I lay on the floor naked in a fetal position while Eric sat on the recliner, his feet next to me. He kicked my stomach. ‘Take a shower, bitch! I want you clean for the next round.’
I struggled to stand. My entire body hurt. As soon as I stood, Eric pushed me to the floor. ‘Crawl, bitch.’
I crawled to the bathroom and Eric followed. The bathroom wasn’t that big, and Eric stood in the doorway as I showered. I scrubbed every inch of my body, trying to wash away the horror of the past hour. The thought of him touching me made me sick, and I tasted a vile liquid inch up my throat.
Suddenly an idea popped into my head. What if I suggested going for a hike and took him to the rock outcropping? Maybe I could jump in the water and escape. He wouldn’t jump in after me. He’d be too afraid. If I spent the next couple of hours flattering him and massaging his ego, he’d be more inclined to go.
I got out of the shower. My entire body ached and I was sure I’d be covered in bruises. Eric continued to watch as I dried myself, and he followed me into the bedroom. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I sat on the bed to put on my shoes. I wore canvas loafers instead of sneakers because they’d be easier to get off in the water.
Eric walked over and sat down beside me. ‘Listen, Shel. This can be easy, or this can be difficult. The choice is yours.’
‘I’ll behave. Just please don’t hit me anymore.’
He brushed my hair with his hands, and it made me shiver. After weighing my options, I thought my best chance to get away would be to play along with his demands and look for the right moment.
‘Good girl. Now how about making me some lunch?’
I nodded and he followed me into the kitchen.
‘Is grilled cheese okay?’
‘Yes.’
I retrieved the cast iron frying pan from the cabinet. I considered whacking him over the head with it. Or stabbing him with a knife. If I was sure I’d be strong enough to withstand a struggle, I would have done. No, I had to be smarter. Instead, I put the skillet on the stove and turned on the burner.
Eric watched as I buttered the bread. ‘I like mine well-done.’
I was so fearful I felt as if my entire body was shaking. I took the cheese out of the refrigerator. ‘Is American cheese okay?’
‘Do you have another kind?’
‘No. I’m sorry.’
‘Then why did you ask me if I didn’t have a choice?’ He stood and walked over to me, pointing his finger at my chest. ‘This is what I’m talking about, Shelly. You’re stupid. You have zero intelligence. If there is no choice, why do you waste your breath asking the question?’
I bit my lip. ‘I was trying to be nice.’
‘No, you were taunting me.’ He tapped my chest with his index finger. ‘Just make the damn sandwich.’
I couldn’t stop shaking my leg. It’s what I did when I was nervous. Standing at the stove making the grilled cheese, I became aware of just how fast my leg was shaking.
‘Stop shaking that damn leg of yours. It’s annoying as hell.’
I slid a sandwich onto a plate and handed it to Eric. ‘Would you like some chips or pretzels?’
Eric smirked. ‘One day away from me and I see your old chip habit has returned. That’s not part of your diet, if I recall.’
I wanted to tell him that neither was cheese, but I didn’t dare speak for fear he’d become violent again.
I made a second grilled cheese and sat down across from him.
He sipped a beer he’d found in the refrigerator. It belonged to Jackie’s dad. ‘So, what shall we do today?’
I didn’t say anything.
‘I’m talking to you, bitch!’
I mashed my lips together, thinking for a few seconds about whether this was the right time to bring up going for a hike. Maybe if we were out in the open I’d see someone or find an opportunity to escape.
‘We could go for a hike. We had a great time when we hiked at the park.’
‘Until I wanted to fuck you and you wouldn’t let me. If we go on a hike, I will fuck you this time. Yes. Let’s go for a hike. You could use some exercise. You’re getting a little flabby around the mid-section.’
I felt my mid-section and pushed the grilled cheese away. I was no longer hungry.
‘You will be my bitch,’ he said. ‘And to keep you in line, I have just the thing.’
He went over to his satchel, opened it and pulled out a black leather collar and leash.
‘You’re not serious?’ My hands flew to my neck. I knew he had some deviant desires, but never imagined he’d go this far.
‘Oh, but I am.’
‘But what if someone sees us?’
Eric curled his evil lips. ‘Don’t worry, I found the perfect place to walk that’s totally secluded. In fact, it’s so secluded I bet a dead body would never be found there.’
