Chapter 42
Charlie
“Charlie Hartley? Is that you?”
Slowly, I spin away from the bar with my gin and tonic gripped tightly in my hand. I look into the exuberant face of a man I don’t recognize. A carefully-determined amount of shiny blond hair peeking out from under the lip of his beanie hat. An over-conditioned beard, groomed with the skill of a sculptor. A checkered flannel shirt tucked into dark skinny jeans. He smells like moisturizer. The guy is taking the lumbersexual trend a little too far.
He stretches a well-groomed hand out to me and tells me his name. I’ve already forgotten it.
But he’s too damn chipper to even notice that I’m not paying attention. He leans his svelte frame on the counter next to me. “Your reputation precedes you, man. All these years in the construction business and you finally decide to come to the annual conference and grace us with your presence.” His nasally chuckle shakes his chest. “What gives?”
“Just here for the…talks.” A tight smile unfolds on my face.
His head bounces enthusiastically as he brings his bottle of craft beer to his mouth. “Yeah—we’ve got some great talks this year. Did you hear I’ll be leading the panel on energy efficiency and the sustainability of building materials in the 21st century tomorrow morning? Really innovative stuff.” He launches into a monologue about eco-friendly construction practices and micro-houses in urban settlements. Huh?
I don’t give a fuck about the talks. Or the workshops. Or the fucking roundtable discussions. I don’t care about the experts or the industry trends or any of that shit. I don’t care about this construction industry conference that I just paid four-figures to attend. I’m in New York City for one reason.
And that reason just walked through the door.
Everything around me fades away. The rambling of the man next to me melts into the other sounds filling the bar. Every receptor in my body is focused on Nova as she steps into the place.
A gust of wind causes her hair to flutter over her brow as the door closes behind her. It causes her little green dress to mold to her breasts, lifting up the hem just enough to remind me of the thickness of her curvy thighs.
She pushes her curls out of her view as her eyes scan the bar and when they land on me, the impact of it is like getting stomped in the gut with a steel-toe boot. Looking at me, she seems a bit hazy, too. She doesn’t even notice it when the hostess tries to offer her a table.
Without taking my eyes off of her, I abandon my drink on the counter and stalk off in her direction, meeting her halfway across the room.
“Hi…” Before I can even consciously decide on a course of action, my arms are around her waist and I’m pulling her against my body, locking her in a hug.
When her hands wrap behind my back, I feel the deep burst of air that leaves her lungs as she settles into my hold. “Hi…”
I take a whiff of her sweet-smelling hair. This is what home feels like. This is what perfect feels like.
She eases away from me and I instantly feel cold. I miss her and she’s standing right here in front of me. The soft smile on her lips is the only thing that keeps me from crumbling to my knees.
A somewhat rowdy group does their best to sidestep us as they head toward the door. One of the assholes jostles Nova, causing her to stumble as he passes by. Instinct takes over as I grab him by the arm and give him a shove. “Hey! Watch it, would you?”
He holds up his arms in a non-threatening gesture in response to my overly protective reaction. “Yo! Sorry. Didn’t mean to.”
With a little nod, Nova accepts his apology. “We should find a table.” Her hand falls to my bicep to nudge me toward the seats at the back. The light touch causes a shiver to shoot down the back of my neck.
Once we’re seated and the hostess has offered us menus, Nova’s eyes scan my face. Her expression is somber and melancholy. She smiles anyway. “You look good,” she says.
I lean across the table and barely keep from taking her hands in mine. “You look amazing,” I tell her. “Gorgeous.” I’m eager. A little too much. But you can’t blame me. These past few weeks without her have been hell.
Her eyelids flutter down to the table and she tucks a wild lock of hair behind her ear. But the wayward curl rebounds, springing across her forehead. Fucking adorable. I want to tell her that, I want to pour my whole heart out to her but I don’t even know where we stand right now.
She’s uncomfortable, on edge. I can’t stand it. I want her to feel with me. Always.
“How have you been?” I ask. That seems like a good place to start.
She tips her head to the side and her gaze doesn’t leave her hands on the table. “Good. Adjusting to the city. Still trying to figure out the subway, y’know? You said you’re in town for a construction industry conference?”
I nod impishly, hanging onto her every word, memorizing her every gesture. “Yeah, yeah.”
She chances a peek up at me. “How have things been with you?”
