Chapter Twenty-Five

Eddie

“I remember when I first started coming to these meetings, I thought they were a crock of shit, as if telling strangers your life story would help. Surprisingly, staying sober without Callie has been somewhat easy. I have a reason to stay clean I suppose, proving to myself that I can be a better man for her, but I miss her like crazy.”

“I know you do, Eddie,” Olivia says. “Have you considered calling her?”

“Every damn day and when I pick up the phone I ask myself would she want me to call. She hasn’t called me, so maybe she wants to forget about what we had and that feeling burns. I would rather live with a glimmer of hope than be shut down by the woman I love,”

“Do you think that’s good for your sobriety?”

“I don’t know, it seems to be enough for now.”

“What happens when you have to go on tour again and all the temptations are thrown at you?”

“I have no idea, but for now I’m good,” I say

“It’s always good to see you here and don’t forget, if you need to talk at any time, I’m just a phone call away.”

“I knew you wanted all this sexy. I’m sorry babe, I’m saving myself for someone special.”

“Oh you… get out of here,” she says, getting a little flushed.

Walking out into the fresh air my phone buzzes. After two months, you’d think I’d know it wasn’t her, but I still hold my breath for a split second.

“How’s it hangin’?” I ask, answering Mickki’s call,

“To the left today, thanks for asking,” he says and we both laugh. “The reason I called is that you need to come home. We have some good news about the offer we made Oliver.”

“Sweet Bro, be there in thirty.”

“No worries. Hey, did you know Sasha went to see Callie today?” he asks and the sound of her name causes my heart to skip a beat.

“No, should I have?”

“No, I thought maybe you’d asked her to go.”

“Nah man, wasn’t me. See you shortly,” I say, disconnecting the call. I wonder why Sasha went to see her. Why do I care? At least she has someone, but why not me; jealousy really doesn’t suit me.

I’ve gone through the seven stages of grief over losing Callie, but it’s on a weekly repeat cycle.

Denial - I wake up most mornings, waiting for her to come in and yell at me to get up and telling me it’s time to get ready for a meeting I don’t want to go to. These days are the ones I take myself to meetings on. I figure it’s my subconscious telling me something.

Guilt – I blame myself. Maybe it’s my fault she relapsed; I should have been there for her, and she was always trying to be there for me.

Anger – I have taken so much out on Marcus, and even Delilah. They told me that doing this was a good thing. Some days I can’t help but think that if one of them had told me it was a bad idea I wouldn’t have let her go.

Depression and loneliness – Most days, when no one is around, I get lonely. I’d just got used to wanting her around and she isn’t here anymore. I’ve poured the feeling of depression into new songs, ones I won’t share with anyone. Baring my soul to the world isn’t on my to do list, I’ll leave that for Mickki.

That’s only four, but steps five and six are about moving forwards and working through shit. I’m not there with my feelings about Callie yet, but those feelings have made me work through so much to do with my life. I told the band I was quitting. Music was always the most important thing in my life, but it isn’t anymore and that’s why I’m stepping down. I’m not a moron I know I live a certain lifestyle and that’s why I have decided to start Diamond Records

Step seven is hope and acceptance. I’ve had days when I think if we’re really made for each other we’ll find our way back to each other.

“What’s on your mind?” Damien asks.

“The seven stages of grief,” I answer honestly.

“You know you haven’t lost her, right? You’re too stubborn and think you’re doing the right thing. I bet she thinks you abandoned her and don’t want her.”

“She wouldn’t think that…Would she?”

“Only one way to find out,” he says.

“Nice try,” I say, shaking my head, he almost had me.

As we pull up to the front of my house, all the usual cars are here, even Oliver’s and I wonder why he’d be here. Stepping out of the car, Damien hands me a lighter and a pack of ciggies. I take one out and light it, hesitating before going inside. Being accused of something like this isn’t great and I really hope they’ve found a way out.

“What’s up, fuckers?” I ask, walking through the side door and into the kitchen area. That’s when all the hairs on my arms stand on end, the bitches themselves are standing side by side; this is a sight straight from my damn nightmares. Alex and my mother are chatting away as if my arrival went unnoticed.

“What the fuck is she doing in my house?” I say, storming towards my brother who’s leaning against the kitchen bench.

“Which one?” he says, his tone laced with sarcasm. Obviously, this was not his doing.

“Eddie, stop being so you for a minute,” my mother says.

“Don’t you tell me what to do in my house, I’m not a damn child anymore.”

“I think you should hear them out, sounds like you’ve lived up to all my expectations.” Mother says as if she has a damn clue about my life.

“Alex is a nice girl, unlike that other one your brother told me about.” I look straight at Mickki, he should know better than to tell her anything about my life. He can have a relationship with her, but I won’t, too much happened in my childhood to forgive.

“Of course, a snake would see one of its own kind. Callie is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and the likes of you two being compared to her is highly amusing. Someone needs to get to the point or just get the fuck out of my house. I have better shit to do.”

“I’ve decided to not press charges,” Alex says.

“Good, because I didn’t do anything wrong, you crazy bitch.”

“Eddie, just hear them out so they can leave,” Mickki adds.

“Fine, what’s the catch?”

“You go on one last tour, just in Australia as a good bye. Alex will go as your manager, and I will also be there to make sure everything goes well and that’s it, we terminate your contract after that.”

“We think it’s a good idea Eddie. It keeps you out of the headlines and we can all move on with our lives. We’ve been doing music for almost twenty years, and besides you and Mickki, we all have families and want to settle down,” Brodie says, Benny and Drew both agree.

“If it’s what you all want, I’m in.” They all look at me, expecting me to blow up or make a scene. I just want this chapter of my life over with. A man can only take so much, and this life isn’t for me anymore. “When do we leave?”

“We’ll leave tomorrow for Sydney. We have some promo to do for the tour and Alex has managed to get some interviews set up.”

“I’ll be ready. Now, get the fuck out of my house,” I say, walking from the room. Mickki follows me into the studio.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asks.

“What choice do I have…Why is our mother here?”

“Money,” he sighs.

“When will you stop writing her cheques?”

“When she dies, she’s our mum.”

“She’s never been a mother to me. I swear she likes to pop up every time I start to feel good about myself, just so she can kick me back down.”

“Can we not argue about this, I have so much crap on my plate right now,” he says, rubbing his temples.

“Whatever, I need to get some shit organised before I leave anyway. Make sure you take her with you.”

“No Wukkers, I’m outta here. I have some rock star groupies to take care of, unless you want to join me?”

“My dick is staying in my pants for now, but thanks,” I say and we both laugh. They’re words I’m sure he never thought he’d hear come from my mouth. Once he leaves, I pull my phone from my pocket. Sasha went to see Callie and I need to know why, and I want to ask her a favour. My hands tremble as I hit her number on speed dial. Can I really ask her for a favour? She’s the only one I can trust.