The Valentines Day Proposal

Blurb

Nothing changes in the life of Lola Boots. She works on the farm, does the occasional singing gig, and looks after her sick father. Her small-town life isn’t growing and she doesn’t expect it to anytime soon. That’s why she spends so much of her time daydreaming...

That is until a handsome stranger turns up in town, ready to change everything.

Brandon Heath-Smith always wants to impress his father, and while he isn’t pleased about taking on this small-town property development job, he knows that it’s his shot to prove that he’s worthwhile. And he’ll do it too, as long as he doesn’t get distracted.

But that’s easier said than done, especially when he sees the sexy red head playing at the bar and sparks fly. How is he supposed to resist when the temptation is so strong? He should stay away, because there’s no way this can end well, but he can’t. She’s luring him in and he fears that she might not let him go.

Chapter 1 – Lola

I kick my red cowboy boots together anxiously as I stare up to the stage. It might only be a small little bar in a tiny little town at the moment, but I always imagine myself in Madison Square Garden with hundreds of people cheering my name as they love my music. Maybe it’s a bit of a far-off fantasy, but I always have been a bit of a dreamer. Plus, I don’t think that I’ll ever get anywhere in life if I don’t visualize where I would ideally like to be. What’s the point of doing anything if I don’t give it my all.

“You got your guitar there, Lola Boots?” asks Doreen, the friendly faced older bar maid that practically loves in this joint. I don’t think she helps my super star fantasies since she already treats me like I am on. “You look good today, girl. Those denim hot pants are going to kill the crowd. You’ll drive them all wild.”

I smile ironically at that comment. It’s been a long time since anyone looked at me like I’m someone desirable. I did have a long-term boyfriend in school, someone who was supposed to become my husband, but when the time came around for us to go off to college together, for me to do music and him business, my mother got diagnosed with life threatening cancer and I just couldn’t leave. We were supposed to stay together but despite that, I got overwhelmed with caring for my dying mother and he got sucked in by his brand new world. It just couldn’t work. We drifted apart and became two different people. It was sad, but not shocking. We both knew that it was coming for a long time before it did.

Still, we split up four years ago now, there’s no reason for me still to be alone. I’m sure Rory moved on a long time ago, but I’m still stuck here in the small town where nothing else changes. No new guys move here and everyone my age has pretty much gone. Maybe I should be gone too, but despite the fact that my mother died a while back I still have responsibilities here. I cannot leave at the moment, so I just need to accept my life as it is.

“Yeah, I think I’m just about ready. Should be fun, right?”

“Ooh, it always is.” Doreen grips onto my arm and she gives me an intense look. “We all enjoy your sets, you know that. Everyone says you should be on the big screen.”

“Maybe if I could afford to leave,” I joke, blaming it on my lack of funds rather than anything else. “Fingers crossed, hey? Maybe one day I will be.”

“Well, I suppose you spend most of your days so busy at the farm, it’s hard to find time for yourself.” Doreen knows why, but thankfully she doesn’t voice it. I don’t need that distraction while I’m just about to sing. “But I have to say you do a great job.”

“Yeah.” I nod enthusiastically. “That’s true. It is hard, but I’m trying my hardest.”

She rubs my arm and smiles reassuringly at me. “You’ll get there. I don’t know when, but you will do one day. We all believe in you, you know that, right?”

“I hope so.” I don’t know if it’s just a dream, it probably is. I can’t really imagine myself leaving this town and doing anything amazing, but I also can’t let go of the idea completely, just in case. “We’ll see. I appreciate all your support anyway, it means a lot to me.”

Doreen claps her hands loudly and grabs the attention of the few people scattered around the bar. They all turn to look at her, knowing what’s going to happen. Like I said, nothing ever changes in this town, it’s the same routine every single week.

“Right everyone.” Her commanding voice rings through the bar, grabbing everyone’s eyes. “It’s time for Lola so shut your ugly mouths and listen, will you?”

Everyone cheers and claps, making me feel amazing. This is why I do this, because it’s a boost. It allows me to live out just some of my fantasies without leaving my responsibilities. I step up onto the stage and smile around at everyone. The usual faces look back at me, the lonely old men who have lost their wives, the families out for dinner, the younger crowd out for a drink after a day on their own farm… the same people in the same bar, waiting for the same show…

Oh! As I scan my eyes I spot a brand new face. Any new people stand out a mile, but this guy is particularly attention grabbing. Not only is he tall, dark, and very handsome, he’s in a crisp business suit that doesn’t belong here. It makes him look a big city business man which we just don’t get here. Something about this new, exciting person causes a thrilling bolt to race through my system. I haven’t had anyone to be interested in for a very long time, so this is fun. I can almost feel my cheeks heating up as he stares into my soul.

“Right everyone,” I say into the microphone with a bit of a stammer. He’s making me nervous, even though I don’t know him at all. It has to just be his new face. “It’s good to see you all again.” Someone whoops. “Thank you, Lenny,” I say gratefully, especially because it breaks the ice and makes me feel a little less uncomfortable. “It’s good to see you all again, I appreciate your support as always. So here we go.”

I take my seat and glance down at my guitar, trying to lose myself in the music. Usually I’m fully immersed, this is my only form of escapism, but today I have something else that wants my attention and I desperately want to see him again.

But I can’t. I need to focus. I can’t let this stranger distract me.

My shaking fingers move over to the guitar strings and I suck in a few deep breaths to calm myself down before I begin playing. The last thing I want to do is make a fool out of myself in front of this awesome new person. Just because he’s new, I want him to like me.

“A midnight stroll,” I finally burst into song. There’s a bit of a tremble in my voice, but I quickly get over it as I delve into the country song that I wrote a long time ago when I was a lot happier and more content. “And I’m only with you. Your hand in mine”

Singing a love song is hard when I’ve been single for so long. As I’m writing I remember the thrilling sensation of falling deeply for someone, but the rest of the time I’m numb to it all. It’s just something that I’ve given up on for the time being. I’m sure the time will come around when I feel like I need to find someone again, but for now I’m okay just doing me.

But then my eyes drag upwards and I find him again. It’s like there’s a magnet between us, drawing me in. His eyes are only on me and he’s looking at me like I intrigue him, which is nice. I haven’t had anyone show me even a glance of interest, so this is incredibly exciting. I continue to sing, luckily I can do that on autopilot without thinking much, but my mind is all on him. He’s consuming me in every way possible.

Of course, being the dreamer that I am, my mind conducts a brand new fantasy. Only this one has absolutely nothing to do with my career. It’s more the sort of thing that would happen back stage, in the dressing room. My eyes fall closed as I picture me grabbing him and pulling him into my private room without even asking his name. I continue to sing as I think about what it would feel like to kiss him. It’s been so long since I’ve kissed someone who’s sparked such a passion inside of me. Since Rory, I’ve kissed a couple of frogs, but that’s been out of boredom than anything else and it’s never gotten any further.

I sing louder as I picture his hand slowly trailing up my leg. A shiver tears up and down my spine, as I almost feel him edging closer and closer. In my fantasy my head rolls to one side and my eyes fall closed. My breaths are desperate and needy as he roughly tugs my panties to one side. He takes me, he claims me, he has complete control of me and I’m more than happy to let him do so. This sexy stranger has me as putty in his hands and I love every second of it. I’m jelly, I’m a mess, and he’s making me feel this way.

I hope that I’m still performing well as I imagine the man at the bar spinning me around and slipping into me from behind. His fingers wrap around my hair and he pulls my head back towards him so he can kiss me all over the neck. I have to cross my legs underneath my guitar because I’m afraid that the obvious desire that I’m feeling inside will become clear o the audience, but that doesn’t stop my mind from reeling. The man at the bar sends me wild, he has my heart pumping faster, my lungs squeezed tightly and my body buzzing with sheer desire. I can almost feel myself driving towards the point of orgasm just from my crazy mind. It’s insane and something I cannot have happening while I’m in front of so many people. People I’ve known my entire life. That’s wrong on so many levels.

I really need to get laid. Either that or I need some time alone so I can touch myself. Maybe once I’ve finished this set I’ll race off to the bathroom for some ‘alone time’.

Once I glance up again, I meet his eyes once more and judging by the way he’s biting down on his bottom lip he can see the thoughts racing through my mind. My entire body heats up, like a fire has been lit inside my belly. In his eyes, there’s a cheekiness there, which makes me wonder if he’s thinking something similar. I wonder if he’s imagining thrusting into me from behind, just like I am him. I wonder if he’s imagining what my body will feel like. I want him to be, in all honesty, I want to feel desirable.

Then again, he probably isn’t. He doesn’t look like the sort of desperate freak that I am. He is absolutely, overtly gorgeous and obviously he comes from somewhere else where there are probably women in their hundreds. He probably gets laid all the time. He’s probably got a girlfriend or a wife and hundreds of lovers too. I’m just a random red haired girl from the middle of nowhere. There’s no way I’m pretty enough for him.

I fix my eyes on the guitar and try to concentrate. I need to lose the fantasy, but I can still feel it there inside me, swirling through my whole body. I haven’t realized how much I’ve missed a man’s touch until this very moment, now I’m craving it desperately like a drug addict who needs a fix. If I could, if I didn’t think it would make me the craziest woman alive, I would run across this bar and jump into his arms. I’d let him hold me until he got absolutely sick of me, but of course I can’t do that.

I have to behave.

