Chapter Thirty-Four
Maddie
It had been two days since I left Gavin, and all I could think about was him. Was he okay? When was the funeral? Why hadn't he called?
Because our contract was over.
I hated myself so much for the decisions I'd made in the past, namely regarding him, and yet... if I hadn't have stepped up to make the arrangement, the last few weeks wouldn't have happened.
Whether it hurt or not, my life was better because of him having been in it. His strong arms and rough hands, deep voice and a big heart. Everything about him left me aching for more.
If I closed my eyes, I was taken back to our wedding, but this time it was real. He loved me and wanted forever to be ours. We'd fix up that old house behind us for my parents when they got old, spend lazy Sunday's on the boat together and make a couple of babies.
Nothing sounded better. Not even a career of being rich and famous. I couldn't remember when my obsession with acting and modeling wasn’t at the forefront in my life. I had a sick realization that every decision I'd made over the last few years was directly related to how it would serve my acting career, how many followers it would get me.
Bile rose in my chest at the thought. What the fuck was the matter with me?
I picked up the phone and tried to call Gavin again, the rings going on forever before it picked up to voice mail. I closed my eyes and sunk down into a chair at my kitchen table, letting the sound of his voice wash over me.
"I miss you," I whispered and hung up before the phone beeped for me to leave a message. He wasn't answering, and honestly, I couldn't blame him. If anyone reminded him of his mother, it was me.
Us getting married for her. Us going to dinner with her. Us giving her hope that Gavin would be loved and taken care of long after she was gone. And now the fact that it was a lie was festering deep inside of me.
"I gotta get the fuck out of here." I stood up and walked down the hall, tearing off my tank top and slipping out of my sleeping pants. I changed into jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. After pulling my hair into a ponytail, I walked out to my piece of shit car and got in.
It wouldn't start the first few times I tried, and I knew I was going to have to use some of the money that Gavin gave me to get something new. Otherwise, I would end up stranded on the side of the road somewhere.
"He didn't give you anything. He paid you. Or really, you stole it by feeding off a weakness he had for his mother." I pulled the rearview mirror down and scowled at myself. "Sick. You're so sick. You know that?"
I turned the mirror back into its place and slammed my hands against the wheel as I screamed over and over again. Tears ran down my face, and my heart felt like it might burst open. I had to give the money back. No matter how fair the deal ended up being or how well I'd played my part.
I'd figure out another way to get out to California and to help my parents. Where acting and modeling weren't so important anymore, they were literally the only thing I had in my future. Without the hope of being with Gavin, everything suddenly looked bleak.
I drove out to Ron's place and parked the car, sitting there for a few minutes. The hope that Gavin was there lit my chest on fire, and I got out, and half jogged to the front door.
Ron opened it after I knocked a few times, a sleepy look on his face. "Hey, Maddie. How are you?"
"Ron? Who's that?" a feminine voice called out from behind him.
"My cousin. Go back to sleep, baby. I'll be in there in a few minutes." He gave me a sheepish look and walked out onto the patio after closing the door. A scratching sound at the door behind us had him standing to let Milo out.
I sat down on the edge of one of the chairs on his porch and pressed my face into my hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you."
"You're never a bother." He rubbed my back as Milo came over and snuggled up against my legs. "Look at that. The old boy can tell you're upset. Gotta love dogs." He chuckled and snorted.
I reached down to pet the dog and glanced over at my cousin. "How is Gavin? He's not answering his phone, and I'm going crazy thinking about him."
"He's doing okay." He shrugged. "You know he spent every day with his mom. He has since his father died."
"I know." I leaned back and scratched the dog's ears as he laid his head in my lap. "They had a great relationship. I know he's crushed."
"You know, it's just weird. It's like, you think you're ready because you know it's coming, but when it shows up... it just fucks you up to high heaven." Ron ran his hand over his five o'clock shadow and sighed. "I wish there were something we could do for him, but there's not. He's gotta work through this."
"I need to tell you something." Guilt welled up inside of me. That and a mixture of worry. I didn't want Ron to think that Gavin and I were really married and here I was, sitting with Ron and not helping my husband. "About Gavin and me."
He lifted his hand. "Don't worry about it. I already know."
"You do?" I sat up a little. "Did Gavin tell you?"
"No. I've been friends with the guy my whole life. I knew he and you worked up your scheme to help his momma think he was going to be taken care of. There's something about it that's sweet. I'm just surprised that you were willing to do that. I know how much your career means." He smirked. "You can't tell me that being married helps you much. Hell, I would think it more like jacks you up."
"I did it for money." I let out a long sigh. Relief raced through me, though the disappointment on his face stung a little.
"Wait. What? I didn't know that part." He tilted his head to the side, studying me as if I were the sweet little girl he knew all of our lives.
"I know." I shook my head and glanced out across the yard. "I knew he needed help, so I offered to play his fake fiancée."
"How much?" He cleared his throat.
"Half a million dollars." I glanced over at him as he paled.
"Holy shit. Why in the world would you do that? You weren't raised to be that kind of woman." He stood up and put both hands on his hips. "I sure as hell hope he was smart enough to not pay that."
"He paid it." I turned back and looked up at my cousin. "I know you're upset with me, but I didn't know what else to do. Mom and Dad are so deep in debt that the government is going to show up any minute and take them and their unpaid for shit. And my career is falling apart all around me. I was desperate."
"Why didn't you come to me, Maddie? We've always been close."
"I should have." I stood up. "I hated keeping all of it from you." I reached out and patted his chest. "I love you. Forgive me."
"It's not me you need forgiveness from, sweetheart." He reached out and pulled me into a hug, a much warmer one than I deserved.
"The worst part is that I fell in love with him. I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much my whole-body hurts."
He nodded and moved back. "Well, his mother's funeral is tomorrow. Go and show your support. Give the money back and tell him, Maddie. That will mean more than anything else will right now."
"Giving back the money?" I wrapped my arms around myself.
"No. Being honest about your feelings. Love heals everything."
"How would you know?" I nodded toward the house and smiled.
"Saw it in a movie once." He laughed, and I joined me.
Everything would be okay. I could make it that way, and if not, I'd know that I at least tried.