. One of us will come over and handle it with haste.
And they would. They were excellent at what they did—serving people who paid them. I leaned back and closed my eyes, thinking about how disappointed both my mother and father would be in me for the way things had gone down.
I felt like I had to explain myself, defend myself to someone, but other than Molly, I was the only one standing in opposition to my actions. There was no way I was calling her right now. The explanation for my idiocy didn’t even make much sense now that it echoed inside my skull.
The drive to the airport was faster than I’d expected, giving me a few minutes to walk to the gift shop before moving to the private hangers. I picked up a candy bar and a bottled water as my eyes moved over the cards that lined one wall of the shop.
I wanted to reach out and find the most lovey-dovey bullshit card to send to Molly. She needed to know just how much I thought of her, but it was too late. At this point, I’d be pouring salt in the wound. She thought I was a greedy asshole, and it was probably better that way.
There was no way I would ever get to fully separate myself from the company. It was a pipe dream. Logan was right. I was turning into my father, and courting Molly into marriage would only end with her lonely and brokenhearted, playing second fiddle to my career. And me? It would leave me thinking she were faithful only to find out that she wasn’t at all.
I paid and walked out of the shop, trying to force myself onto some new topic. It seemed like it was couples’ day at the fucking airport. I didn’t see a single person for the rest of the long walk down to the private hangers.
The pilot stood beside my plane, at the base of the stairs, waving me over. “Here we are, sir. Everything is ready to go. Glad to see you again.”
“Thank you, Philip.” I paused at the bottom of the stairs and glanced back at the airport. “Is it couples’ day? Buy one and then get one free?” I snorted and turned back to him.
“Um, no, sir. I don’t think so.” He motioned for me to walk up the stairs.
“Sure as hell seems like it.” I walked up the stairs and moved to sit in my seat. The leather swelled around me, pulling me down and fitting me perfectly. I glanced over toward Molly’s seat, and my heart ached.
“So, I guess congratulations are in order?” The pilot walked back to where I was and stopped, crossing his arms over his chest.
“For what, exactly?” I buckled up and reclined a little.
“For the huge win on your new launch. The new product is doubling the value of your company.” He gave me a sheepish look. “I mean, of course you know this, but as a stockholder, and a small one mind you, I’m thrilled! You’re absolutely brilliant, sir. We all think so.”
I forced a smile, praying like hell that it was at least a little genuine. “Thanks so much. I have been watching it. I think after all of the hours I and my staff have put in, we’re all just a bit weary after this one.”
“Hopefully you get a little bit of time to yourself. You most certainly deserve it.” He nodded and let out a sigh. “Well, let me get this bird in the air and get you home. I know everyone will be glad to have you back.”
“Right,” I mumbled as he turned and walked to the front of the plane. Everyone as in no one. I didn’t have too many connections because my business was my best friend, my mistress, my only possession.
That could have changed so easily.
Sickness rolled through my chest, and I ordered a double shot of bourbon. I didn’t stop ordering them until my head rolled to the side, and I passed out. Peace. Finally.
*
There was something about going into my empty, quiet home that set my nerves on edge as I walked into the estate in Devon. William had done as I’d asked and made sure that everyone was gone by the time I arrived.
The place was cleaned recently and smelled fresh, which annoyed me a little bit too. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected exactly, but it wasn’t the smell of cleaner. Maybe Molly’s perfume? Butter and garlic?
I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of wine as the world seemed to crumble around me. Two coffee mugs sat on the side of the stove, both of them washed. It was a cruel reminder that I’d needed them both before she left, but now…I only needed one.
“I’ll only ever need one.” I picked it up and considered smashing the fucker on the ground below me. It wouldn’t do any good. A phone call would. A simple phone call to tell her that I meant no harm, that I truly found myself throat deep in love with her, but no….
I needed to get some rest, and the right answer would show it. It always did. After getting a glass of wine, I retired to my father’s study and found a picture book that he kept hidden in his bottom drawer. My mother had never seen it before, and I wasn’t sure if he knew I had before he passed.
Flipping through it, my eyes burned with tears. Though my mother never knew it, he worshiped the ground she walked on. Picture after picture of me and mum together, loving life, looking happy. Not a damn one of them had my father in it.
He’d never told her that he was madly in love with her until it was too late, and he sure as fuck had never showed her. Making money and taking care of us was his way of screaming from the top of his lungs that we were his everything, but actions with no words are most times misinterpreted.
I should have told Molly what I’d done without having her pull it from me. I looked like a liar and a cheat, neither of which were me, but the damage was done.
Logan was right…I was turning into my old man, and not the best parts of him either.
The saddest part was that I had no idea how to change it, but I knew one thing, I wanted to.