Abandoned

Stella

So far Sunday has brought one complication after another, and I’m starting to think the Universe is pissed at me for not going home.

For starters, I never woke up in the night to go back to my room. Something I later learned was intentional on Ash’s part, and as I expected, Cannon wasn’t ready for that.

We overslept, and he came into Ash’s room to wake him up. The look on his face when he saw his daddy’s arms and legs tangled in the sheets and wrapped tight around my body was heartbreaking, to say the least.

He looked at me like I had betrayed him, stabbed him in the back, and abandoned him all in one contorted painful expression.

He didn’t act out or yell or scream like Ash says he usually does when he gets upset, no it was worse. He silently went to his room and closed the door. Ash tried to talk to him, but he had shut down. As the day went on he started to come around a little, but it’s four thirty in the afternoon now, we just boarded the jet, and he is still distant.

My daddy wasn’t thrilled to hear I wasn’t coming home and my mother was even less thrilled when she found out where I was going and who I was going to be with.

“That man is a womanizing, gigolo, heartbreaking, man-whore, Stella. You need to come home right away,” she yelled into the phone.

After thirty agonizing minutes of begging her to try to understand and keep her mouth shut about the whole thing for Ash’s sake, she hung up on me. My mother has never hung up on me in my life. I don’t think she’s hung up on anyone before. My mama is the vision of politeness, charm, and Christianity unless you piss her off.

Ash has asked that we keep our relationship low-profile due to his father’s upcoming election. But my mama took that as him being ashamed to be associated with me, which hurt because why in the hell would she go there at all if she didn't think it herself?

Then I started worrying that she is ashamed of me and yadda, yadda, yadda, the day went to shit.

So, by noon my favorite kid and my parents were mad at me. What else could go wrong?

Plenty.

Mr. Valentino came to the conclusion that we were flying out together when the airline called the front desk by mistake to confirm my cancellation. For whatever insane reason, he took out his jealousy by dragging out our checkout forever. Ash tried his best to keep his cool, but after a while, he lost it in front of everyone in the lobby, including Cannon.

He accused him of price gouging because I wasn’t interested in fucking him. And as if that weren’t horrible enough, he lunged over the front desk and twisted his tie until he gagged.

I was mortified, and I’m positive at least a half dozen guests videoed the incident. We’re probably all over YouTube by now with a headline something like Sexiest man alive goes berserk!

I was upset, shaken, and a little dazed when he helped me into his limousine, which sucks because I’ve never been in a limo and now I can hardly remember my first ride.

Now I’m sitting in a lavish private jet with a tummy full of butterflies fluttering around an anvil waiting to take off. I’m not a big fan of flying, and I’ve never been on a plane this small.

What if I barf on the white seats in front of Ash and Cannon? What if we hit turbulence and I scream and dig my fingernails into Ash’s arm? What if we crash into a mountain?

I can feel the panic of being trapped inside a flying tin can building in my chest. My heart is pounding, and a trickle of sweat is running down my back into my butt crack. Oh God, why am I doing this again?

Ash leans forward and covers my hand with his warm, strong, reassuring one. “You don’t like flying?”

“What gave it away?”

“Well, you’re deathly afraid of heights so it kind of goes without saying, but I can see your heart beating under your shirt, and you have a thin sheen of sweat on your forehead.”

Nice, the sexiest man alive is also the most observant man alive.

“How about a drink? I have whiskey if you want.”

My stomach churns at the thought of alcohol. “No, that sort of sounds disgusting.”

Cannon is sitting next to me taking it all in. I peek at him out of the corner of my eye, and he looks worried. I’ve put this poor kid through the ringer today. Maybe I should have gone home after all.

But all of my doubts and frustrations are erased when he slides his chubby hand into mine and puts his stuffed pig in my lap. “That’s Davy Crocodile. He keeps you safe.”

I believe I may be forgiven for sleeping with his daddy. Thank God, something needs to go right today, and if this is the only thing that does I’m good with that.

