Don’t let go

Stella

I slip on my Converse and out the door of the Presidential Suite to return to my room before Cannon or Ash wake up. I’m exhausted, I want a cigarette, I’m sore, but more than anything… I am satisfied.

I just spent an entire evening having wild, insanely intense, hot sex with People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. Who would have thought me, Stella Deardon, a thirty-year-old homebody rancher from Montana would be in that man’s bed? Not me, that’s for damn sure.

It’s not like me, I mean I’m not a prude or anything, but the choices of sexual partners back home are slim to none. The hot guys know they’re hot, in all the wrong ways, and the nice guys are duller than a fence post and not much better looking.

I haven’t had a regular boyfriend for a while. There’s no one around who’s worth my time and my time is limited. I work long hard hours, and when I get home at night, I’m ready to drop. The last thing I’m interested in is getting all dolled up to prowl around in the local saloon looking for a sex partner. Drink is the only place in Redwater, Montana that adults hang out other than the grocery store and the weekly local Bingo game at St. Peter’s church, if you count that and I don’t.

Ash Pride is so far out of my league it’s ridiculous. Sleeping with him is like winning the lottery and not being able to keep the jackpot. I can spend a few hundred thousand dollars of it but then I have to go home, my family needs me. And as sweet as Cannon is, I have no experience being a nanny. Who knows, I could agree to do the job and the hellion Ash is always talking about could come roaring back to life when Cannon realizes I’m not just his friend anymore but his nanny.

I tap my key card against the reader on the door and watch the light turn green with tired blurry eyes. I need at least a couple of hours of sleep before breakfast with Ash and Cannon.

Inside my room, I lean my back on the door and dig in my pocket for a cigarette and a lighter. I take two long drags off the cigarette and that's all I need, I’m too tired to smoke. In the bathroom, I run the butt under the water in the sink and strip out of my clothes.

I don’t bother turning on the light in my room before falling into bed and pulling the comforter up over my shoulders. It’s cool in the room, cooler than I like it and I’m naked, but I’m done. I'd like to turn up the temperature and set the alarm for nine o'clock, but I can’t muster the strength to get up before my eyelids become heavy and sleep steals me away.

* * *

“Stella…” I feel a warm hand on my bare shoulder, but I’m so groggy, so tired, that I groan and roll away from the sound. “Stella, honey, wake up and come to lunch with us, you’re missing the convention,” the familiar voice says. He's so close to my face I feel his warm breath. That’s not just any voice, it’s Ash’s smooth, seductive voice.

A dream, mm, I like dreams about Ash’s voice, they remind me of our night together. Our night, shit. I open my eyes to a dark room and Ash sitting on the edge of the bed with his hand on my shoulder.

“Ash?”

“Yes, wow, finally. I didn’t think I was ever going to get you awake.” He looks toward the door where a sliver of light cuts through the room. “She’s okay, buddy, just really sleepy. Come on in.” He bends down and speaks directly into my ear, “He’s worried about you, but don’t move, he doesn’t know people sleep naked.”

Oh God, he just invited a four-year-old into my room, and I don’t have a thing on under the covers.

“Tella?”

Cannon materializes next to Ash, and I pull my sheet tight under my arms. “Hey, friend, how are ya today?”

“You okay?” His sweet face is twisted with worry and his big brown eyes narrow when he hears my croaky sleep deprived voice.

I clear my throat, “Yeah, sure, just tired after all the traveling yesterday and playing Legos, reading, and having ice cream with you last night.” Not to mention all the wild sex I had with your father until the wee hours of the morning. I leave that part out of course, but Ash is the one mostly to blame for my fatigue.

“You didn’t have breakfast with us.”

“Oh my gosh, I forgot to set the alarm, what time is it?”

“Two thirty, I checked on you earlier but you were so out of it I let you sleep. Cannon was worried about you, though. He wasn’t leaving this time until he got to talk to you.” He tussles his son’s dark curls, and Cannon’s face relaxes into a smile.

“You checked on me earlier?”

“Yes.”

“And I didn’t wake up?”

“No, you did not.”

“How did you get in here?”

“The key card you gave me last night.”

I didn’t give him a key card. When I look at him with question, he gives me a just go along with it look and pats Cannon’s shoulder.

“Oh yeah, I forgot.”

“We’re running a little behind today, so we’re about ready for lunch, hop up.” He swats my ass, and it sends a zing of excitement through my body even through the thick comforter. What the hell is going on with me?

“I need some time to clean up first, can I meet you downstairs in twenty minutes?”

“Yes!” Cannon yells, and fist pumps the air. This kid is seriously good for my self-esteem.

“Of course, come on, little man, let’s give Stella some time to get dressed.”

He stands and guides Cannon to the door. I watch them waiting for the click of the lock before I get up and it’s a good thing. Cannon stops his daddy right before the door closes.

“Hurry, Tella!” he yells through the crack, and I laugh.

“I’m hurrying, promise.”

The door closes, and I sit up with the sheet still tight around me. I hear Cannon complaining to Ash about me still being in bed, I smile and reach out to turn on the lamp.

