Twenty
Maddie
I woke up much later than planned. I had wanted to leave before the sun had a chance to rise, just to avoid any awkward confrontations with Gavin, and thought I set my alarm for five in the morning. But it wasn’t the shrill sound of a phone’s alarm that woke me, but the pleasant smell of fluffy pancakes and maple syrup.
The sizzle of bacon made me lean on my elbows and look over the couch, where I found Gavin standing in his kitchen making breakfast. He tall, strong frame torso was naked, and my eyes raked down his muscled back to the top of loose drawstring pajama bottoms. I almost groaned. Avoiding awkward conversation would be difficult while leaving in the middle of his breakfast for one.
“I’m sorry,” I said and stood. “I completely overslept. I swore I set my alarm, but it never went off.”
“It did,” Gavin said. “It woke me up, so I turned it off.”
I hesitated while stuffing my feet into my heels.
“You turned off my alarm?” I asked. “Why?”
“Join me for breakfast,” he said. It wasn’t a question or an offer, I noticed. In fact, it almost sounded like a request. But he wasn’t scowling as usual as he sat plates on the breakfast table.
“Really?” I asked. “You, me, breakfast?”
“Take it or leave it,” he said. “I made extra, anyways.”
I took a seat at the table and stared at the pancakes and bacon. “Thanks,” I said.
“I should be thanking you,” he said and sat across from me. “And apologizing.”
I remembered what happened at his mother’s, and realized that this was some sort of way to make up for the dinner.
“God, don’t,” I said. “You don’t owe me anything.” Seeing his mother’s illness, not just hearing it but actually experiencing it, had been like a slap in the face. While I was stroking her back and promising that she was okay, I realized that this woman I had gotten attached to was truly dying. Before then, I had seen her as a woman who was merely sick. As if she simply had a cold that kept her house-ridden but otherwise healthy. Mona was dying, and her son was paying me to pretend to be in love with him.
I was exhausted after the dinner when we returned to Gavin’s house, and less than a minute on the couch had resulted in me falling into a deep sleep full of never-ending dreams.
“I can’t make much else,” Gavin said as I cut off a piece of pancake. “My breakfasts are usually shakes after the gym.”
“Where do you work out?” I asked, realizing it had been too long since I worked out myself.
“I have a home gym,” he said. Of course, he did. “I can show you later, if you’re interested.”
“I’d like that,” I said and smiled. Maybe Gavin and I would work out together. “I can cook breakfast next time, too. Nancie’s a huge breakfast person, but she was awful at cooking, so I ended up making our breakfasts every other morning.”
“How is your roommate?” he asked. “Settling into California?”
“I don’t think you ever settle into California,” I said. “But she’s good, calls when she gets the chance, which isn’t often. Her gig keeps her pretty busy.”
“Modeling?” he asked. I nodded. “How’s your promoting going?”
I realized it had been several days since I even bothered checking my social media, which most likely meant I lost more followers than I gained in a month. I hadn’t been interested in promoting since I became involved with Gavin, but I wasn’t exactly sure why.
“I’m focusing my interests elsewhere,” I said as if it was a business meeting. “I’ve been keeping an eye out for auditions.”
“My mom was right,” he said after a moment. “A lot of people would give up at this point.”
“I know,” I said. “But that’s why I won’t give up. I don’t want to be like anyone else.”
He lifted his fork, touched the tip of his lip with it, before setting it back down on the plate and staring at me.
“You’re not like anyone else,” he murmured. For a moment, I assumed he meant it as an insult, he had every right to, but I realized he was genuine. It was a genuine compliment.
I blushed and stuffed a piece of bacon in my mouth. I swallowed it with a long gulp of orange juice and wiped my mouth.
“Thanks,” I said. I felt a warm blush spread over my cheeks, and when Gavin offered a smile and returned to his food, I decided to take a risk.
“Why don’t we go to that ice museum?” I asked. “Like a real date?”