I look at the worn, tattered toy. Does he mean Davy Crocket? It’s not a crocodile or a wild frontiersman. It’s a pig. But it’s Cannon’s pig he sleeps with it and drags it everywhere, and he is giving it to me to help ease my anxiety.

“Thanks, friend, I don’t like flying much.”

“Sokay.”

I look up at Ash, and his eyes are gentle and full of something I’ve never noticed before. He seems content, or at least that’s what it feels like to me. I haven’t known him long, but throughout the time I have, there’s always been a sense of apprehension about him. Like he’s waiting for something to happen, what it is, I have no idea.

“You going to be okay now?” Ash asks.

“Well, of course, I have Davy Crocodile to keep me safe, what else could a girl want?”

“Good point. I think you’ll be surprised how smooth the flight is and we can close the blinds on the windows if you’d rather not watch.”

That’s a toss-up. Close them, and I won’t know what’s going on which might be good. Or leave them open, and know what’s going on and be reassured that things are fine.

I think I’ll be driving home when this week is over.

“You can leave them open. I’d like to know if I’m going to…” I almost said die, but I don’t want to scare Cannon.

“I get it, open it is.”

Ash removes his hand from mine settling back into his seat and buckles his seatbelt. I check to be sure mine is tight, and it is. Cannon does not remove his hand from mine and watches out the window as we begin to taxi down the runway.

He’s brave. I need to take a lesson. If this four-year-old is okay with being thousands of feet in the air in a metal tube, I should be, too.

“Let’s talk, maybe that will keep your mind off of flying.”

“Um, okay, talk about what?”

“You told me you live across the road from the Hill family, how is that?”

“Really? That’s what you’re going to use to help me through my fear of flying?”

He screws up his face in confusion. It looks like I’m going to have to explain our family feud. “Do you have a problem with them?”

“Yes, well, more like my family has a problem with them. We’ve had this family feud going on for over a hundred years. The Hills say a piece of land is theirs, we say it’s ours, their great, great, great, grandpa stole my great, great, great, grandpa’s girlfriend and married her. Throw in a fire that may or may not have been arson and you’ve got a regular Hatfield-McCoy situation.”

“Wow, that sounds intense. You’ve lived across the road your whole life and never communicated?”

I narrow my eyes and frown. Why is he so interested in the Hill family?

“What’s your deal with them? Why are you asking?”

“I’ve heard of them, they have a reputation for being one of the best ranches in that part of the state, and if they were as great as everybody says they are, I wouldn’t mind doing business with them someday. And, I wanted to get to know you a little better and distract you, which I have done. We are in the air.”

Oh my God, we are! I can’t believe my butterflies are gone, and I didn’t even know we took off. Cannon looks up at me, “Told ya,” he says, lowering his eyes to Davy Crocodile.

“You were right, buddy. I wasn’t afraid at all.”

“So, you’re saying it had nothing to do with my stellar distraction techniques?”

“Nope,” Cannon and I answer in unison.

Ash laughs and shakes his head. “You two are unbelievable.”

I shrug, and Cannon returns to watching the world get smaller and smaller.

“And to answer your question, no, we never communicated. Our families would have gone ballistic. We couldn’t even be in the same classroom growing up.”

“So you never formed an opinion of your own, you just went along with what your family said about them?”

“For the most part. I had a best friend growing up, though. Her name was Annalise, and she was infatuated with Beau Hill, he’s their only son. He caught wind of it and, uh, let’s put it this way, he’s a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy. She wasn’t prepared for that and got her heart stomped on, so I decided my parent’s hatred must have some truth to it.”

I wanted to say he fucked her once, dumped her, got her pregnant, and she had an abortion because she was too scared to tell anyone, but I have to keep my conversations G-rated around Cannon.

“I have a feeling there is more to that story.”

“Your feeling would be right.” I tip my head in Cannon’s direction and widen my eyes.

“Another time maybe.”

“Yes, another time.”

“What kind of kid were you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Were you an obedient, good girl, or a wild child growing up?”

“Oh, I was a wild child for sure. My sister Charlotte was the obedient, good girl, still is, and my brother is sort of the town idiot.”