I need to sing, that’s what I’m here for. He’s just a fleeting thing, this singing gig is my permanent.

Chapter 2 – Brandon

As soon as I arrived in this town I knew I wasn’t going to like it. It’s small, boring, full of tiny minded people with even less to do. I’m used to the big city, I like the busyness, the lights, the noise, the activity. I’m much more at home in a place where I can get a Chinese at two in the morning. I don’t even know what they have to eat here. It seems like the sort of place where there’s only a dirty diner, and that’s it. Not for me at all.

I even called up my father and demanded that he change his plans to develop in such a small place, but as always, he believes what’s the best. He runs the company, I’m just a manager within it. I might be powerful in front of everyone else, but to him I’m just another minion. It’s a difficult relationship, but I do my best to survive it. It makes me stronger… I think.

With an angry sensation coursing through my veins, I left the only motel in town and headed to the only bar I could find for a drink, not knowing what I was about to head into. Now I find myself in the middle of a sexually charged stare off with the sweet, innocent red head who’s singing her heart out on the little stage.

“She’s good, isn’t she?” I mutter to the lady behind the bar. “A great singer.”

“The best in the town,” she replies smilingly. “We’re all very proud of our little Lola Boots. She’s grown up to be a beautiful young woman despite all the hardship she’s faced.”

I’m not sure why, but this intrigues me so I turn to face the bar maid head on. “She has?”

I’m never usually interested in people, not like this. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I have my own stuff to worry about. I might have had a lot of success handed to me on a plate because of my father, but I’m still only twenty four years old. I have to work hard to prove myself on a daily basis to be taken seriously. I do all of that to end up not in the middle of these shitty jobs… yet here I am anyway. Doing the worst job ever.

“Yes, she has. She’s suffered death, stress, and responsibilities that no one her age should have to.” She looks up at Lola with nothing but respect in her eyes. “She’s strong. She’s also suffered heart break in the middle of all of that, and she stands strong.”

A moment ago, I was only thinking about this girl in a highly sexual way. I don’t have time for anything serious, I never have done, but I certainly enjoy my time with women. I make sure they know it’s only for a one time thing, or maybe a fling if they’re lucky, but that’s all it is. I don’t find out anything about them other than their name because what else do I need? But now, I know things about Lola and I’m actually intrigued by her.

“Wow, that’s tough.” I shift on my seat and turn my eyes to look at her again. “She doesn’t look like she’s been through all of that.”

“So what about you…” the bar maid says expectantly. It takes me a moment, but I suddenly realize that she’s prompting me and that she wants to know more.

“Oh, Brandon. Brandon Heath-Smith.” In the city, in my circles, that name is big news but this small town obviously means no one knows who I am. “I’m a property developer.”

“Oh.” Realization crosses her face. “Are you here about the land at the edge of the woodlands bit? The new starter homes, isn’t it?”

“That’s it.” I puff my chest out proudly. I love talking about what I do, even the bits I don’t love. “And a shopping mall too. The hope is to turn this town into more of a destination place. Bring in more people to keep the businesses running better.”

“Well, I think we’re all doing just fine.” She shrugs at me with a blank expression on her face. “But I suppose you probably know better, right?”

I don’t know if that’s a question that wants an answer or not. Developing property often comes with people disagreeing with the plans set up for them, but in my experience, they soon come around once they see what’s happened at the end. They don’t like the idea of change, but they love it when it’s done.

Instead, I turn away from her and I focus on the red head instead. She isn’t like the girls from the city at all. She’s got long legs under those incredible denim hot pants, and kick ass cowboy boots that bring out all sorts of fantasies in my mind. I would love to see her wearing nothing but those boots. Maybe some sexy lingerie as well, but definitely the boots. That would drive me insane. Especially with that hair of her spilling down her back.

She has a checked shirt which is tied into a knot just above her belly button. It cups some round breasts that actually look real, which is something I’m not used to. To be fair, my ‘dates’ are usually models or socialites who have had a lot of work done. I can’t actually remember the last time I touched a real boob and the idea causes a stirring in my pants. Then I move up to her heart shaped face which contains the bluest eyes that I’ve ever seen. They’re so stunning, I could actually fall for her… if I was that sort of man.

“So, Lola Boots.” I can’t resist, I turn back to the bar maid because I need her advice. I can’t go into this blind. “What’s her current situation? Is she single?”

The bar maid runs her eyes up and down me and as she meets my eyes again I can tell she isn’t impressed with what she sees. “I meant what I said,” she tells me firmly. “She’s a good girl and we all love her. She doesn’t need some slick city boy breezing into town and breaking her heart.” She slams her hands down on the bar and leans in closer to me so I’ll hear every single word. “Unless you’re going to marry Lola, I suggest you stay away.”

Oh God, she has no idea what she’s just done to me. She’s made Lola even more attractive because now she’s something taboo, something I need to stay away from. And to be honest as I look at her I don’t think she wants to be married herself. She looks like she’s been lonely for a while now and she wants someone to just make her feel incredible. She needs someone to corrupt her, and I’m the one who can do that.

I lean back on the bar and fuck her with my eyes. The bar maid can say what she wants, I don’t give a shit, I want this woman and I’m going to have her. At least for tonight. The words falling out of her mouth as she sings are innocent enough, but there’s something about the way that she’s singing them that’s dirty as all hell. I think I might be about to lose my mind. It’s taking all my self control not to grab her right now and to throw her over my shoulder and stalk out of here with her. Like a desperate cave man.

Oh God, I could take her back to that grubby ass motel room and make it even filthier with her in it. I could take complete control of her body and make her completely submit to me. She looks like she would as well. But then, if I really think about it, I think there might be a bit of a fire in her where she might take control of me. I don’t usually let that happen, but with her I just might. I imagine it might be a whole lot of fun.

She isn’t someone I want to hurt, I don’t think I’ll just fuck her and leave her, but I could have some fun with her during my time here. It might be something that we both need, a distraction from this shitty town. What’s the point of being here and not enjoying it? I’m stuck, so I might as well make the most out of it. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

“Thank you, everyone,” she finally says into the microphone once the singing is done. “As always I appreciate your time and support.”

Everyone cheers and claps around her, so I join in out of respect. To be fair she deserves the cheers, she’s an amazing singer, it’s just a shame that she’s stuck in such a dead end place. As she walks down off the stage she catches my eye and smiles. A blush fills her cheeks too which only confirms what I already suspect. She wants me, I can see it written all over her face. I know that look well and I like it from her.

“Remember what I said,” the bar maid warns from behind me, coldly. “Unless you’re going to marry her, keep the hell away.”

I nod as if I’m listening but her words are barely registering anymore. All I can think about is getting my hands on the beautiful Lola Boots and doing all sorts of crazy things to her.

“Can I have another drink please?” I ask, forgetting my vow to only have the one. I have more pressing things to worry about now. “Another whiskey.”

Maybe I do need to be level headed tomorrow to oversee the development of the project, but I don’t care. I’m sure it’s running fine anyway, I doubt I even need to be here. I’ll probably spend most of my time bored… or in the arms of a certain red head.

“It’s Doreen, by the way,” the bar maid tells me as she slides the drink across to me, almost knocking it over as it crashes into my hand. “I presume since you’re clearly ignoring my words that you’ll be sticking around. So you might as well know my name.”

“Thank you, Doreen.” I give her a playful smirk. “That’s good to know.”

Then it’s time for the waiting game. I get the sense that Lola is hanging around back stage because she’s nervous, maybe because she knows that I’m waiting for her. She knows as well as I do that we had a connection then as she was up on stage. I’m sure she felt me eye fucking her and if she’s had such a sheltered life from love, mostly experiencing heart break, then maybe she’s scared to delve right in. But she will, I’m sure of it. It’s just a shame that I’m not very good at being patient.

I feel her coming before I see her. There’s a prickle on the back of my neck, a set of goose bumps spreading up and down my arm, the sensation that something exciting is about to happen. I pause while I count to three inside my mind, waiting for the exact right moment to see her again to start making my move.

Then I turn.

Oh my God. Up close she’s even more gorgeous. She actually makes my heart skip an excitable beat. It must just be the thrill of having someone here to take my mind off how boring it is. It can’t be anything more. Can it?

My lips curve up into a smile as our eyes lock, and she can’t seem to resist giving me the same expression back. Something about the moment feels intense and powerful, like it might be the start of something important.

“Hi,” I say strongly, needing to keep her attention all on me. “You were absolutely incredible up there, Lola Boots.”

Chapter 3 – Lola

The way that my name rolls off his tongue makes me shiver. There’s something very intensely sexual about his words which seems impossible considering it’s only my name, but that’s just how it feels. I don’t know how to take it, I feel all weird and squishy inside.

“Erm, yes, thank you,” I say awkwardly back. “I’m glad you liked the show.”

It feels weird to really be talking to him. I’ve spent the last half an hour fantasizing over him and feeling his eyes intensely look at me, and now I’m talking to him normally. It’s just too odd for words. I don’t know what to do with myself. I wish my hot pants weren’t so short that I don’t have any pockets. I need somewhere to put my hands so they don’t just hang.

“Oh it was very interesting. It’s made my first night in this town very… thrilling.”

“I thought you must be new.” There’s no point in lying, we can see how tiny it is here. “We don’t get many new faces around here so someone new is easy to pick out.”

“Actually, that’s why I’m here, to change that.” I give him a curious look while I wait for him to explain. “I’m here on a property development project, out in The Fields.”

