Chapter One

Eddie

The roar of the crowd drowns out the stadium; it's our last stop on the home soil leg of our world tour. It feels like we’ve been gone forever, but in reality, it’s been four years since we left Australia. Walking onto the stage, Mickki takes his spot behind the mic and for entertainment purposes I rip my shirt from my body and toss it into the crowd. The women love it.

Tonight, I’m not as wasted as I usually am. We’ve got an important interview after tonight's show and my manager says I’d better behave myself or the big wigs might have a problem.

Every night we end our show with a song I wrote called Silence. The song brings back awful memories from all those years ago. The band doesn't understand why we play it if it hurts so damn bad and sends me off on what Mickki calls a path of destruction until I pass the fuck out. Why? Because I don't deserve to forget. This is one pain I have to live every day of my life, it's something I don't deserve redemption for. I can't change it, so I might as well fucking own it.

Mickki bellows out the part of the lyrics that hurt the most.

“SO, YOU HEAR THAT; it's you missing from my life.

When the world is so loud and full of noise I’m afraid to put my brain on silence,

That's when I see your face and I miss your smile.

That silence changed my world, everything started and ended with you.

My world changed with you.”

We have a short meet and greet with our most devoted fans. Peering around the room, I realise that the only things half the woman in this room are devoted to are our cocks. Raising my bottle of whiskey, I down a quarter of the bottle in one go.

“WHO WANTS TO FUCK A ROCKSTAR?” I yell out, holding the bottle in the air, and three willing ladies put their hands up and giggle. Their cheap perfume disgusts me, but I need to get my dick wet and my motto is ‘any hole’s a goal.’

Our manager is making his way over and he looks pissed, this ought to be amusing.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing? Are you totally fucking stupid? I warned you that important people would be here tonight. Go sober up before you need to be in the interview room.”

“Yes, Avery,” I say, belching in his direction. I wonder what sort of name Avery is anyway. If it were up to me we would have fired the idiot a long time ago. “You can come with me,” I condescendingly say to the leggy blonde. As we make our way to the conference room, I wonder if fucking will get the booze out of my system and sober me up.

The room is all set up, so this must be where the interview will take place; saves me being late if I'm already here. Lounging back in one of the chairs, blondie pops open a bottle of champers; at least she has the right idea by taking a swig from the bottle before handing it to me. Following her lead, I down my share then flop out my cock, eager for her attention. I love the moment when their eyes grow wider, when they see the monster. My brother got the looks, but I got the cock.

“What are you waiting for, a fucking invitation? Get to work would you,” I say, gesturing to my cock that's still half-mongrel at the moment. She licks her lips, trying to be seductive, then drops to her knees, wrapping her lips around the head. Hot damn, this girl knows her way around. It usually takes the monster a few minutes to wake up, but she has him standing to attention in one. With one hand wrapped around her hair, I encourage her head to bob up and down. My eyes roll back in my head and I’m sure as shit starting to sober up now.

“Oh my god! I'm sorry, sorry,” a timid voice breaks in. I look up and see a brunette with a hot nerdy vibe going on.

“Don't be sorry, love. Feel free to join in, the more the merrier.” Her face goes bright red from embarrassment. Right at that moment, I finish my load in blondies mouth. With a pop, she’s off and I'm sitting with my cock hanging out. Nerd girl is now staring at my crotch.

“Like what you see?” I say, winking at her. Mickki and the boys walk in and they're not surprised, I don't think I could shock them with anything anymore.

“Put your dick away idiot,” Mickki says, slapping me in the back of my head as he walks past.

“Don't be jealous brother,” I say doing up my zipper. “It's unfortunate that we weren’t both blessed”

“Fuck off, I'm happy with what's in my pants,” he says taking a seat. “Mr Fontaine will be sitting in with us, so go find a shirt or something would you.”

“Oh, you can go now,” I say, dismissing blondie.

When everyone is seated, nerd girl introduces herself as Lacey from Ace TV. Fuck, that’s only the biggest music show in the world and the best they can do is send her. She starts off with the usual questions —what inspired this album, what music influenced us growing up, blah blah blah. I zone out for a while as Mickki does most of the talking for our interviews, the rest of us just sit back and nod.

“Eddie,” Mickki says, hitting my leg with his.

“Huh, what?” I ask. Looking back towards Lacey, I watch as she swallows nervously as I look in her direction.

“Everyone at ACE loves your tattoo,” she says, which irritates me. Obviously, no one told her my tattoo is off limits.

“Thanks! I'm not talking about it.” The tattoo is of the ocean, with a broken clock, a stair case, and a little girl’s silhouette reaching out to touch the broken clock’s hand; it's my tribute to Amelia. I was lucky that the press didn't get wind of how close I was to her and that I’d managed to keep her funeral private. Everyone wants to know about my tattoo and they all want to be the first to know. The rest of the interview goes smoothly, until she asks her last question.

“A source has informed us that the song Silence is about someone named Amelia. Is there any truth in that?” I see red and push out of my chair, forcing it backwards with such force that it falls over, crashing into the wall behind me.

“Fuck this shit. Find out what asshole leaked that. Make her fucking sign something, because if this gets out I guarantee someone will pay.” I say through my rage.

Swiping the bottle of champagne and the glasses off the counter, I storm out of the room. When I find the fucker who betrayed my trust they're going to wish they were never born. One of the roadies is good for scoring drugs, so I find him and throw a wad of cash his way. He asks what my poison is today and I don't care as long as it fucks me up and quick.