He chuckles at that. “So you all got along well?”

“Yeah, I mean we were siblings, we fought and stuff, but we always knew we loved one another. I guess being an only child, you wouldn’t know about that, though, would you?”

“No, it was just me and my dad and a nanny growing up.”

Cannon perks up joining the conversation. “You had a nanny?”

“Yep, I’ve told you that before, her name was Susan and she was good to me. I liked her,” he says, with a lot of emphasis on the word like, to be sure he understands that he should like his nanny, not torture her.

“I don’t like nannies.” His lip pops out, and he slouches down in his seat.

“I know, buddy, but I have to work and somebody has to look after you while I do.”

“Tella can be my nanny.” He beams up at me, and my heart melts.

“I’d love to do that, Cannon, but my mom and daddy need me to help on their ranch like your daddy helps on his.”

More lip, more slouching. How did we get on this topic again? Ash isn’t coming to my rescue of course. He looks like he’s enjoying watching me twist in the wind, which he does for a few minutes before finally bailing me out.

“Let’s not worry about it right now, Stella’s coming to visit, and we want her trip to be fun.”

I roll my eyes and mouth thank you while Cannon is still pouting. Ash smiles, and we hit a bump of turbulence. I grab the arm of the chair with one hand, and my other squeezes Cannon’s hand so hard he whimpers.

“Shit.”

“You okay?” Ash asks.

“Yeah, sorry,” I answer, and turn to Cannon, “Did I hurt you?”

“Uh huh.” He says slipping his hand out from under mine. “You said the S word.”

“I did, I’m sorry, I was surprised.”

“Sokay.” He slips his hands under his thighs and looks away.

“Do you want that drink now?”

A drink is sounding better now that my touch of nausea is gone. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

He unbuckles his seatbelt and steps to the rear of the jet to a built-in bar. I watch him walk away appreciating his perfect ass. That man’s ass could have won him the Sexiest Man Alive title alone. Perfectly firm and muscular and bitable, something I’ve only recently learned I like to do.

He returns and hands me my drink, “Whiskey neat.”

“Thanks.” He squats down and digs through a duffle on a seat across the aisle and pulls out an enormous iPad.

“Here ya go, buddy, color a picture for Stella.”

“Yay! Ima color you a horse.” He takes the iPad and opens a coloring app like a pro.

“I’d love that.”

“So, back to getting to know you, if you could go to college what would your major be?”

“I’m not going to college.”

“But if you were.”

“I’m not.”

“Stella, if you could what would you study?”

“I don’t know, that’s the main reason I haven’t gone. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”

Cannon stops coloring with his fancy stylus, “You are grown up.”

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” Ash says with a satisfied smirk.

“You know what I mean. I’ve been a ranch hand my whole life. I haven’t had experiences that would point me in another direction. Not to mention, I don’t have the money for college.”

“You’re pretty good with kids.”

“Kid. Singular. I’ve never been around kids other than my brother and sister and Cannon.”

“You’re a natural.”

“So what, I should go to college to play with kids?”

“You could be a teacher.”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“I think you should take some liberal arts courses online and get your toes wet.”

Cannon looks sideways at his daddy like he’s crazy.

“It’s a saying, it means to try something out a little bit at first before doing it all at once,” I explain to Cannon and, satisfied, he returns to coloring.

“Ash, I know you’re wealthy, and you're used to getting your way but what part of I don’t have any money don’t you understand?”

“I’ll pay for it.”

“No, I don’t want your money.”

“Why?” They ask at the same time, and it’s my turn to chuckle.

“I don’t like owing people, and a college education is a lot to owe.”

“You don’t have to pay me back.”

“Yes, I do, I don’t accept charity.”

“Don’t consider it charity, consider it an investment.”

“How is my education an investment for you?”

“It just is.”

He either doesn’t want to answer or he can’t in front of Cannon.

“Maybe later?”

“Yes, maybe later,” he answers.

I think we are going to have to make maybe later appointments.

An hour later, we are pulling up to the stone and wrought iron gates of the Silversage Ranch sitting in the back of a Range Rover.

