Chapter Thirty
Jason
The whiskey burned going down while I listened to the comforting sounds of Jenna sleeping. I was slumped outside her door, choking back tears while I soaked up each and every moment with her. I never knew how comforting the sound of her lightly snoring was, and I brought my hand to my eye before I downed the rest of my glass.
She deserved so much better than all life had thrown at her, and I wanted to make sure I could set her up with a beautiful life if things turned for the worst.
I got up to go put my glass in the sink, and I heard a knock at the door. I looked over at the clock and realized it was almost ten, and I figured Megan was probably back with more food. I wondered if she would kick back up with her flirtatious advances, especially since I’d blurted out the fact that I’d broken up with Lucy. She was probably coming over with more food in something that hiked her tits to her face, and a part of me didn’t wanna open the door.
I didn’t wanna welcome Megan “Big Tits” McGee into my home with pity food.
But the knock on the door rang out again, and I knew it would wake Jenna if I didn’t answer the door.
I sighed, putting the glass in the sink before I reached for the door to open it. At first, I thought my third glass of whiskey had done me in, because the beautiful golden hair that was Lucy’s was wafting in the wind on my porch. I blinked a few times, drawing in the sweet scent of her perfume I swore I smelled. But, when I opened my eyes, she was still standing there.
I hadn’t even been looking her way since the breakup. Making sure Jenna didn’t dart that way was hard enough, but not looking over myself was almost impossible. I didn’t want to admit that she still had a life she was leading, a life that now didn’t include making memories with me. After being doused in iced tea, it had taken me a second to pick up the glass at my feet. A shard had worked its way underneath my pants that night at the restaurant, but by the time I looked up, she was gone.
I’d run outside after her, the thunder and lightning clashing around me, but she had been nowhere to be found.
And it made me sick to my stomach every single time I looked over at her house.
“We need to talk, and you’re gonna give me that courtesy,” she said.
I looked at her for a split second and saw the determined fire behind her eyes. She was very serious about talking tonight, which meant her sister probably had something to do with it, but I honestly couldn't blame her. Lucy was the smartest woman I’d ever come across, and I knew, eventually, she would see through the ruse I had played.
I had been hoping it would’ve been after the weekend.
“Jenna’s asleep,” I said.
“Then we’ll talk on the porch. I was hoping I’d catch her asleep anyway,” she said.
I loved how this woman cared about my daughter. No other woman on this planet that I’d ever been with would’ve cared half as much as she did for Jenna, and it made my chest tighten in guilt.
“I don’t owe you anything,” I said as I sat down.
“Do you wanna be a decent role model for your daughter?” she asked.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“Do you want to be a decent role model for your daughter?”
“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”
“If a man came into her life and treated you the way you just treated me, then she walked home in the rain in thirty-degree weather, would you be upset or would you tell her to shrug it off?” she asked.
Holy shit, Lucy had walked home in the rain that night.
“You wanna be a decent man and not lie to your daughter when you tell her you are one, then you owe me some fucking answers,” she said.
“Fine,” I said, nodding. “What do you wanna know?”
“I wanna know why you broke up with me,” she said.
“Because I don’t stay with women that long. Especially women who catch feelings,” I said.
“Now, I want to know the real reason. The reason you wouldn’t feed to the public.”
“Because I was bored with you, and I wanted something new. Like Megan, or something.”
I was hoping mentioning her name would get her off my back. Another drink to the face or a slap to the cheek, and this would be all over. But she wasn’t buying any of the rose-smelling shit I was selling, and she kept on.
This woman was smarter than I’d ever given her credit for, and my dick throbbed with missing her, wanting her even while her face turned red with anger.
“Let’s try this one last time before I sic my very angry sister on your truck,” she said.
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“My sister wants to key your truck, and right now, with the way you’re blatantly lying, I’m about to unleash her on you. Now, talk to me like I’m a human being and tell me why the hell you broke up with me,” she said.
“And I told you. Not my fault if you can’t accept it.”
“I know you’re not going out with Megan because she’s still prowling this neighborhood like a thirsty cow. And I know you’re not dating anyone else because, if you were, this town would be talking about you. But, instead, they’re talking about poor little Lucy getting her heart broken after her husband dying. And I get to listen to that for the next month until you stick your dick in someone else, and they have something more to talk about. You owe me this, Jason. And I’m not leaving until you give it to me,” she said.
“I. Got. Bored,” I said.
“Were you scared of how close we were getting? Yeah, sure, I told you I loved you. Whatever. Widows make mistakes all the time. But I saw the way you smiled at me when you said it. That was two days before you broke up with me, and I know a genuine smile when I see one.”
“Is that what it was?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“A mistake. Did you tell me you loved me by mistake?” I asked.
“Seriously?” she asked breathlessly. “That’s what you pulled from that?”
“It’s important. Was it a mistake?” I asked.
I knew I was playing this unfair, but the idea of her saying those words by mistake hit me straight in my gut. My heart had sung out when those words had dripped from her lips, and the rest of the time I had spent plowing my cock into her body was spent thinking of all the ways I’d say it back. Taking her out to dinner or flying her over the ocean. Cooking her an expensive meal or taking all of us on a weekend trip somewhere nice.