My face falls and I feel a bit sick. I’ve been dead against the new housing project and all the associated building plans around it because although it’s boring and small time around here, I don’t know that a new project will help that. I actually think it’ll hinder it and take all the character out of this place. It’s a farming town and that’s all it needs to be.

“Oh,” I reply coldly as my eyes fix down on the floor. “Right.”

“I take it you don’t like it?” he asks, sounding bemused. “Are you a protestor?”

“This isn’t the sort of place that people protest.” I offer him a half shrug. “It’s just not the sort of place that we need new development projects, that’s all.”

“So you don’t want to expand? You don’t want something new?” He doesn’t understand, I can just hear it in his voice. “I’m surprised to hear that from someone so young.”

“You live in the city, right?” I stare defiantly at him. In his bar seat he looks broad and muscular, but I can just tell from the length of his legs that he’s over six foot. He’ll tower above me when he stands upright. If I’m going to be strong I need to do it now while we’re on the level. “So I suppose you don’t understand what this town is like.”

He pauses for a second with a grim look on his face and I wonder if maybe I’ve overstepped my mark. I don’t like why he’s here, but he’s still the most exciting thing to happen to this place in recent history, I don’t want to completely alienate him.

But then he talks again, proving that I haven’t. “I suppose you’re right. I don’t know what it’s like to live in a place like this. I assume you should want development, but maybe not. Maybe I’m wrong. I’ll have to report that back to my father.”

My face breaks into a grin as I start to get a better picture of him. He might be a flash, rich, city boy, but he has complications of his own. He has a controlling father who he apparently works for, and who sends him to run difficult projects that people will resist again. I might have only just scratched the surface of him a tiny bit, but I actually like learning this little bit about him. It’s kind of cool, it’s interesting to get to know someone new.

“I see, so it’s your father who’s to blame, not you.” I take a seat next to him and watch him squirm a little bit. “He decided on this project and you just have to do as you’re told.”

I can see him struggle. He doesn’t want to admit that he isn’t in control but he also doesn’t want to take the blame for something that isn’t his fault. I like that I’ve disarmed him, it gives me a little bit of the power too. I lean onto my elbow on the bar and watch him.

“I… I guess not. I mean, I do tell other people what to do as well,” he stammers over his words. “But yeah, I think I do a lot of what I’m told. I didn’t notice that before.”

Doreen comes over to me with a glass of wine that I already know she won’t take any money from me, this is just another part of our weekly routine, and as she hands it to me she gives me a warning look. I can pretty much read her mind, she doesn’t think I should be talking to this sexy stranger, and she’s probably right, but I’m sick of doing what’s right. Just for once, just to try something new, I want to do what’s wrong.

Maybe I’m getting a little bit tired of my current life, not that I’m about to change it. Maybe I just want to push it to one side just for a night. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? I’m twenty two years old, this is the time for experimentation and fun. I’m not doing anything that anyone else my age wouldn’t… the only difference is that I shouldn’t be living at home to have this fun. But still, what choice do I have?

“So, how long are you here for?” I flutter my eyelashes in a much more seductive way. It comes out of me as if from nowhere. “To finish your little project, I mean.”

“A few months. I’m not one hundred percent sure, it depends how long it takes to complete, I suppose. Could be a year, could be three months.”

“Ooh.” I take a big sip of my drink, steadying my nerves. “I see. How will you cope away from the big city for all that time? Will you have to go home on weekends?”

“It depends if I have anything keeping me here, I suppose.” He holds out his glass for me to clink against in a cheers gesture. “We’ll just have to see.” He slugs the rest of his drink back. “Doreen, we’ll have two more drinks here.” He pauses for just a moment and thinks about what he’s said. “Actually, we’ll have a bottle of wine. White.”

He’s taking control, ordering my drinks for me in a powerful way that entices me. The men around here, not that there are many anywhere close to my age, aren’t strong like this. Maybe that’s what makes me keep them at arms length, I just don’t want to know if I don’t think they can take command of me. It doesn’t even bother me that he probably acts this way all the time when it comes to women. Right now, it’s for me and me alone.

After all, this isn’t ever going to be a long term thing, is it? What do I have to worry about? “Oh right, thank you.” I let him pour me a drink. “That’s very kind of you.”

“You’re very welcome.” He stares into my eyes and I lose myself in the warm, hazelnut color looking back at me. He looks like he has layers and layers that need to be pulled back, and I can’t wait to at least do a little bit of that. “You deserve it after that singing.”

I can’t take any more compliments on my singing, it’s getting a bit overwhelming so I find a way to change the subject instead. Anything will do. “You know, I don’t actually know your name. I don’t usually accept drinks from strangers.”

“Oh right, well it’s Brandon Heath-Smith,” he tells me, as if I should know what that means. I’d look him up online to see what’s so special about him if he wasn’t sitting right in front of me. “The Heath-Smith name is famous in old money, it’s also a big one in business too. I mean, I don’t expect you to have heard of me, but yeah…”

I don’t know if that’s an arrogant comment or not so I chose to ignore it. Maybe he gets by on his name usually, but this isn’t the big city. He needs to get by on his own damn merits.

“Oh right I see, well the Boots name is important here… but then you probably already know that since you’ve been here for at least an hour.”

At first he widens his eyes in shock at my words, he can see I’m taking the piss, but soon he bursts into laughter as if I’m the funniest person alive. His chuckling is infectious and soon I’m joining in, giggling alongside him like we’re a couple of school kids acting foolish.

“Oh yeah, I heard the Boots daughter is kind of a bitch though. This singer who’s a real diva. Big dreams and even bigger demands, you know the sort?”

“Oh I know… but I didn’t hear that.” I slurp my drink, feeling a little drunk now. “I heard she’s super sweet and everyone lives her. Isn’t that right, Doreen?”

“Oh we all love you alright,” she replies while giving Brandon a warning look. “That’s why we’re all here for you, looking after you.”

She zaps a bit of fun out of the game, I start to wish I didn’t bring her into it, but then Brandon gives me a playful wink as if we’re on the same side. Us against them. I like it. It makes me want to sidle closer to him, to wrap my arms around him, to kiss him…

“What do you have planned now?” he asks me thickly. “Do you have anything that you usually do once you finish singing a set?”

“If I did, I’ve already broken it by sitting here and drinking with you. One drink is my standard, now I’ve had a couple, so I guess all routine is gone.” God, it’s freeing to say that. I didn’t realize how constricted I felt by the rut I’m in until that very moment. “It looks like anything is possible.”

“It is… the only thing we’re constricted by is the small town we’re stuck in.” When I gave him a look he quickly retracts that sentence. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just presume there isn’t another bar we can go to.”

Okay, admittedly he has me there. “No, I suppose not,” I drawl slowly. “But there are other things we can do. You just need to use your imagination.”

His eyes become heavy and thick with lust. I have him exactly where I want him. “Oh yeah? Well my imagination has thousands of ideas.”

Of course he does. This is a man who knows exactly what he’s doing in the bedroom. The fantasy of his fingers all over my body, exploring every damn inch of me, might just about to become real. I shiver and smirk before sliding off my chair and making it absolutely obvious that I want to go. This is all fun but I want more. My body has been asleep for far too long and now it’s awake again. It needs to find some serious satisfaction and since it looks like I’m not going to get my ‘alone time’ anymore, I might as well have some ‘together time’ with this seriously sexy stranger. After all, how often does the opportunity for that to happen come around?

“Are we going?” he asks me happily.

“That depends.” I lean across the bar and stare intently into his eyes. “Are you finished here?”

“Oh I’m finished.” He stands up without hesitation. “I’m ready, let’s get out of here.”

And then in his commanding way he stalks from the bar, leaving me with absolutely no choice but to follow him.

Chapter 4 – Brandon

“So, what are the chances of me getting to see your place then?” I ask Lola cheekily as we leave the bar. I know I wanted to take her back to my motel to dirty the place up with her, but now that I’ve spent just a few moments with her I think she might be too good for that. Not for the being dirty part, I still want to see if she has that part in her, but the motel bit. It just seems to seedy for someone like Lola. “Or is that me pushing it a bit?”

Without answering me, Lola snakes her fingers through mine and she drags me along behind her. With any other woman the fact that she’s holding my hand might feel weird and possessive, but Lola just has this way about her that simply feels playful and fun.

“I see, you’re going to be like that, are you? Fine, I don’t mind.”

“You don’t mind?” She spins around and smirks at me. I feel like her blue eyes are piercing into my soul. “So you don’t mind letting go of control then?”

“Are you always this perceptive?” I can’t help but ask. “It’s a little weird that you can see things about me without us even talking much.”

It’s mostly weird to me that she cares. If I think back to all the meaningless experiences that have come before, I realize that’s been a two way street. I haven’t cared about learning anything about the girls, just like they haven’t me. They haven’t wanted to know what goes on deep inside me, they simply care about my name, my reputation, and my bank balance. Shedding that here in this small town, even if it’s just for a short while, is surprisingly fun.

I never thought I wouldn’t want to be a Heath-Smith, but as it turns out, for now I don’t.