I knew Ash was wealthy. He’s been listed as one of the top ten richest ranchers in the US for several years, and I figured his ranch would be impressive, but I wasn’t prepared for this.

When the gates swing open, we start driving down the winding stone-paved road toward the main house. The road to my house, the only house on our ranch, is made of good old Montana dirt, nothing like this.

I can feel Ash’s eyes on me, watching to see my reaction when we come around the last bend, and the house comes into view. I squint in the pink and orange setting sun as we approach the Pride mansion.

The road leads to a large open area in front of the house where cars can turn around or pull into one of at least seven garages. When we come to a stop, my senses are still on major overload.

During my senior year of high school, our class took a trip to Washington D.C. to visit the White House, but I swear, Ash’s house is more impressive.

“This is where you live?” I ask knowing full well it is, but sometimes I ask stupid questions when I’m awestruck, and I’m awestruck. The Pride estate is vast, but the house is massive. On my right, the stone mansion stretches out of my sight, and to my left, garage stalls wrap around the end of the house. The wrought iron and wood front doors are twice as tall as an ordinary door. The Jolly Green Giant could strut through them without a problem.

“Yep, let’s go!” Cannon yells, unbuckling his belt as soon as the car stops.

“Wait for us, Cannon. I have to get our bags.”

Ash’s car door opens, and I hear a deep voice coming from outside, “I’ve got your bags.”

“Oh, thanks, Ridge, I didn’t even see you come up.”

“Got your mind on other things I ‘spect,” he says, bending forward with his arms on top of the Rover to look in at me with his sharp gray eyes. This man is gorgeous, but not in the Ash Pride way. Ridge is mammoth, he must stand over six-foot-five or six but his height isn’t what I would consider his best asset, it’s his ruggedness.

He has perfect bone structure, and growing on the jawline of that perfect bone structure is an honest to God five o’clock shadow, since it’s a little after five o’clock. His hair is sandy blonde, and his lips are full and the perfect peachy tint like I’ve seen male models in magazines. His body is solid muscle like I work out twenty hours of every twenty-four-hour day solid.

“Right. Ridge, this is Stella. Stella, this is my assistant in most things, Ridge Madison.”

“Hi, Ridge,” I say, sounding a little too breathy. I can’t help it, he’s outrageously hot, like twelve on a scale of one to ten for hotness. I’m not one to gawk but Ridge is gawk-worthy, and it’s making Ash squirm, so I keep it up.

Ridge smiles and excuses himself to take our bags inside. “Have you recovered yet?”

“What do you mean?” I ask, trying hard to shake the Ridge shock from my face.

“My assistant should have been on the cover of that magazine instead of me. It’s like women are zapped with a stun gun when they meet him,” he says with a huff.

“Sorry, he’s really… um, he’s big.” I sound like a love-struck idiot trying to hide my interest. But there is no interest, just awe. He’s incredible, but he doesn’t do that thing that seeing Ash does to my insides. The mushy gushy, twisted up, oh my God, I want to lick every part of him, and cuddle in his arms forever afterward thing.

“Big? Yep, that’s how women describe him after they’ve slept with him.”

“I didn’t mean, Ash, he’s tall.”

“I know, just messing with you. Don’t go getting any ideas. You’re mine.”

He exits the door and rounds the Rover while I hang on those words. Mine. I’ve never been anyone’s anything but a daughter and sister. Now I’m Ash Pride’s, girlfriend? No, this is a fling, not a relationship, our lives are separated by two hundred and fifty miles and from the looks of it, at least a billion dollars. I’m Ash Pride’s fling, yep, that’s it, and I would be Cannon’s nanny if he had it his way, but he doesn’t.

He opens my door and takes my hand to help me out.

“Come on, Tella! I wanna show you my room!” I hear Cannon yelling from inside the house. He hopped out and took off as soon as he heard Ridge say he was getting our bags.

“What’s with him?” Ridge asks pulling our luggage from the back of the Rover.

“He’s got a new girlfriend, he’s excited to show her around,” Ash says shooting me a wink.

