Your’s Forever

Blurb

A Luxury Cruise. A Handsome Guitarist. Seems to be the perfect holiday!

“Hello”

A simple word that changed my life.

He’s standing in front of me. 

My heart beats faster….my mouth runs dry with lust and desire. 

I’m pretty sure I’m falling for HIM!

His hot muscular body sets a fire in the pit of my stomach…

A burning that races all the way down to my center. 

I can feel the intense heat and…

If I don’t have him soon then I might just die.”

“I walk through the midnight valley, thinking only of you…

you’re the love of my life and losing you makes me blue…”

Chapter One - Tia

“I don’t know, Mom,” I comment with a sigh as I wander around the bare room of my old college dorm. The white walls, the empty bed, the bare desk… it’s all too much. “I haven’t really thought much about it.”

“What do you expect me to tell you?” I can tell that my mother is distracted, she’s hardly listening to me at all. Knowing what she’s like it’s likely she’s in a nail salon or a spa, getting pampered like she’s a princess or something. I love her dearly, but she truly is a rich wife diva. I could be a bit like that too if I wanted, but that just isn’t me at all. “You knew this day was coming. You knew you were going to qualify from college. You should have made plans.”

I huff loudly and fling myself onto the small camp bed that I’ve spent my last few years existing on. I hated it at first, it was nothing like the luxury I was used to, but I quickly got used to it and threw myself into college life, and to be honest I’m going to miss it loads. My friends; Diana, Helen, and Alexa have left already. They are too busy looking forward to the future to bother worrying about what they’re letting go of. That’s just me… what is wrong with me?

I’ve loved everything about being at college. Maybe that’s why I haven’t thought much about what’s going to come next because I knew I wouldn’t be ready to let it go.

“I know, I should have. You’re right about that but I didn’t. Now I’m sitting here wondering where I’m supposed to go. I don’t even know where to live now.”

“So, come home,” Mom replies as if it’s completely obvious. “Your room is still waiting for you. Come back for a while and figure it out. It isn’t as if you have money troubles to concern you, you can spend all the time you want to figure out where you want to go next.”

Admittedly, that’s probably the best plan. I did the English Lit course because I want to write; stories, poetry, songs… all of that. Going home and getting started on that dream would be the smartest thing to do. Yet I don’t want to. Not quite yet.

“I will, Mom,” I reassure her while the cogs roll in my brain. “I do want to but I think I just need a time out from life first. I need a period to adjust to normal life again. I want to recover from college first, you know?” I can hear how ridiculous that probably sounds, but to me it’s just fact. “I’ve lost my friends, the course, the security of my life… I just need a break.”

“Go on a holiday,” Mom says, starting to sound a little weary with me. “Have a break, then come home.”

“I might get my stuff shipped back and do that.” I gaze out my window and try to work out where in the world I want to go. I’ve been most places, we travelled a lot when I was younger, there isn’t really anywhere I desperately want to visit. The only thing that calls to me a little is the ocean. “I might go on a cruise,” I comment idly as the idea sparks in my brain. “Try something a little different.”

“Yes, good idea.” Mom pauses for a moment and I brace myself while I wait to hear what’s coming next. Our conversations always end this way so I expect it. “So, do you maybe want to call your father about this? Tell him what your plans are?”

I have never had a close relationship with my father. Billy Daniels is a cold hearted man who cares about no one but himself. Mom knows this, but she puts up with him because of the lifestyle he provides her with. She loves the billions of dollars, the nicest house, the fancy, designer clothes… so much so that she doesn’t even question where the money comes from. I’m sure it’s dodgy, but since no one will ever tell me I’ve given up caring.

That’s another reason I don’t want to go back home just yet, I don’t want to deal with him just yet.

“No, Mom, if you want to tell him then maybe you could call him. You know my feelings on the subject matter. I won’t argue with him all the time anymore, it’s not like I’m a young teenager anymore, but we’re never going to be close.”

Mom waits, almost as if she’s trying to change my mind, but it’s not going to happen. I know that I need to stick to my guns with this one. Me and Dad will always be distant, that will never change.

“Right, okay, sweetie. Well I have to get on. You get your stuff shipped and I’ll sort it out so it’s all ready for you when you get home.”

“Yeah, thanks, Mom. I think I’ll book the cruise now so I’ll send you the details once it’s done.”

After we hang up the phone I pull my laptop back out the case and I eagerly turn it on. The more I think about the cruise idea, the more I like it. That’ll give me some time and space for self reflection and writing too. I can get some inspiration while out on the ocean and I can also hunt about for some jobs. The sooner I get work, the sooner I can get out of home and leave my messy family life.

I scan through the options, barely looking at where the cruises are going. That’s not important, I just want to get one that starts within the next couple of days. I want to get off this island now, I just want to be on the water so I can forget everything.

Eventually I find one that leaves in the morning, Princess Cruises, the company is ironically called. It’s luxurious, probably more than I should be spending on a break away from my life, but I have to have some benefits from my wealthy family. If I’m being kept in the dark about my dad and his dodgy dealings, then I at least want some benefits.

I fly through the booking details, entering the card details off the top of my mind. It’s safe to say that I do a lot of online shopping when the mood takes me. I’ve known all the details to use the credit cards since I was fourteen years of age.

“Booked,” I mutter happily to myself as I lean back in my chair. “Can’t wait.”

But as I glance around the room the sun shining down on me fades. I’m still lonely, that’s not going anywhere. My friends have all gone to start their fabulous new lives, Diana as a travel journalist, seeing the world, Helen as a legal secretary, Alexa has moved to Canada with her boyfriend to get married and have children… it’s only me left.

If I’m honest with myself, the loneliness started a long time before this moment. If I truly dig deep inside myself then I’ve been feeling this sadness for a while now, deep down. I’ve just managed to bury it because I’ve been surrounded by my friends. Ever since me and Liam broke up in my first year, I’ve been missing having some actual love in my life. We were only together for a few months, but it was a very intense time… at least for me. I fell hard and fast for his dark hair, his tanned skin, his bright smile. I thought that he felt the same way for me, so I gave myself over to him completely, I loved him with everything I had.

And then he cheated on me.

When I found him in a club just off of campus, kissing a mystery blonde, and I lost my nut, he had the audacity to tell me that it didn’t matter because we weren’t serious anyway. We were just a fling, so why did I care who he was kissing?

What an asshole!

Anyway, after that I threw myself into my education, I gave up on the idea of finding someone until my heart had healed. Maybe it was only a short term thing but the after effects of that, scarred me deeply. It took me a while.

Only now I’m there, and no one seems interested.

I guess people in college gave up on finding relationships towards the end of our course because they all knew that we’ll be moving on soon enough. Just as I became ready to open up my heart, everyone else closed theirs, leaving me alone.

I lie back on the bed and let my eyes slide shut. Who knows, this might be the start of something new. Maybe I’ll get onto that cruise and an unexpected romance will come my way.

My body sparks to life as I picture my dream man coming to life in my mind. I see a strong, muscular, tattooed body, sandy blond hair, bright blue eyes. Electricity prickles all over me and I find my hands rubbing over my chest and down my torso.

“You’re beautiful,” the mystery man says to me, breathing onto my lips, causing my entire body to pulse desperately. “Tia, you are incredible.”

As he kisses me, my hands travel lower, almost instinctively as if I can’t help myself. My core is crying out to me, I need a release, and now that I have this fantasy in my mind I can’t stop. I slide into my panties and move my fingers towards my wetness. The mystery man in my mind kisses me hard and fast, the passion flows from hip lips into mine, setting me on fire.

“Oh, Tia.”

His hands lift up the hem of my dress and the way that my fingers touch me becomes him. He alternates between plunging into me and flickering over my clit. I imagine myself holding his thick, throbbing cock in my hands, loving the sensation because it’s just been far too long. I haven’t had a male body near me in what feels like forever, so I’m already about to explode.

I pant and writhe on the sheets as I feel him sliding into me, his muscles pressing against my body in a thrilling, delicious way. A groan falls out of my lips. I lift my hand off the bed where I’ve been fisting the sheets to grope onto my breast. My nipples feel like they’ve been left out and they’re desperate for some action. I even slide my top down and push my bra down so I can really feel myself.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he continues while increasing the intensity of his thrusts. “I didn’t know it would feel this good to fuck you.”

“Oh shit,” I cry out loudly as the hot pool of pleasure in the pit of my stomach increases. It trickles through my veins causing my whole body to relax into the bliss. The pressure builds, my head swims, my heart pounds so loudly against my rib cage I fear it might explode from my chest. “Oh God.”

And then the tsunami of pleasure rolls over me in waves causing me to buck violently under the weight of it. I fall into the abyss of pleasure, giving myself over to it completely. It feels so good to get a release, to forget about everything, to ignore the loneliness for just a moment. I need this badly…

No, actually this isn’t what I need. What I need is a man. Maybe not a man to love, that might be asking for too much but a man to crave, a man to have a wonderful night of fun with. Just one wild night of throwing caution to the wind.

Maybe that’s what I’ll get on the cruise… here’s hoping anyway.

Chapter Two - Stephen

“It’s going well, Mom!” I declare with a giant smile on my face. “I’m really happy.”

“I’m happy for you,” she replies cautiously. “I just wish your dream didn’t have to take you half way around the world. New Zealand misses you, that’s all. We all miss you, it isn’t the same without you here.”

“I don’t think New Zealand does, I think you do,” I chuckle, ignoring the comment about everyone else. I don’t want to think too much about my life back home right now. I’m not in the best frame of mind for it. “And you know I’d do it from home if I could but there are just so many more opportunities in America.”

Okay, so maybe I’m not fully living the rock and roll lifestyle I thought I would be when I left home for the US. I naively assumed that I was good enough on the guitar to get a music contract right away. I thought I’d be playing Madison Square Garden to hundreds of thousands of screaming fans. I imagined I would be living the dream.

It didn’t take me long to be brought back to Earth with a thump. No one get sighed right away, people don’t have it easy. Everyone needs to struggle to make it to where they want to be in life. I’m just in the struggling phase right now, that’s all. I know I’ll make it big, I just need to be patient.

“So, when does the cruise start?” Mom asks, genuinely interested. This is why I always ring her with news first, even if it’s small news. She always makes me feel good about it.

“Tomorrow actually.” I glance around the dive bar I’m in, watching the clientele thin out now that my set has finished. Inside there’s a hope that just one of the people who came to watch me knows someone important in the music biz. It hasn’t happened yet, but it has to happen eventually. “Once I’m finished up here I’ll head home to pack. I’m looking forward to it.”

“These rich people are good to get on side. One of them will have connections.” Mom has the same thoughts as me. “I bet you’ll come out of it with everything you ever want.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

I catch a glance of my reflection in the mirror and my hand automatically goes up into my hair to smooth it down a little bit. It got a little ruffled while I was up on stage. While I can rock the ‘just got out of bed look’ well, I can’t stop trying to make myself look better. My green eyes sparkle brightly, but even I can see a little bit of mischief within them. I know that as soon as I’ve had a drink I’ll be trouble… and despite the thinning crowd there are a lot of beautiful women left behind.

Hey, I might not be living the rock and roll lifestyle, but I get plenty of attention and I might as well take advantage of that. Maybe these girls never really know me, but it helps to ward off the loneliness.

“Right, Stephen, I have to get going.” I can hear Mom yawn. “The time difference is killing me. I need some sleep but I’ll speak to you later.”

“Yep, bye.”

I hang up the phone rapidly and lean across the bar to get the attention of the foxy red head who works behind the bar. She smiles at me and slides across to take my order happily.

“You were good up there,” she flirts while batting her eyelashes at me. She presses her arms closer to her chest revealing her plump, ample cleavage to me. I don’t directly look, but I can spot a tattoo of a snake travelling down there which I wonder where it ends. “I’ve always had a thing for boys in bands.”

