Chapter 34
Nova
His face twists with confusion when I open my front door the next evening.
"You aren't dressed?" he says, taking in my pyjama pants and tank top. Then his brow lifts suggestively. "You aren't dressed…" His dark gaze goes hungry and his tongue slides over his lips.
But confusion replaces flirtation yet again when he stretches his arms out for a hug and I duck out of his reach.
"Are you okay?" he asks with worried eyes.
I fold my arms across my chest and try to keep my voice strong and level. "I'm not going,” I tell him. “And we need to talk."
I do my best to keep my eyes off of his soft gray button-down shirt, the way the fabric stretches taut across his strong chest, the way his neck stands thick and proud at the collar. So intoxicatingly masculine. I won’t let the sight of him make me weak.
"Okay..." Charlie's questioning eyes watch me as he leans on the doorframe to take off his shoes.
Dread ropes around my windpipe like a crawling vine, tightening, suffocating me with each passing second. The path from the front door to the kitchen may as well lead to an execution chamber. I don't want to do this. Because it will mean the end of one of the best things I've ever had.
My friendship with Charlie. The romantic relationship we were beginning to cultivate.
It was all a myth, Nova. A lie. It was never real because Charlie isn’t capable of being a one-woman guy.
That thought causes my insides to ache all over again.
I was starting to depend on him. In ways I'd never depended on anyone. I was falling for him, hard and fast. Silly me.
When I take a seat at the table, he does the same. He reaches for my hand and as much as the warmth of those calloused palms feels good against mine, it also makes my skin crawl. It's the betrayal, the deceit—that's what gets to me.
"Nova, what's going on?" The concern in his voice makes its tone deep and gravelly. It’s not genuine. It’s all an act.
I won’t torture myself and beat around the bushes because all I want is the truth. "I saw you with a woman last night. At your office."
Charlie freezes. His face goes white. He scrubs it with his palm. “Nova…”
I speak quickly, before he has the chance to concoct a lie. “Look, I know we haven't defined parameters for what we're doing but I can't be a part of a situation like this. I'm sorry. I'm not strong enough of a woman. I can't share the man I'm falling for. I’m not the kind of girl that’s built for that.”
“There’s no sharing, Nova.” He shakes his head vehemently and drags his chair closer. “I’m all in for you. For only you.”
“But I saw her. In your office—”
He cuts me off unapologetically. “What you saw was bullshit.” His chest is so puffed out it might burst. “That woman has been making my life hell for weeks now, months even. Last night, I finally got back at her. I evened the playing field.”
“By fucking her?”
“I didn’t touch her.” His words are forceful and nearly convincing. “I swear.”
“Why should I believe you? Because you say so?” I roll my eyes.
“Because I have proof!” he insists.
He pulls out his phone as he speaks. After tapping around a little bit, he passes it to me. A video is playing. That woman is dancing, stripping herself bare.
My gut twists as insecurity and jealousy mix. “I can’t watch this,” I mutter as I drop the phone to the table and stand.
Charlie grabs my hand with an urgency that startles me. “I’m sorry but Nova, please, you have to listen to me.” His eyes beg me. “That woman, she’s in charge of issuing permits for construction projects in the town of Copper Heights. She’s been twisting my arm, withholding the demolition permit on a major project that will be starting next week. She said she wouldn’t give it to me unless I fucked her.”
“So, you did fuck her?!” Now I’m convinced that he’s just talking in circles to confuse me.
“Hell no! Watch the video!” My eyes stay glued to the screen as he speaks. “After she stripped naked, I told her I’d recorded her and that if she didn’t issue my permit, I’d take the tape to the mayor’s office…She got scared. The permit was Fed-Ex’ed to my office first thing this morning. I’ve finally gotten Helena out of my life…That’s all that happened, Nova. I swear to you.” The video confirms his claims.
Okay, so he didn’t fuck her. But that doesn’t exactly make it all better.
Shuddering, I sit back in my chair. “You realize that you lied to me, right? You told me that you’d be working last night.”
“Well, I was working. Technically.” His eyes tell me he realizes that his defense is feeble.
I close my eyes and breathe in. “Don’t get technical with me, Charlie. You promised you’d be honest. Always. And if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see that you deliberately misled me.”
He scrubs his hands down his face and we sit in silence for a long, heavy minute.
“So, what happens now?” There’s fear in his voice, in his eyes, in his posture.
I can’t look at him as I speak. “You and I, we shouldn’t be doing this. Neither of us knows how to be in a relationship. You’re scattered and I’m scared and it’s only a matter of time before we fuck each other up. Irreparably.”
“Don’t say that, Nova.”
“It’s true.”
“It’s not.”
“We’re better off as friends.”
“Don’t say that. You’re just scared.”
“As I have every right to be. I know you, Charlie. I know your M.O. If it wasn’t this chick then eventually, it’d be someone else. Eventually, you’d fuck someone else and then I’d have to burn your house down and next thing you know, I’m in Guantanamo and you—”
“I’m not a cheater, Nova. I may be a lot of things but I’ve never been a cheater.”
“Technically, right?” My tone is sharp and spiteful.
He growls low in his chest, so frustrated. “You’re saying you don’t trust me?”
“I’m saying I’ve been hurt too many times, by too many people. And I can’t let the next guy be you.” The air stills and my voice goes soft. “Because I’d lose all faith in humanity. I need you to not be a person who hurt me. I need you to be a friend…you understand that, don’t you?” My trust issues run too deep, my confidence is too fragile. I can’t take this risk.
Silence stretches out, vibrating, breathing, like a third person in the room.
“You want to just be friends...?”
It physically hurts but I say, “Yes. We should just be friends. Like we were before.”
Eyes downcast, he drums his fingers on the table for an eternal instant. I think I’m holding my breath, a part of me wishing that he’ll fight me on this, the other part of me wishing that he’ll just leave.
Slow and stiff, he gets up from the table. It takes everything in me not to stop him, not to wrap my arms around him and beg him to make me believe him, but it’s for the best.
When he gets to the door, he turns and watches me, grooves marring his forehead, lips pressed flat. “I’m falling in l—”
“Don’t…” I stop him immediately. My heart kicks against my chest. I don’t want to have to be strong.
He turns down the stairs.
“It’d never work between us,” I call out. His steps halt. “Because you’re the way you are. And I’m the way I am.”
His shoulders heave with disappointment but he doesn’t turn back. He walks the rest of the way to his truck and pulls out of my driveway.