Chapter 27

Tom wasn’t going to try to lie to himself. He had Carmina and Danny right where he wanted them. After that super awkward conversation in the truck, he hadn’t been sure how the rest of the night was going to go. But that conversation had to happen before they could move forward. Not telling Carmina about what happened between him and Danny had been killing him. Danny stepping up and being the one to tell her was huge. Danny had admitted he was into guys. Well, maybe not in so many words, but he’d taken equal blame with Tom for what happened, so he might as well have said the words. That meant game on, as far as Tom was concerned.

And tonight? Tonight had been amazing so far. He had never seen Danny or Carmina so relaxed. Danny had laughed more with them today than Tom could remember him laughing in a single day before. Danny tended to be so serious and intense all the time. He was like a shaking ball of rage walking around. Today Tom had seen a new Danny, a sweet Danny, a Danny who was more worried about Carmina having a perfect Christmas than about any of the crap that constantly weighed him down.

Everything came back to Carmina, for both of them. Why couldn’t Danny see that? Even what had happened between Tom and Danny the other night. Tom had always been attracted to Danny physically, but their friendship prevented him from acting on it. But the reality of Danny and Carmina fucking each other pushed Tom beyond his limits. Watching the two of them fuck would be ultimate-fantasy territory for Tom. And the beauty of it was that Tom knew he’d be the one orchestrating it, telling them both what to do. He got high just thinking about it. And horny.

This whole Dom thing was new to Tom. But he wasn’t really sure either Danny or Carmina wanted that from him, actually. Taking charge in bed wasn’t the same thing as a D/s relationship. Tom had read all about that on the Internet when Fifty Shades of Grey came out, just like everyone else. And while some of the guys he knew jumped right on that shit, Tom hadn’t. Partly because he was still with Theresa and she was no way, no how going to go for it, but also because he wasn’t feeling it. He didn’t want to treat anyone like that. He certainly didn’t get off on it. But ordering Danny and Carmina around in bed? Hell, yeah. That had been damn hot. He was still trying to figure out what it all meant, but he’d never been one to let thinking slow him down. Besides, Carmina and Danny spent way too much time in their heads, and look where it had gotten them. Tom preferred to remain a man of action, thanks.

“What do you want me to feel?” Carmina asked in a breathless whisper.

Tom could actually hear Danny’s breath hitch at her question. It was like all of Tom’s senses became hypersensitive when he was turned on with Danny or Carmina. Every touch, every kiss, every breath was amplified. He was overwhelmed by them, in a good way, until all he could think about was pleasing them. He’d never been a selfish lover, but he’d been as concerned with his own pleasure as he was his partner’s. The last time with Carmina, and when he was with Danny, he hadn’t thought about himself at all. He got his pleasure from theirs, from what he was making them feel. And he’d never had more satisfying sexual experiences. He wasn’t sure what that meant, but he wasn’t willing to let it go, either. And Danny and Carmina—clearly they had a connection. Carmina had come with Danny. Tom wasn’t forgetting that, and he wasn’t letting them forget it either.

“I want you to feel everything,” Tom told her. “Trust me?” He waited for her answer, hoping she knew where this was going, and wanted it, too.

She nodded. “I trust you,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. Tom rewarded her with a slow, deep kiss. He dipped her down so that she was lying across his lap and cupped the back of her head, holding her to his mouth so he could devour her. She made a sound of surrender deep in her throat and Tom was suddenly overheated, burning up and on the edge, wanting to take her right there and then and give her what he’d given her the other night. He heard a rustle and knew that Danny was getting up to leave. He barely broke the kiss, his lips a breath away from Carmina’s.

“Sit down,” he told Danny. He didn’t even look at him.

“I think it’s time I went to bed,” Danny said in a flat voice. “You two can finish the movie.” Carmina was staring up at Tom, her wide eyes locked on his.

“Sit down and put your hands on the armrests,” Tom said quietly. “Don’t move until I tell you to.”

“No,” Danny said firmly. He sounded equal parts reasonable and angry. His confusion only increased Tom’s arousal. He wanted Danny to sit there and let Tom give him what he needed.

“You do as you’re told,” Tom said quietly. “I know what you need.”

“Dammit, I’m not doing this again,” Danny said sharply. “Don’t think you can play me whenever you want now.”

