Eric held my hand as the surgeon explained the procedure.
Dr Curry, who was bald and built like a linebacker, picked up the breast model on his desk. ‘I’ll make a very small incision in the inferior breast fold.’ He pointed to the fold under the breast. ‘I’ll insert the saline implant through the incision. Once it’s in position, I’ll fill it with a sterile saline solution. I’ll then close the incision. All of this is performed under general anesthesia.’
‘How long does the procedure take?’ I asked.
Dr Curry sat the breast model on his desk. ‘About one hour.’
Eric squeezed my hand. ‘What’s the recovery time like?’
‘Most women can return to non-strenuous activities in five to seven days and to their full range of physical activities, including exercise, in three to six weeks.’
After discussing the procedure for over an hour, during which Dr Curry answered all our questions and shared before-and-after photos of his patients, we left.
‘Are you hungry?’ Eric asked.
‘A little. What about you?’
‘We passed a diner on the way here. It’s a couple blocks away. Let’s go there.’
The diner looked like a throwback to the Fifties with its red and black retro booths complete with laminate countertops with metal banding.
Even the waitress looked like she’d stepped out of the Fifties. She wore a black dress with a white collar and a scalloped white apron.
I remember watching some of the old black-and-white TV shows popular in the Fifties on an oldies channel when I was young. The diner reminded me of those shows, which seemed to follow societal norms that encouraged women to stay in the home and out of the workplace. I never liked how the men were always right and the women, who always wore dresses, seemed submissive to them.
We slid into the booth and ordered coffee while we looked at the menus.
I glanced around and noticed the old-fashioned jukebox sitting in the corner.
Eric looked up from his menu. ‘I hope the food’s decent. I’m starving.’
We ordered the hot roast beef sandwich special and it was delicious. Eric even ordered apple pie à la mode for dessert.
‘Just one bite?’ he asked.
I held up my hand. ‘I can’t eat another bite.’
I drank my coffee while Eric finished his pie.
Eric wiped his mouth with his napkin and laid it on the table. ‘So, what are you thinking?’
I hadn’t talked a lot since leaving the surgeon’s office. ‘Do you think a double D cup will be too big?’
He shook his head. ‘Not at all.’ He pulled out his cell phone to review the photos he’d taken during the sizing session. He flipped to the photo of me wearing the sports bra with the largest sizers I’d tried. ‘I think you look terrific in this size.’
‘I don’t want to look like a stripper.’
‘You won’t, sweetheart,’ Eric said. ‘You’ll look terrific. You’re already beautiful. These will just make you more beautiful.’
‘How about the size below that?’
Eric flipped to the photo of me wearing a smaller size.
I pointed to the photo. ‘Yes, what about that size?’
‘They’re fine, too.’
‘But you don’t like them as much?’
He put his phone away. ‘I like the bigger ones better.’
I sighed. ‘Okay, I’ll go bigger for you.’
The waitress returned to fill our coffee cups. ‘Do you know what today is?’ Eric asked.
I smiled. I wondered if he’d forget. It was the one-month anniversary of our wedding. He reached across the table and held my hands. ‘Thank you for taking care of my heart, for always wanting to please me.’
I called Jackie later that night to tell her about the appointment. Eric was in the office catching up on some work.
‘So, you’re really going through with it?’ Jackie asked. ‘Why is it we always want what we don’t have? You want bigger boobs and I’d like mine to be smaller. I mean seriously. My breasts bounce when I run, and I feel like at any moment one of my girls is going to cut loose and whack me in the eye!’
I laughed. ‘You’re the only person I know who can describe running as a full-on contact sport.’
‘Tomorrow’s Thursday. Let’s meet for tacos like we used to after work. I need some girl time.’
‘You’re on. I have a settlement at four and I can come after that. See you then.’
Throughout the next day, whenever I used the bathroom, I caught myself staring into the mirror while washing my hands, wondering what I’d look like with bigger breasts. The surgeon had suggested I try various sizers to see what I felt comfortable with before making the final decision.
I ordered the bead-filled neoprene sacks in two sizes. According to the order confirmation, they were shipped today, which meant they should be on my door step in two days. I’d stuff my bra with both sizes and see which I preferred. This was a big decision for me and I wanted to make sure I made the right one.
Jackie was in her usual seat when I arrived at Tony’s. I slid in beside her and ordered a drink. ‘Gosh, I feel like it’s been forever since we had a girls’ night out.’
Jackie sipped her rum and Coke. ‘I hate that you live so far away.’
‘Me, too. But I do love the house and I never thought I’d say this, but living in a secluded wooded area has its perks.’
‘Like?’ Jackie smiled.
‘Like being able to walk around the house naked and not worry about a neighbor seeing you.’
‘Whoa! Shelly.’ Jackie laughed. ‘Do you walk around the house naked a lot?’
‘Sometimes Eric likes to spend the day naked.’
Jackie pinched her stomach fat. ‘Really? I definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that even if I did live in the country.’
‘I didn’t at first either, but I like making Eric happy.’
The bartender slid our plates of tacos in front of us. ‘Anything else?’
‘Not right now,’ Jackie said. He walked away and she turned to me. ‘But you’re happy, right?’ She sounded serious.
‘I’m happier than I ever thought I’d be. Why’d you ask?’
‘I just want to make sure. You’d tell me if you weren’t, right?’
‘Yes, of course. I mean it’s not always perfect. No marriage is. I lived alone a long time and it’s been an adjustment living with someone again, especially when you’re married and leaving isn’t an option.’
‘You’ve never thought about leaving, have you?’ Jackie asked.
‘No, no. This is all coming out wrong. I just meant that when you’re married and have an argument, you need to find a way to come together and move on.’
We left the bar an hour later and by the time I got home I was ready to drop into bed, but Eric was waiting up for me. As soon as I walked inside I could see by the look on his face he was angry.
‘About time you got home.’ His voice was sharp.
‘Sorry, guess we got carried away talking. But we don’t get to see each other that much.’
‘So, you’d rather spend time with Jackie than with me?’
‘No, I didn’t say that. It’s just that I see you every day and I don’t get to see her that often.’
‘I’m your husband. You should see me every day.’
‘But I told you last night I was meeting Jackie after work for tacos.’
He threw the magazine he was holding on the floor. ‘And that’s another thing – you didn’t ask me if it was okay. You just decided.’
‘I didn’t know I needed your permission.’
‘Well, it would’ve been nice if you had asked me if I minded.’
‘Sorry, I promise the next time I will.’
‘Good.’
He walked towards the guest bedroom.
‘Where are you going?’
‘I’m sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight.’
‘Eric, please. It was just a night out with Jackie. I’m sorry.’
He slammed the door shut and Izzy scurried under the dining-room table.
I showered and crawled into bed. I felt the empty space next to me. I reasoned that Eric was upset because he loved me so much and wanted to spend as much time as he could with me. Why did I keep messing up?
The next morning, he was gone before I woke up. I looked for a note, but he didn’t leave one.
‘Well, Izzy. I guess I really screwed up.’
The entire drive to work, I thought about what I could do to make it up to Eric. I had a couple of ideas, but I wasn’t sure which would be best. Maybe I’d buy him the watch he wanted.
I texted him when I arrived at the office.
Missed you this morning.
Love you.
He didn’t respond.