“I am quite perceptive,” she says quietly, changing her tone for just a moment. “I knew that Mom was sick way before she did. I kept begging her to go to the hospital but she never would. Not until it was too late anyway.” Her eyes fix on the ground as we walk, but still she doesn’t take her hand away from mine. I wasn’t expecting this vulnerable moment from this cool and spunky girl, but surprisingly I don’t mind it. Maybe this trip will end up bringing out a whole new side to me. “I also knew that Rory would be gone long before he did…” Suddenly she glances up as if she’s just remembered I’m here and she’s horrified at herself. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to get all heavy then, I don’t know what happened to me…”

“No, it doesn’t matter.” I need to put her out of her misery quickly before she falls into a pit of guilt. “Actually, when Doreen was warning me away from you she said you’ve had loss and heart break. How long ago was it?” I need to know to work out how I should behave.

“Four years, so a long time ago.” She gives me a weak smile and a bit of a giggle. “Long enough ago that Doreen doesn’t have to treat me like a child anymore.”

“Oh I think she just cares about you… to be honest, this does seem like the sort of place where everyone’s a bit like family. In a good way.” I think!

“And yet you want to come along and want to build all over it,” Lola says, but with a hint of teasing so I know it isn’t about to descend into an argument. “Just bloody marvelous. It’s always the big city types that want to wreck everything, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. We have no soul or heart, all we want to do is make money out of everything.” I say this as a joke, but actually it’s much closer to the truth than I’d like it to be. At least for my father, if not me. I’ve never cared too much about making heaps of money but that’s because I’ve always had it. “Anyway, it might be an improvement, you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you? In two months you might change your mind completely.”

“Hmmm, we’ll see about that one. I don’t think I’ll agree until I’ve seen it for myself.”

“Or maybe you won’t be here… maybe you’ll be a famous singer by then!”

I am only teasing with my remark, but judging by the way Lola looks crestfallen I know I’ve said something wrong. Only I don’t know what so I can’t even make it right. All I can do is squeeze her fingers between mine and hope that whatever I’ve said doesn’t put her off me. She’s the most interesting woman in this town, I don’t want to push her away already.

“So, this is my home,” she suddenly blurts out, making me jump. I got so lost in worry then that I forgot we were even walking! “That little cottage, right there.”

She points to a small, wooden type building that can only be made for one. It’s sitting on the edge of a farm that looks like it was bustling and full of life once upon a time, the sort of place you might see in a children’s picture book, but now it’s failing. Not quite post apocalyptic, but certainly not thriving anymore. The animals appear to be few and far between, the equipment is rusty, the house at the other edge of the farm is crumbling and falling apart. It’s not the sort of home I would have pictured for Lola.

“Oh right, it’s nice!” I lie a bit too enthusiastically. “It looks really, erm, homely.”

“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better,” she replies dryly while unlocking the door to her home. “I know it isn’t much, but it’s all we have at the moment.”

I want to ask her more. I want to pry further into her life and find out all about her but I don’t know if I can. This isn’t even like a first date or anything, just a chance encounter than neither of us were expecting. I don’t know what the rules of privacy are, but I’m sure if she wanted to offer me an explanation, she would.

Instead of probing her, I step inside behind her and glance my eyes everywhere inside, which doesn’t take long because there’s hardly anything; a tiny kitchen with a tabletop oven and a microwave, plus a couple of drawers to store everything in, then a small table in the same room. There’s a partition separating a couple of chairs and a TV in what must be the living room, and two doors. I presume one leads to her bedroom and one to a bathroom.

Wow, she really doesn’t have much. Money must be the issue here. No wonder she doesn’t want some big shot billionaire coming into her town and telling her what it does or doesn’t need. We couldn’t be further apart in our worlds if we tried.

As I walk through and I take one of the chairs, I think about my own home back in the city. I have a massive, luxurious three piece suit in my living room and a massive flat screen television with all the extra gadgets a person could ever want surrounding it. Three of this cottage could fit in that one room. Then I have a kitchen with all the cooking equipment known to man, and I don’t ever use it, I just get take out. I have four bathrooms and five bedrooms. Plus a games room and a reception area. It’s ridiculous really, far too much for just one person. I’ve never seen it that way before, not even once.

“Why don’t you live in the other building?” I ask without thinking as she hands me a drink. A mug filled with wine so cheap it’ll probably make me sick. Not that I care about that. “I mean, you do have it lovely here, it just seems like there would be more room there.”

“That’s my dad’s house,” she replies quietly. “I live here so I get my own space and I can practice my music without disturbing him. It’s just easier, and I like it.”

Oh God, her dad must be a bossy bastard like mine. Maybe he runs a tight ship around here when it comes to the farm, which makes Lola’s life difficult. I shouldn’t have said anything to get involved with family stuff. “Fair enough, I like it too.”

We sit in silence for a few moments, both lost in our own thoughts. Inside my mind I’m trying to work out just who Lola is. She’s clearly a girl with fire, but that’s been dulled by her circumstances, which is a real shame. I know I can’t do much for her since I’m not exactly going to be around forever, but it’d be awesome if I could show her a good time while I’m here. For the both of us. I’m not usually a big believer in fate but it kinda feels like we’ve met at a time when we both need some fun and company, making it perfect.

“I have to tell you, I like those shorts,” I say with a wink, amping the tension back up to a sexual one. I think we need to put the serious conversation topics of family, death, and exes to bed for a while. It’s time to be flirty and fun instead. I even add in yet another wink, because she seems to really like them. “They make your legs look very long.”

“Oh yeah?” She stands up and twirls around, giving me a glimpse of them from the bottom to the top. “W0w, thank you very much. I’m sure you have nice legs too.”

“Do you want to see?” I join her by standing upwards. I shake off my suit jacket and toss it to the ground as if it didn’t cost me seven hundred dollars. Then I fiddle with the button on my trousers as her eyes bug out of her head. “I have runners legs.”

“Do you run?” she gasps out, clearly struggling to breathe because I’ve stunned her so much.

“Nope.” I pop the P teasingly. “Just got the legs for some reason.”

I think she thought I was joking because she makes a noise as the trousers drop. I have to really stifle a laugh. If that’s stunned her then she’s going to be in with a shock when it comes to me and her. I think we’re going to have a whole lot of fun.

“Wow.” She gulps loudly. “You really do have runner’s legs.”

I step closer to her, closing the annoying gap between us. Her flushed cheeks and wide eyes tell me that she’s ready for this. She might not know it herself yet, but she is. I just need to ease her in gently.

I cup one hand around her cheek, enjoying the warmth of her skin and I direct her gaze up to me. She might not be able to vocalize what she’s feeling with words, but her baby blues say it all. She’s craving my touch, she wants me to kiss her, she brought me back to her home for only one reason.

“You’re so beautiful,” I murmur as I bring my head in closer. “So very beautiful”.

I pause for a moment with our lips almost touching. There’s something that I love about this moment, the anticipation before our first ever kiss. I breathe her in and she does the same to me, both of us with hot anticipation racing through our veins. The moment is coming, we can both feel it, and we know that once our mouths connect nothing will ever be the same between us again.

Any minute now…

Chapter 5 – Lola

Oh my God, what am I doing?

I’m kissing Brandon, this man that I only saw a moment ago in the bar. I never behave this way, this isn’t like me at all, but damn it, it feels so good. It feels incredible to just let lose and to have some fun. It feels good to act out of character just for once. This man is just a stranger anyway, just some guy who is rolling through town. Never to be seen again.

And now his trousers are down and his hands are tangled up in my hair. Also he’s kissing me like there’s no tomorrow. This certainly isn’t how I thought this night would end.

The fire that ignited in my belly earlier is fully alight, and the pulsing in my panties is killing me. Half of me wants to close my legs together tight so I can’t get carried away and the other half me wants to open my legs wide so he can drive me wild.

“Oh, Lola,” Brandon groans into my mouth. “You feel so good.”

His hand clamps around my back and he grips me to him hard. I can feel every inch of his hard muscles under his shirt, and I can also feel a hardness somewhere else… it’s been such a long time that I’ve found a man equally as desirable as he finds me, so this feels utterly phenomenal. The sensation of his body next to mine almost makes me want to scream.

Brandon pushes me back until I hit the wall behind me and I go willingly. I’m so swept up in the heat of the moment that I’m happy to go along with anything right now. As long as I still get the feel of his needy fingers grasping at my skin. That causes a warm pool of desire to form in my stomach that I want to remain forever.

“Oh, Brandon.” As his mouth moves from mine and it travels down my neck, I let my eyes fall closed and my head loll to one side. Every part of my body that he even lightly brushes with any part of him sets me alight. I’m burning, flaming, all over. “Oh God.”

Brandon yanks at my shirt, pulling it open. Some of the buttons pop on the way down but I don’t care. I don’t care if he rips it clean off my body, I just want it gone. All the material that’s left between me and him is hell bent to torture me.

As his fingers reach behind my back and he fiddles with the clasp on my bra I notice that he’s actually trembling. To think that this overly confident, amazingly sexy, business man might actually be so turned on by me that he’s shaky makes me want to growl with my sexual prowess. I feel like a feral animal that’s been unleashed from a cage that I’ve been trapped in for far too long. I need this, I have to have him right now or I might just go insane.

Eventually my bra flutters away from my body, and Brandon steps back just enough to watch it fall to the ground. My chest heaves and my breaths fall raggedly out of my mouth. My nipples stand to attention, begging for attention. As Brandon cups underneath my breasts and he slowly brings his hands up over them, he rubs his thumbs over my nubs a couple of times causing me to gasp desperately. I’ve never felt so many sensations from my breasts before, and it’s incredible.

