Don’t let me fall.

Charlotte

Being with Beau is addictive. Every minute I spend talking to him, listening to him, letting him touch me and teach me is better than the one before. I’m going to miss him. A lot.

Lying tangled in his arms, after three hours of him tending to me in ways I didn’t know I needed, a smolder of panic starts in my tummy where the pop rocks usually reside.

“Are you tired?”

“No.” I answer too quickly. I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want to waste a second of time between now and when I step on that plane tomorrow, or today since it’s past midnight. He chuckles and kisses the top of my head.

“I think you are, and if you weren’t leaving me today I would tell you to get some sleep. But since you are leaving me today I think we should keep exploring boundaries.”

“There are boundaries?” To this he laughs again.

“You know what? With you, there don’t seem to be any, you’re right.”

I snuggle down under his arm against his chest. I wasn’t trying to be funny or clever. I’ve never felt boundaries with him, or inhibitions. Being with Beau is like the wide-open plains of Montana, natural and free, like home. I don’t have to pretend or put on an act, he likes me for me and I like him for him and that’s that.

“Beau?”

“Yeah, baby.”

“I have a confession to make.” His muscles twitch, all of them, everywhere.

“Is this confession going to upset me?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Then go ahead.”

“There is a bigger reason I kept my virginity and turned myself into an introvert.”

“I figured as much. Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“Yes.” I slide my leg up over his thick muscular one and mold myself against him. It makes me feel safe, safe enough to tell him my story. “My senior year I went to a party at the Kennedy’s house, do you remember Tim and Kim Kennedy?”

“Yes, unfortunately.”

“Yeah, well they were part of the crowd I hung out with back then. Everybody was there, our whole class.”

“You guys had a lot of parties.”

“We did but this one was different, this one changed me.”

He sits up and moves me away placing his hands on my shoulders so he can look into my eyes. “If somebody at that party hurt you…”

“Not me, but a girl named Kylie came to that party. She was painfully shy and quiet. I don’t know how she ended up there, she had never gone to one of our parties before.” As soon as he knew it wasn’t me he relaxed and pulled me back down tucking me under his arm. I resumed my position plastered to his side to finish my story.

“Continue.”

“Kylie had never had a boyfriend and some of the football players and their cheerleader girlfriends wanted to mess with her for being a shy introvert.

To make a long story short, they made her feel like she belonged and got her drunk. I walked past Kim’s parent’s bedroom when Billy Jessup came out zipping up his pants. I went on to the end of the hall and opened the bathroom door. I didn’t think anything of it since every cheerleader on our squad had been having sex with the football players for years. I figured Billy was in there doing it with his girlfriend Wendy but when I went to close the door I saw Mark Stellar come out after him laughing and slapping Billy on the back. They had been in there raping Kylie when she was passed out cold, and they weren’t the only ones.” He squeezes me when I hesitate encouraging me to continue.

“I stayed quiet and when they were all downstairs I snuck in and checked on her. She was on her back on top of a bunch of coats, her clothes were disheveled and she was barely breathing.”

“My god Charlotte, was she alive? I never heard anything about this. I was at college but no one ever mentioned it.”

“She was alive and nobody mentioned it because it got swept under the rug like everything the rich popular kids did. The reason I’m telling you this is because after that night I was embarrassed of who I was. I didn’t want to be one of those people so I kind of, I don’t know, reinvented myself when I went to college. I buckled down and stayed away from people who partied. My life for the past four years has been sleep, eat, study, repeat.”

“You could never be like them Charlotte.”

“I was one of them though, and I hated myself when I realized how shallow and materialistic I had become.”

“You were spoiled, you weren’t a criminal.”

“I felt criminal when I saw that girl passed out on the bed alone with nobody to protect her. I’d made fun of her shoes earlier that night. They were brown and old. She had those shoes on when I found her. I remember that was the first thing I saw, her feet dangling off the edge of the bed wearing those old worn out shoes.” The burning in my chest catches me by surprise and I swallow past the lump forming in my throat. I haven’t cried about this in years, I thought I was over it.

Beau sits up and turns around to kneel in front of me on the mattress. He takes my hands in his and looks at me, hard. “You didn’t do that to that girl, it wasn’t your fault. People absorb the traits of those around them. Those people had been your friends since kindergarten you were a follower. The minute you got away from them you switched it up. I’ll bet you weren’t even the first one to make fun of her shoes were you?”

I wasn’t. It started with, Misty and Kayla, two girls from track. They pounced the second she got there, and they never let up.

“No.”

“You need a happy medium baby. You’re not that spoiled girl from high school, but I don’t think you’re the hermit you’ve turned yourself into either.”

I look down at our hands and consider this. He’s right again. I’m an extremist, I don’t do anything half way it’s always black or white, no grey.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For understanding. For helping me realize that.”

The corners of his mouth lift in a small smile. “It was nothing.”

“Not to me.”

“Okay, we done with the heavy?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”

His smile widens, “Nothing can ruin the mood for me baby.”

“I’ll remember that.”

Releasing my hands he leans forward and kisses me to prove his point and whispers in my ear, “There’s one place I haven’t explored, you ready?”