I need my phone, where did I leave the damn thing? Hoodie, bathroom floor with the rest of my clothes. I get up dragging my sheet with me into the bathroom where I rummage around until I find my phone.

I hit the text button and send Ash a message.

Me -- You took my key card?

Ash -- Yes.

Me -- When?

Ash -- When I got up to get a drink of water.

And there it is, he stole a key to my room, why would he do that?

Ash – You left me.

That’s an accusation, not just a stated fact. Surely he expected me to leave, didn’t he? No way did he want Cannon to wake up in the morning and find us sleeping naked in the bedroom next door.

Me -- I didn’t want Cannon to get the wrong idea.

Ash -- That’s not an apology.

Apology? What is it with this guy? He wants me to apologize for not traumatizing his son?

Me -- That’s because I’m not sorry.

Ash -- You’re sassy when you’re tired.

Me – Well, you’re bossy all the time.

He is, and sometimes I think I like it, but right now isn’t one of those times.

Ash -- You’re not getting dressed.

Me -- How do you know what I’m doing?

Ash -- You’re texting me.

He’s got me there, I am texting. But I’m also peeing and turning on the shower. “So there,” I say to the fogging mirror, sticking my tongue out at my reflection.

Me -- I can multitask.

Ash – Yeah, I remember.

I roll my eyes and send him one last message.

Me – I’ll be down soon.

I switch my phone to silent and place it facedown on the counter. I don’t want to be tempted to read his answer if he gives me one and I have a feeling he will be giving me one. Ash seems like the type who always wants the last word. The problem is, I do, too.

I shower and sweep blush across my cheeks and mascara on my lashes before twisting my wet hair into a knot to secure it at the back of my head. Dressed in a pair of black jeans, a red sleeveless tunic and a pair of flat strappy sandals, I’m out the door. I feel pretty. I spend 90% of my time at home in jeans, ugly shirts, and cowboy boots. It’s nice to dress like a woman for a change.

I switch the volume back on and check my phone. I was right, he did want the last word. There’s a little red number 1 sitting on my messages app, but I ignore it. If I don’t read it, then I had the last word. Ha!

I step into the elevator and close my eyes as it takes me from the fourth floor to the lobby. Even being that high makes me shaky, next time I’m requesting the first floor, if there is a next time. I haven’t exactly been representing the Deardon Rose Ranch. So far this weekend, I’ve skipped the formal welcome dinner and the first half of the day of the convention. I'm glad my daddy doesn't have Facebook, at least he's not expecting pictures.

The elevator opens and Mr. Valentino is standing right there waiting for me with a creepy smile on his face.

“Good afternoon, Miss Deardon. I trust your first night’s stay was comfortable?”

Comfortable. Now that’s not the word I would have used to describe my first night at the Crimson Haven Hotel. Twisted like a pretzel, sexually satisfied beyond belief, sated and sore maybe, but not comfortable. I’m happy, though, so I agree with him.

“Yes, it was amazing, thanks.” My answer comes out a little more enthusiastic than I’d planned and Valentino picks up on it. “Oh… well, wonderful. Do you have plans right now? I thought I could show you the exhibits that are here in the hotel before you go over to the convention center.”

“Tella!” Cannon yells, running across the lobby at top speed, nearly trampling a couple trying to check in. When he reaches me, he throws his little arms around my legs and squeezes tight.

“Hey, Cannon,” I say kneeling down, so we are face to face. “I’m glad to see you, but you need to be careful about where you’re going, okay? You almost knocked over those nice people.”

He lowers his eyes to the floor. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I know it’s hard when you’re excited.”

“Ready for lunch?” Ash says, strolling up with his hands in the pockets of his dark blue jeans looking good enough to eat.

“Yeah, ready to go. I’m sorry, Mr. Valentino. I already have plans this afternoon, thank you for the offer, though, that was sweet.”

I swear he is suppressing the urge to roll his eyes when he says, “Very well then, I hope you three have a nice day together.”

He turns on his heel and storms off behind the door marked Employees Only. It slams, and I jump turning to Ash and Cannon pulling the corners of my mouth back in a fake grimace.

“Yikes.”

“Somebody’s got a crush on you.”

“Must be something in the water here.” I look back and forth between the two members of the male species that have been showering me with attention for the past twenty-four plus hours.

“Something like that. You ready to eat?”

“Yes, I’m starving.”

Cannon slides his hand into mine and starts dragging me toward the entrance of the hotel. “I thought we were eating here?”

“That was breakfast, we’ve already done that, you missed it,” Ash says with a wink. We’re eating at the Beef Expo in the convention center.”

“Oh, I can’t, I’m a vegetarian.”

He stops just outside the doors and stares at me in disbelief. Cannon asks, “What’s a getrian?”

Ash holds my eyes while he answers his son’s question. “A crazy person who doesn’t eat meat.”

A slow smile spreads across my face, “Gotcha!” Ash blows out a breath, and with his hands on his hips he looks down at the sidewalk. He shakes his head and looks up at me through his long eyelashes. “You’re bad.”