“Carmina,” Tom said, ignoring Danny’s protest. “Do you remember at the club, what you said? I asked if you wanted to have sex in front of strangers or Danny. And you said strangers. But it didn’t work. At the time I thought you needed Danny. I still believe that.”

“Tell me what to do,” Carmina said breathlessly. “Don’t make me think. Make me feel.”

“Carmina,” Danny said, his breathing labored. “Don’t let him bully you into it.”

“I want whatever Tom wants for me,” Carmina said, her eyes still locked on Tom’s. “Tom knows. He knows what I need.”

“You need Danny,” Tom said simply, kissing her on the forehead. “And I’m going to give you what you need. I’m going to give both of you what you need.”

“Danny,” Carmina said, watching Tom. “Sit down, please. Don’t make me start thinking. Please.”

“I can’t,” Danny said, and there was unmistakable regret and sadness in his voice. “I can’t give you two what you want. I’m sorry.” He turned and left the room without looking back.

Tom watched panic slowly seep into Carmina’s expression. “What did I do?” she asked. “This was a bad idea.” She struggled to rise from Tom’s lap.

“Car,” Tom said, letting her go. “Don’t go, baby. I’m sorry I started it. I really thought Danny was ready to admit what he wanted.”

“Maybe it’s just what you and I want,” Carmina said, confirming Tom’s suspicions. “But we can’t force Danny to do it. God, I’m so confused!” She spun around in a circle, searching for her shoes. When she found them she bent to retrieve them, her movements jerky. Buster got up from where he’d been sleeping by the tree and came over, rubbing his head against her leg with a low whine.

“You’re right,” Tom agreed. He hated to say it, but she needed to hear it. He turned off the TV, the movie nothing more than a distraction now. “I’m sorry. I guess I want to have my cake and eat it, too.” Carmina laughed, sounding a little hysterical.

“You?” she asked, disbelief in her voice. “What about me? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve barely taken off my sex training wheels and now I think I can have both of you? I don’t think I even deserve one!” She sat down and tried to untie her shoe to put it on.

“You do,” Tom told her. He kneeled beside her and took the shoe from her hand. “Stay the night. We don’t have to do anything. But I want to hold you. I want you to stay the night.”

“And see Danny in the morning?” she said. “No way. He must think I’m a freak. I sleep with you, I sleep with him, I sleep with you, I try to sleep with both of you. And I’m crazy, too. Gee, I sound like a great girl. The kind you bring home to the mental hospital.” She tried to take her shoe back, but Tom held it out of her reach, so she grabbed the other one and stood up. “I don’t need shoes. Crazy people don’t wear shoes.”

“Would you stop with the crazy?” Tom told her, trying to stay calm. He’d royally fucked everything up. “Look, I’m the one who’s crazy about you. Please don’t let me doing something stupid ruin what we have. Please. We can be good together.”

“Can we?” Carmina asked, anguish in her voice. “When both of us are missing Danny? How fucked up is that?” She shook her head. “This is a bad idea. You and Danny…don’t mess that up. Friends like that are important. More important than me.”

“I love Danny,” Tom said, and in one of those blinding moments of clarity realized it was true. He stood up and faced her. “But I’m not going to give you up, because I hope one day he realizes what we could have. What I want with Danny? I have with you right now.”

“Don’t say you love me,” Carmina said in a panicked voice. “It’s too soon. How do you know? I can’t handle it. The responsibility of someone else’s love. I’m still relearning how to love myself.”

“Then I won’t say it,” Tom promised. “All I want is to be there for you, Car. I want to give you whatever you need.”

“Why?” she cried out. “I’m so fucked in the head,” she said, poking her finger into her head roughly. “You could have anyone.”

“I don’t want just anyone. I want you.” Tom pulled her into his arms. “Am I enough?” She stood stiffly in his arms, her shoe dangling from her hand as she let him hug her. She pressed her face into his neck.

“I’d be crazy to say no,” she mumbled.

“But,” Tom added for her.

“I have to be honest,” she said, still not looking directly at him, still standing rigid in his embrace. “I can’t stop thinking about Danny. About the three of us together.”

“Well, we sort of took you there, didn’t we?” Tom asked ruefully. “Both of us wanting you, pursuing you and taking you. And we’re surrounded by that kind of thing. Look at Sam and King and Jane. And Cass and Beau and Marian.”

“The quarterback,” she reminded him, her lips moving against his neck, arousing him unintentionally.