‘Please, Eric. Please. I’ll be good. I promise. Just don’t make me wear that.’
He walked towards me, unbuckling the collar. ‘You know, Shelly, I’m unsure if I’ll ever be able to trust you again. You’re a liar. Scum. Lower than scum.’
I shook and sobbed as he put the black collar around my neck. ‘See, that’s not too bad.’
I didn’t answer.
‘Answer, bitch. Tell me you like it.’
‘I like it,’ I managed to say while sobbing.
‘Now, let’s go for that hike.’
Eric held the leash while I walked in front of him. If I went too fast, he pulled on the leash to slow me down. Just like a dog. A million thoughts ran through my mind. Was he going to kill me? Could I get him to let go of the leash and make a run for it? I was better off dead.
‘You’re awfully quiet, Shelly.’
I didn’t answer. I just kept walking.
He pulled on the leash and my neck jerked. I stopped and coughed. My neck hurt and I rubbed it.
‘Good girl. You’re learning. Walk.’
I resumed walking. I was surprised he hadn’t had his way with me yet. Just as I thought it he jerked the leash hard. ‘Stop! Take off your pants and get down like a dog.’
I glanced around. ‘But what if someone sees us?’
‘No one is going to see us.’ He unzipped his pants.
My entire body shook as I took off my pants like he’d instructed.
‘Now, down on all fours.’ He clenched his teeth.
‘Please, Eric. Please don’t do this,’ I pleaded.
‘I said get down!’ He took off his jeans and pulled out his belt. ‘If you don’t listen, I will whip you with this.’
I fell to the ground and got up on all fours like he’d instructed. I noticed a palm-sized rock inches from my right hand. A thought crossed my mind. Could I do it? Was it too risky? What did I have to lose?
Just as he was about to enter me from behind I picked up the rock, turned around and nailed him right in the balls.
‘You fuckin’ bitch!’ he screamed.
I ran as fast as I could, the leash dangling from my neck and naked from the waist down.
I couldn’t go back to the cabin. Think, think, think, Shelly. I remembered there was a natural water spring that had dried up years ago. The stone structure housing the spring was built in the side of a small hill. Maybe I could hide there. I wondered how close Eric was. I didn’t hear him yelling anymore. I wanted to turn around and check, but I didn’t dare slow down.
I stumbled on a raised tree root and flew through the air, slamming face first into the ground. I used my hands to push up and just as I was about to stand and start running again, my legs were kicked out from under me.
Eric stood over me, baring his teeth like a vicious black bear. ‘Now you’re really in trouble, you bitch!’
I looked around for another rock or stick, anything I could use as a weapon. I grabbed a small pointy twig. Maybe I could jab him in the eye with it.
‘Now, now, now, Shelly,’ he said. ‘Drop the stick. Be a nice bitch.’
I held up the stick and threw it down. Just as I hoped, his eyes diverted to the stick and I slammed my foot into his groin as hard as I could. It was enough of a diversion that I could take off running again.
I found the spring. It was covered with brush and had I not known it was there, I would’ve missed it. I crawled inside and started to hyperventilate. I hated small spaces, and I imagined snakes slithering beneath me and spiders crawling all around.
Breathe slowly, Shelly. Calm down. Just breathe. In. And out. In. And out.
I heard him call my name. He was getting closer.
‘Shel-lee. Where are you?’ His voice was sing-songy. ‘It’s not nice of you to run away.’
My heart was beating so fast and so loudly I thought for sure the sound of it would lead him straight to me. My body shook in fear. I had placed myself in a dark hole and there was only one way out.
I felt the ground and touched what I thought was some sort of bottle.
I heard his feet crunching on the leaves. By the sound of Eric’s voice, he was standing above me. If he walked down the side of the hill, the spring would be to his left or his right. And if he looked inside, he’d find me.
I never really understood what people meant when they talked about their lives flashing before their eyes. And I’m still not sure it’s exactly what I experienced, but something happened. Time slowed down and my entire life replayed in flash images in my mind, but there was no sound. It was as if I were watching a silent movie, the images melting one into the other. Mom and Jackie. Mom and me. Drunken Mom. Mean Mom.
‘There you are!’ A strong arm pulled me out of the dark spring and I broke the glass bottle, stabbing Eric in the neck. Blood spurted out.
‘You bitch. You fucking bitch!’