Chapter Twenty-Nine
One Week Later
Gavin
I walked the path back to my mother's house, the sun shining down on me, but the air chilly. Pulling the jacket I wore closer, I glanced around at the flowers. It was beautiful, and where I knew my mother loved it, it didn't seem like enough.
Like I wasn't doing enough.
I let out a long sigh and jogged up the stairs to her house, letting myself in and forcing my thoughts to move away from my lack and onto the woman who would soon be a memory.
Losing her would likely cripple me as losing my father had crippled her, but it was part of life. Loving someone so deeply that when they left you, you knew a piece of you would go with them.
I forced away the thought of that happening with Maddie, too. Mom dying was almost more than I could handle, but now I was throwing salt on the wound by having Maddie pack up and leave at the same time.
But... an agreement was an agreement. She was sticking around until mom passed. That was it. After that, she'd be on her way to California, and I'd be left behind to pick up the pieces of a jumbled-up life.
"Gavin? That you?" Karen called out as I walked toward the kitchen.
"Yeah." I strained to hear if the TV were on in my mother's room, but didn't hear anything. "Mom doing okay?"
I walked in to find Karen wiping down the kitchen cabinets. She glanced over her shoulder with relief on her face. "Today has been pretty rough. She threw up several times this morning and keeps complaining about her tongue and teeth hurting. It's getting bad. I wish I could do something to ease her pain."
"Did you give her the meds the doctor prescribed?"
"Always, but you know her throwing up isn't helping her digest them." She turned back to her work. "She's laying down now, but I know she'll want to see you. She always does."
"Okay." I turned and walked down to my mom's bedroom as the smell of cleaning supplies filled my senses. Where I was glad that Karen kept the place sterile, it still left my insides empty. The end was creeping closer and closer, and I wasn't ready.
Not that I ever would be.
"Mom?" I walked in to find her laying in the bed, her breathing labored. She was watching a small blue jay out the window from what I could tell.
She glanced over at me, her eyes glossy. "Hey there. Come here." She patted the bed beside me and tried to scoot over, but didn’t make it too far. Her arms shook with the effort she exerted. "I wanted to tell you a secret."
"A secret?" I lifted an eyebrow, but walked over and sat down on the bed beside her as my heart quaked in my chest. My father wouldn’t have been able to handle seeing her so sick. It was almost a blessing that he’d gone before her. Unfair, but a blessing of sorts. "Alright. Spill."
She laughed and grimaced, reaching up to rub her chest through her faded gown. "Man, it's been a rough day today. Everything hurts."
"I know." I reached up and took her hand in mine. "I would take it all from you if I could."
"Nope. I'd never let you have this." She put her other hand on top of mine, and the veins showed through.
"So, tell me this secret." I took a shallow breath and tried hard to hold myself together. I hadn't cried too many times in my life, but losing her would be another one to add to the list.
"Loving someone is hard work. It's the damn pits at times." She smiled or tried to. "But, if you write down a few things each day that you like about them, that you find pretty or funny or kind, you'll have something to look back on when the shit hits the fan." She patted my hand. "Because believe me. The shit always hits the fan."
"Did you and Dad do that?"
"I did. Your father didn't, or if he did, I didn't know about it." She smiled and turned to look back out the window. "The world stands against a good marriage, throwing all sorts of lies at it." She turned back to me, her vision looking a little clearer. "You and Maddie have to fight against that, Gavin."
"We will, Mom. I'll start the journal today." Sadness swam through my chest and danced in the center of my stomach. How was I going to make it without her and dad? Most her.
"Good. I'm so proud that you found Maddie. She's perfect for you, and the two of you are together forever." She glanced down at my hand as her eyes widened. "Where the hell is your ring?"
"Oh." I pulled my hand back sheepishly. "I was working on something in the garage earlier and didn't want to mess it up. I took it off."
"Well, put it back on. It's not supposed to stay shiny and pretty. It's there to remind you that you're bound to another person." She narrowed her eyes a little. "When is Maddie moving in? I expected to see more of her."
"Soon, Mom. We'll be over for dinner tomorrow night, and I'll let her update you on all of that. That sound good?" I stood as her eyelashes fluttered. She was beaten.
"Yeah. I'd like that." She yawned and turned to look back out the window. "Close the door on your way out, and put your damn ring back on."
"Okay, Mom." I walked to the door. "And I'll start that journal."
"Good. It will save you loads of heartache, or at least pull you back each time you want to give up." She turned and coughed, shaking the bed with the violence of it.
I waited by the door to make sure she was alright. As her breathing deepened, I slipped out. I stopped by the house and grabbed my keys to head to the dock. An afternoon on the boat with Ron would do me some good. At least it would keep me from walking circles around my office in hopes of writing something.
The only thing I was doing better than that was missing Maddie. And that was something I would never admit.
"Hey, buddy. How goes it?" Ron offered me a hand, shaking mine as I got onto the boat. He looked far more alive than I felt. Of course, his life wasn’t falling apart on all sides, and I was glad it wasn’t.
I ran my fingers through my hair and glanced around the beautiful view in front of us and took a deep breath. Something about the water soothed my soul and gave me rest when I needed it the most. For that alone, I would always own a boat. "Better now."
"Let's get outta here for a while." He pointed to a cooler on the ground. "I brought beer."
"You're a good man." I moved to start up the boat and pulled us away from the dock.
"No, you're a good man." He pulled out two beers and offered me on, his words surprising me a little.
"Why is that?" I took mine, popped the top and took a long drink.
"Because I realized something the other day."
"You thinking again? You know that's bad for you." I turned in my seat and watched the waves splash up on the side of the boat.
"You married Maddie for your momma, didn't you?" He dropped down into the seat across from me and gave me a knowing stare.
"Why do you think that?" Horror raced through me. Did Maddie say something to Ron? It was one of the rules she was forbidden to break. Ron couldn't lie to save his own ass. He shouldn't have known about what we'd done.
"Because I've known you my whole life. You might like my cousin, but you married her to appease your mother. She's been looking forward to you getting married and having kids since we were old enough to skip rocks across the water." He snorted and lifted his beer toward me. "Maddie didn't say anything to me if that's what you're thinking. I'm just saying that you're a damn good man, Gavin. I'm glad you're my best friend. Makes me feel a little bit better about myself sometimes."
I chuckled as relief flooded my chest. Maddie hadn't broken a rule. Good. I wasn't sure what type of retaliation I would have enacted had she gone against my word.
"You shouldn't feel better about yourself." I smiled. "You're a scoundrel."
He wagged his eyebrows. "The ladies sure like it."
I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair. "Maddie played the part well, didn't she?"
"Hell yeah. That girl's got boatloads of talent." He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. "And don't worry about me saying anything to anyone. I know what you've given up to make this happen."
"You do?" I lifted my eyebrow.
"Yeah. Your pride, your time, your energy." He shook his head. "I couldn't do it."
"Sure you could." Relief flooded me again. I was going to have an emotional breakdown if he kept accidentally toying with my emotions so fucking well.
"Nope. Not in a million years." He drained his beer and burped, standing and walking over to get another one. "And knowing my damn luck, I'd end up falling in love. My cousin is a looker for sure."
"Doesn't seem like that's just your luck," I mumbled.
"Hmmm?" He sat down and gave me a funny look. "You starting to have feelings for her?"
"Starting? No. I have for a while." I took a long pull from my beer. "And I need to stop. I'm not sure I'll survive losing her and momma at the same time. Funny thing is, Maddie was never mine to begin with."