“Oh yeah?” The rest of the room is instantly forgotten, including all the other women in it. The red head with the tight waist has all of my focus. “Well that’s lucky because I’ve always had a thing for foxy barmaids.”

She giggles and slides a pint my way, without even asking me what I want. She doesn’t charge me either which is an awesome plus. I pull the glass up to my lips and take a massive glug while staring intently at her. She’s definitely up for it, she wants me bad. She’s hot enough for me to want her too.

This is why the cruise will be a good thing, I think happily to myself. There will be women a plenty there.

“So, what does a sexy chick like you get up to when she isn’t at work?”

The girl blushes and glances at the ground. When her eyes travel back up and I see her through her eyelashes my cock strains in my trousers. Fuck it, I wanted this chick too. She was hot and available, what more could I want?

“I’m finishing in an hour,” she practically whispers as a reply. “Why don’t you stick around and find out?”

“Hmm.” I glance at the clock. Of course, I want to but I’m very aware that I have to pack for the cruise tomorrow. “I would, but I’m afraid I’m off on my travels tomorrow.”

“Back home?” She looks disappointed. “Australia, right?”

“Actually, it’s New Zealand.” Everyone always mixes up my accent. “But no, I’m away for a little while for work.”

The girl glances around the bar, noticing that the few people scattered around seem very happy for the time being and she reaches out to take my hand. As she bites down on her bottom lip and she gives me a cheeky grin, I know exactly where this is headed. I’ve scored without even trying. I don’t even know her name… that doesn’t usually happen.

I slide my fingers into hers and grin. The strain in my pants gets even harder, I’m rock solid as she drags me behind the bar and into the stock room around the back. We’re surrounded by barrels of beer and lager, it’s quite cold and smells weird but who gives a shit. Without even thinking too much about it, I crash my lips into the girls and I press her up against the wall behind her. She squeals with glee and giggles, absolutely loving it.

“Ooh, you don’t hang around do you?” she gasps as I move my mouth down to her neck. I kiss her all over, moving slowly towards her collar bone and that incredible tattoo that runs down her body.

I rip her shirt apart, tearing off one of the buttons on the way down but the girl doesn’t care. She groans louder, loving the heat of the moment, and she tosses her head back allowing her hair to flow further down her back. I grab a handful of it and tug it playfully as my mouth finds her breast and her nipple.

Thank God for girls who don’t wear bras.

Her nipples feel like Heaven in my mouth, I suck and lick and tug with my teeth as my hand dips into her jeggings and slowly into her panties. The lace brushes against my fingers which is a pretty awesome sensation… but not as good as the intense wetness I find when I drag my hands along her slit.

“Oh shit, Stephen,” she gasps eagerly. “That feels good, but I need you to fuck me.”

Nice… I like a girl who isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants! It feels good. I hate the ones who whimper and purr but don’t actually tell me what they like. It makes things that much more exciting.

Taking her command, I yank her trousers down to the ground and kiss her while she kicks them all the way off. The lace panties remain, but that’s okay because I can push them to one side. They don’t need to be gone for us to do what we’re about to be done.

As I dip my hand into my pocket to grab the condom out, the girl has other ideas. She grapples with my zip and pulls it down, dragging my jeans with it. My underwear comes too which frees me from my material prison. I spring to attention which causes her to gasp with glee. Her eyes widen at the sheer size of me. I love this reaction, it always comes… girls love the girth I have to offer them.

“Fuck,” she whispers while running her hand up and down my shaft. “You are something else, Stephen.”

I push her off me, eagerness getting the better of me, and I tug the condom over my length. My fingers tremble, I’m too keen for words, I’m about to lose my shit if I’m not careful.

Next, I have her pushed against the wall and I buried myself deep into her with my fingers curled around one side of her underwear. She feels so fucking good as her walls contract around me that my eyes close with happiness. I don’t know the woman’s name and now I’ve forgotten her face too. She’s just another notch on my ever growing bed post. Maybe it’s a shitty way to live my life, but all the women are as eager as this one so we’re all consenting adults here.

As the pleasure started to claim her, I grabbed her legs and raised her off the ground. She gasps and screams as she buckles and thrashes, getting her own release. I held her so one she wouldn’t fall and two so I could get in deeper. I wanted to lose myself completely and judging by the way my thighs were shuddering it wouldn’t be long until I did.

“Oh fuck,” I grunted as the pleasure built up. It was a pressure, swelling and building up, and any minute now it would explode…

Fireworks burst, waves of desire crashed over me, I got full satisfaction with this mystery woman. As I dropped her to the ground and we both stood panting next to one another, a cold sensation settled in the pit of my stomach. Much as I loved my life there was always a small element of guilt that came with it. I was always very open and honest with the women before we had sex, but I couldn’t seem to stop it from coming.

“I suppose I better go,” I commented quietly, hating myself for banging and leaving. I wouldn’t be so quick to go if I didn’t have stuff to do. I would at least stick around for a drink. “Erm, like I said I have a trip to pack for. Sorry I have to go like this but…”

“No, don’t worry about it, hun,” the girl replies with a bright smile. She tugs her jeans on with ease, acting as if this is normal. Maybe it is for her, maybe this is the sort of thing she does all the time. Maybe she’s the female equivalent of me. “It’s all good. Maybe you should just come back here when you get back. We can go for round two.”

“Sure, sounds good.” I know I won’t. I have no intention of setting foot in this bar again unless I have a gig to play but there’s no way I will tell her that. There’s honesty and then there is just being a dick. “I shall see you soon, okay?”

“Yep, bye, Stephen. It’s been great having you around.”

I leave the cellar rapidly, needing some fresh air. I hang my head low as I walk through the bar, I don’t want everyone to stare at me knowingly as I leave. I just need to be in my own space now, to prepare for the next stage of my life. I have the cruise tomorrow, which I’m hoping will change everything for the better.

My big break is coming, I just know it. I just have to be patient and wait for it.

Chapter Three - Tia

This is good, I think to myself as I glance my eyes around to drink in the scene surrounding me. This cruise is really good for me, I’m glad I went for it.

Luxury doesn’t even begin to cover what Princess Cruises offers, it’s incredible. The bedrooms are better than what most five star hotels offer, with mattresses so comfy I could sleep forever, duvet covers and pillows that offer just the right amount of softness and warmth. Plus, the shower is wonderful. It’s a proper wet room that I can really relax in. Any tension in my muscles is long gone by the time I get out of it.

And that’s just the bedrooms. Up on deck there are endless shops I can spend my days in, with absolutely everything on offer any person could ever want. It’s almost as if they cater to every single individual person which is weird since its in the middle of the ocean. There’s even an art gallery and a library which is amazing. I love it. I also really like the swimming pool outside, which is great to swim in during the sunny periods.

It has everything.

So, why do I still feel so lonely?

I slam my notebook shut, feeling awful about myself. I came here to relax and to write, but I haven’t actually managed to get any writing done. I keep telling myself that I’m really enjoying myself but the truth is I still feel like crap about myself. I’m missing direction, I need some focus. I just don’t know where to find it.

I sigh loudly and slump my head backwards. My eyes fall closed and I try to find some comfort in the space I’ve got in my alone time. In the middle of the ocean I don’t have any signal on my phone which means I can’t communicate with anyone at all. On the plus side, it means I don’t have to see how wonderful and fabulous everyone else’s life is, but on the negative side I feel far too cut off from the world for words. It sucks.

And the other people on the cruise, none of them are like me. Most people are older, settled in life, happy to join in with the lame activities that the staff have to offer such as crafts and book clubs. None of them are young and alone, looking for someone to connect with…

Well, hello!

All of a sudden, as if I can feel the prickle of someone looking at me, and my eyes snap open. I prop myself up onto my elbows and I glance around. My long dark hair falls in front of my eyes which I blow to knock it out the way, to reveal… him.

I don’t know who he is, but he looks just like the man I have been picturing in my fantasies over the last few days. He started on my last day of college and continued ever since. The blond haired, green eyes giant who could devour me in a heart beat. As I look at him my heart literally stops beating for a moment and a heat consumes me. He is everything!

I glance back down as I feel my cheeks blush, but soon it’s as if a magnet it pulling my gaze back upright in an instant. As I look again, I realize that he isn’t quite like the man of my dreams, but close enough. He doesn’t appear to be covered in tattoos, and although I can’t see too much it seems that his eyes might be more blue than green but he’s close enough.

Oh, my God.

I don’t know what to do with myself. He shoots me a smile that lights up his whole face, but I don’t think I give it back. I don’t know what my face is doing actually, I feel all weird and tingly inside. It’s as if I’m having an electrical shock, it prickles and races all over me. I even have to sit up a little straighter because I’m trying to disguise the emotional turmoil that I’m currently experiencing.

What do I do? I think frantically. What can I do?

The sight of this man inspires me in a way that nothing has done for a very long time. I want to talk to him, I want to grab onto him to explore this magnetism further, I want to explore the fantasies that are now circling my mind at an even more rapid speed than before. I want my night of passion, damn it! But for some reason, my mojo is no more. I guess I lost my confidence a long time ago, probably at the same moment I found Liam kissing the blonde in the bar, and I haven’t recovered it. I just didn’t realize it until now.

I need to go and speak to him, I don’t want this opportunity to pass me by. He’s got to be, by far, the most interesting person on this cruise and I need to utilize that before I lose my mind, but I don’t know where to begin.

Just go and say hi! I try to convince myself. He smiled at me, he must at least see something in me, just go casually past him and say hello.

Despite the fact that the idea of doing that fills me with an intense pit of dread, I ignore my labored breaths and I push my eyes upwards to see him again… but he’s gone. Ice cold upset consumes me and I feel like a damn idiot.

Of course… he was just being friendly. Why would he be interested in me? I’m just… boring.

The stark realization that I’ve becoming boring in my loneliness hits me hard. Maybe that’s why my friends didn’t care too much about leaving me behind. Over my final year of college, I got so wrapped up in ignoring the future that I became self centered and dull without even meaning to. That is something I need to change. I need to get out of this pit of misery and I need to start looking forward.

Without much thinking about it, I grab my notebook back up again and I start scrawling. Inspiration hits me and I write, I use the feelings that I have just from seeing the mysterious fantasy man to start creating a story.

‘He’s there, standing in front of me, the man I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with. Or if not love, then lust. With his hot, muscular body nearing mine, my heart leaps and dances about in my chest. There’s a fire in the pit of my stomach, a burning that races all the way down to my center. If I don’t have him soon then I might just die.”

Hmm… not too bad.

I haven’t ever written anything steamy before, I guess I always assumed that was something that more confident writers did, but I don’t think I’ve done a terrible job. I’m sure it’ll need some work, I bet an editor would go crazy, but it’s something. It’s mine. I’ve started writing again and that’s all that matters to me.

“Miss, would you like a drink?” one of the waiters asks me.

He has a tray of delicious looking, fruity and undoubtedly very strong cocktails in front of me that make my mouth water. I really want a taste, but now that I’ve started writing I think it’s better to have a clear head. I shake my head and return my eyes back to the paper… but then it hits me. All writers drink, don’t they? The real ones anyway. That’s what I’ve heard at least. They need it to keep them going and to help the inspiration to flow… that’s what I want too.

“Actually, do you know what…” I call out to the waiter calling him back. As he spins around I get a flash of a penguin because of his black and white uniform, which nearly makes me burst into laughter. “I think I will have one.” I bite down on my bottom lip and examine them all. “The pink one please.”

As he hands it to me, an excitement bursts through me. I wrap my lips around the straw and suck back a huge sip, relishing the strawberry taste. It’s one of those cocktails that’s so well made I can’t taste the alcohol in it at all. But I know it’s there from the way that it makes my head spin.

“Thank you very much.”

He bows his head to me, which brings back the penguin memory. Honestly, it’s almost impossible not to chuckle at him. “You are very welcome, Miss.”

