Chapter 38
Nova
My jaw quivers as I stab my fork into the bottle of olives and stuff a forkful into my mouth. No salad dressing this time. Just tears. Sliced olives and tears.
That’s tonight’s menu.
This is pathetic.
I should be happy. I’ve wanted an opportunity like this for so long. Here I am, in New York, with a production company prepared to turn my hard work into a product that will be seen by millions of people. Why am I not over the moon? Why do I feel like the whole galaxy just came crumbling down on my shoulders?
All I think about is Charlie. The look on his face when I turned away from his kiss at the airport is burned into my mind. I didn’t want to turn away. I wanted to melt into his arms but that would have only made things worse in the long run.
If I’d known that things would end up like this, I never would have accepted his offer to take me to the wedding. I would have kept him at arm’s length like I’d always done. Instead, I let him in and it left us both broken.
I can’t keep dwelling. It’s driving me crazy. I wipe my eyes with my sleeves and set the olives aside. I pick up my sketchbook again because that’s the only thing that makes me feel better. I flit the lead back and forth on the paper. An image begins to take form. A face. Handsome, rugged, cocky. It’s Charlie’s face.
Oh god. I’m fucked.
My sister stomps into the room, causing me to jump. “The milk goes on the top right side of the fridge,” she informs me in a saccharine tone meant to hide her irritation. She shakes the half-empty carton in the air. “But not too far to the back because then it freezes and not too much to the front because then it turns sour.”
I roll my eyes without looking up from my drawing. She’s been on my case since I landed in this shoebox a week ago. She needs to give it a rest. "Would you stop treating me like your kid sister? I'm your roommate!”
She isn’t usually this much of a pain in the ass. That’s how I know that something is going on with her. I’ve been so deep in my own issues that she and I haven’t had a heart-to-heart since I got here. I wonder if her heart is as broken over Luke as mine is over Charlie.
"No—roommates pay rent and they wash dishes. You, you're a squatter. And squatters get evicted. Back to mom and dad's place."
My head snaps up. “Oh god, no. Don’t send me back to that den of iniquity. That’s just inhumane.” No matter how old a person gets, they just don’t get used to seeing their mother covered in hickies, bruises and other sex injuries.
Setting the milk on the coffee table, she shrugs out of her blazer and plops down onto the couch opposite me. “So how’s work going?”
I try to force a smile. “It’s great. Challenging. Much more exciting than a shift at Gallos, that’s for sure.”
She leans back and draws her legs up under her. She watches me doubtfully. “Doesn’t seem like you’re that into it, though…”
I scoff. “Are you serious? I’m totally into it. I’ve wanted an opportunity like this for so long.” I’m just repeating out loud the story I’ve been telling myself.
“So why have you been moping around like your pet centipede just crawled up your ass and died? You should be over the moon!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am over the moon. I’m so happy. Fulfilled, really.”
My sister tilts her head to the side. “This is about Charlie, isn’t it?”
Both of my eyebrows dart up. “Charlie? Why would this be about Charlie? Firstly, there is no this to be about and if there was a this, it definitely wouldn’t be about Charlie!”
She just rolls her eyes. “What happened between you two anyway?”
I throw her a warning look. “Nadia…”
She throws it right back. “Nova…”
I sigh and flop back against the couch. I pull a cushion into my lap. “There is no me and Charlie…”
“Well, at the wedding, it certainly looked like Charlova was the next super couple of Copper Heights.”
“Charlova?” I snort out.
“What? You prefer Novarlie?”
I shake my head, laughing. “You watch too much TMZ.”
She smiles a little and then her face goes serious. “Nova, what happened?”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Why does it hurt so much?
“I started to feel things. Intense things. Things that would get me hurt…Charlie’s not the type of guy you fall in love with. I know better than that. But I let myself go anyway.”
“And how does he feel about you?”
I lift a shoulder, utterly defeated. “I…I don’t know. He says he wants me but I just can’t ignore his history. He’s always been a player.”
With a hiked brow, Nadia watches me. “Are you sure he hasn’t changed? Because when I saw you together…There was something real there. The way he looked at you. The way you laughed together. It seemed real.”
“Well, yeah—we laugh together. We’ve been friends for over a decade. But that doesn’t mean anything.”
“How did you leave things, Nova? Has he called you since you got here?”
“He’s texted. But it was just friendly. Hey, how are you? Nothing more.” I hate myself for the painful spasm in my chest when I admit that. I hate myself for missing him so much.
“Look—I don’t know the guy the way you do. But I know you. I know how you shut yourself off from other people. You don’t trust anyone. I know how you try to be tough and pretend you’re okay when you’re really crying inside. Did you give this guy a real chance? Did you let him in?”
I weigh her words. “I tried...” I say in a small voice. “It was scary. And then we had a misunderstanding and it was like a sneak peek at how badly I could get hurt. I freaked out and shut down…”
“I’d say you owe it to yourself to take a chance, sis. Not necessarily for Charlie’s sake but for yours. You can’t live all your life with your heart barricaded behind an iron gate.”
Tears flow freely down my cheeks now. When did I become such a wreck? Facing the possibility that my sister might be right is tough. And scary. I’m used to dating guys who don’t pose a threat, guys I could never possibly fall for. But Charlie—I could fall hard for him, I could love him fully. And if I do that, he could ruin me. I’m not strong enough for that.
Nadia’s phone chirps and she pulls it out of the pocket of her slacks. “Dammit! It’s Friday night, Cartwright.”
“Work stuff?” I ask sympathetically as I wipe my eyes on my sleeves.
With a reluctant sigh, she rises to her feet. “Yeah—I’ve got a helicopter boss.”
“I know all about those,” I say as I think back to Mr. Gallo.
She grabs the milk and hustles toward the kitchen for some privacy. She pauses in the doorway. “We’ll finish this discussion later, but in the meantime, I really think you should consider talking to Charlie instead of driving yourself crazy with what ifs.” With that, she disappears around the corner.