The kettle on the stove whistled and Jackie filled our mugs with hot water. She was having tea. I wanted – no, needed – my morning coffee.
‘Anything special you’d like to do today?’ Jackie asked.
I poured a little milk into my coffee and stirred it. ‘Remember that trail we used to hike when we were kids?’
‘The one with the rock outcropping?’
‘Yeah, that one. Let’s hike that trail today. I don’t think it’s that long, but I’d like to sit on the rocks like we used to when we were kids.’
‘Sounds good to me.’
I filled a bowl with the marshmallow cereal I’d bought. ‘When do you plan on leaving?’
‘Probably right after lunch. I have a meeting at Nick’s school tonight I really shouldn’t miss. Let’s hike after breakfast.’
I sat at the table to eat my breakfast. ‘I have no dishes.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Most of what’s at the house is Eric’s. The furniture, the appliances, even the dishes and pots and pans and utensils. I gave it all away when I moved in, remember? I am going to have to literally start over.’
‘Not completely,’ Jackie said. ‘I’ll give you back everything you gave to me, and we’ll figure out the rest together.’
Just when I thought there couldn’t possibly be more tears in me, they flooded my face.
Jackie hugged me. ‘You’ll get through this.’
Eric had stopped texting so I figured when he got home and saw I wasn’t there, he realized I was gone. Still, it wasn’t like him to not respond. He always had to have the last word.
The leaves crunched beneath our feet as we walked the narrow trail that snaked through the woods towards the lake.
‘Eric wanted to have sex at the park the other day when we were walking the trail. I refused. He became so angry. That’s the night, well, you know…the night he raped me.’
Jackie stopped walking. ‘Oh, Shel. If only I could make the pain go away.’
I looked into my best friend’s eyes. ‘I begged him to stop but he wouldn’t. He said I was nothing but a whore and that he could do whatever he wanted to his whore.’
Jackie hugged me and I sobbed into her shoulder. ‘Tell me I’m not a whore. Tell me I’m not a zero. Please, tell me I matter.’
Jackie pulled away so she could look me in the face when she spoke. ‘You are an amazing woman, much stronger than anyone I know. You’re beautiful and smart, and you’re a survivor. And you will get through this. I will help you, and so help me God, if that motherfucker ever lays his hands on you again, I’ll kill him.’
I hugged Jackie. ‘Thanks for being here.’
‘There’s no other place I’d rather be. Would you like to turn back?’
I pulled a tissue out of my pocket and blew my nose. ‘No. If I remember correctly, the rock outcropping isn’t that far away.’
We walked about a quarter of a mile more. ‘There it is.’ I pointed to the water.
Rocks of various sizes hugged the edge of the land and jutted out into the glistening lake. Just like we did when we were kids, Jackie and I climbed the rocks, navigating our way to the largest one at the tip.
‘Be careful.’ I pointed to the moss-covered rock behind me I’d just slipped on.
I was too late. Jackie had slipped as well.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked.
‘Yeah. Man! I’m getting too old for this crap!’
We finally reached the big rock and sat side by side, our feet dangling over the water below.
‘This brings back so many great memories,’ I said.
Jackie sighed. ‘Where did the time go, Shel? I don’t feel like I’m forty-seven. Remember when someone who was forty-seven seemed ancient?’
I laughed. ‘Well, if it’s any consolation, you look like you’re thirty.’
‘God, when I was thirty I was chasing Lucy and breastfeeding Nick.’
We laughed.
‘It’s so peaceful here,’ I said. ‘Thanks for coming out with me. I love looking at the morning sun glistening on the water.’
‘Looks like thousands of diamonds,’ Jackie said.
We sat for a few minutes in silence, the kind that comes from friends knowing one another so well they don’t feel compelled to speak just to avoid feeling awkward.
‘Are you ready to head back and get some lunch?’ Jackie asked. ‘I’ll eat with you before I leave.’
I opened a can of soup and made ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch while Jackie called Bruce. She walked into the kitchen. ‘Bruce said Eric hasn’t called, which seems a little odd, don’t you think?’
I shrugged. ‘Maybe a little. I’d have thought he’d call my best friend to see if she knew where I was. On the other hand, he probably figures if you did know you wouldn’t tell him. Of course, another possibility is that he doesn’t care.’
‘I don’t believe that,’ Jackie said. ‘From what you’ve told me, he’s a real control freak. And it would be a huge hit to his ego if you walked away. I wish I could stay.’
I handed Jackie a bowl of soup. ‘No, you’ve done enough. I’ll be fine for a couple days. He has no idea where I am. There’s no possible way he can find me. You go home and take care of your family.’
Jackie sighed. ‘I’ll be back up on Friday. That’s only three days away. And I’ll call in the morning and at night. I’m so glad our cell phones work here. I was a little worried about that, but Mom reminded me they’d recently erected a cell tower nearby.’
We ate lunch and then I walked Jackie to her car. She threw her bag onto the back seat and hugged me. ‘Everything’s going to be alright. Remember the code phrase.’
I nodded. ‘I twisted my ankle.’
‘If I hear that, I’ll come.’
‘I’m sure you won’t hear it,’ I said. ‘There’s absolutely no way Eric can track me.’
I watched Jackie head down the stone lane and waved goodbye until I could no longer see her car.
I looked up at the sky, and black, billowy clouds had rolled in. It looked as if it was going to storm. The morning sun was gone.