“Girlfriend? I thought she was your girlfriend,” Ridge says.

Ash takes my hand and says, “I’m learning to share.”

Ridge snorts, and my heart starts to pound. Oh my God, if I’m Cannon’s girlfriend and he’s learning to share me that means… No, he was kidding. He and Ridge are friends. They kid around, that’s how guys are. I will not get my hopes up about this thing with Ash. Whatever it is, it isn’t permanent.

I know all about his reputation as a fast-paced playboy, and although he has been a perfect gentleman outside the bedroom and has practically invited me into his life and his son’s life, I have to consider my family.

“I’d let Cannon give you the grand tour, but you’d never make it back in time for dinner,” Ash says when we enter the foyer. Three steps in, I stop and our arms pull taut when he keeps walking yanking him back a step. I can’t help it. There’s too much to take in, and I can't possibly breeze through without pausing.

On my right is a curving staircase with a mahogany railing leading up to a balcony that continues wrapping around the second floor framing the foyer. A chandelier, the size of Ash’s Range Rover, hangs shimmering in the setting sun that’s streaming in through the windows behind the balcony upstairs.

“It’s beautiful in here at this time of the afternoon.”

“At this time of the afternoon? Are you kidding me? I’m willing to bet it’s breathtaking any time of the day or night.”

“Tella, come see my room!” I hear Cannon yell from somewhere overhead. I crane my neck and look up at him crouched down with his face pressed against the spindles of a swirling wrought iron balcony.

“We’re coming, hang on, I’m going to show her around down here a little bit first.”

“Aw, pleeessee?”

I shrug when Ash looks at me. I don’t care where we go first. It’s going to take forever to see this house, and I know Cannon won’t last that long.

“Alright, we’ll come up there first.”

“Yesssss,” Cannon says and disappears. I hear his feet pitter-pattering on the marble as he bolts to his room. Ash pulls me to his side and guides me up the stairs with his hand on the small of my back.

I count as we go, twenty-five steps. Okay, that’s doable; it’s high but not so high that I couldn’t jump out a window if the house were on fire. At the top, we hang a left down a long hall with many doors, most of which are closed.

The fifth door down on the left interior of the house is Cannon’s room. Inside it looks like a chrome factory exploded. Everywhere you look there’s something shiny and silver, but the main focus of the room is a huge silver tube slide that curves around and opens at the foot of his bed.

I glance at Ash for an explanation, and he gestures at Cannon. “I’ll let him explain.”

“You like my slide? I love the Silver Surfer, he’s cool. I'm goin’ up there,” he points at a door on the other side of the room. “I go up and slide down like the Silver Surfer!” he says bursting with enthusiasm.

“Wow, that’s awesome, I love it.” I’m not lying, I do think it’s cool as hell, but I don’t want to go on and on about it to the point he wants me to have a turn. I may be up here, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still afraid of heights and I have no idea how far up this thing goes.

Before he can offer, I engage in some Silver Surfer conversation, “What do you like best about the Silver Surfer?”

“He’s super fast and strong, and he’s silver.”

Ash leans toward me, “His favorite color’s always been silver, no idea why.”

“This is the coolest bedroom I’ve ever seen, Cannon. I don’t know much about superheroes. You’ll have to teach me about them.”

“Cool, watch me slide.” He snatches up a couple of stuffed animals off his bed and takes them with him to the door that leads up a flight of stairs to the top of the slide. Before I know it Davy Crocodile is flying out of the end of the tube, followed by a cow and a few that whipped across the floor so fast I couldn’t tell what they were. Then Cannon swooshes out landing on his feet with a huge grin.

Ash and I applaud, and Cannon offers to do it again. “Once is enough, for now, buddy, show her the rest of your room so I can give her a tour of the house.”

“Okay, I gotta library over here.” He waves his hand to a wall of books on the other side of the slide. I walk around to see better and realize the room is much larger than I first thought.

The library Cannon is talking about is a wall of chrome shelves lined with storybooks, educational books, young adult books all the way to adult books, like Lord of the Rings. This kid could read for years and not get through all of them.