“My man steps closer, closing the space between us. My heart beats faster and my mouth runs dry with desire and lust. As I can feel the intense heat emanating off of him I’m filled with the most intense electrical sensation in the whole world…”

“Hello,” a voice bursts through my shock barrier, causing my eyes to tug away from the paper. It’s deep and chocolatey, melting me inside. “I saw you from across the deck a moment ago and I just knew that I had to speak to you.”

Hot damn, it’s him!

As I realize that it’s my dream man that I’m looking at, the one that I’ve just been writing about, I snap my notebook shut and swing my legs around to the ground. “Erm, hi.” I can feel my cheeks heating up, my body freaking out, I just know that I’m not acting in any way cool at all.

Hold it together, I warn myself. Don’t blow it because of shyness. I need to get my groove back

“Are you a guest on the cruise?”

“Huh?” I don’t quite understand the question. “Erm, yes, yes I am.”

He chuckles, the most adorable sound that I’ve ever heard in my life. “Ah I see, I work here you see.”

“You do?” In all honesty I haven’t thought much about the staff here. I see them about the place, serving all the customers, but I never really look at them. I feel guilty, what sort of person doesn’t notice staff? Am I more like my mother than I first realized? Just another thing that I desperately need to change… “What do you do?”

“I play music,” he says with a self-deprecating shrug. “I’ll be doing a show later on in the ballroom if you’re up for it?”

I haven’t watched any of the entertainment, mostly because it all sounded really lame, but I’ll sure as hell go to see this gorgeous guy playing. “Yeah, I think I’ll be there, actually.”

He smiles as if I’ve said something that he really likes and he extends out his hand to me. I take it, and as our skin brushes together I feel excitement coursing through my system. If he can make me feel this way with just a handshake, imagine how he will make me feel if he touches me everywhere…

Oh God, I need to sort myself out.

“I’m Stephen, by the way,” he says in a seductive tone of voice. As he smiles at me I spot the mischief in his eyes which draws me in deeper. I love that glint, it makes me think that of all the naughty things he seems to want to tell me. “Stephen Jones.”

“Yeah, I’m Tia. Tia Daniels. Are you from New Zealand?”

“I am actually.” He looks impressed. “Most people automatically think Australia.”

Stephen, what an amazing name Stephen from New Zealand. It rolls off my tongue and thrills me. I definitely want to go and see his show, I feel a spark of magic within me. This might just be the night that I finally throw caution to the wind and I have some much needed fun.

“I guess I’ll see you later, Tia,” he says while taking a step back from me. “I look forward to it.”

“See you,” I whisper back while biting down on my bottom lip to try and contain my smile. “Can’t wait.”

Chapter Four - Stephen

As I stand backstage, I feel an unexpected flurry of nerves racing through my system. I don’t usually feel anything like this before I play a gig, especially one so small time and with a clientele that really isn’t me, but today is different. Today the gorgeous brunette from the deck earlier on has promised to come and watch me play and I want to be good for her.

My heart beats a little faster as I think about her sexy, svelte body in that black, tight bikini she had on earlier. The way her dark hair spilled down her back and her brown eyes flashed when she got excited… damn, she’s hot. She makes this cruise so much less boring than it really is. I can’t wait to get to know her better.

“…and now, we have a wonderful show for you, ladies and gentlemen.” I hear the host calling out to the audience, ready to announce me. “Stephen Jones, a musical genius all the way from New Zealand.”

I breathe a little deeper, trying to compose myself, then I grab my guitar and I force my feet forwards. My heart races, my mouth runs dry with nerves, but I make myself smile brightly. I need to look confident, even if I don’t feel it. Acting the part allows everything else to fall into place.

I push the curtains open and step into the blinding lights. They’re so bright and white I can hardly see out into the crowd, but I know they’re there. The cheering and clapping proves that to me.

“Hello, everyone!” I yell while holding my hand above my head. “It’s great to be here tonight for Princess Cruises.” I pause for the excitably, drunk audience members to whoop. “Now, usually I would start with a big, wild number but I don’t know if that’s right for tonight.” I’ve been thinking about this all day long, I know my usual set pieces won’t work here. It just isn’t the same people as I get in dive bars. I can make it work though, what does it matter? “So, I’m going to start with a song I wrote called Midnight Blue.”

I perch my butt on the chair and I start strumming the guitar. As I do my nerves subside. Music is my everything, it calms and relaxes me in a way that nothing else ever will. This is why I left New Zealand, because this is what I need to be doing with my life.

“I walk through the midnight valley, thinking only of you…”

My eyes scan the crowd as I sing. Now that I’ve adjusted to the lights a little I can see, but not her. Not yet. I feel disheartened. Was she not as into me as I thought? Did I imagine the chemistry between us?

“…you’re the love of my life and losing you makes me blue…”

It isn’t the most inspired words I’ve ever written, but it’s my first ever song and it holds a special place in my heart. Plus, despite how cheesy it is, it’s a crowd pleaser. Even in the worst of dive bars with the hardest audience members, they seem to love it so I know these people will.

Oh my God.

All of a sudden my heart stops in my chest as I spot her. Tia Daniels. She’s sitting in the back of the room on a table on her own, with her dark hair pulled back and a dark dress that clings on to her curves perfectly. She looks heart stoppingly beautiful, which inspires me to sing even better. I can feel my voice crooning in the best way possible.

My lips curl up into a smile and she does too. We share a really nice moment which manages to blur out the other people in the room. I sing, only for her, and it feels incredible. I like this woman, there’s something about her that entices me in. I think I might like her more than the usual woman I hook up with. There’s something about her that I’m actually interested in.

Maybe the cruise will be the first day of me changing. Maybe, with time locked together on a boat where we can’t escape from one another I might actually give myself a chance to fall for someone.

I never started this trip thinking I would fall for anyone, but it isn’t completely unrealistic anymore.

As the song comes to an end, the cheers become almost deafening. Just as I suspected, everyone loves the slightly cheesier numbers, which I’ll stick to for the rest of the night. Who cares how I get my potential record label signing – if that ever happens for me – I need to get it somehow, and Mom is right. These rich people might have connections anywhere in the world.

“I dedicate this next song to the beautiful brunette sitting in the back,” I say into the microphone, causing everyone around to look at Tia. She blushes brightly which only makes her look even more adorable. “I hope she’ll meet me later on at the bar for a drink once I’ve finished playing here.”

Wolf whistling bursts out around the room which makes me chuckle. Maybe there was a big warning when I first got this job not to sleep with the guests, but that wasn’t serious, was it? I don’t think anyone really sticks to that. I can always pretend I said that as a joke anyway if it gets me in shit. Plus, there’s only a few more days on this cruise anyway. Even if I get kicked off, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

There will always be other opportunities anyway. US is full of them. That’s why I came to America, that’s why I left everything behind.

“Right, here it goes…”

I strum happily, my smile growing brighter. This is going to be an awesome night, I just know it. I can’t wait to see where it leads.

***

“Yes, okay, I know.” The manager will not stop going on about my little comment out there. I don’t want to be a dick but she’s really hashing my buzz. That was the best show that I’ve ever played and now I’m pretty sure that Tia is out there waiting for me, and I’m stuck in here being told that I cannot under any circumstances sleep with anyone who has paid to be on board. I get that, I understand what she’s saying to me, but in all honesty I have no intention of listening to her. “I won’t do anything silly, it was only a joke.”

“Because you understand we can get sued? It reflects badly on the company as a whole.”

I smirk and fix my eyes on the ground. This woman is pent up, in her mid to late forties, and in desperate need of a good shag herself. Maybe if I didn’t already have my eyes set on someone else I would think about offering up my services. Maybe.

“Yes, I know. So I’m going to head straight back to my room now. You won’t need to worry about me.” I fake a yawn. “I’m so very tired. I just need to sleep now.”

She gives me a disapproving look, I know that she can see right through me but what can she do? Unless she can full prove that I’ve had sex with Tia, there’s nothing that she can do. With her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised, she gives me a sharp nod. “Fine, you get out of here. I will see you soon.”

I stifle a chuckle and I shove my hands into my pockets as I leave. I move slowly so as not to raise suspicion, but I’m sure we both know where I’m headed. I won’t be able to have a drink with Tia at the bar like I originally planned, but that doesn’t mater. We can go back, to her room will probably be the safest thing, and things can progress from there. Of course it will lead to sex, there’s no way it can’t with me., but we’ll talk too… probably.

“See ya.”

I kick the door open, relishing the sound as it infiltrates my ears. It’s too quite in the office, I’m sure every room on this whole damn boat has been sound proofed. I don’t like the quiet, I don’t do well with it. Noise suits me much better. My whole life has been noisy, and that’s the way I love it.

Maybe that’s why I love music. It’s noisy, but in a really pleasant way.

I quickly spot Tia sitting at the bar. She has a glass of wine in her hand and a bored expression on her face. A drag queen has taken my place up on the stage, and while everyone else seems to be loving the jokes, Tia looks anxious and bored. She’s waiting for me to take her away.

“Psst,” I hiss quietly to her from the corner of the room. “Tia.” She doesn’t hear me at first, which means I need to say that a little bit louder. “Tia, over here.”

She spins quickly and sees me. Once her eyes fall on mine her whole face lights up. As her expression brightens she looks even more beautiful than before. She makes my pulse race and my body trembles.

“Come here,” I repeat, using my finger to draw her towards me. She furrows her eyebrows in confusion. “Come on, you have to come.”

She glances around as if she’s in the middle of a spy movie or something before she slowly moves towards me. I grab hold of her hand and drag her out of the ballroom with a giggle bursting out of my chest.

“What is going on?” Tia asks me in shock. “Why are you dragging me away from my drink?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to. I just cannot be seen with you in there.”

Tia stops dead where she is in the middle of the hallway and throws her hands onto her hips. She looks fiery and determined which I love. This woman is awesome, there’s just something about her.

“What do you mean?” she demands. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“No, no, no, it’s nothing like that.” I step closer to her and wrap my arms around her waist. “I just had a lecture from my boss about being anywhere near guests. It’s super frowned upon, so I just don’t want us to get into any trouble.”

“Oh.” She nods as if she understands but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. “I see. So, what now?”

“We could…” I need to word this carefully so she doesn’t think I’m a dick. “We could go to your room? Maybe have a drink there?”

“We can’t go to yours?” she teases. When she acts coy I can tell that I have her. She’s playing with me, which is an awesome sign.

“No, the staff rooms are off limit… and also shit,” I laugh awkwardly, hating myself for making my shitty excuses. I just didn’t want to get caught with Tia if I could help it, I didn’t want our time together ruined. “I don’t think it’s good enough for someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” She cocks her head and pouts out her lip towards me. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Oh crap, have I put my foot in it? I need to use some of my award winning charm to make this work. “Someone beautiful, like a princess. Someone who deserves it all.”

She nods and takes my hand, taking control of the situation and proving that my charm won out again. Then she pulls me down the hallway and towards the stairs. My heart races as we get closer to her room, I’m excited. This isn’t just a sex thing I’m feeling inside. It’s something more, and that’s actually pretty awesome…

Chapter Five - Tia

What am I doing? Am I really going through with this?”

Sure, I told myself to throw caution to the wind before I stepped onto this cruise, but now that’s actually happening I’m not so sure. It feels good, I’m really excited about it, but I’m just not a one night stand sort of girl. I mean, I barely know this guy. What I know about him I do like, but that doesn’t mean… that’s not a sign that I should just go for it, is it?

Then again, it’s been a long time. Maybe this is exactly what I should be doing. I barely know anymore.

My fingers tremble as I find the keys to my room and I push them into the lock. With a little kick to get it moving faster I pushed the door open to reveal the room inside. I left the curtains open by mistake when I left for the night but now I’m glad because we can enjoy the massive expanse of the ocean in front of us.

“Wow, your room is incredible!” Stephen gasps with shock. He drops my hand and spins around as he walks through the room. “You have so much room here. I’m so glad that we came here instead of my room. You would have been disappointed.”