I wiggle my eyebrows and continue to smile, but Cannon doesn’t like it that his daddy is calling his friend bad and steps in between us to defend me. While still holding my hand he frowns up at Ash and says, “Tella’s not bad.”

“Okay, buddy, maybe bad was the wrong word. She’s a joker.”

I’m not sure Cannon knows what a joker is, and that might be the point, but he accepts it as a sort of apology, and we’re off to lunch.

And so goes the next week. Ash, Cannon, and I spent the mornings having big breakfasts at the diner in the hotel, afternoons at the convention, and evenings having dinner at either a restaurant or in the Presidential Suite.

I spent every night in Ash’s bed memorizing his body. I want to get as much of him as possible before going back to my dull life of back-breaking work at the ranch.

Every morning around four a.m. he walks me to the door to tell me goodbye with a long passionate kiss that says, I wish you wouldn’t leave. He asked that I never disappear from his bed without saying goodbye again and I give him that.

Now it’s Saturday night, one week after arriving at the Crimson Haven Hotel and Spa. It’s also one week after meeting the most exciting man I’ve ever known and his adorable, energetic son.

Suffice it to say, I have no desire to go home. I’ve considered accepting Ash’s job offer to be Cannon’s nanny a dozen times, but I am nothing if not responsible and dedicated to my family. I can’t leave them shorthanded. It wouldn’t be right.

So here I am, packing my suitcase with a heavy heart like I pretty much knew I would be. I fly out tomorrow afternoon, Ash and Cannon leave in the morning, and we are having room service deliver dinner to their suite tonight. Cannon wants to watch a movie, his first choice was Poltergeist, which to my horror he has seen multiple times, but we settled for his second choice, Star Wars.

When I’m finished packing, I grab my key card and slip it in the back pocket of my jeans with my phone and make my way upstairs. I don’t have to close my eyes on the elevator ride up anymore. I still don’t like it, but I’ve been up and down so many times this week I’m starting to get used to it. I still stay close to the interior of the atrium when walking to their room. Some things will never change.

I knock even though Ash gave me a key card. I don’t know why since I’ve been having sex with this man every night for a week and his son thinks I hung the moon. But walking into their space without warning still feels wrong.

I hear the pitter patter of Cannon racing to the door to beat his father right before he flings it open wide and yells, “Dad, she’s here!”

Ash is three steps behind him wincing, “I can hear you, buddy, no need to yell.”

I just saw them two hours ago, but Cannon makes me feel like it’s been years when he grabs my hand and leads me into the living room.

Room service has already been here. On the coffee table, there are three plates with burgers and fries, just like the first meal we ate together. It feels like we have spent a lot more than a week together and the finality of our time together hits me like a punch to the gut.

Tears sting the back of my eyes and a lump forms in my throat. I blink and swallow simultaneously to keep from overreacting, and it works, but not before Ash notices.

“Sit,” Ash says, when his butt hits the couch. “Stella, remember that book I was going to show you? The one they were giving away at the conference but ran out of before we got there?”

I have no idea what he’s talking about, but he has that look on his face again, the look that says just go with me on this one, so I do.

“Uh, oh yeah, that book.”

“I got a copy of it, come here I’ll show you.”

“Daddy, I’m gonna eat.”

“Go ahead and start without us. We’ll be right back, promise.”

Ash takes my hand and leads me into his bedroom, closing the door gently. “You okay?”

I thought I had my shit together, but now I can’t talk over the lump that’s reformed in my throat, so I simply nod.

He tips his head to the side and looks at me skeptically. “I don’t think you are.”

I stuff my hands in my pockets and look at my feet. He steps closer and hooks his finger under my chin to bring my glassy eyes to his. When he sees the tears brimming there, he folds me into his arms and strokes his hand up and down my back.

“I haven’t pressed. I’ve tried to respect your wishes but, Stella,” he pulls back, so we are nose to nose. “I don’t want this to end. Cannon doesn’t want this to end. You don’t have to be his nanny, just come home with us for a week, spend some more time with me, with us. I don’t want to lose you.”

That’s it. I can’t hold back any longer. The tears threatening to fall, spring from my eyes onto his soft blue button-up shirt leaving little wet marks.

“Aw, it’s okay, babe, don’t cry now, come on.” He kisses my wet cheek, and I strangle back a full-on bawling fit.

“I. Don’t. Wanna.” sniff, “Leave. You.” hiccup, “Either.” I say, only able to force out one or two words at a time.

“Then take a week of vacation and come to our ranch.”

“That’ll, only make… it worse.” I bite my bottom lip to hold back any more tears. This is not me. I’m not a crier.

“No, it’ll give us some more time. Just give me a week, then you can go home, and we can Skype and talk on the phone. I can fly down and see you. We don’t have to give up and forget what’s happened here. I won’t.”

He’s hugging me again, tight, like he’s never going to let me go.

And in my dream world, he wouldn’t.

Ever.