“Wow, I knew you liked to read. And now I know why.” I squeeze Ash’s hand and glance at him out of the corner of my eye. Being an avid reader myself, I love that he encourages him to read, he's a good daddy.

Cannon continues onto a large entertainment center that includes every gaming system known to man and an enormous television.

“He doesn't use this stuff much, it just collects dust,” Ash says under his breath.

“This is my baseball stuff, and these are my heroes, and that’s the bathroom.” Cannon finishes with a flourish waving his hand toward the door to his bathroom.

“We never got to throw a ball around at the hotel, did we?” I ask him.

“No, we can do it here.” His face lights up like a Christmas tree at the mention of playing baseball.

“Tomorrow, Cannon,” Ash says with a bit of a stern tone. “Let’s go show her the rest of the house and get ready for dinner.”

“Okay.” Cannon takes my other hand, and both of my Pride men lead me to the door where an older woman dressed in a gray dress with a white apron is standing with Cannon’s suitcase.

“Oh, excuse me, Mr. Pride. I was just going to put his things away and do the washing.”

“That’s okay, Penelope. I want to introduce you to our friend Stella Deardon. Stella, this is Penelope, she works with us to keep things clean and organized. Penelope, this is Stella.”

I liked how he didn’t introduce her as the maid. Not that there’s anything wrong with the word maid, he just made it sound like she was more of a member of the family and not a servant. I extend my hand, we shake. Her hand is soft and warm, the kind of hand that belongs to a kind woman. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too, ma’am. Are you the new nanny?”

The four of us froze for a moment, and you could have cut the tension with a knife. Penelope’s eyes dart back and forth between Ash’s and mine, and she opens her mouth to say something, but he cuts her off before she can speak.

“No, she’s my girlfriend and Cannon’s good friend. She’s going to be our guest for a week.”

And there it is. I am his girlfriend. He said it plain and clear for all to hear. Holy shit, this cannot be happening. My mouth falls open and my posture stiffens, both of which Penelope notices.

I’m glad I said nice to meet you and shook her hand a minute ago since I sure as hell don’t think I can function now.

This is about the time she notices Cannon is holding my hand. This seems to surprise her more than me being Ash’s girlfriend, and she was pretty damn surprised, as was I, that he gave me that title.

Since I can’t speak, I look at Cannon who has a very smug smile spread across his face. It’s as if he were saying Ha, take that with one powerful facial expression.

“Well, uh, welcome to Silversage then, ma’am. If you need anything, let me know.” She can’t take her eyes off of Cannon. She’s staring at him like he’s part of a freak show.

Ash moves first, and Penelope steps aside to let us leave. He speaks to her so quietly I almost don’t hear him when we pass, “Always told you he was a good kid. Just needed the right woman giving him love.”

She doesn’t reply. I look at her over my shoulder on our way down the hall and find her frozen in the same spot. I smile. She must be one of the Cannon doubters. I’ll bet she describes him the same way Ash did when I first met them a week ago.

Wild, aggressive, uncontrollable, and obnoxious were his words if I remember correctly. I still haven’t seen any of these personality traits other than the usual mild disobedience. I was starting to think Ash was dramatic but after seeing Penelope’s expression, maybe not.

The next forty-five minutes, yeah, I said forty-five, are spent showing me around the main level of the Pride mansion and only the main level. This place is insanely huge. I’m going to have to keep my cell phone on me all week in case I get lost.

“Let’s have dinner and go to bed early. It’s been a long day.”

“I wanna watch movies with Tella.”

I’m thinking daddy wants to do other things with Tella and that’s why he’s suggesting an early night, but it’s not for me to say. I’m tired, but it’s only eight o’clock and Cannon’s been staying up late all week, no way is he going down without a fight this early.

Our tour ended on a semi-circle patio that overlooks an Olympic-sized swimming pool in the center of the back yard, a tennis court to the left and a lush fenced in back yard on the right. In the middle of the yard is a wooden outdoor play set that rivals no other. It has swings, slides, pegboards, sandbox, a water play area and on and on. This thing is the king of outdoor play areas.