I smile to myself and close the door behind me with a click. This is fine, if I didn’t do this right now I would always kick myself for passing up on this opportunity. I need to get over what happened to me in the past, once and for all. Sleeping with this random hot guy is just another step on my journey.

“Do you want a drink?” I ask while moving through the room. “There’s a mini bar, you could get something from there if you like…”

I don’t get to finish my sentence because Stephen steps towards me with giant strides because of his long legs. With him close enough to me for me to breathe him in, I feel that electrical sensation, the buzz that I’ve been searching for forever. My heart thunders against my rib cage, my breath balls up in my throat, I feel the fire ignite in my belly.

“You are stunning, you know that,” Stephen comments as if it’s fact. “Really beautiful, and that dress looks amazing on you.”

“It… it does?” I’m acting like I didn’t spend hours picking it out earlier, like I didn’t examine my body in the huge full length mirror to see me from every angle. “Thank you.”

With that, Stephen dips his head down to kiss me, and boy does he kiss me. He literally claims me with his mouth, stripping the remaining air from my lungs, leaving me panting and breathless. Fireworks explode inside of me, I feel like I’ve been dead for a very long time and now this is the kiss of life, bringing me back.

This man is fucking incredible. I like him so much.

I circle my hands around his waist and I pull him in closer to me. My body molds into his, feeling like it’s meant to be there. His strong grip keeps me fixed in place and I freaking love it. I feel safe and protected, happy and exhilarated all at the same time. There’s nothing quite like it.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, taking a step back from me. I instantly hate the cold, lonely sensation I get when he’s gone. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, I just find you irresistible. I’ve liked you from the very first second I laid eyes on you.”

I stare up at him, loving the dark, hooded desire in his eyes. This guy is a sexy musician.. He could have anyone he wants, he probably does have anyone he wants. Yet tonight he’s here with me. There’s something extremely thrilling about that. I like that he wants me, it makes me feel truly desired in a way that I haven’t done in a very long time.

“I like you too,” I whisper back. “Now come here, will you, I’m not done kissing you just yet.”

I wrap my fingers around his tee shirt and I tug him hard bringing him back to me. This has started now, I’m nowhere near ready to let him go. Not when I feel like I might explode if I don’t have him.

Stephen walks me gently backwards until I tumble onto the bed. The soft sheets beneath me cushion me and allow me to feel comforted and warm. As he climbs across me and hovers over me, I beam brightly. I feel good, really good. Better than I have done in a really long time. I even might just feel sexy.

This time when Stephen kisses me it’s softer. There’s more romance in it, more love. I really like it, it’s kinda sweet. It makes my back arch and my hips roll towards him. I cup his cheeks in my hands and I hold him there, keeping a little bit of control myself.

But then Stephen hooks his fingers around the bottom of my dress and he slides it upright. I half expect him to leave it at my waist, but he doesn’t. He pulls me off the bed slightly and slides it right up over my head leaving me just in the stark black silky underwear I brought from the lingerie shop – this boat really has everything – this afternoon for tonight. Maybe I didn’t fully know that it would end up here, but I’m glad that it has.

“You look even better with less clothes on,” Stephen says while pressing his lips into my hypersensitive neck. He runs kisses down my collarbone, flickering his tongue over my perspiration on the way. I groan and slam my hands down into she sheets, clinging onto them for dear life as Stephen uses one of his hands to slowly slide down my bra strap. “The more of you I see the more of you I like.”

I reach behind me to unhook my bra. It’s only in the way of my attention grabbing nipples. I want him to run his tongue all over them, I want him to taste me everywhere. As it pops off and I throw it to the floor, Stephen’s eyes light up with glee. He reaches his head down and he devours me, desperately and needily. I moan louder and louder with every flick of his tongue. He’s already sending me to Heaven and back…

“Oh shit!”

Then his fingers slip into my panties. He doesn’t even wait for permission, he just takes what he wants which I freaking love. His hand runs along my soaking wet slit gently, but with an urgency too. I can tell he’s as eager to be inside me as I am to have him.

“Fucking hell, Tia,” he gasps , his breath tickling my body. “You are so fucking wet for me. Did that happen when I was playing up on stage?”

I bite down on my bottom lip. “Yes,” I admit. “Yes it did.” Seeing him up there, in a position of power, driving the crowd wild, it really turned me on. I didn’t know that I like music, but as it turns out I freaking love it. “You were so fucking hot up there on stage.”

His finger plunges into me which sends a shock of sensations racing through my body. I buck and writhe which encourages him to slip in another finger. Just as I settle into the rhythm of what he’s doing to me, he mixes it up by using his thumb to flick all over my clit. The combination is almost too much to bear. I practically bite my tongue off trying to keep quiet.

“This whole damn boat is sound proof,” Stephen whispers into my ear. “You want to scream, you go for it.”

I never let go like that, it’s hard for me. I guess at some point in my life I became something of a control freak and I can’t seem to let that go. I do moan a little louder, but I don’t fully let go yet.

“Tell me that you want me,” Stephen commands. “I want you to tell me that you want me.”

I can’t do that at first, much as I want to I can feel myself holding back. Inside my brain I’m begging him to fuck me, especially as the patterns he’s tracing over my clit become more intense, but soon the need becomes too much. I can feel the pressure of bliss building within me and if I don’t speak soon I’ll lose it here and now.

“I want you,” I whisper. “Stephen, I want you.”

“Louder,” he hisses, working me harder and faster. If his fingers aren’t replaced by his cock soon I might go crazy. It’s time for my fantasy to finally come true. “Tell me louder.”

“I want you,” I repeat, just a little bit louder.

“No. Command it.”

I roll my eyes but through my panting, labored breaths I know that this is what I have to do. “I want you, Stephen,” I say in an almost shouting tone of voice. “I want you to fuck me.”

With that he pulls back from me and he grabs a condom out of his pocket. I don’t even worry that it’s handy for him to have it so close, so easy to grab. Instead I’m just excited that he’s got one. In all my thoughts of doing something wild and getting my itch scratched, I didn’t much think of being prepared. It’d be killer if we got this far just to lose it on the lack of condom.

As he pulls himself free to cover him up, I groan with sheer joy. He’s so huge, so much bigger than anyone I’ve ever seen before which leaves me gasping and breathless. I can’t help but wonder what I’m supposed to do with that… and more, what it’s going to do with me.

“Come here,” Stephen growls while grabbing onto my thighs. He yanks me down to the bottom of the bed so my feet dangle onto the floor and he stands between my legs. I can feel him there, rock hard and begging for entrance. My needy pulsating core wants him so desperately that I roll my hips again. My chest swells, my heart races, my brain buzzes.

And finally he slips in, causing me to see stars. The rest of the world melts away to nothing as this incredible man thrusts hard and fast, sending my body flying.

The heat starts as a tingle in the tips of my toes and it slowly travels down the rest of my body at a million miles an hour. As it does my screams and pants get increasingly loud until I can’t even hear myself think anymore. I’m letting go without even realizing it and that feels phenomenal. My toes curl over as the tingling sensation reaches my heart. Every thrust that Stephen gives me brushes past my clit, and I’m standing on the knife edge of desire, just waiting to be pushed over the edge.

Any minute now…

When it happens, when I finally tumble into the abyss of desire I do so wholly. In the heat of the moment I feel myself give everything to Stephen, I succumb to him entirely. His fingers dig into my hips, my head flies off the bed, the pleasure crashes over me in waves that feel like they’re never going to end. The release is incredible, it’s so much better than anything I could get on my own, it’s wondrous, amazing, I never want it to end.

“Oh, Stephen,” I yell out desperately to him. “Stephen.” I love the way his name feels in my mouth, even now. It’s the sort of name I could imagine saying for the rest of my life, should the opportunity arise.

No, I scold myself. Don’t fall too fast again, Just enjoy this moment for what it is…

But I can already feel myself going. It already feels too damn late.

Chapter Six - Stephen

“Fuck me, that was incredible,” I gasp as I lie panting on the bed next to Tia. Both our chests rise and fall at a truly rapid pace. “That real, truly was.”

I don’t say it aloud because I don’t want to be a dick, but I’ve had a lot of sex. Like, a whole lot of sex, especially since coming to America, but something about being with Tia was different. I knew it from the very first moment I saw her but now I really know it. We have a connection, something inexplicable that runs deep. Something that I want to explore deeper.

I twist my body onto my side and lean on my arm so I can look at her. Her peaceful, blissful, post coital expression is wonderful. I don’t know a lot about her but from my experience with women I don’t think she’s had sex in a very long time. I hope that was a sexual awakening for her, that I re-sparked her interest in the physical side of love because she’s damn good at it. The world deserves Tia to be having sex, Tia deserves to be having sex.

“That really was,” she gasps. “Something else.”

Usually right now my brain is at the place of making excuses to leave, but today I don’t want to. I want to remain right where I am in the bed with Tia and I want to talk to her all night long. I want to learn all about her and her life, I want to dig deeper into her brain to find out more about who she really is. This is a first for me and I have to admit I’m really excited about it.

“I have a confession to make,” I admit while biting down on my bottom lip. She turns to stare at me with a fire in her eyes, which suggests she thinks that I’m about to say something bad. Hopefully she won’t take my next words too terribly. “After I have sex I love to have a cigarette. I know it’s a filthy habit, especially for someone like me who loves to sing, but it’s one I can’t seem to get out of. Obviously, I can’t smoke in your room so do you mind if I pop out?”

“Oh.” She looks discomforted which I immediately realize is because of how I’ve worded things. For the first time ever I don’t want to bang and leave, but that’s what I’ve just made out I’m doing. “I see.”

“No, that isn’t an excuse to leave.” I smirk at her and pull my guitar pick out my pocket. “Look, I’ll even leave this here with you so you know I’m coming back… if you want me that is?” She nods, but it’s hesitantly. “I really do want to stay and have that drink, I’m not about to bail on you after what was the best experience of my whole life, I just need to settle this craving so I can really focus on you.”

I lean forward to place a kiss on her forehead while pressing the pick into her hand. She takes it and clings to it tightly as I pull back. I pull my trousers on while giving her a reassuring smile, but I can tell she still isn’t fully convinced.

“Tia, I like you a lot,” I spill my heart to her, hoping she can see how sincere I am. “This honestly isn’t something that I do to escape. If I want to leave, I’m just honest. You’ll see, I’ll be back in just a moment.”

“Yeah.” She smiles but I can see it’s forced. “Alright then, I’ll wait here until I hear you knocking on the door to come back in.”

I walk towards the door, vowing to be fast out there so I don’t have to see the insecurity in Tia’s eyes for even a second longer, but before I manage to get there something stops me in my tracks and pulls me back in. Her lips… those plump, gorgeous lips of Tia’s. I absolutely need to kiss them before I leave.

Cupping my hand under her chin I bring her face up to meet mine. Worry shines in the beautiful brown of her eyes, which I want desperately to dispel. Damn me and my stupid habit. If this isn’t a clear sign that I need to give it up then I don’t know what is. Maybe when we get back to America I’ll try hypnosis or something.

“I won’t be long,” I whisper, before gently kissing her. “I promise.”

“I believe you,” she finally agrees with me. “But don’t be long because I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll be even faster now,” I insist. “How can I resist such sweet words?”

My soft chaste kiss quickly turns into something more passionate which makes me think that there might even be a round two in there somewhere. Maybe we won’t get to talking tonight, maybe we’ll be too busy exploring one another’s bodies for that, but we still have plenty of time. There’s a few days left on the cruise, as long as I can keep away from management’s eyes I can keep on seeing Tia for as long as I like. I’ll get to learn all about her then. For now, her little promise has my pants stirring once more. By the time I get back I’ll be more than ready to go again.

“Right, you little minx,” I hiss against her lips. “I will be back very soon.”