“Oh shit.” All of a sudden, Brandon changes things up by dipping his mouth down and wrapping his lips around my hypersensitive nipples. “Oh my God.”

His lips, his tongue, and then even his teeth. He grazes them over me, giving me the most incredible mix of pleasure and pain all at once. I grab onto his hair, I tug it and yank it as he drives me wild, but that just makes Brandon even more crazy. He speeds up and tugs harder until I just can’t take it any longer.

Then, just as he pulls his mouth away, leaving my nipples exposed to the cold night air, he hooks his hand into the waistband of my shorts and he pulls them right down. This action is so rapid and fast that my lace panties fly down with them, leaving me with only my cowboy boots on. I move to kick them off, but Brandon stops me.

“Hold on,” he whispers breathlessly at me. “Leave them on. Let me take your underwear off over them.”

I find it very exciting to be a part of his little cowgirl fantasy so I do as he asks. I’ve never been anyone’s fantasy girl before, and to be honest he’s mine as well. The tall, dark, handsome stranger that sends me to heaven and back and vanishes in the middle of the night… we’re both fulfilling a role here and it’s really kind of fun.

Once my underwear is gone, Brandon hooks his hand under my left knee and he bends it so my foot is pressed up against the wall. Then he nudges my knee so my legs fall further apart, allowing him to move in between my legs so he can press up against me.

Holy hell. Oh my God.

His thick, throbbing erection that’s pressed up against my core is intense. I can already tell that he’s absolutely massive and he’s definitely ready for me. The only question is am I ready for him? I’ve certainly never had anyone so large before and I have no idea what he’s going to do to me. Will I be able to handle it? I don’t know, but I’m excited to find out. I owe it to the girl who sat up on the stage not so long ago fantasizing about what this was going to feel like.

I slowly and tantalizingly unbutton his shirt as we kiss, running my fingers over his thick, strong muscles as I go down. He has an actual six pack which is amazing. Not something I’ve ever experienced before. As I touch it, I can’t help thinking that he should be gracing the pages of a magazine, not messing around with me in my cabin.

I get his shirt off so far but Brandon takes the final steps by shaking it off his shoulders. As he does I actually gasp loudly at the sight of him. He’s so damn gorgeous that it’s freaking me out a little. Then, he curls his fingers around the waistband of his boxers and he pushes them all the way down. While he bends down to pull a condom out of his pocket, I can’t seem to stop myself any longer. I trail my fingers downwards, edging further and further until I feel my own wetness.

“Oh fuck,” I moan as I touch myself. “Oh shit.”

Brandon’s eyes get heavy lidded with desire as he watches me intently, He rolls the condom over his cock but doesn’t connect with me right away. He stands there watching me as I run my hand up and down my soaking slit. This is probably something that I should be a little shy about, I’m certainly not usually so sexually adventurous, but with Brandon looking at me like that, and safe in the knowledge that this will only be a one time thing, I can just be as sexually liberated as I want.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Brandon rasps as he finally makes his way back to me. The fact that he said beautiful rather than sexy touches me, and makes me even more crazy.

Brandon grabs my hand away from me and he holds both of my hands above my head. He pins them there with one hand, then he uses the other to continue on what I was doing only moments before. As he does I buck and I roll my hips towards him. My touch was good, but fuck me his touch is incredible. His rough, yet velvety fingers feel incredible as they slide in and out of me, massaging my insides. I almost can’t contain the pressure that’s starting to build inside of me, it’s nearly too much…

And then he pushes me even closer to the edge by rubbing his thumb over my clit at the same time. My body is overloaded with sensations, I don’t know if I can stand it much longer.

Then Brandon’s hand moves away from me and I feel his tip teasing my entrance instead. I try to encourage him inside of me, I want to push him deep into me, but since he has complete control of my body I can’t. But that doesn’t stop me from bucking like crazy against him.

It’s been far too long since I’ve done something wild that’s just for me. This feels so damn good. It’s freaking incredible, I want more, I need more…

I don’t know how I’ve managed to keep myself away from the rest of the world if I’m honest. It’s seemed so easy to not go near any man, but that’s got to be because none of them have sent me anywhere near as wild. This… this is something else.

Eventually Brandon gives me what I need and he slides all the way into me, stretching me around him as he fills me up completely. I’m so damn aware of every inch of him, more than I ever have been with any man before. He slams into me pressing my butt hard against the wall as he thrusts over and over again. With every stroke he gets harder and faster as the animalistic side of him gets the better of him too. It’s too much for me, so much that I lift my other foot off the ground too and I wrap my legs tightly around his waist, driving him in even deeper.

This might be wrong, I might never usually act like this, but my God it feels so right. My head is spinning, I can practically see stars, and the pressure is still building.

“Oh fuck,” I cry out as the pleasure intensifies. I’m not usually so vocal, but today I can’t stop the words. Luckily my cottage is too far away from anyone so no one will be able to hear me no matter how much noise I make… which is a truly liberating thought. “Oh fucking hell.”

Brandon grinds, continuing to hit all the right spots, sending me ever closer to the edge of desire… and then I’m falling. The moment simply crashes into me hard and shakes and shatters through my body. I buck and thrust back as hard as I can, just trying to extend the most amazing pleasure that I’ve ever experienced in my life. It has never been as intense as this before. The orgasm is like a tsunami of bliss that continually crashes over and over me until there isn’t anything of me left. Just a shuddering, sweaty, but very satisfied mess.

“That was amazing,” I gasp into his mouth once the bliss has shot through him too. “Oh my God, I don’t think it’s ever felt so good before.”

As Brandon drops me to my feet and he pulls away from me, I wonder if there should be some regret coming to me now. There isn’t, I’m still fully basking in the post orgasmic glow, but there probably should be. I’ve just had my very first one night stand after all!

But then Brandon smiles at me, and I realize that it’s silly to feel that way. We’re just two consenting adults that met and decided to have a bit of fun. Now, we will part ways. I’ll go to bed and he’ll head back to wherever it is he’s staying and we’ll never see each other again. Well… I’ll probably see him in a lot of my future fantasies, but that’s it.

This will just be what it is, one night of meaningless, random fun.

Perfect.

Chapter 6 – Brandon

“So, what do you think, boss?” Hank, the site foreman says to me in a gruff, firm tone of voice “Everything look as you want it to be? Plans all good? Any comments you have?”

“Hmm, what?” I hate to admit it but my mind is elsewhere. I want to concentrate on this job because much as I didn’t like to be the one to take it on, I need to do a good job. If I’m going to work I need to forget Lola and her soft kisses, her lovely skin, the feel of her body underneath me… it’s challenging to think of anything but her. “Sorry, yes. The plan, looks great. Thank you for getting them all together for me, I really appreciate it.”

I glance down at the paper and try to visualize the drawing coming to life in front of me. It looks great but now I can see it through very different eyes. Now that I’ve seen more of the town I can see how it won’t fit in and how it might ruin the quaint experience people get in this town. But then again I’m not powerful enough to start putting my emotions before my business. My dad just won’t hear of it. All I can hope is that I can do a good job.

“Okay great, well I’ll get my men on it now. I think Archie might have a break down of the predicted costs if that’s something that you want to look at as well.”

“Yep, sounds great. Let’s do this.”

As we walk to where Archie has his desk set up I fire off a text to my dad. I don’t know how much detail he wants to know about all of this, but I want to keep him up to date anyway. Just in case. I hold my cell phone out for a moment, just waiting for a reply, but I get nothing.

“So how you enjoying the small town life?” Hank asks as we walk. “I bet it’s a bit different from the big ol’ city isn’t it?” He says this as a joke, as if the city is worse, and I actually think he might believe it. “Bet you can hardly sleep in the quiet.”

“The city isn’t that far away,” I tell him with a smirk. “What is it, like an hour or two in the car? And to be fair I’ve only been here a short while so it’s fine.”

“I bet your problem is the lack of girls. A guy like you, must have them all over you.”

I can’t even begin to consider the irony of this remark. Since being here I’ve met the only girl to not bore me as soon as we’ve slept together. Hours have passed and still all I can think about is her. Instead of getting into this with a man I don’t know and I have to work with for the next few months, I don’t say anything. That’s something I’ve found in business, sometimes saying nothing is much better than doing anything.

“Right, Archie.” I take my seat next to him, trying my hardest to just get my damn head in the game already. “Let’s get these numbers crunched, shall we? Work out where we’re headed with this one?”

As he starts to talk me through the financial side of things, I discretely check the screen of my cell phone but I still have nothing from my father. It makes me feel a bit insignificant that he can’t even be bothered to reply to me, not even a yes. He’s always on his phone, sending texts, firing off emails, searching, connecting… I know he’s seen my message, he just doesn’t care enough to reply. Again I’m filled with the sense that I’m a disappointment. That always comes from Dad. I don’t even know if he means to do it or if it’s just his way, but it really does irritate me whatever the case. The rest of the world sees my worth, it’s only him.

I wish I had thought to get Lola’s number, then I could send her a cheeky text to get me through the day. She too, I know is going to be super busy on the farm all day long. I wish I could talk her through it.

Still, maybe there is something I can do. I know we don’t have any plans for tonight but that doesn’t mean I can’t see her again. Maybe I can even do something nice for her as well. I can head to the grocery store and get some food, cook her a meal. Maybe I don’t know too much about her yet, but she seems like the sort of person who gives and gives without expecting anything back. Maybe it’s time for someone to make her feel special.