I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for what he’s referring to but this is a week of firsts and so far he hasn’t mislead me in his pleasure explorations.

“Yes.”

He tilts his head down until our eyes are level. “You sure?”

I nod. “I’m sure.”

“Turn over.” I do as he asks and listen as he takes something from the drawer of his bedside table. I jerk when I feel the warmth of his legs straddling me. I’m a ball of nervous excited energy.

“Relax,” he croons kissing my back and massaging my shoulders. I moan instinctively when he digs his thumbs into the base of my neck and instantly become one with the mattress.

My muscles are sore from last night, every single one of them. I carry my tension in my shoulders and somehow he knows this and works me into putty. When I’m nearly comatose he massages his way down my back to my ass.

Occasionally he pauses to reapply something that smells like coconut onto my skin. “I love this ass,” he says kneading my plump flesh. His thumbs slide under my cheeks and work their way up, spreading them apart a little more with each stroke. Each time his hands squeeze harder and I hold my pillow tight pushing up and against him.

I’m ready, he can do anything he wants to me right now and I wouldn’t, no, I couldn’t say no. I have never felt more connected to another person, he’s only known my body for two days and he is a total Charlotte professional.

His cock brushes against my soaking wet core when he rises up pulling my hips with him. He guides it through my folds, hovers at my entrance without entering and drags the moisture back to the pucker of my ass.

For a split second I worry about not enough lubricant when I hear the click of a tube being opened and feel cool jelly oozing down my crack. Thank god. If I’ve heard one horror story about losing my virginity, I’ve heard two about anal sex.

I’m fast learning that Beau knows what the hell he’s doing and that trusting him is wise. He said losing my virginity wouldn’t hurt and he was so right. When he slid his cock in my mouth he told me I’d enjoy it and I did, more than I imagined possible.

He said he would help my family and he came through in a big, big way. He promised to find out who my sister is dating and within hours he had an answer for me.

Beau is a man of his word and he promised to take this slow and easy. I trust him enough to push aside my trepidations and give my body to him to please and to take pleasure from.

So when the tip of his cock eases into my body I relax and let him in.

“You doin okay baby?”

“Yeah,” I answer and I am, I’m very okay. So far the mild pressure feels good.

“Do you need me to stop?”

“No.”

He pushes deeper, not much, just a little but this is different. A sharp sting zips through me, and he stops. “Take a deep breath baby.” I do what he says and blow it out. He pulls my hips up so my ass is in the air without penetrating deeper and slips his hand around to massage my clit, which does wonders for relaxing me again.

An ahhh escapes my lips and he pushes deeper and circles faster. My mind isn’t sure which sensation to focus on there are too many happening at the same time. In the end when he is gliding in and out and working my clit into frenzy I grab ahold of the holy fucking hell sensation and let go screaming into my pillow gripping the sheets.

The scent of coconut mixed with sweat and sex is now my favorite smell on earth as we lay in Beau’s giant bed tangled in each other’s arms after mind blowing, life changing sex.

“So, what did you think? You like?” he asks still catching his breath.

I pop up on one elbow and smile at him, “What I think is, I love.”

One side of his mouth rises in a smirk and he winks. “Told ya.”

“Yeah, you did and you delivered.”

“For you Charlotte, always. I mean it, anything you want, anything you need all you have to do is…”

“Knock on your door?” I say, interrupting.

He leans in touching his forehead to mine, “Yes, it’s as easy as that. Or call when you can’t knock on my door. When your gone I want you to know something okay?”

“Okay.”

“If you need me, and I mean for anything, including sex, all you have to do is call and I’ll drop everything to come to you. Understand?”

I nod and bite my lip. He is so serious it makes my heart skip a beat.

“Say it out loud.”

“I understand. I’ll call when I need you.”

“For anything.”

“For anything,” I repeat.

“Good, let’s sleep. I want to ravish you some more in the morning.”

“Technically it’s already morning.”

“True, but you need to sleep a little. You have a big day tomorrow.”

He’s right, I am tired but if he wanted more I wouldn’t say no.

“Okay.”

He sits me up and plumps two fat pillows behind my back and reaches down to the floor to pull the comforter back onto the bed and over us. He nudges my shoulder until I’m on my side and spoons behind me.

“I like you Charlotte Deardon,” he whispers in my ear.

Smiling I whisper back, “I like you too Beau Hill.”

“I’m going to like you some more in the morning.”

“Promise?”

“Swear.”

I close my eyes and listen to the sound of an owl hooting in the distance. I feel Beau’s steady breathing and heartbeat against my back and realize that this thing happening between us is kind of scary.

I’m leaving tomorrow for two long months. What if this distance between us gets old for him? What if once I’m gone the novelty wears off and he goes back to his bachelor ways? What if he wants his house back or needs a vet before I graduate?

I’ve never been in a relationship like this before but pressing pause for two months when we have only been involved for two days seems pretty risky.

Lying in his arms like this I feel strong and self-assured but what about next week? Next month? I’d like to think what we have so far is enough but simply put, there’s no way to know.

Tomorrow I’m going to have to jump and I pray Beau doesn’t let me fall.