The silence between us stretched until I was certain he didn’t hear me, and I finished the breakfast while mustering up the courage to ask again.
“Listen to me carefully, Maddie,” Gavin said as he stood. “Don’t mistake my hospitality for anything else than it is, and it’s not an invitation for anything more between us.”
“I just thought that this was nice,” I said. “We’re having a good time.”
“A good time would be going on a real date with a woman I wasn’t paying,” he said. “You and I have an arrangement, nothing more.”
I stood from the table as it became obvious he was waiting for me to leave his house. I grabbed my purse from the couch, slipped on a pair of sunglasses, forced a smile onto my face, and nodded. Pain laced my chest, but I ignored it.
“I understand,” I said. “Nothing more, nothing less. Just text me when you need me again, okay?” I meant to text me when we were having another dinner, but we both understood the hidden meaning behind it.
“Don’t expect anything for the rest of the weekend,” he said and left for the second floor of his mansion. I stood quietly in his foyer, alone, nodding to myself and I internally slapped my own reddened cheeks.
I was a fool for ever expecting anything more between us.
ended up at Ron’s house just a few hours after fleeing from Gavin’s house. Ron had texted me with an offer for lunch, and despite having an enormous amount of money in my account, I had opted to choose the free lunch option. I hadn’t spent more than $20 in the past week, other than bills, and I wasn’t sure if I would ever feel comfortable enough to actually spend the money Gavin sent me. It felt almost like a betrayal, and I wasn’t ready for it.
I walked through Ron’s front door just as he was finishing up lunch. Milo greeted me with a wag of his tail and a slobbery kiss on my face. He was barely seven months old and already nearing a hundred pounds, and I didn’t even have to bend my knees to greet him.
“Hey, Maddie,” Ron said with a nod in my direction. “Glad you had time for lunch.”
“It’s a Friday,” I said, and I scratched behind Milo’s ears. His eyes rolled to the top of his head. “And I’m the most antisocial person I know. I have time for anything.” I sat at the dining table and watched as Ron ran back and forth from the kitchen. Lunch was a club sandwich, and a side of store-bought potato chips, and I had to knock Milo off the table as he attempted to beg for scraps.
“I asked Gavin over for dinner,” Ron said. “But he said he was busy. I thought it might have been with you.”
“We’re not attached at the hip,” I said. “Which I suspect works in your best interest.”
“What do you mean?” He offered a confused smile and gave me a plate. I was still semi-full from breakfast, but I took a few bites from the sandwich. He sat beside me, one arm leaning against the table as his other hand held up a sandwich. Milo’s head forced itself through my elbow, and he attempted to bite at my plate. “Milo, down!” The puppy’s ears folded backward as Ron scolded him.
“Your best friend and cousin dating,” I said. “Isn’t it weird for you?”
Ron perched his lips and took a few bites before responding.
“As long as you’re both happy,” he said.
I frowned. Were we happy? Of course, the entire point of our arrangement was to convince others that we were, and maybe for a moment I had felt like we were happy, but after the end of our breakfast, I wasn’t entirely sure.
“What was he like?” I asked instead. “Growing up.”
Ron thought for a moment. “Cautious,” he said. “Gavin was careful about everything. It took him a week just to do a two-page essay because he second-guessed every word. Actually, thinking back to it, I think the only time he ever just did something for the hell of it was when he wrote.”
“And you read his stories?” I asked. Ron had given me a few of his stories when we were both younger, but I couldn’t remember if Ron had been interested in any of them.
“No.” He shook his head. “I mean, I think I read one once, but we were in middle school, and the most important thing to me was impressing Mrs. Lawsworth,” he said. “Why?”
“I remember them,” I said. “Not the teacher that you promised you were going to marry. I remember Gavin’s stories. You gave me a few to read.”
Ron blinked. “I did?” His head looked at the ceiling. “Oh, I guess you’re right. I was a little asshole back then. I’d give them to you and make you tell me the important parts so I could pretend that I read them. It’s a miracle Gavin bought it.”