That someone can be me!

***

“Hey there,” a brassy haired blonde with bright red lips says as she leans in towards me. “You must be new here, right?”

She’s older than me, but that’s hardly surprising. I often attract a bit of a cougar. I’m not quite sure what it is they find so attractive about me, but they do. I usually don’t mind an older woman, I think they expect much less from me. They know what ‘just sex’ is, and they’re happy for that. I’m not interested today though, I only have one thing in mind.

“Yeah I am new. I’ve just come to pick up some groceries.” Maybe my tone is a little colder than I’d like it to be, I just don’t want there to be any misconception here. Sometimes I’ve been known to accidently flirt. “Is this all you have here?”

“Sure is.” She pops her gum loudly. “We just get what we get and have to make do. What is it you’re after?”

I sigh loudly. I’m not much of a big chef, but I do know how to make a good Coronation Chicken but I don’t think I’ll be able to get everything I need here. It might have to be a pasta bake and cheap wine night. Not the way I’d like to treat a lady I actually have interest in, but what else can I do?

“Erm no, I think I got it,” I huff out. “Thanks though.”

“I take it you’re a part of that big new development thing?” she continues, not taking the hint that I’m not interested. She leans over the counter while pushing her cleavage together. This gives me a better view of her name badge which reads Erica. “Are you the one in charge?”

“I am.” I brace myself as I run my eyes over the shelves. I wait for the onslaught, similar to what I go from Lola, but somehow it doesn’t come.

“Cool,” she says simply instead.

As I glance at her out the corner of my eyes I realize why. She’s one of those people who doesn’t care enough about anything to have an opinion. She’s more than happy to just let things happen around her. That makes her life content, but without any fire. Lola is nothing like that. I think that’s what attracts me to her, she stands out in so many ways.

Despite the fact that I know I might be treading on thin ice, I decide to delve in and do a bit of digging. From what I’ve learned in life you can tell a lot about a person from what others have to say about them… even if it isn’t all true.

“So, do you know Lola Boots? I went to see her singing last night. She seems pretty talented.”

The woman’s face turns into a glowering expression which suggests she doesn’t like me discussing another female in front of her. "She’s okay, I suppose,” she tells me pettily. “Everyone thinks she should be famous, but she can’t be because she has to care for her dad.”

My blood runs cold, I realize my mistake. I’ve already decided that I don’t want to pry until she wants to share things with me, but it seems I’ve done that by mistake anyway. I press my lips tightly together, trying desperately to keep any other words inside, but Erica doesn’t take my silence as a plea for her not to continue. Subtle hints are obviously not her strong point.

“And after losing her mom so young, I guess she feels that she doesn’t have a choice but to stick around to run the farm as her dad’s MS gets worse. She doesn’t want him to lose the only home that he’s ever known. The link to her mom too I suppose. It’s all a bit sad, really.”

I don’t know what she’s trying to achieve here. Maybe she thinks I’ll start seeing Lola as someone to be pitied rather than attracted to, but it doesn’t work. It just makes me see how big her heart is. I knew that she worked on the farm, but she didn’t tell me that she runs it to keep her dad happy. I know she sticks around for him, she told me that without even needing to use words, but I didn’t know she was his care giver. This just makes me want to treat her more, it makes me want to make our time together, however short it might be, even more special. I know now more than ever how much she deserves it.

“Right, well this is what I’m going to get,” I say while dumping a selection of things on the counter. “Thank you for… you know, talking with me.”

She scans the items, still popping her gum. “You interested in Lola?” she asks briskly. “Because if you are I think you should know you’re barking up the wrong tree. She very much keeps to herself. A couple of the guys have tried to crack on with her, all with no luck. She’s just… I don’t know, empty, I suppose.”

I don’t say anything, even though the words are bursting to get out of my mouth. Clearly these guys, whoever they might be, were nothing compared to me. That’s why I was the one who managed to win her over in just a few short hours.

“Maybe they just weren’t the ones for her,” I say through gritted teeth. “Maybe she’s waiting for the one.”

“Oh come off it,” Erica scoffs. “No one believes in the one. We all just settle for someone we can put up with, that’s all. You aren’t idiotic enough to believe in all that crap, are you?”

“No,” I admit as I hand over some bills to pay for the food. “I don’t. Not really.”

It takes me a few more moments, but eventually I manage to tear myself away from Erica and her reasons for why we all just settle – a lecture I find very depressing actually – and I start the walk over to the farm. It isn’t far because everything is close together in this place, which also eliminates a lot of the traffic. That’s one good thing, I suppose. On the journey over I can’t stop smiling to myself at the thought of seeing her face again. She’ll be surprised to see me, I know that much, I just hope it’s a pleasant shock.

I spot her long before she sees me and I’m stunned with how rapidly my body reacts to her as she stands with a hoe in one hand and petting one of the sheep from the farm with the other. She isn’t in her sexy hot pants today, she had what looks like sweat pants covering her sexy, luscious legs, but she is wearing a checked shirt and an actual cowgirl hat which is interesting. I might have to get her to wear the whole outfit for me at some point, if she’s feeling particularly kinky…

“Lola!” I cry out happily to her. “I’m here. How are you doing?”

Chapter 7 – Lola

What the…?

I turn in shock to see the man I’ve been daydreaming about all day long smiling back at me as he clutches onto to carrier bags in his hands. He’s like something from a damn fantasy staring back at me with those warm, inviting eyes, chiseled cheekbones, and broad shoulders. All I want is for him to wrap me up in those arms of his once more. I love the sensation of him towering over me, taking control of my body, making me feel the things that I didn’t even realize I’d shut off.

“You’re here,” I gasp in shock with my hand clutching in shock to my chest.

“You sound surprised.” He cocks his head and examines me through narrowed eyes.

I don’t know how to tell him without offending him that I am surprised that he’s back. Much as last night was amazing, and the best night of my life, there was never any suggestion between us that it was going to be more than a one time thing. But if I say that aloud, I’m basically calling him a man whore. I don’t know how well that will go down!

“I just have to finish up here,” I change the subject instead. “I hope that’s okay? It shouldn’t be too much longer.” I glance down at myself and cringe when I see how grubby I am from a long, hard day in the dirt. It certainly isn’t my best look! “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting company.”

He leans down and gives me a soft and gentle kiss on my lips. It’s so romantic that my heart flutters as we connect. “I have brought some food and I wanted to use your kitchen to make you something for dinner, if you don’t mind?” He sends me a wink so I know his comment is made in jest… not that I feel offended anyway. I know my kitchen is basic, that’s just how I like it. “You’ll have time to finish up here, have a shower if you want, maybe even check in on your dad if needs be…”

I freeze. Does he know that my dad is sick? The whole town knows, it isn’t one of those things that can be kept secret, but I know that my father is a proud man who wouldn’t want everyone to be talking about him. This illness he has kills him mentally more than anything else. It just isn’t right. His pride is the main reason he still lives alone and I’m in the cottage. I’m near, so I can help him, but he doesn’t feel like a burden on my life.

“What do you mean?” I ask slowly and carefully. It’s instantly obvious from the expression on his face that he knows. “Who told you?”

His eyes flicker downwards towards the ground before he answers me, but at least what he says is honest. He knows that I won’t like it, but he says it anyway which makes him quite a rare breed. The men I know, even Rory to an extent, will just say what they think you want to hear. The honesty is refreshing.

“Erica, from the shop, but I promise I wasn’t asking after you. I just mentioned that I saw you playing and she started spouting all this stuff.”

Erica… someone I barely know. I don’t even speak to her much more than a ‘hello’ when I go into the store, but she thinks that she has a right to tell a stranger these private things about me. That’s what I hate about everyone knowing everything, they think my life is their own too. Sometimes it’s nice, but sometimes it’s suffocating.

“I’m sorry,” Brandon says again, making me realize that I’m pumping my fists by my sides in sheer anger. “I didn’t mean to involve myself, I know it isn’t right.”

“It’s not your fault,” I reply through gritted teeth. “Actually it’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I do need to pop to see Dad anyway. Maybe I’ll take a shower at his and be back down shortly.” I dip my hand into my pocket and pull out my keys. “You go inside, help yourself to whatever you need and I’ll be there soon.”

He takes the keys from me and walks away. As he goes I wonder if he’s only here as part of a pity thing. He was in the shop before Erica said anything, buying food for this meal I presume, but what if now he sees me as something different? Part of the reason I enjoyed spending time with him last night was because he didn’t know my story – only the bits I decided to share with him. He didn’t see me as anything other than a sexy woman who was worthwhile, who he found desirable.

Now, that might have changed and I don’t know what I’m going to about it.

“Well, Betty,” I say to my favorite sheep, the one who won’t be going to the slaughter house ever, no matter how bad things get. “I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I suppose I should give him a chance though, right? I should try and find out?” Betty doesn’t answer me, but of course she isn’t going to. She’s a damn sheep after all! “Let’s get you sorted then I can go and have a shower, get myself all mentally prepared for this craziness.” I sigh deeply. “I don’t think I’ll tell Dad about Brandon though, not yet. I don’t know how I feel about all of this and it’s bound to only be short term since he doesn’t even live here. There’s no point, is there, Betty? I don’t want to worry him over nothing.” I stare at her and nod as if she’s answered me. “Right, thanks for that advice. You’re the best friend a girl could ask for, even if you are a sheep who hasn’t actually said anything yet. Let’s go, I can’t put this off any longer. Time to have what I suppose is date number two…”

***

I feel a whole lot better once I’ve checked on my dad and washed myself up. More human, I suppose, and more ready to face what might be happening with Brandon head on. All day long he’s been swimming through my mind, I’ve been thinking about how good it felt to be with him and how I want to do it again, but I certainly didn’t think it’s happen.