“Yeah, Ty and Brian and Randi.” Ty sighed. “Maybe that’s why we want it, huh? Because we see it every day, and we see how happy they are, and we’re greedy. I want that, too. But you’re right, we can’t force Danny to be with us. All we can do is be together and hope he changes his mind.”

“He won’t,” Carmina said sadly, sniffling. She pulled away and then tossed her shoe aside. “I’m not the sort of person who can change anyone’s mind about that. You’re just screwed up, too, I guess, and so you want me. But Danny’s too smart to get involved with someone with my problems.”

Danny stood there, his back pressed to the wall in the hallway, listening to Tom and Carmina talk about him and what they wanted with him. Everything in him was telling him to go back into that room and give them what they wanted. What he wanted. But was it fair to them? He still had issues of his own. The sex thing. Tom had pegged him right. He burned up at night thinking about Tom holding him down and making him take it. Letting Carmina do whatever she wanted to him because he couldn’t fight them, couldn’t get away. Didn’t want to. Carmina thought she was fucked up? She should live in Danny’s head for a day.

He knew he shouldn’t want that. It ought to be a nightmare to him, instead of a fantasy. He’d seen Marian being held down and violated against her will. Physically and sexually assaulted by people she thought she could trust. So why was that something Danny craved? He’d never given in to it. Not until that night with Marian and the guys. Ty Oakes had seen it, had read Danny like a fucking book. And when Ty had gripped his wrists and held him down, Danny had totally lost control. He’d let Ty kiss him because his body was on fire and he had needed it so much. And Tom had seen it. He wished now it had been Tom who’d held him down that night, but Tom had practically been a virgin. That hadn’t stopped him from jacking Ty off and rubbing off on Ty’s ass in the process. Tom was just more adventurous than Danny, more accepting of himself and his desires. Because Tom’s desires didn’t violate every principle he lived by, the way Danny’s did. How could he hate Peltz and what he’d done to Marian when he craved it? Not from Peltz, but still.

When Carmina started putting herself down and calling herself crazy, Danny couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t leave her feeling that this was somehow her fault. He could let go for one night. It was Christmas and he wanted them. Had wanted them for a long time, since he was suddenly being honest with himself. For once he wanted to let go of all the anger and hate and embrace who he was and what he wanted with the two people he cared about. Cared? What a lame-ass word for the way he felt about them. He didn’t know why they wanted him. He was an asshole. Antisocial, too intense, anger-management issues—he was a damn mess.

“Your problems don’t have anything to do with his decision,” he heard Tom say without hesitation. That’s right, they didn’t. Even Marian had wondered. But Tom knew him better than anyone.

“Really?” Carmina said sarcastically. “He was with you the other night. I bet he didn’t tell you that it didn’t mean anything. But he couldn’t tell me fast enough the other day that our fuck didn’t mean a thing to him. He couldn’t have gotten away from me any faster. If I wasn’t around”—she hesitated for a moment, then continued in a broken voice—“he’d be with you.”

Danny walked back into the room. He didn’t say a word, just slowly sat back down in the chair and looked at them, his face illuminated only by the lights on the Christmas tree. The way they looked at him, he felt a little dangerous, like a chained tiger. Carmina’s expression was shocked, but Tom looked victorious, as if Danny’s return was his doing. And in a way Danny supposed it was, so he let Tom get away with it.

“Hands on the armrests,” Tom said quietly. Danny hesitated. “It’s for you. Let me do this for you.” Danny debated fighting it and maybe striking a balance, giving Carmina what she desired while maintaining his own dignity, but finally he slowly raised his hands and set them on the armrests. If Carmina was going to give Tom control, then so was he. “Good,” Tom told him. “Don’t move them unless I tell you to.”

Danny took a deep breath. When he let it out, it was shaky. “All right,” he agreed, his voice low and even. Tom knew him too well. He was so excited that he was barely keeping it together, and fighting it every step of the way.

“Danny, are you sure?” Carmina sounded like she was going to cry.

“Hell, yes, I’m sure,” he told her. “I do want you both. Is that what you want to hear me say? When I’m with you two I forget all that shit in my head. I need that. When I walked away a minute ago—that was the fear and the anger talking. It took everything I had to find the courage to come back out here. Now that I’m here, I’m in one hundred percent. Let’s do this. Let’s do something stupid and promise not to regret it later.”