“I don’t think he did.” I laughed. “I just think he’s too good of a person to call you out on your bullshit.”
“You’re probably right.” We both finished our lunch and sat at the dining table with Milo’s tail wagging at our feet. His body was long enough to lie beneath both of our seats. “A good kid. That’s what he was like when he was young. Simple enough, but it describes him perfectly. A good kid.”
“Your foil,” I said. Ron frowned as he looked at me. “I mean, your opposite. Like, while you were in detention, he was probably volunteering at some animal shelter.”
Ron nodded. “Well, not at an animal shelter, at least. Gavin’s never felt comfortable in them, but I know what you mean.”
I pushed my plate to the center of the table. “Ron?” I asked, not sure how to phrase my question. “Has Gavin ever been serious with any other women?”
Ron opened and closed his mouth several times before answering. “You guys haven’t had this conversation?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Not really. I think we both have been avoiding it. I mean, I remember you talking about a few women of his, but I don’t even think there’s been a single woman in his life.” I considered how close he was about himself. Maybe he was the type to keep his intimate relationships a secret.
Milo’s head perched on my lap, and I looked down as his giant puppy eyes stared at me.
“There was one,” Ron said. “A woman, in his life. He wanted to marry her, and we all felt the same way. They were together for three years until his mom was first diagnosed.”
“And then she dumped him,” I said, remembering the story. Ron had called me one night to complain about the awful woman, and share his concern over Gavin’s sudden increase in his whiskey intake. “Do you think he’s afraid of commitment because of her?”
Ron shifted in his seat. “To be honest, Maddie? I think having a woman break up with you because your mother was diagnosed with cancer would be enough for anyone to develop commitment issues,” he said. “Why? Is something going on with you two?”
I wasn’t sure if Gavin would kill me for talking to Ron about our relationship. He was my cousin, sure, but he was also Gavin’s best friend. Ron didn’t know about our relationship, and I wanted to keep it that way. Still, there was some sort of relief in talking to him about Gavin.
“There’s nothing wrong,” I said. “We both decided to take things slow, for everyone’s sake.”
“Good,” Ron said with a whistle. “It was bad enough having to deal with both of your broken hearts within the same year. I don’t think I could handle both of them at the same time.”
I remembered that I was dumped by an asshole the same year Gavin’s girlfriend had dumped him, resulting in a poor Ron dealing with both of our problems. I never thought that he would deal with us together. I wondered what our eventual story would be after we decided to end things together. I assumed it would be a mutual decision, but someone would still take the blame in Ron’s eyes.
“I just feel like I’m really starting to like him,” I said. Our lunch was finished, and Ron began clearing the table. I checked my phone and saw that Martin had asked for a meeting later on in the day. I started getting my stuff together as I spoke. “I’m a little surprised, to be honest. I didn’t think I would like him so much.”
“I honestly didn’t think you two would ever end up like this,” Ron said from the kitchen. “I think it surprised all of us.”
“A lot of surprises,” I said. “I’m falling for him, Ron. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
I stood in the doorway, my purse clutched in my arms as Ron cleaned his house. He glanced at me and smiled.
“Just be honest,” he said. “With yourself, and with Gavin. No one can get hurt if you’re honest.”
I nodded. “Yeah, you’re right,” I said and opened the front door. “I’ll see you later, thanks for lunch.” I kneeled and said goodbye to Milo.
Ron exchanged a goodbye and closed the door behind me. I walked to my car with his words still in my head.
Just be honest. It seemed I was lying to everyone except myself. And the hardest realization of all was that I wasn’t lying when I said I was falling for him. In fact, it might have been the first time I hadn’t lied when talking to someone else about Gavin.
Be honest? I shook my head as I started my car. There was no way I could ever be honest with Gavin, not when he was constantly making it clear that there wasn’t anything going on between the both of us.
I was falling for Gavin, I realized. And that was going to make things much more complicated than necessary.