Chapter 36
Nova
As my car approaches the edge of the sidewalk, my fender catches on the concrete. Every damn time.
My frustration melts away when a bitter realization spills into my chest.
This may be the last time that I pull up to this curb…
Drawing in a deep breath, I try to rein in my emotions. This is for the best because whatever it is that was happening between Charlie and me wasn’t healthy. It was bound to end with me crushed under a wall of hurt and I deserve better than that.
Hitching my purse on my shoulder, I throw a glance at the house. I see a figure at the front window. He’s waiting for me.
My heart heaves into overdrive and my palms grow sweaty. I summon just about all of my inner strength and courage to handle this the right way. With shaky steps, I climb out of the car and march up the walkway, ignoring the queasiness in my stomach.
Before I can lift a hand to knock on the door, it swings open. Charlie stands there. His dark eyes fall on my face and the intensity of his stare is almost enough to shove me a step back. “Nova…”
I straighten my shoulders and lift my head, trying to act like everything’s all good. But it’s way too hard to force a smile. I have to bite on my bottom lip to keep it from shaking. “Hi…” My eyes trail over his features. He looks tired. His eyes are circled by shadows and the scruff on his chin is overgrown. His cheeks are gaunt and his lips, pressed flat. He wears a rumpled white T-shirt and jeans hanging low on his hips.
Don’t think I look much better. I’m in a sweatshirt I threw on yesterday with mismatched shorts. My hair is pulled into two messy French braids running down the sides of my head. And if the way I feel inside is bleeding out onto my face, my expression must be downright pitiful.
I glance into the house over his shoulder. “Can I come in?”
His features remain grim as he steps out of the doorway and makes a sweeping gesture with his hand. It’s far less than inviting but I climb over the threshold anyway.
I jump at the sound of the door closing behind me. My nerves are all on edge. He angles around me and leads the way to the kitchen where he leans across the kitchen island with his elbows on the counter. It feels awkward, like we’re suddenly strangers. I take a seat in front of him and set my bag on my lap, all while refusing to look him in the eyes.
He clears his throat. “On the phone. You said you wanted to talk?” Maybe I’m imagining it but I think I hear a hint of hope in his voice. It’s probably all wishful thinking on my part.
“Yes.” I give a little nod then run my tongue nervously over my lips. I turn the words over in my head, searching for the right formulation. There’s no easy way to say this. Spit it out, Nova. “I got a job offer,” I say.
I feel a slight shift in his posture but I still can’t look at him for fear that I’ll break down into tears. “That’s great,” he says. There’s a soft note of encouragement in his tone. He’s always encouraging me.
I haven’t told him the whole story yet…
My stomach rolls and I draw in a deep breath. “It’s with that production company I told you about…in New York.”
My words seem to burn up all the oxygen in the room. Charlie’s body stills. When I dare to look at him, his eyes are frozen on my face. I don’t understand why it feels like I’m dying, like there’s no air to breathe.
I force myself to keep speaking. “They want to turn the Love Bugs into an animated web series and eventually pitch the idea to a television network. In time, I guess.” His jaw works, his lips move but no words come out. “Charlie? Say something...”
He gives his head a little shake and appears to snap back into the moment. He roughly drags both hands down his face to wipe away the shock. “That’s—that’s great, Nova.” He couldn’t sound less enthused if he tried. “That’s great. I’m happy for you.”
“Yeah?”
He rounds the counter and pulls me to my feet. He wraps his arms around me in a hug that feels stiff, forced. His smile has the exact same qualities. My heart is aching so bad. I’m tempted to give up on holding it together, to just let it fall apart.
Charlie continues with his fake excitement when he releases me from his hug. “That’s fantastic. I’m happy for you.”
I wrap my arms around myself. I don’t know why I’m so cold all of a sudden. It might be the arctic chill in his smile. “You’re happy for me?”
“Of course. I’m happy for you. We’re friends. So I’m happy for you.” His words hit like an icepick to the chest, the pain of it sharp and acute. He continues to hack away. “You worked so hard for this. You’re finally gonna be living your dream.”
I nod, shivering, because this isn’t my dream. It’s a fucking nightmare. I handed my heart to a man who shouldn’t have asked for it in the first place and it slipped through his fingers. It fell to the floor, shattering like an egg on the pavement.
Okay, maybe I’m being a little melodramatic but I’ve never felt this kind of pain before. I’ve never felt this confused.
Charlie scrubs his hand over his skull as he walks back around to the other side of the counter, literally putting an entire island between us. “When do you leave?”
“This Friday.”
His cool façade slips, a bitter sort of surprise taking its place on his features. “Wow—I didn’t realize it was all happening so fast.”
“I guess,” I say, lifting a shoulder and letting it slump back down.
“Well, do you need help with anything? Packing, maybe?”
I shake my head. “I’m not taking much with me. My art supplies. My guitar. Some clothes. I’ll be staying with my sister in her cramped one-bedroom so I can’t take much.”
His head bobs in understanding. “Okay, then. I’ll drive you to the airport.”
“Charlie—” I can’t accept his offer. I’ll just send myself crazy sitting in that car with him, fighting not to tell him exactly how I feel. That’s why my answer is “no”.
He zips back into my personal space, this time bracing me by the shoulders. “Let me do this much for you. Please.” For a second, he’s so close. His lips parted, waiting. We should kiss. That feels like what should happen next. But then he breaks out the old ice pick again. “We’re friends. Let me just take you to the airport.”
And because I’m a fool, because I’m weak when his hands are on me, because I’m a glutton for punishment, I hear myself saying “yes.”
Charlie smiles that frigid smile again. His eyes roam over my face and it almost feels like his trying to memorize every little detail of it. I can’t stand the heavy, sad weight of his stare so I turn away.
He follows after me as I head for the door. “So you’ll text me, right? With your flight details so I can drop you off?”
My head seems to weigh a thousand pounds when I nod. “Yeah. Sure. I will.”
I get to the door and slide into my sneakers. I feel his presence behind me. So close. Why is he doing this? Is he trying to drive me crazy? Is he trying to remind me of all the things I want from him that I’ll never be able to have? It almost feels cruel.
When I stand up and turn to face him, he leans his forearm against the doorjamb and his body arches over mine. His stare is so powerful. It makes every hair on my arms stand at attention.
My throat quivers when I look up into his dark eyes. “What?” My voice is small and weak.
A sad smile lifts one corner of his mouth. “I just know I’m gonna miss you. That’s all.”
Without another word, without any elaboration, he reaches around me and pulls the door open, like he’s silently telling me to leave. I spin away from him when I feel the tears clinging to my eyelashes.
I don’t let them fall until I’m pulling away from the curb, the grating sound of metal on concrete filling the air.