“Ooh, my goodness, what are you cooking?” I ask as I push the door to my home open and I inhale the wonderful aromas that fill my nose. “Smells delicious.”

“It’s nothing exciting,” Brandon replies as he plates up. “It’s basically just chicken, boiled potatoes, and vegetables, but I had to work with what’s available in the shops.”

“Yeah.” I take my seat and look up at him. “It isn’t very well stocked, is it? You’ve done well though. When did you learn to cook?”

He pauses for a moment and sits opposite me. As he steels himself for what he’s going to say next I recognise the look in his eyes well. He’s about to say something that he doesn’t talk about much. Obviously, I get that because I often feel the same way when I have to discuss anything related to my life.

“Actually, I learned when I was fifteen years old, just after my mother ran off with one of my school friends.”

“What?” I interject, sounding more shocked than maybe I should. “I mean, wow… that’s dreadful. That’s just really awful.”

“It is what it is.” He shrugs, trying to act blasé but I can see right in to the depths of his soul. I can see this still sings even now. “She didn’t want to be with me and my father then and I guess it’s a decision that she’s happy with since she’s still with him now. As far as I know anyway, all I’m really aware of is the odd bits I see online.”

“You don’t talk to her anymore?” I reach across and rest my hand on his. In a way, this is something we have in common. He must feel like he’s lost his mother in a similar way to me.

“No, I don’t. I haven’t since then.” His tone is tight and hard. “It’s just been me and my father, and since he’s always been at work, and even losing his wife and becoming a single father didn’t change him, I had to be independent.”

“Is that why you work for him now?” I’m prying, I know it, but I’m just so interested to learn more about him.

“I guess so.” He pauses and bites down on his bottom lip. “I mean, it was kind of just the path that was laid out for me. It was expected of me, and I just went with it.”

“Do you love it? Is it what you want?”

“I… I do like it,” he says slowly. “But I don’t know if it’s the path I would have chosen for myself if given the option. I work well with it now though, it is what it is.”

It is what it is. That seems to be his motto for life. I wonder if he lets things happen to him because he doesn’t know how to change. Just like I’m stuck in my rut and I don’t know how to get out.

“Wow, that’s…” I gulp loudly and I try to work out what I should say next. I feel like I might want to tell him more about me. “It’s rough. I know my life is different, but my father’s MS,” I watch his face which doesn’t change. Erica clearly told him this part. I guess it means I don’t have to explain more, “means my life is controlled too. Just in a different way.” I sigh loudly, not regretfully because I don’t mind staying for my dad, but still it’s hard because everything has always been on hold. “He needs me to care for him, and I’m all he has left.”

“You’re a good person, I hope you know that.”

“Well, thank you. And I don’t know if it means anything but I think you’re a good person too. You’ve stuck by your family, even when things got tough.”

He looks shocked. “Wow, I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before.”

I smile warmly at him, hoping he can see that I truly do mean it. “Well it’s true.”

As we eat I can see Brandon looking at me. At first I think the expression is one of an awe or maybe a little confusion, but then it changes. His face reminds me of how he looked on the night when we first met. When I was up on stage fantasizing about him like an insane person and he was undressing with his eyes. It makes me shiver. It makes me wonder where tonight will lead.

“So, tell me more about yourself Brandon Heath-Smith. I would love to learn everything about you.”

He muses upon this for a moment. “I don’t know what there is to tell really. I’m more of a workaholic than I always told myself I would be, and I… I haven’t ever committed to anything else.”

I wonder if he’s trying to let me know in a subtle way that he’s not in this for the long haul, which is just fine by me. I knew that before I even jumped in on that first night. The sexy stranger who sweeps through the bar while he’s in town on business, isn’t the man who sticks around forever more. He’s just the one for fun.

I grin. “Yeah, I guess I haven’t committed to anything else but work either. I guess it just is what it is.”

As I use his own catch phrase back at him he sees that I get it. We both know what this is and we need to enjoy it while the moment is here. It’ll only be a fleeting one so we need to make it magical while we can.

Chapter 8 – Brandon

“Did you want to take a walk?” Lola asks me sweetly once the conversation is over. “Take a look around the farm? I know it isn’t much, it certainly isn’t what it used to be when I was younger, but it’s still ours. It’s pretty cool. Or I think it is.”

“Sure, that sounds great.” Actually, I think I’d like to see more of her life. Even if this is only a short term thing. Plus, she looks cool in her denim skirt and her vest top. I’m sure if we go outside she’ll put those sexy as hell cowboy boots on as well. My heart rate instantly kicks up a notch as I think about her in that way again. “I think if you’re going to tell me more about your farm, you’ll have to wear a cowgirl hat though. Do you have one?”

She leans behind one of her chairs and she pulls one out, which causes fireworks to explode in my chest. She’s just so damn hot. How did I get so lucky? My luck only intensifies as she slides her gorgeous feet into those cowboy boots.

“Come on. Let’s go.”

As we walk through the door and out into the farm, a chill runs up and down my spine, but I don’t think it’s from the cold at all. I think it’s all to do with this gorgeous red head next to me. She points things out to me, showing me the animals and telling me all about how it used to be, back in the day, which gives me an insight into her childhood as well. I can see that when her parents were fine she had a happy time here, and I think she wants to cling onto that a lot… even if it’s never coming back.

It’s sweet, she’s lovely. I think I might secretly like her a little bit more than I should.

“And what’s this bad boy?” I ask as I pat my hand against some rusty metal that’s in the shed. “This looks like an interesting contraption.”

“You are joking, right?” She giggles disbelievingly at me. “That’s a tractor. There’s no way in hell that you’ve never seen a tractor before.”

I ignore her dig and continue talking. “Do you ride around the farm on this? I imagine that’s a sexy sight.”

“What me on this old thing?” She gives me a curious look. “Are you sure? I’m on it all the time and I will be until we finally can afford to hire some farm hands.”

“Wow.” I slide my eyes closed. “Yeah I can see it now. It’s incredible.”

As I head some clunking I snap my eyes back open to see Lola lifting herself up into the tractor. As she pulls herself upwards I get a glimpse of her red spotted cotton panties. Instantly I’m hard. This girl is like no one I’ve ever spent time with before. Usually the women I hang out with are prissy, only wanting to do things where others can see them to prove that they’re doing something exciting. If I was hanging out with a girl from the city, probably a hundred pictures would have made their way onto social media already. Their clothes would be perfect and no hair out of place. Perfect make up. Any pantie viewing would be completely on purpose… but Lola isn’t that way. She’s so carefree and sweet.

Damn, she’s getting right into my head and driving me wild.

“Like this?” She smirks at me while grabbing onto a steering wheel type device. Her hip pops out and she looks amazing. “Is this how you imagine it?”

“Mmm, yeah that looks good. Just like a fantasy girl.”

When Lola laughs at me, she flings her head back and lets the sound run free. “I don’t think I’ve ever been described as that before.”

What the hell is wrong with all the guys around here? There must be men, there must be some red blooded guys that fancy girls. There must be someone who would be attracted to Lola. Maybe she just doesn’t like them in the same way. Maybe that’s the problem.

“Hey, do you want to come up here with me? There are two seats.” She shifts across and pats the chair next to her. “See what it’s like up here in a tractor.”

I’m not dressed right to be plonking my butt onto a dirty old tractor, but I don’t care about that. I want to be next to Lola right now, I want to dive right into her world, so I do it. I yank myself up and I take the seat next to her.

“Hmmm, yeah it’s pretty cool up here.” I nod and agree with her. “I see why you like it.”

I turn my head to look at Lola and almost instantly desire jolts through me. I can see a deep lust dancing behind Lola’s gaze and it makes me wonder what the hell is going to happen here. Is she really thinking about that, here? I mean I’m definitely down for that, I’m always up for new experiences, especially with a girl so beautiful.

Fuck it, I can’t wait any longer. I cup my hand around her cheek and I pull her to me for a kiss. As her lips move against mine, the stirring in my underwear intensifies and drives me absolutely insane. I cross my left leg over my right and I slide my body closer to hers.

Eventually, I slide my hands up into her hair and I deepen the kiss. Then I move my mouth away from hers and I start to kiss her neck. Already she’s slick with sweat which I lick off with my tongue. I can feel her heart hammering against her rig cage which suggests she’s just as damn turned on as me.

“Oh, Lola,” I moan, letting my breath tickle across her skin. “Oh God.”

She seems to sense that I’m so full of lust that I’m willing to let her take control of the situation and she takes advantage of that. She pushes me back until I’m flat against the cold metal seat and she drops to her knees on the floor between my legs.

“What are you…?” I start to ask, but as she runs her tongue tantalizingly across her wet, plump lips. “Oh, fucking hell, Lola, you are killing me.”

Her fingers fiddle with the zipper on my trousers, brushing past my cock as she does, which stiffens my cock rock hard. I almost wonder if she knows what she’s doing and she’s driving me wild on purpose. My head falls back, my eyes slide closed, ragged intense breaths fall out of my mouth. I’m on fire, every single scrap of my body is hypersensitive and crazy. I almost don’t know what’s going on here.