Cannon has it all. This kid is spoiled beyond belief but he doesn’t act like it, with me anyway. I’ve gotten more than a dozen sets of raised eyebrows today from the staff here in the Pride home. Ash says they’ve never seen him on such good behavior. I’ve never seen him not on such good behavior.

“How about we watch one movie, a short one, after dinner and then go to bed? That’s called a compromise, it means you get a little of what you want, and daddy gets a little of what he wants.”

“A natural, I’m telling you,” Ash says lifting his drink to his mouth. We are sitting around a hand carved oak table, drinking lemonade provided to us by none other than Penelope, who is still having trouble accepting the new Cannon.

When she offered us drinks, her eyes darted to Cannon as if expecting an outburst, but he was too busy asking me if I wanted to go swimming tomorrow to notice.

“Yeah, like I said, just with this one.”

“Nope, not buying that. I’d believe that you have a hidden talent or magic or voodoo or something, but whatever it is, you’re a natural with kids.”

Cannon chugs his lemonade and hops off his chair calling over his shoulder as he runs out the kitchen door and down the concrete steps into the yard, “Gonna swing.”

“Okay, be safe,” Ash says turning his attention back to me.

“You have ulterior motives, I know what you want, what you believe, but I’m not sure.”

He scoots his chair closer to mine and takes my hand. “You’re not sure you want to take a step forward in life and do something you might love? Why do you want to keep standing still doing something you have no passion for? Every time I’ve mentioned college your eyes light up, but when you talk about going back to your family’s ranch that light fizzles.”

I lower my eyes to our hands, joined in my lap, and try to come up with a good excuse for my stagnant life, when I can’t, I tell him the truth. “I’m scared.”

“That’s what living is, darlin’, trying scary new things, taking risks, putting yourself out there and crossing your fingers that something good comes of it. And if you fail you try something else, and something else, until you find the thing that makes your heart sing. And if you ask me, I think doing something with kids is that thing, but you’ll never know unless you try.”

I hate that he’s right, but he is so, so, right. I’m thirty years old, and I haven’t done shit to further my life since I graduated high school. I have to take a leap, find something that makes me happy.

“I don’t know where to start or what to tell my parents. I can’t just call them up and say, ‘Hey, I’m not coming home. I’ve decided to go to college and be a nanny.’”

“Why not?”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yes, it is, you’re making it hard here,” he says laying his hand over my heart. “When you should be making it easy up here.” He taps my temple. “I’m not saying abandon them, just tell them you need some time to find yourself. If things don’t work out, what’s the worst that can happen? You go back to the life you’d be going back to anyway. Take a chance, do something for yourself, be selfish.”

He hooks his finger under my chin and lifts my face to his. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I want to help you. If you haven’t noticed yet, I kind of like you, a lot. I want to pay for you to take college courses online even if you go home with no plan to come back, that’s how much faith I have in you. I don’t want that, of course. I want you to stay and be my girlfriend, stay and go to school here, stay and be Cannon’s nanny, stay and not be Cannon’s nanny, I don’t care, just stay.”

I’m stuck, frozen in his begging gaze. I want to give him an answer. More than anything I want to tell him yes to all of it, but the fear of the unknown is powerful, and it’s still got ahold of me if only by a thread.

“I’ll think about it. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s all I can give you right now. We’ve only known each other for a week, I need more time.”

He slips out of his chair, onto his knees between my legs, wrapping his arms around me, pressing his cheek against my breasts.

“Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ash.” I take his head in my hands and move him away so I can see him again. “Why? Why me? You sort of have a horrible reputation for being a bad boy, you know. Why should I believe that you’re not just trying to get me to be Cannon’s nanny because he behaves so well for me?”

Two deep grooves form between his eyes, and he presses his lips together. “Stella, don’t you feel what’s going on between us? I can’t believe this is one-sided. Yeah, I have a shit reputation, I know. I like to party and I like sex. I’m a man, I’m rich, and I like getting my way, that’s not a secret. But, I like what we have together more, much more. Since I’ve been with you, I don’t give two shits about that life. The desire to escape into a crowd of people and lose myself is gone. This last week I have shared things with you, thing’s I’ve never shared with anyone before.”