I take giant strides across the room and I reach out to grab the door handle. Just as I turn it I take one last look at Tia. With her mussed up hair and her flushed face, she looks like a true natural beauty. A growl rises up in my throat and quickly releases itself making Tia giggle. I hope she’s excited for me to come back because now I damn well can’t wait.

I take the steps two at a time in my eagerness which quickly takes me out into the crisp night air. As night time has fallen, the warmth has long gone. It’s always the way out on the water, I should have realized it would be like this but it still makes me shiver hard. I cross my arms over my chest, and move out. I need to get to the designated smoking area and quickly.

This is idiotic, I think to myself. I need to make some serious life changes from today.

It’s very quiet out here, everyone else must already be tucked away in their cabins, getting a night of sleep. It’s where I’ll be too soon enough. I smile to myself as I think about the gorgeous girl I have waiting for me back in her room. She’s wonderful, I miss her already, I already don’t feel like myself around her.

“What the fuck did you do with the money?”

My heart stops dead in my chest when I hear random shouting ringing through the air. My feet stop moving for a second and I listen intently. That didn’t sound good, and I have to admit I’m a bit frightened. I’ve not heard anything bad happen on this boat, and to be honest I never thought I would. Everyone seems to push for this sort of thing but I know what I heard.

“Tell me now or you’ll be tossed from this boat now.”

Shit, this can’t be good. Someone’s in danger. Without thinking much about my own safety I tiptoe forwards. The unlit cigarette in my hand falls to the ground but I barely notice. The idea of getting my nicotine fix is long forgotten as I try to find out just what’s happening. As an employee working on this ship, no matter the capacity, might mean I have to intervene if things get silly.

“I fucking mean it, do you think I’m joking?”

I suddenly spot two men in suits yelling at a guy in what looks like sweat pants and a hoodie. I don’t recognise any of the people, I haven’t seen them while the cruise has been happening, but then I haven’t been everywhere all at once. I haven’t been out of my room much actually, apart from to play, so just because they don’t look to me like they belong here, doesn’t mean they don’t.

“I think I know what happened,” one of the suited men with his back to me declares. I can see that he’s tall and that he has very dark hair but that’s about it. Nothing that could be any use to anyone. “I think you took the drugs, you used some of them for yourself and you sold the rest, lining your own pockets with the cash.”

“N… no,” sweat pants retaliates. “Not at all, I would never, I would not…”

But his jittery shakes gives him away. I don’t really know what’s going on here, and I’m not too familiar with the drug world either, but to me it seems like he’s guilty.

“You fucking did,” suit disagrees with a sharp shake of his head. “And we all know it. This isn’t the first time this has happened, is it?”

“I was mugged… I swear, it wasn’t me.”

Suit steps back and makes a hand gesture at the other man. I take a tentative step forwards feeling that the moment to intervene is coming but before I do something happens to stop me. The other suited man pulls out something from his pocket and all I manage to catch is the metallic glint of a gun.

A gun? Fuck, this is bad.

My heart thunders in my chest, I can barely breathe enough to get any air into my lungs. Panic consumes me, it swallows me up whole causing my legs to freeze to the spot. I’m so covered in ice that I couldn’t move even if I wanted to… and to be honest I’m not sure that I want to. Just because I’m an employee doesn’t mean I want to risk my life. I’m sure as hell not getting paid enough to lose my life.

“Anything left too say?” suit yells. “Anymore bullshit excuses.”

A thick ball of emotion lodges itself in my throat as the man pleads for his life. I don’t know how, but I feel like I’ve seen enough movies to know how this is going to end and it isn’t good.

Bang!

Everything moves in slow motion. It’s almost as if it isn’t quite real. I hear the gun shot, even though a lot of the sound gets lost in the wind, but since there’s no immediate after effects I start to believe I might have just imagined it. Maybe I’m going a little crazy.

But then something slams into sweat pant’s chest and it sends him flying over the edge. His body spills from the boat like a rag doll, which is a truly sickening sight. I actually feel vomit ball up in my stomach, I think it might burst out onto my feet at any given moment.

“Fuck.”

The word fells out of my mouth without me thinking about it. I don’t even know how loud I say it until the men in suits both spin around to look at me. My eyes widen, my frozen legs start to melt, the need to get the hell away from this horrible situation overshadows anything else. It’s as if I have a survival instinct deep inside me, and it finally kicks in.

Flash.

I see a bolt of lightening or a camera flash as I take off in the direction of my bedroom but I don’t stop moving. I need to escape, I need to be alone in my room, I need to lock myself away so that I feel safe.

In all of this, Tia is long forgotten. All I can concentrate on is my fear and my need to get away from it. It’s my life on the line here, I can’t think about anything else.

Chapter Seven - Tia

Home, sweet home, I think sarcastically as I step through the door. Oh fucking joy.

I don’t want to be back here, this is the last place in the world I want to be, I just don’t have any choice. Now with the cruise behind me, I really need to start focusing on my real life. There are no more excuses, I need to get back to reality.

I drop my bag on the floor in the hallway and run my eyes over the mass expansion of house that lies before me. I’ve always thought that we have far too much room for three people, especially when there are plenty of homeless people in the world, but just like the rest of my opinions it means nothing.

I run the pick around in my fingers, trying to draw some comfort from it. The orange guitar pick that Stephen pressed into my hand with a promise to return… a promise that he obviously had no intention of keeping. I woke up eventually the next morning, still naked, still alone, with only the pick for company. At first I tried to make some excuses for why he didn’t come back. I told myself it didn’t matter because it wouldn’t be long until we saw one another again anyway. I naively assumed that there wasn’t anywhere on the boat that he could vanish to until we docked somewhere… but it seems I was wrong. Somehow, he managed to vanish forever, leaving me with only this pick to remember him by.

I should chuck it out, I know that would be the wise thing to do, but for some reason I can’t. When I do I’ll be accepting that it’s over forever. Silly as it is I just can’t let it go.

“Mom?” I call out, actually hoping that she isn’t home. Really, I want to be by myself for a bit. “Dad?”

No one answers me, so I walk through the house aimlessly like I used to do a lot as a child. I always had a lot of friends, but I wasn’t ever allowed to have them over at the house… obviously because of my dad and his dodgy dealings. I went to their homes, but I couldn’t all the time, and because I was an only child I just used to walk around the house looking for something to do. Sure, I had all the toys, but what fun are they with no on to play with? That’s just boring. So, I would wander around aimlessly, just like I’m doing now.

I guess some things never change.

Maybe this is where the loneliness started actually. I’ve been blaming it on other things but there’s a very good chance that it started right here in this very house. It came for me early on and has stuck with me ever since. For one brief naïve moment, I thought my wild night with Stephen might be about to turn into something to cure that, especially when he said that he wanted to talk, but that – like everything else – turned out to be bullshit.

I sigh loudly and shake my head. I need to forget about Stephen now, I need to push him out of my mind if I actually want to get my life in order. He’s gone, he made sure of that, and there’s no way in hell I’m getting him back. I don’t have his cell phone number or his address and he doesn’t have mine. We met on the cruise ship, we had one wild night, and that’s the end of it. I just need to shake off this sadness and start moving my life in a positive direction. That’s all. Easy peasy.

“What do you think, boss?”

All of a sudden I’m shocked by a voice floating down the hallway. I assumed I was in the house alone, no one answered me as I yelled out, but clearly I didn’t do it loud enough. I recognize the man’s voice well. It belongs to Adrian Walker, my father’s ‘business partner’. He’s always been a familiar face in this house, but I still don’t know what he does. Obviously, something dodgy if he works with Dad. Plus, there’s also the fact that he also refers to my dad as ‘boss’. That seems weird and mafia like to me.

I can’t stop myself, I sneak along to the room I can hear the voices coming from, needing to know more. I’ve always been kept out the way of these business meetings, for obvious reasons, which has only made me more intrigued. Now I can discover what I think I know, what I need confirmed, without anyone giving me shit for it. I just need to make sure I’m not caught eavesdropping. No problem at all.

I like the idea of a mystery anyway, it gives me something else to think about other than my broken heart, my aimless life that feels pretty pointless at the moment, the fact that I feel like I’m years behind my friends… I can forget it all for just a minute.

“I don’t think we can leave him, you know. It just isn’t right.”

Through the heavy wooden door my dad doesn’t sound impressed. I recognize that grave tone well from the times I did stuff wring as a kid. The funny thing is when I started to get older and into doing things that were worse, such as underage drinking, he had gotten so wrapped up in his business that he didn’t really care about me at all.

“So, you think we need to kill him?”

My blood runs cold. I know I’ve always assumed that my father isn’t a nice man, but to hear the word ‘kill’ tossed about so causally makes me feel sick. Maybe this is a bit mafia like in a way that I really don’t want to think about.

My pulse races harder and faster, my stomach churns and twists upside down, my blood runs icy cold. I raise myself up onto my tiptoes and I push my ear right up against the door. Screw worrying about getting caught now, I have to know what’s being said.

“You have his picture, don’t you?” Dad replies, a little scathingly. “So I can’t imagine it’ll be too hard to find him. He’s just one guy, you know? Barely out of his teens by the look of it. Just find him, kill him, prevent any potential witnesses coming forwards.”

The words I’m hearing are straight out of some terrible gangster movie, but they’re being spoken in real life, in my house, by my family member. And not only are they talking about killing someone, but someone young too. Someone probably a similar age to me. An innocent bystander probably, someone who just saw something completely by accident. They’ve already had their life shaken upside down and now they’re going to lose it over God knows what.

I wonder what the person saw. I wonder what they witnessed to deserve losing their life.

I step backwards, clutching onto my chest as I do. This is wrong, it’s so wrong, but what the hell can I do about it? Maybe I can work out who they’re talking about to try and warn them… or go to the cops… anything to prevent this murder from happening.

But how can I? Realistically, it’s impossible. I don’t even know what I heard really and there are ways my father could play it off. Maybe he would pretend that he was joking. Then I’d be in for it. I know how private his business is, I’ve spent my whole life having that drilled into me. Dad will go absolutely mental at me for breaking his rule.

Maybe I’ll even end up on his hit list.

“Do you have a preference how we do it?” Adrian asks, his voice travelling even though I don’t want to hear anymore. He’s like a fog horn, he just booms. I don’t know how he’s ever managed to have a private meeting in his entire life! Maybe that’s why it’s always been here. “Shooting, stabbing, something a little more… fun?”

He sounds twisted and excited, which only makes me feel sicker. How can he be such a messed up man? How can my mother and father have let me be anywhere near all of this? I’m certain Mom knows and she just doesn’t care, but how twisted of her to let it affect me. If Dad is a criminal, which I’m not sure he is, then that life could have come back to haunt him. Someone could have kidnapped, harmed, or killed me just to get to him. Unless everyone knows he doesn’t really care about me of course…

“I don’t care,” Dad replies dismissively, as if he’s talking about what to have for dinner rather than cold blooded murder. “He’s a pest, just get rid of him before he becomes a squealer.”

Then I hear footsteps which is my cue to leave. I spin on my heels and take off running as quickly and as quietly as I can manage. I need to get up to my bedroom, I need to hide and lock myself away from the world while I try to process this. I cannot deal with being caught listening in, especially not to that conversation.

As I reach the front door, I grab my bag to bring it up to my room with me. Maybe Dad will guess I’m in anyway, but I don’t want to give him any clues to my whereabouts. I race up the stairs, taking some of them two at a time as I go, and soon I find the room I’m looking for.

I tear inside and lock the door behind me, before collapsing breathlessly to the ground. My lungs are constricted, I can’t seem to suck back enough air for them, and that only gets worse the harder I try. Even a tear runs down my cheek as I think about the horror that I’ve just experienced.

My father is a criminal… a killer… the worst sort of man around.