“No. It wasn’t a mistake,” she said.
I saw tears brew as quickly as they fell, and I could’ve sworn my whiskey was trying to climb back up my throat. She was torn up about everything that happened, and God only knows what could’ve happened to her on that main drag in the pouring rain that she walked home in. I couldn’t believe I’d put this beautiful woman through all this turmoil, and the reason I did so started to no longer validate all I’d put her through.
I had tried to save her from the hurt of loving another man with cancer, and instead, I had crumbled her and made her question every single judgment call she’d made with me.
Including when she had told me she loved me.
Holy shit, I have cancer.
“Lucy, I—”
I reached for her hand, but she ripped it back. I could tell she was talking herself out of this entire thing. That she was taking my answers, digesting them, and allowing the lies to sink in. I panicked inside, watching her struggle the way she was, and then she got up from her chair.
She was going to leave, and I didn’t want her to.
“Lucy, stop.”
I grabbed her wrist and halted her movements, and she whipped her tear-stained face over to mine. My heart was hammering in my chest, and my mind was swirling at a thousand miles a millisecond, and before I could make a calculated move, my lips did for me what I should’ve done myself in that restaurant.
“I have cancer,” I said.
The look on her face morphed from hurt to anger, and the word vomit that spewed from my lips took both of us by storm.
“I was having some arm pain. My boss forced me to go to the doctor, and they did x-rays and tests and all that shit. I’m supposed to go back in Monday for more evaluation and possible surgery to remove the shit on my arm that’s causing all this. I haven’t even told Jenna or anything because I’m still trying to figure things out. I don’t have a will or anyone in my family to watch her if something happens to me, and I was just trying to spare you, Lucy. Just... just spare you.”
I stood up with her wrist in my hand. I held her eyes, willing her to stay on the porch so we could talk. Now that it was out in the open, I wanted to talk with her about it. I wanted to tell her how petrified I was and how I didn’t know what was going to happen. I wanted to ask her to stay with Jenna Monday until I could get home and help me figure out where to go from there. I wanted her to help me cope with this until we figured out if I was going to live through all of it.
Live long enough to tell her how much I loved her.
The sting across my cheek accompanied a cracking slap, and when I came to, Lucy was panting on the porch. Her body was stumbling backward into the railing, and I could feel the welt of her slap rising on my cheek. Why the fuck did she just hit me? I’d admitted everything to her, and I get a hearty slap in the face for it?
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she asked breathlessly.
“Lucy, I—”
“You don’t make those kinds of decisions for a person!” she exclaimed. “You don’t get to make some woman fall in love with you, spew her entire life to you, and then cherry-pick what you tell her.”
“I know, Lucy.”
“Do you not think I’m any stronger than that? You think that, somehow, David dying of cancer made me weak about it? I have a wealth of knowledge you need, and you tossed it out into the cold, pouring rain.”
“Wait. What?” I asked.
“I want to stand by you and help you fight this, Jason. Just like I did with David. I want to hold your hand through treatment and fucking try to figure out what the hell do to with Jenna. You don’t get to make the types of decisions for me you just made. Understand that now, Jason. But I want to help you fight this. I would’ve, had you told me in the restaurant, and I still do now. Because I love you. Don’t you get that?”
She raised her red hand and cupped my cheek, running her thumb against the area she had slapped moments ago. The tears had dried up in her eyes, but they were freshly brewing in mine, and I saw this woman in a completely different light. There were those words again, those words that made my heart soar and set my mind at ease, but I was still hesitant about walking this road with her.
“You’ve already suffered so much because of this,” I said.
“Well, then it’s a good thing one of us isn’t a coward,” she said, winking. “I was raised with three very important morals. One is to take a shower every day.”
“That’s a good one,” I said, smirking.
“Two, always greet someone with a smile.”
“Wouldn’t wanna rob the world of yours,” I said, bringing my hand to cup the back of hers.
“And three, always support the man you love,” she said. “I’m going to be there the next time you go to the doctor—when did you say? Monday?—and whatever has to happen with Jenna, I’ll take care of.”
“Lucy.”
“Stop. Being. A coward, Jason,” she said.
I was rooted to my spot. This woman, who had walked home in the rain after tossing tea at a man who’d said some very ridiculous shit to her, was cupping my face and telling me she was willing to walk this road again. This woman, who had lost her husband to cancer, was willing to now go through this process again with me.
I felt a tear streak down my face just before she caught it with her thumb.
“I can’t imagine how petrified you are, but I’m not going anywhere. I literally can’t, since I’m your neighbor, but I’m not figuratively going anywhere, either,” she said.
“I’m so sorry, Luce,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “I know you are. I can see it in the pain behind your eyes. So make me a promise.”
“Anything,” I said breathlessly.
“Don’t you ever take my choices away from me again.”
And as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my body, I held her close while the Thanksgiving wind kicked up around our trembling forms.
“I promise,” I whispered into her hair.