“Like what?”

“Like Cannon. I have a strict rule about allowing women into his life. I don’t want him to get hurt. I fly thousands of miles away from home to have sex with women who I have nothing in common with; women I know will never want more from me.”

“That sounds like you’re protecting yourself more than him.”

“Yeah, maybe. I haven’t had the best track record with women sticking around.”

“Cannon’s mom?”

“Yeah, and my own. She left when I was three days old. The day they came home from the hospital, she snuck out in the night, and no one has seen her since. Cannon’s mother did almost the same thing to him. Abigail stuck around for a few weeks before she decided being a parent wasn’t what she thought it’d be. Abigail was a good actress. I’m usually pretty good at sniffing out the gold diggers, but she threw me off. We had one night of kinky fun in Vegas, and two months later she turned up on my doorstep claiming she was pregnant with my child. After some genetic testing, I found out that she wasn’t lying and I figured here’s my chance to settle down and have a family. I wasn’t in love with Abigail, but I thought she was a nice enough girl, pretty, easy-going. I could have done worse, and the baby was coming no matter what, so I made the best of it.

Over the nine months she was pregnant I watched her change, physically of course, but emotionally, too. She became withdrawn and quiet. She was living the ranch life in Montana like a typical family when she was used to the bright lights and bustle of Vegas.

Around seven months, I knew she realized her mistake. She had used her pregnancy to hook herself a billionaire party boy, but when the party boy settled down, she got bored.

As much as I wanted Cannon to have the loving mother and solid family unit that I never had, I knew Abigail wasn’t the woman for me. We had no chemistry, nothing in common other than kinky sex, booze, partying and most importantly, we had no love.

So, when she disappeared, I wasn’t surprised. I think I was actually waiting for it. The morning I woke up in bed alone, I got up, had a cup of coffee, dressed Cannon and hired a live-in nanny like it was just another thing on my to-do list. I never looked for her, didn’t care where she went, or who she was with. If she didn’t want to be a part of my son’s life so be it.”

“I’m so sorry, Ash. I know I don’t have kids, but I don’t think I could ever walk away from one if I did.”

His head lowers to nuzzle against me again, and I hold this big, strong, wealthy man with an abandoned heart tight in my arms.

“I want my early bedtime now.”

I kiss the top of his head and thread my fingers through his hair. “I think your son is going to have a problem with that. I promised him a short movie.”

“I know, but I’m telling you, the second it’s over he’s going to take his butt to bed because I need to be inside you, not want, need.”

“Do I sense a little jealousy in your tone, Mr. Pride?”

He snorts and stands up pulling me up with him. “I don’t know, I’ve never been jealous of anyone or anything before. If I want something, I go out and get it. I’ve never had to share a woman with my kid before.”

“Welcome to the real world where people share and compromise.”

“I like my world better, but I’ll suffer through if it means I get you in my bed at night.” He lowers his lips to mine and kisses me long and soft until Cannon catches sight of us and sets about claiming his woman.

“Tella, push me!” he yells, and I giggle when Ash releases me with a sigh.

“Sharing sucks.”

“I’ll be sure not to pass that along to your impressionable son.”

“You can’t make me feel guilty, I saw you first.”

“Is that why you stood in line behind me at the hotel?”

“Partially. You were the most beautiful woman in the lobby, so naturally, I was drawn to you, but you also looked like the person most willing to put up with my screaming kid’s shit.”

“Oh, gee thanks. Your son is a much better ego booster, you know.”

He takes my hand, and we start down the stairs toward the lawn where Cannon is trying his best to get some momentum going on the swing by himself.

“I bet you won’t be singing that tune tonight when I’m worshiping your body from head to toe.”

I can’t argue with that. Ash does an excellent job of making me feel beautiful and wanted and sexy as hell. I’m starting to wish I hadn’t promised a certain someone a short movie before bed.