As I slowly start coming to, my brain feels like it has liquid swishing around inside. I peer from one eye and Mickki is standing above me, he pours a fucking cup of water over my face.

“What the fuck was that for?”

“Fuck bro, you need to get up. The papers – man, it's not good,” Mickki says. “Sleeping with the enemy, I see.”

“Her? She’s far from the enemy. Timid as a mouse, I rocked her world last night. Oh, and hers,” I say, pointing to the little Asian girl curled up on the floor where she is passed out cold.

I follow Mickki out to the dining room, where the rest of the band is sitting around the table. Benny, Drew, and Brodie are all top blokes; Mickki is my brother, but I also consider them my family.

“This is bad, man,” Benny says. “Who is the mystery woman, Amelia, who screwed up the famous Eddie Diamond.”

“Drug binge over mystery girl,” Drew says.

“Rocker Eddie Diamond flips out,” Brodie says.

“Every paper in Australia today has you in the headlines,” Mickki says.

“Not every paper,” comes a quiet whisper from behind me. “My boss has been blowing up my phone all morning, and I'm going to get fired for sure because I'm the only one who was supposed to have a headline,” she trails off, almost in tears.

“Sorry love, but am I supposed to care? Because I don't.” Maybe that was harsh considering she saw me flip out and was with me on my so-called drug binge last night. Her phone rings, and she excuses herself and goes back into the room.

There’s a knock on the door, and everyone turns and looks at me like I'm supposed to be a fucking mind reader and know who it is.

“Okay, I’ll get it,” I say, still stark naked; I'm sure it will make someone's day. Standing at the door is a guy, maybe in his late twenties, could be older, what the fuck do I know with all this metrosexual manscaping bullshit men do these days. He’s quite attractive so it must pay off. He could possibly make me question my sexuality after a few drinks and the right drugs.

“What do you want?” I say after the guy gives me a once over.

“You could help me by moving aside and going to put some clothes on. Because you, my friend, have some serious damage control to do this morning,” he says, walking past me like he owns the joint.

“I’m not your fucking friend,” I sneer, but he just ignores me and turns his attention towards Mickki.

“Oliver, nice to see you again,” Mickki says, greeting him. Argh, Mr Fontaine sent his spoilt son. I remember him now, we’d met once before at a concert.

“Don't we have people that clean this sort of shit up?” I say, closing the door.

“Normally yes, but today my father thinks it’s best that I handle this and quickly. I’ve been informed that the subject of Amelia has been off limits, and I get it, but the press are vultures and it's only a matter of hours before they figure it out. They’ll dig up everything on the girl and her mother.”

“Like fuck they will, I’ll personally hunt them all down,” I say.

“And then what? Maybe it's time to consider going public with the information and doing an exclusive interview live on air.”

“NO! I can't break another promise,” I say. “I promised Sasha I wouldn't drag Amelia's death through the press.”

“Come on brother, don't you want the important things about Amelia shown instead of Sasha's past, because they will find out everything”

“I need to see Sasha and explain. I won't do it without her knowing. I just don't think she would see me.”

“Leave that to me. She’s kept in touch with me over the last few years.”

“You what?" I say, pushing him against the wall, my arm across his neck. “Why, after everything I went through, would you still talk to her without telling me. You never liked her - so why?"

Brodie and Benny pull me off Mickki, who rubs his neck as he gasps for air.

“Fuck you. She kept in contact with me to see how you were. I never said I didn't like her, I just didn't think the situation was good for you and this is why. You were fucked in the head before you met them and now you have lost the plot.”

"All this time I thought she didn't care. I have an idea, if they want my story then we do it my way and You,” I say pointing at Lacey. “Do you want that exclusive? Maybe your boss will forgive you after this.” I run the ideas by her and she agrees that doing a special web cast on their website would work, but her boss doesn't let her do those. I tell her my people will set it up and only she will be doing the interview.

“You’ve seen my cock, so tell him I feel comfortable around you or something.”

“Half the world has seen your cock,” she whispers.

“That’s true. Write down your boss’s number for me and your address. We’ll be leaving in two hours - can you be ready by then?”

After quickly writing down the number and address, she scurries from the room. I decide getting dressed is possibly for the best, since I don't need to add charges for indecent exposure to the list of fuck ups for the week. All my shit is already packed, so I do the last few lines of coke before walking back out. I hear Mickki on the phone, and Oliver is still here talking with the rest of the guys.

“You're a good looking man, Oliver, almost makes me wanna swap teams and screw your brains out.”

“Thanks, I think, but I'm not gay,” Oliver says, looking a little offended.

“I have a plan. Since we were leaving today anyway, we’re taking the nerdy chick with us and you can set up a live interview for tonight.”

“Good news. Sasha will meet up with you, but she wasn't happy about it, it took some serious pleading. She’ll meet you at Amelia's Grave,” Mickki says.

“Let's do this,” I say, putting on my best ‘I don't give a shit’ face. Inside I'm terrified, I’ve not seen Sasha in five years, nor have I been back to Amelia's grave. I could give a million reasons why I haven't been back, but the truth is I’m too chicken shit as it holds way too many memories. Sasha told me the day of Amelia's funeral, she never wanted to see me again and would never forgive me. How do I face her after I let her down in the worst way possible? I made a promise I knew I couldn't keep, all because I’m a selfish bastard. Now I have a hole, deep in my chest, and pain that haunts me.