I feel utterly helpless, hopeless, like I have a huge weight on my shoulders that I can’t do anything about. I don’t feel like I can just sit here and do nothing while someone’s life is in danger. I want to, need to, take some sort of action. Maybe I can’t go to the cops yet, but that’s because I don’t have any evidence. If I think about it, my father runs a lot of his business from this house, he always has done. He must keep something incriminating in here. If I find something and I take that to the police then I can stop him before someone else dies at his hands.

It isn’t right for my bloodline to be killers, I just can’t accept that. Maybe my mom doesn’t mind because she gets to wear fancy things, but blood money doesn’t do it for me.

I have to get out of this house, I think determinedly to myself. Once I’ve done this I need to escape. My family are hell and I have to get away.

I glance around the room, confirming that thought. My bedroom is a shrine to the person I was years ago before I left for college. Pictures litter the walls, all my old stuff is scattered everywhere, it’s been left exactly as it was as if to let me slide right back into the person who I once was, as if I never left her behind at all. The immature school girl who cared more about her friends and make up than anything else. In a way, I’m miles away from that person now, but in another way. I’m still just her. Insecure, scared of the world, no idea where I’m going to go. Only now I have new knowledge, and it’s the information that my father likes to kill people. There’s no coming back from that.

Chapter Eight - Stephen

I glance behind me for what feels like the hundredth time, a sick iciness consuming me. I don’t think I’m being paranoid, I’m pretty sure I’m still sane, although my brain does feel a bit like it’s cracking under the pressure of everything. I hope I’m just imagining things because the alternative is unbearable to think about… but I do think there’s someone in the shadows, chasing after me.

It’s been that way for ages.

Ever since that night on the cruise ship, things have been going downhill for me. I couldn’t leave my room on the boat the whole time, I had to feign sickness for the rest of the time I was aboard, just because I was so damn scared of getting caught by one of them… the murderous men who put a man to death over what seemed to be some drugs money. If the suits can kill that easily without even thinking about it, then there’s no telling what they’ll do to a man like me.

A witness.

I don’t like to think of myself that way. Basically, it scares the shit out of me, it sounds so ‘bad Mafia movie’ but that’s exactly what I am. Even if the memory is hazy now, tainted by fear, I can still remember it. I still saw it. I saw a man being murdered. I probably could have done something to stop it and I didn’t. Now he’s dead and my life is on the line.

Plus, I cannot forget that I’m pretty sure they took a picture of me. It’ll probably be blurry, but I’m sure big time criminals have a way of overcoming that.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that I’m fucked.

As I spent the rest of the cruise pacing my tiny cabin room, thoughts of Tia would occasionally pop up. I felt bad for leaving her the way I did and not going back, but I just saw someone die. It’s safe to say I wasn’t thinking straight. Also, I just couldn’t leave my room for any God damn reason. I even had to get the staff to bring food to me, just to keep me alive. There was no way I could go out just to see her to explain. I didn’t want to endanger her either. Just because I found myself in trouble, didn’t mean she had to be dragged into it too… I was trying my best to keep her safe!

Maybe if I thought ahead and I took her cell phone number, I could have spoken to her again, but I didn’t. That’s just something I’ll have to live with. Forever now. Maybe it was never meant to be, maybe it’s best that I just accept that. I probably would’ve ended up getting bored with her anyway. All that bullshit about really liking her was probably just a fad. I know what I’m like, never destined to settle down. Probably.

I pull my hood up over my head and tighten the strings to keep my face covered. Then I dip down an alleyway that I’ve never been down before, trying to keep the man that’s following me away from learning my address. Maybe it’s pointless, maybe he already knows, I’m not too sure. All I’m positive of is the fact that I’m not feeling the constant prickle on the back of my neck for nothing. There is someone out there who’s after me, and they have a reason to be. If I’m not careful I’ll end up dead because of it.

I think it’s time to go back to New Zealand, I think morosely to myself. I can’t stay here like this. The US just isn’t the same.

My steps quicken, I almost run in a bid to get away from the person following me. Or not even the person following me since I haven’t actually seen them yet. I don’t know what they look like. Just the feeling that I’m being followed.

Ring, ring…

Ring, ring…

I almost leap into the air with shock and fright as my cell phone bursts to life. I’m so much on edge that it nearly gives me a heart attack. The ringer sounds so much louder than usual even though I know for a fact that it isn’t.

Stop being crazy, I curse myself as I slide it out my pocket. I’m acting like I’m guilty and I haven’t even done anything. If I’m not careful I’ll actually draw attention to myself instead of pushing it away.

“Hello,” I say nervously into the receiver. I didn’t recognise the number on the screen so this could be anyone.

“Is that Stephen Jones?” a female voice asks me. “I’m Violet, I work for Princess Cruises.”

“Erm, right.” There’s a part of me that isn’t sure whether or not this is a trick. I saw them men on that cruise, just because this woman sounds nice enough it doesn’t mean she isn’t part of a terrible, criminal gang. I don’t remember a Violet but that doesn’t mean anything. I’m always forgetting names. “Y… yes, it is.”

“Right, good. I just wanted to let you know that one of our customers…” My heart stops dead in my chest. This isn’t good, this isn’t good at all. “Saw you playing on the ship and wants to have communication with you.”

“They did?” Still I cannot trust it.

“Yes, Mr. Beaumont. He works for the Rage Records label and he’s interested in getting your number.” Still I’m not sure whether or not to believe it, but to be fair this is a major name. If it’s the truth then it’s just what I’ve been looking for. Rage Records will be perfect for me… it’s the big break I’ve been waiting for. It’s just a shame that it doesn’t feel right. “Of course, because of our data protection act I can’t give out your information without your permission, so I got his instead.”

I forget all about my stalker for a moment and turn towards my house. I don’t want to push something so potentially massive to one side because I think it might be a trap. I need all the information first.

“I’m just headed inside,” I tell Violet with as much happiness as I can muster in my voice. “I would love to take all the details. It sounds like an incredible opportunity.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” she coos happily. “That’s why I just had to ring you right away.”

Once I get inside and I slam the door shut behind me, clicking the lock as I got, I head straight into the kitchen to grab a piece of paper. Violet reads out the number to me and I scrawl it down. She also tells me everything that was said, which sounds pretty real to me. I’m still not totally convinced but I decide to just go with it for a moment.

Once I hang up the phone I spend a moment breathing deeply, panting almost as I try to collect my thoughts. I want to ring this number, I need to know if the offer from Mr. Beaumont is real or not, and the only way I can do that is by taking the plunge.

Don’t let this paranoia ruin you, I warn myself. This might be my ticket out of here.

Maybe I don’t need to go all the way back to New Zealand, maybe I can escape those men but stay in the US. If I get famous I’ll have people around me all the time, protecting me. I won’t ever need to worry and look over my shoulder again.

Without another thought, I hit the dial button and I pace my kitchen while I wait. My heart thunders so loudly in my chest that I fear it might burst free at any time. I find my teeth chewing on my bottom lip as anxiety gets the better of me. I’ve never been like this before, I’m usually confident to the point of being arrogant, but now I’m like a shell of my former self. I doubt the people in my life would even recognise now.

“Hello, Mr. Beaumont’s office,” a silky smooth female voice offers. I feel the tight knot loosen in my chest and my shoulders to sag with relief. This seems real. Like, really real. Maybe this is actually happening for me! “How may I help you?”

“My name is Stephen Jones,” I reply with only a little shake in my voice. “I’ve been asked to call this number. I was an artist on the Princess Cruise.”

“Ah okay,” recognition sparks in her voice. “Yes, I know. Mr. Beaumont is very interested in you. He’s actually in a meeting at the moment so I’ll have to get him to call you back if that’s okay?”

“Oh, right that’s fine.”

I can hear the sound of rustling papers in the background. I try to imagine the sleek office that I’m sure this woman is sitting in. All white and silver, very show offy. The music industry is all about appearance. Artists, offices, everything needs to look amazing. That’s why I need to take this chance if it comes my way. Soon enough I’ll be far too old.

“Actually, I know he wants to meet with you face to face so I can set that up if you like?”

My excitement grows, I know this is a good sign. Music moguls don’t bother wasting time on people they don’t give a shit about. “Yes please.”

“Can you do Friday at eleven AM?”

Oh my God, is this real? Is this really happening? I reach my fingers down to pinch my arm, but the sharp radiating pain that greets me reminds me that I am actually awake here. This isn’t a dream at all.

“Sure, sure, sounds good.”

“Wonderful I shall pencil you in.” The thing is she really does sound like she likes the ides of me coming in for a meeting. I must have done better than I thought with my one show on the cruise. How much better I could have done had the damn murder not happened. “I will see you then. Goodbye.”

“Thanks, Violet.” I must be keen, I even remembered her name. “Goodbye.”

By the time, I hang up the phone the second time I feel much more positive about things. This is amazing, a great sign that things are going my way at last. This is exactly what I came to America for and now it looks like it might really be happening. I jump around excitedly for only a moment, celebrating before reality crashes down on me once more.

It makes things crystal clear to me, and actually the one thing that comes out of it the most is the fact that I need to go to the cops about what I saw on the boat. I mean, I already thought that but now I really know it. I just have to find a way to do it anonymously so it doesn’t bring a load of shit my way afterwards. Maybe I couldn’t do anything to save the dead man, but I can let his family know what happened to him and I can try to prevent it from happening to anyone else. Including me.

I want to go into my dream with a clear, focused head. I want to be able to enjoy it. I don’t want to be worrying about criminals coming after me. I need to put an end to this once and for all.

I glance at myself on the small mirror that I have on my wall, allowing a smile to spread across my lips. Maybe I do look tired and more drawn than usual, but that’ll change when I put all this behind me and I get my mojo back. I’ll be back to my handsome self soon enough. I will get back to Stephen Jones and then I can finally start living the dream.

Chapter Nine - Tia

They’re all living the God damn dream. All of them, it really isn’t fair. As I scroll through Facebook, taking a break from my writing that really isn’t happening, my heart sinks lower into my chest. Diana has been positing some incredible looking pictures of Cambodia and Tokyo, Helen has already been promoted, and by the looks of it Alexa is doing amazingly with her wedding planning. It’s only me stuck in my teenage bedroom, ignoring the one piece of writing that I’ve done since college, getting nowhere with my plan to move out at all.

At this rate, I’ll be here forever.

‘He’s there, standing in front of me, the man I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with. Or if not love, then lust. With his hot, muscular body nearing mine, my heart leaps and dances about in my chest. There’s a fire in the pit of my stomach, a burning that races all the way down to my center. If I don’t have him soon then I might just die.’

I don’t know what it is about this paragraph but I really want to finish it. There’s something about the text that gets my heart racing and pleads with me to be inspired. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of how I felt when I first saw Stephen Jones. That magical moment when I finally started to feel like someone new.

I pick my pen up and hover it over the page. I want to write more, I feel like the words are in there within me, but they’re trapped. They’re waiting for something. Or maybe someone.

If only I could see Stephen again. I don’t know why but I feel like that could solve everything. Even if he’s a player who totally blew me off I just want to see him. Maybe it’s just to get answers, to learn why he didn’t come back for me after he promised that he would, or maybe it’s because I miss him and he’s handsome. So damn handsome.

There’s no point in me looking him up online. Mostly because I already have and for someone that wants to have a music career he has a very sparse social media presence. I’ve found a very bare Facebook profile. I’ve sent him a friend request but I haven’t had anything back as yet. I don’t hold out much hope because it doesn’t look like he’s really into it at all.

I sigh loudly and roll over on my bed so I’m staring up at the ceiling. All I want to do is get the hell out of here but I can’t seem to do it. Something is holding me in place and I don’t know what it is.

“Tia?” Mom’s voice rolls up the stairs. “Are you in?”

I haven’t seen much of her since I’ve been back, but I think that might be more because of me than anyone else. I’m avoiding her, I’m avoiding Dad, I’m basically just avoiding life. Every time the house is empty I take a look around, I snoop trying to find what I can, but I don’t get anything. My dad keeps his office locked when he’s not in there and it seems he has the only key that he keeps on him at all times, so I have to assume that he’s meticulously careful and everything is only in there. You would think that he’d have one slip up and he’d accidently drop something somewhere, but it seems not. Maybe that’s why he’s such a good criminal.