I’ve been miserable. I’ve been regretting the fact that I didn’t try harder with you. I hate the fact that you walked away. And now you’re in a different time zone and my days are filled with missing you.
That’s what I want to say. But this is New York and you never know who’s listening in from the next table. If I’m not careful my tragic confession may end up on Broadway.
To keep from making a fool of myself, I steer the conversation into safe territory. “How is work? Are you liking the people in your office?”
Her expression darkens ominously. “You almost make that sound like an innocent question…” A bitter, little laugh spills from her lips.
Confusion shows up on my brow. “It is an innocent question.”
She just chuffs and sips water from the glass that the server places in front of her. “Well, then I guess it’s all just a strange coincidence.”
“Nova, what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about my job at CXT. I thought that I was hired because I was talented and I deserved the spot. Come to find out that my boss only hired me so she could have you all to herself…” She sucks in a deep breath, visibly forcing herself to relax before she utters her next words. “That really hurts, Charlie…”
I shake my head at her. “I really have no clue what you’re talking about.”
Her eyes narrow. “You honestly don’t know?”
“I honestly don’t know…”
She purses her lips for just long enough to calm herself. “My boss said she hired me after she saw you with my sketchpad…”
That little bit of information makes no sense to me. “Your sketchpad…I only ever had your sketchpad once…” Oh, fuck! “Wait—Lorraine Arthur is your boss?”
She nods.
I think my jaw drops out and hits the table.
“She saw you with my sketchpad and she Googled me, Charlie. She tracked me down and she gave me a job that landed me in New York.”
“Oh, fucking shit…” I scrub a hand over my scalp as the words sputter out of my mouth.
Nova’s voice vibrates with restrained anger and her green-eyed gaze fills with tears. “This isn’t a game to me. Living off of creativity is my dream. My art, my music—they’re sacred to me.” She looks away, running the side of her finger along the rim of her eyes. “I thought that this was my chance. That I’d finally get to prove that I am good enough. That I can get my shit together. And now, it’s just tainted. And I don’t know what to do. Should I leave the job and hope that something else comes along or do I stay put and fight to prove that I belong here? I just don’t know.”
I finally break down. I reach across the table and pull her hands into mine. “Nova, I didn’t know anything about Lorraine hiring you. My crew finished work on her house weeks ago and I haven’t seen her since.” I hope she can see the earnesty on my face. “But you deserve this job. You’re so talented. It’s about time you get the recognition you deserve.”
Her expression remains doubtful. “This is such crap…” Her gaze falls to the table. She looks devastated and it’s hurting my heart. Seeing her like that and knowing that it’s my fault…
I slide out of my side of the booth and climb in beside her. She lifts her face to me. I can’t help the words that fall out of my mouth. “I’ve missed you so much…” The confession releases the stranglehold on my heart. “And I’m sorry for the ways I’ve hurt you.”
She just sits there with her bottom lip quivering, tears freefalling down her cheeks, so much anger in her expression. The silence is too long, too heavy. Finally, she sniffles and smiles weakly. “When I agreed to see you, I promised myself that I’d keep it together. And here I am crying like a lunatic…” She throws her arms out to the sides and knocks down her glass in the process. Ice water spills across the table. We both leap up to keep from getting wet. “Ah, shit!”
“It’s okay…” I tell her as I flag over a bus boy.
She buries her face in her hands and then looks up at me. She seems so small, so unsure. She stares at me like she’s looking for answers in my soul. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I got lost in you. I got…lost…”
“Nova…”
Just as the bus boy shows up with a dry rag, she grabs her purse from the table and pulls herself together, drying her eyes on a napkin.
She’s leaving. She’s leaving me again.
Desperate. Hopeless. I put it all on the line. “Nova, don’t go.” She doesn’t listen. She’s marching to the door. “Don’t walk away from me. Stop being so afraid.”
“This was a bad idea.”
My fingers clasp around her wrist and I tug her to me. “You’re the one for me. I’m going crazy without you.”
“We should have never started this, Charlie. Look how it turned out.”
“Starting this with you is the best thing I ever did. The only thing I regret is letting you go.”
“It’s not that simple and you know it.”
“It is.”
“It can’t be.”
“I love you...”
We both freeze. I wordlessly beg her to give me a chance.
But she just looks me in the face with a heart wrenching expression. “Maybe love isn’t enough.”
And then, she walks away.