“Yeah, I’m here,” I practically mumble back.

“Can I speak with you?”

I know she’s asking for permission to come into my room and I’m also very aware that she’ll find a way in whether I say yes or not. I flip back onto my front, slam my laptop shut and tuck my notebook away. This house might be big, but it’s no good for privacy. For me at least. I’ve been forced to learn how to make things look boring so Mom doesn’t don’t bother.

“Yep. Come in.”

I force myself into a sitting position and I brush my clothes down. Maybe if I make myself look presentable Mom won’t notice that I’m falling head first into a pit of depression. One that I’m not sure I’ll be able to claw my way out of.

By the time Mom has pushed the door open I think I look normal enough, but judging by the furrowed expression on her face I haven’t managed to pull it off.

“What is going on with you, Tia?” she asks in an exasperated tone of voice. “You just aren’t you anymore.”

“Erm.” I can feel my face flame with humiliation. I cough awkwardly trying to cover up my embarrassment. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, Tia.” She shakes her head in despair. “When you left here you were such a happy girl, always laughing and having fun with your friends. Now, I don’t know who you are anymore. You’re always locked away in your room, you don’t speak to any of us, I never see you with anyone. What happened to you? Did you have a bad time in college? Or maybe on the cruise?”

I screw my fists up in temper. I don’t want to say it aloud for fear of having a massive argument but I don’t see how she has the right to say this to me. She barely knows me, she didn’t know me then and she doesn’t know me now. This is all superficial observations that she’s basing this off of. Maybe if she really knew me she would have more reason to be worried, but that isn’t the point here.

“I’m just trying to work out what to do, Mom, that’s all. I’m trying to work out my next move. I thought you said I could stay here for as long as I need to.”

“You can,” she insists rapidly. “This isn’t that. I’m just worried, that’s all. Are you happy? Can you honestly tell me that you’re okay at the moment?”

I part my lips, ready to reassure her again but before I do I halt myself. I’ve been wanting to speak to Mom about this the whole time, I just haven’t had a chance. Maybe this is the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for. She’s in my bedroom, we’re alone, Dad is out as far as I’m aware… it has to be now.

“No, Mom, I’m not happy.” I purse my lips and shoot her a determined glance. I wait for her to challenge me but she doesn’t. She waits for me to start speaking again although I can tell by the way she desperately tries to keep her expression straight that it isn’t patiently. “I overheard something the other day in this house that has me really worried.”

Almost as an instinctive reaction she stands and she paces up and down the room. “You… you did?”

I need to pursue this now, no matter what. “I came home and I didn’t think that anyone was in. As you know I didn’t come home much during the holidays when I was at college…”

“You didn’t come home at all,” Mom accuses. “Not even once.”

No, because I didn’t want to come back into this circus freak show, I think, but of course I don’t say that aloud.

“So I wanted to familiarize myself with the house again.” I offer Mom a one shouldered shrug. “I was just walking aimlessly around.”

“And what happened?”

“I heard…” I sigh loudly and hang my head. “I head Dad and Adrian talking about murder.” I expect Mom to gasp or something, but she remains dead silent. “Mom, did you hear me? They were talking about murder. As in, they are going to commit murder. They’re going to kill someone because someone saw something they didn’t like.”

Mom still doesn’t say anything. She just nods and looks at her feet. Sickness coils around in my stomach, I have to clamp my lips tightly together to stop it from spilling out. My brain buzzes painfully, I can almost feel it banging against the sides of my brain. This doesn’t seem like Mom just ignores everything and turns a blind eye to it, it seems like she actively knows and she chooses not to care because of a few designer handbags.

“Mom? Why aren’t you saying anything?” I warn. “Don’t you think we should go to the cops or something?”

She grabs onto my arm and gives me a truly panicked look. As she does I realize it’s the most emotion I’ve ever seen in her face in my entire life. Even through all the Botox I can see that she’s terrified. “You cannot do that. You can’t go to the police. You go to the cops and you wreck everything.”

“Everything?” I push her off me and step backwards. “So, you’re okay with this? You don’t mind your husband, my father, killing someone just so you can keep everything? Are you insane?”

She opens her mouth but no words come out. She knows as well as I do that there is no excusing what she’s done. I open my eyes wider at her, showing her my shock. Now she’s standing across from me and she’s a whole new woman. Someone that I really don’t like or need to be around. I guess I don’t know her either.

“Well that’s fine, you don’t want me to go to the cops about Dad because it might take your house and your wardrobe away from you, that’s fine, but I strongly suggest that you do something to stop him from killing. People like him don’t get away with it forever. His lifestyle will catch up with him eventually. And I’m not going to be around to see it.” Determination floods me, I know now more than ever that I need to get away. “By this time next week I’ll be gone, and I don’t want any blood money to do it with.”

Mom sneers at me. “And how do you think you’ll cope without it? You think you’re so much better than me but you’ve been living off that money you’re whole life. You’ve benefitted so much and I really don’t think you’ll last.” She screws up her nose in disgust at me. “Look at you, you’re so lazy you haven’t even bothered to get a job yet. How will you cope when you have to? When you need the cash to pay bill?”

“I’ll get a job,” I insist. Tears fill my eyes but I don’t let them fall. I will not allow this woman to see me cry no matter what. “Even if it’s waitressing. People do it all the time. I can do it too.”

Mom laughs loudly as if the idea of me succeeding is ridiculous, which make my blood boil and my body burn. “You can’t do anything, Tia. The sooner you learn that the better. Maybe you’ll go and you’ll try but you’ll soon be back, begging for Daddy to pay everything again.”

“Get out,” I spit angrily. “Get out, Mom. I don’t want you here, I don’t want to speak to you again.”

“Yeah, sure.” She rolls her eyes and flicks her hair back. “Whatever, Tia. Honestly I can’t be bothered with you anymore. I came in here to try and look after you but clearly that’s not what you want, so whatever.”

As she leaves I feel a tear rolling down my cheek. I don’t even bother to brush it away I just leave it there, reminding me that everything is falling apart. If I thought things were bad when college ended then I had no idea what was coming for me. Everything is a billion times worse now. My shitty family has fallen further apart, my friends are even more distant, Stephen is still nowhere to be seen…

I think it’s time to accept that my dreams are never coming true. Maybe it’s time to start thinking about my life in a much more realistic way.

Chapter Ten - Stephen

Right, police today, interview tomorrow.

Those words keep circling my brain as I move forwards. Police today, interview tomorrow. Put the past me right now and start on my future tomorrow. It’s not a bad plan, but something about it keeps twisting around in my gut. It’s almost as if I’m scared of it, but I don’t know why. Sure, I can still feel the prickles on the back of my neck as I move, but I’ve come to the conclusion now that it’s all just my paranoia. I’m sure once I’ve unloaded this weight, all will be done. I can go back to normal and reclaim my life.

As my feet continue to go I try to plan what I’m going to say. I need to make it very clear to the cops that I’m not crazy so that they take me serious. I also need to find a way to ensure that my identity remains a secret, that part is vital. I’m sure the cops have some sort of policy where I can tell them things in secret. Right?

“Stephen?” I hear a female voice call out from behind me, and for some reason my instincts tell me that it’s Tia. Even though I’ve tried to push her to the back of my brain as just another one night stand I can’t. She keeps coming back, no matter what I do. My heart lifts in my chest, excitement courses through me. If Tia has found a way back into my life then that will be a sign that everything is going to be okay. “Is that you?”

But as I spin I realize that I’m wrong. It isn’t Tia at all, it’s the red head from the dive bar. I can’t remember her name, I don’t even think I know it. All I can remember, and the memory is admittedly very vague, is a quick shag in the stock room.

“Oh right.” I shake my head to try and rid it of disappointment. “Hey.”

“What’s going on?” she purrs, moving closer to me. “I haven’t seen you for a while. How was your trip?” I shrug, not trusting myself to speak. “I thought you were going to come and see me again afterwards.”

“Oh right, I… I’ve just been very busy.” I’m stammering, I can barely string a sentence together. The only thing I can really concentrate on is getting to the police station and sticking to my original plan. “Sorry about that. Maybe at the weekend…”

“Why don’t you come now?” She hooks her arm into mine and tugs me towards her. “I’m about to go and open up. We can have a good hour to ourselves if you like.”

The old me would have jumped at the chance, but that me died on the ferry along with the man who got shot and thrown off the edge. “Oh I can’t, I have to be somewhere I need to.”

“Where, baby?” she asks, leaning in close so her breath tickles my cheek. “Where you got to be that’s so important?”

I don’t answer her because there’s no way in hell I want to get into the story with someone I barely know. Instead I shake my head and keep my lips squeezed tightly together.

“Why don’t you come with me then?” She tugs on me harder, which suggests to me that she’s never going to let me go. “We don’t even have to do anything. We can just have a drink.”

“I don’t want a drink at this time of the morning…” My words trail off as I realize that actually I do want a drink. Just to steady my nerves. It isn’t the best idea in the world, but it feels good to think about. I even lick my lips in desperation.

“Come on.” The red head senses my weakness and she yanks me until I can’t help but follow her. I’m not really thinking much, I’m just going with the flow because I know it won’t really ruin my plan. Police today, interview tomorrow. That still stands. I’m just having a little moment first, some time to myself.

“So, we’ve had a few bands in since you place,” the red head talks non-stop as we move. “But none as good as you. We’ve really missed you a lot, you know. Or at least I have.”

“Hmm,” I comment idly, barely listening now. “Yeah.”

“Yeah, we had this one guy with bongo drums which was as bad as it sounds I can assure you…”

Soon we’re outside the bar again and I get that weird sense of déjà vu. The last time I was here I was just about to go onto the cruise that changed my life. For the worse, yes, but also for the best if tomorrow goes well. I don’t know how to feel about it, it’s a strange sense of anticipation that fills me.

The red head fiddles in her pockets, looking for the keys and she slides it into the door quickly. Once it’s unlocked, she pushes on the door before falling backwards and clapping her palm onto her forehead.

“Oh my God,” she gushes. “I almost forgot to pick up toilet paper. I can’t start the day without getting some or I’ll never get time. Then it’ll end up a real mess in there and I’ll get complaints all day long.” She gives me an odd look, as if she’s weighing me up. “Will you go in there and hold the fort for me for like five minutes? I won’t be long I promise, I just need to head to that shop around the corner. You can pour yourself a drink.”

I take this as a sign. “Actually, I think I need to get going…” I call after her, but it’s too late, she’s gone.

I huff and push the door open. I can’t leave the bar unlocked and unattended, it might get broken in to. I’ll just wait inside for a few minutes, get one drink, then go when she gets back, get to the police station and get started…

“Stephen Jones,” a deep male voice booms making me jump. “Well, well, well, we meet again.”

“Huh?” I’m confused. “What? I’m sorry, I thought…” I don’t even know her name. “I thought there was no one here. I was told to come to be here so no one broke in…”

“By Katie?” A shadowy figure comes into the light. It’s someone tall, with dark hair and a scarred face. I can’t pick out anymore features than that because it’s still quite bleak in here. “The red-haired beauty who works here? Yeah, I know. I told her to say that. You see, me and her have gotten very close recently.”

“Close?” Of-course I know what he means by close, how could I not know. Me and her have been close too. Whoever this man is shagged Katie to get to me, or so it seems, and I need to work out why. I think I might possibly know, but then again, I don’t want my paranoia to dictate me either. It’s already ruined enough of my time in America. “What the hell is going on here?”

“Me and you need to have a little chat don’t you think? About your time on the Princess Cruise.”

Right. Of course. Just what I thought it was going to be about. “I…” I stammer, staggering backwards. “I don’t…” Do I deny that I saw anything? Do I pretend I never intended to tell anyone? Do I grow some balls and front it out? “I don’t know…”

“There’s no point in trying to convince me of anything, Stephen Jones. I already know that it was you who saw a little incident on the boat and now we need to make it right.”

“I… I won’t tell.” I try to edge my way back towards the door, but I quickly stagger back into another male body behind me. My heart hammers in my chest, a nauseous feeling overcomes me. I cannot believe that I’ve been duped. Katie tricked me into this mess and now I have no idea how I’m going to come out of it. “I didn’t even really see anything so I have nothing to say. Plus, the cops will probably blame me too because I didn’t do anything. Maybe I’ll get locked up too. Not that I’m going to say anything, or do anything. I just want to…” I feel like my tactic isn’t working. I need to try something else. “I will go back to New Zealand. You never have to see me again.”

“I won’t ever see you again.” I see a baseball bat being pulled out from behind the man’s back which confirms it. I’m in real trouble. I glance my eyes everywhere, trying to search for an escape but there isn’t any way out. Bodies surround me everywhere. This man isn’t giving me any chance to get away. He clearly doesn’t know what my skills are when it comes to fighting. Admittedly I have no fighting skills, but that might not be the case I suppose.

“Please,” I beg. “Please just let me go.”

“Don’t start begging.” The man with the baseball bat doesn’t look impressed. “It never suits people when they start begging just take it like a man, okay?”

“W… why not a gun?” The men move closer to me. The circle moves closer to me, I can feel the air squeezing out of my lungs. Any minute now I’ll pass out and make their job easy for them. “Wouldn’t that be cleaner?”

“Easier for you maybe,” the man laughs. “But more boring for us. Also, loud.” He shrugs in a blasé manner, making it obvious that this is something he does all the time. “Little Katie gave us this place out of the kindness of her heart. I don’t want to abuse that trust by getting her in trouble.”

The world spins violently around me, I can barely see anymore. I blink frantically, trying to regain my vision but fear has it now. The man steps forward and lifts the bat above his head. I flinch which only makes him laugh. He’s toying with me, playing with my emotions, like a tiger with a mouse.

“Okay, I… I’ve learned my lesson… I won’t… I won’t…”

But I don’t get to finish my sentence, because then a bat slams down on the side of my head leaving me with a blinding, red hot pain. It burns down my neck, down my back, to my knees. My legs shake, I can feel myself falling to the ground. It’s almost as if the bat has rid me of a lot of my brain function and I can’t cope anymore.

Then I fell a kick at the back of my leg, sending me the rest of the way down. I’m helpless, tumbling like a blade of grass. There isn’t even enough of me to fight back. I might not stand a chance but I can’t even do it. My arms slowly move upwards to protect my face but it’s too late. They’re already beating me on every part of my body, trying to leave none of it unscathed. If I survive this then every inch of my body will likely hurt forever more. I won’t be the same person anymore.

But I don’t think I’m going to survive this.

The blackness is coming for me, I can feel it. It’s like a circle around me trying to claim me. There’s a part of me that wants to claw and cling to life, to hold on to what I’ve worked so hard for. I want that life, the one that I was just working towards, the one I was just about to get…

Police today, interview tomorrow.

Maybe that’s not going to happen now. Maybe nothing is going to happen now. Maybe it’s time to just give in to the blackness.

Chapter Eleven - Tia

The day starts just like any other. I have no idea that my world as I know it is about to come to an end. I’ve been trying my hardest to work out where I’m going next with my life and packing up my belongings along the way so at least I’m making progress to moving on with my life. I know that I need to get away from my family, that must have been evident since the damn day that I set foot back into my home, I just need to decide where I want to go. Yes, start up money isn’t a barrier, but that’s not all that I need to think about. When I go, I want it to be right. I sure as hell don’t want to be back here in a few months time with my tail between my legs, needing to start again.

As I pad down the stairs to grab myself some breakfast I try to gear myself up. I do this every morning at the moment, I’m trying to brave the moment when I’ll actually tell Mom that I’m leaving. I want to do it, I want her to know that she’s driven me away, but I keep stopping myself at the last moment. The second I say those words it all becomes real and I guess I don’t want that to happen until I’m sure of where my next move will be. I keep thinking that maybe I should move near Diana, Helen, or Alexa, just so I have someone I know around me, but I’m not too sure. I don’t know what I want.

“Morning,” Mom calls out brightly, as if she can’t see the inner turmoil snaking through me. “You look tired today.”

“Yeah, thanks,” I grumble back while taking a seat at the dining table. My head shakes in shock as her greeting words. “Good morning to you, too.”

She places the newspaper on the table, one I’m sure she’s only pretending to read, and she examines me more closely. Her eyes rake over my body as if she’s picking up all of my insecurities one by one. I almost want to fold my arms across my chest to hide myself but I know there’s no point. That’ll only make her worse.

“You know, you could always come to a spa with me today,” she muses thoughtfully, probably assuming that she’s being helpful. “My masseuse is a very nice man. Handsome too.” She sends me a wink as if we’re girlfriends rather than mother and daughter. It makes me feel sick that she can just act so normally when she knows that I know the truth about her and Dad. Isn’t she embarrassed at all? “I’m sure he’ll be able to fix you up and put a smile on your face.”

I roll my eyes and push myself into a standing position. Then I move my way over to the coffee pot. I need some caffeine if I’m going to get through this without losing my freaking mind. “Yeah, we’ll see, Mom. I don’t know much about that.”

The liquid pours into the mug and I focus on that sound rather than the drivel coming out of Mom’s mouth. If she honestly thinks I’m going to go on a girly day out with her then she’s got another thing coming. Once it’s full, I press the mug to my lip and allow the delicious heat to sear through my throat. Then I move back to my seat, grabbing the newspaper as I go. Maybe if I put it up in front of my face, she’ll take the hint that I really don’t want to talk to her.

“…so I think it’ll be good for the both of us to spend some time together, don’t you?”

“Hmmm,” I murmur while flicking open the pages. She continues to talk but I pay no attention. My eyes simply scan the words as if I’m drinking them in. I’m not really reading anything, until…

“Oh my God.” My heart stops dead in my chest, sickness rises up into my throat, I have to gulp to keep it all inside. “Holy fuck.”

“Tia!” Mom has the indecency to sound shocked by my curse word, as if that’s the worse thing that happens in this house. “What was that for?”

“Oh, my God.” I ignore her, pushing back my chair and moving away from my coffee mug as I forget all about it. The words in front of my eyes swim and dance, grabbing my attention much more fiercely than anything else. “I have to go.”

I bolt back up the stairs before Mom can say anything else, taking them two at a time as my heart pounds boiling hot blood right through my body. My brain buzzes as if I have a large bee inside there, clouding up my thoughts, I don’t know what the hell to do anymore. This is… it’s just too much.

Once I’ve flopped back onto my bed and I stretch my body out, I pull the paper back out and I find the article once more. It’s still there, it hasn’t vanished into thin air as if I’ve imagined it, which I half expected it to do. But nope, it’s still there.

‘Stephen Jones, small time musician, found dead in local bar.’

No, it just can’t be. This can’t be possible. I reach across to the night stand and I grab Stephen’s pick which I roll between my fingers as I read. Maybe we only spent one night together and maybe he ditched me at the end of it, but I still feel like we shared something special. I still feel like we had some sort of connection that I really enjoyed. Now he’s just… gone. Dead. Vanished.

‘Barmaid of the Crown, Katie Miller, found the beaten body of Stephen Jones and was the one to contact the police. “I don’t know what happened,” she told us. “I locked up the night before and no one was in the bar, then the following morning I unlocked it to find him.”. She did not know Jones, but had seen him play at the Crown a few weeks before. “He seemed troubled, like he knew that he was in trouble.”’

I scrunch the paper between my fingers, growing angry with each passing word. Stephen certainly didn’t seem troubled to me. When we met, he seemed happy as anything, and that gig he played was absolutely amazing. There was no way he knew that he was in trouble. The only strange thing to happen was that he vanished in the middle of the night after we had sex and I didn’t seem him for the rest of the time that I was aboard, but that doesn’t mean anything… does it?

Not able to solely believe the words written in the paper, I click onto the Internet to try and find out more. Everyone knows that online journalists are much quicker than traditional ones, so I’m sure that if there’s any more information to be found, it will be online.

Nope, nothing. Absolutely nothing. This is madness!

After fifteen very frustrated minutes, the only info I can find is what I already know. I guess Stephen Jones just wasn’t an important enough person to warrant more news than that which is sad. He had a whole life, and he was murdered, and no one seems to care. Except me… and his family in New Zealand of course.

With a deep and sorrowful sigh, I fold the paper up and I tuck it away. I can’t look at the words anymore, they’re crushing me, making me feel ill. I didn’t have much with Stephen Jones, but with the shitty way that my life has been going recently this is just another thing that brings my mood even lower. It crushes me and makes me want to weep pathetically.

I can’t stay here, I think with a hot determination. Even more than before. I have to get away. There cannot be any more excuses. No tears, no sadness, just action.

I push myself off the bed and glance around my room. I don’t have much packed up because I didn’t want it to be obvious what I was doing, but I have the essentials. I have all I need even if I don’t have all that I want. I can just take all of that and leave right now. I can go and never look back. I can say goodbye to my murderous father, my pathetic mother and I can just become me… whoever the hell I am.

With that one thought in mind I stand up and move over to my wardrobe. I ignore all of my fancier clothes and go for some comfortable sweat pants instead. I don’t know how I know it with such clarity, but I just know that I need to get out the country if I want to really escape this… at least for the time being. Moving to another state won’t be far enough I need to be somewhere so far away that all of this is a distant memory.

Once I’m dressed I flick my laptop back open and I head towards the airline website. I figure I’ll pick somewhere on a whim, whatever flight is leaving today. I just need to get out before I succumb to the sobs and I spend another week on my bed crying. If I let the sadness of Stephen’s death to get the better of me then I don’t know how long it’ll be before I can escape. Maybe I didn’t know Stephen well, but I don’t think he’d want me to cave to depression.

I grip tightly to the pick as I run my eyes over the available flights, waiting for inspiration to hit, and soon it does. There’s one flight that stands out, that grabs my attention without me even trying. The only seat available is in economy class which isn’t what I’m used to and won’t be pleasant, but there’s something about it that still feels right. It’s a country that’s calling out to me, drawing me in.

New Zealand.

Maybe I can’t have the guy, but maybe that isn’t the reason he came into my life in the first place. Maybe I was always supposed to go to New Zealand. Without dwelling too much on the decision, I hit book and allow a flurry of excitement to wash over me. Then I grab my bag and I race down the stairs with the hint of a smile on my face. Everything still sucks I know that, but I feel good to be taking action. It’s pretty much the first time in my life that I’ve ever done something so productive.

“Mom,” I call out loudly. “I’m going.”

“Where are you going?” she replies, coming to join me in the hallway by the front door. “And why do you have that big rucksack?”

“I’m moving, Mom. I’m finally going.”

“Oh.” She looks understandable stunned. “Right, I see. Where are you going.”

The words roll off my tongue feeling so damn good. “New Zealand.”

Mom clutches her chest looking like she might throw up. “You can’t leave the country,” she gasps. “You can’t just go like that.”

“I’m an adult, Mom, I can do what I like.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

“Your father won’t like it.” She shakes her head rapidly. “He’ll stop giving you money. You’ll be stuck out there in a different country all by yourself.”

I think about the money that I already have in my bank account and shrug. I have more than enough to get me started, even without a steady influx, and I’ll just get a job when I’m out there. No problem. Actually, the idea of starting again all by myself with the pressure of having to do something with my life is nice. I feel like that’s exactly what I need right now.

“I know, Mom.” I shrug. “But this is what I have to do.”

With that I open the door and I scoot outside without looking back once. I know I’m making the right choice, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I need this. I need to go.

Chapter Twelve - Tia

One Month Later…