Finally, she pulls me free and she grips onto my shaft tightly. I prize my eyes apart to glance down at her and the sight I can see is the sexiest fucking thing in my whole damn life. She’s looking up at me as she runs her hand all over me, and her wide eyes filled with sexual lust is wonderful. The fact that we’re on a fucking tractor in the middle of a shed in the middle of nowhere… well that just makes it even more insane. This gives it the thrill of us getting caught, with only a minute possibility of that actually happening.

“Oh fucking hell, Lola,” I rasp as she picks up the pace. “Oh shit.”

Then she causes my hips to buck by pressing her lips over my tip, soaking it with her lips. Her tongue darts out from between her lips and she licks me like I’m a damn lollypop or something. My fingers curl around the hard, uncomfortable chair beneath me and I grip so tightly that my knuckles turn white, just to keep myself steady.

As her mouth opens and she finally takes me in, right down to the back of her throat. I hit the back of her throat which makes her gag ever so slightly, but then she continues by tracing her mouth up and down me, flickering her tongue everywhere.

I’ve been in a similar position with many other chicks before, but there’s something about this time with Lola which is just so much better. I don’t know if it’s her plump lips, her soaking mouth, her wide eyes, or something else. Either way it feels phenomenal.

Just when I think it can’t get any better, Lola’s fingers trace along my thighs and with one of her hands she reaches down to tickle her fingers along my balls. It’s an unexpected, excitable sensation that runs right through my body and all the way to the end of my cock.

Fucking hell, she really is a surprise. I thought I was going to be the one to corrupt her…

“Stop,” I finally rasp when I feel myself getting too close to exploding. “Oh fuck, Lola stop. I want to…” Can I say it? Yes, I think I can. “I want to be inside you.”

Lola instantly drags her lips off of me and she gives me a wicked smile. I tuck my hands under her arm pits and I pull her upright. Then, I tug her until she climbs up onto my lap and she straddles me. As we kiss hard and fast, I take one of my fingers and I run it along the cotton of her gorgeous panties. I want to rip them off, tear them with my teeth, but for now I’ll have to be satisfied with pulling them to one side.

I use one hand to flick my fingers over her hardened clit, making her hips roll violently towards me at a rapid pace, and I use the other to grab a condom from my pocket. In an expert way, I don’t break contact with Lola as I roll the condom down over myself, so soon I’m completely ready for her. More than fucking ready, since she’s driven me to the edge.

As Lola angles herself over me and she pushes herself down, I grunt loudly. She’s so tight around me, but so wet. Wrapping her lips around me must have turned her on so much that she’s almost at the edge as well.

There’s something about this girl… something fucking special.

I buck my hips and drive deeper into her, thrusting hard and fast. Lola grabs onto my shoulders and she rides me intensely, with a serene look on her face. A thick pleasure swirls between us, the chemistry and the bond grows deeper. I can’t stop looking at her face, she’s so beautiful, even more so when she’s in the heat of the moment. It’s a face that I could look at for the rest of my life.

As the pleasure explodes free from me and Lola at pretty much the same time, I grip tightly onto her and hold her close to my body. The realization that this is the best I’ve ever felt doesn’t go unnoticed, but luckily I just about manage to keep it inside for now.

Chapter 9 – Lola

I feel like I’m skipping on air, the way that I have been for the past few weeks since Brandon first rocked up into my life out of the blue. Despite the fact that we both know exactly what this is and neither of us have any expectations, we’ve fallen into a bit of a boyfriend and girlfriend role. I work all day on the farm, while taking care of my father in between, he works his hours on the building site and he comes to watch me every single time I play in the bar, and when all those times are over, we hang out, just me and him. Sometimes we eat out in the diner, sometimes we have dinner and watch a movie at my place, occasionally we go for a walk through the town, just for fun…

I do have to keep reminding myself that this moment is only fleeting, and I’m absolutely certain that when Brandon has to return to his real life, forcing me back into mine, I’ll miss him like crazy. I suppose that at least I’ve proven to myself that I can make room for someone in my life. As long as it’s the right person. I can’t imagine anyone like Brandon passing through my life anytime soon, but maybe when he does I’ll be much more open to it.

As I step out of my shower and I glance at my reflection in the mirror, I can’t help noticing how bright my smile is. I barely even look like the girl I once was, the one who had the world weighing on her shoulders. My red hair looks shinier, my skin is glowing, my eyes are sparkling… I wish I could be this version of myself forever.

“Right,” I mutter to myself as I riffle through my drawer. “What shall I wear today?”

Usually I don’t bother to care too much about how I look. I toss on whatever I can get my hands on without much thinking about it. The only time I consider my appearance is when I’m up on stage. I like to look good for my fake Madison Square Garden audience. Now though, I can tell that Brandon likes it when I look like a cowgirl, so I enjoy playing that role for him. It’s just a whole lot of fun, just like all of this…

As I stare into my drawer, my mind wanders off. I keep trying to stop it doing this, but the dreamer side of me won’t leave however much I want it to. In my mind, I take away the restrictions surrounding me and Brandon, I rid us of the fact that it won’t ever become something long term and I imagine him holding me in his arms, living inside my home, being with me forever. It’s a nice idea and it fills my chest with an intense warmth that I would love to cling onto… but eventually I have to let it go. I have to shake my head and bring myself back to the present moment. It’s a nice idea, but that’s it.

“Knock, knock.” I spin around in shock as I hear the all too familiar voice ringing out from behind me. A chocolaty smooth wonderful voice, “Can I come in?”

“Well, I am naked,” I say with a smirk as I tug my towel up higher around me. “But I’m just about to get dressed so I suppose you can come in.”

“You don’t have to, but I suppose I need you to if we’re going to go out today.”

“We’re going out?” I tug some panties up around my ankles, hoping I look at least a little dignified as I do so. “But it’s so early. Shouldn’t you be at work? Doesn’t the whole building site fall apart when you’re not there?”

“Apparently not.” Brandon flops into one of my chairs like he belongs there, only bringing my fantasy back out once more. I would love it if he could belong there! “Since I’ve got the rest of the day off. I thought after I’ve helped you around the farm and with your father, we could go for a walk. But a really long one where you can show me all your old haunts. Nothing teaches me more about a person than were they used to underage drink something that tastes like paint stripper.”

“Oh, the dump,” I say with a grin. “That sounds fun. And actually, I’m finished on the farm today which is why I’m getting showered and dressed so early.” Now that I actually have my clothes on now, I can claim that. “So that works out well.”

“Do you want to go and check on your dad?”

I pause for a moment, wondering what I should do. I don’t want to keep the most important parts of my life separate, but at the same time I still haven’t mentioned Brandon to my dad and I don’t think now is the best time to introduce them. He’s doing well today anyway, so I don’t have to go and see him if I don’t need to.

“No I’m all done. Let’s just go.” I reach out to his hand to grab it in mine.

“But your hair is still wet…” His words trail off as I grab hold of my hat. The cowgirl hat that I know he loves. “Okay, fair enough. Let’s get going.”

As we leave my cottage, I actually grow excited about this trip. I can still tell after all this time, Brandon doesn’t see the positives to the town, he still likes the city so much better and while I don’t think I can change that, I can make him see why I do like it here… even if I feel like I’m in a rut. I want to leave, but I also don’t want to leave.

“So, this is the famous dump I was telling you about,” I start as I point to a few discarded car and truck tires. “Where we used to buy some foreign, cheap brand beer and drink it until we were sick. Yes, before you ask, even me. I was a bit wild at times.”

“This isn’t a dump,” Brandon declares with a laugh as he squeezes my hand in his. “But I can picture you as the wild child, leading others into all sorts of trouble.”

I was for a while, until Mom got sick, but I don’t want to bring all of the serious stuff back up again. This is supposed to be fun. I need to forget for just a while.

“Well, to bring back some memories, I brought a couple of cans with us so we can have a drink.” He pulls some tiny tins out of his pockets and squints at the label. “Although I think it might be cider, not beer. Will that work? Sorry, I just grabbed whatever.”

I giggle and take one from him before I move over to the tire where I always used to sit. A lot of the time it was next to Rory, but I don’t want to think about him now. I want to create some new memories with another man who won’t be around forever. “That’s fine.”

Brandon sits opposite me and we drink in silence for a moment. I watch the sun setting behind the trees behind him, giving him an awesome twinkle that manages to make him even more handsome. If I could come back to the teenage version of me and show me the man that would actually be interested in me, at least for a while, I don’t think I would’ve believed it. Mind you, I definitely thought that Rory was the one so maybe I wouldn’t have cared.

“So where did you drink?” I ask, changing the subject quickly.

“The park near my house. Me and my buddy, Landon. We used to think that we were wasted off of two cans. Silly really, looking back. We did think that we knew it all, but we were just foolish. I suppose all it was about then was impressing the girls.”

“I guess you’ve changed so much,” I tease with an eye roll. “Now you’re so much more mature. How about Landon? Is he still the same?”

“I don’t know, actually,” he says wistfully. “Somehow, even with the world of social media, we managed to lose touch.”

I nod slowly, knowing that feeling well. But then again, I’ve purposely lost touch with people because I don’t want to see what they’re doing. I don’t want them to know what I’m doing either. “Yeah, I see.” I screw up my nose and put the can down. “So is there anything else you’d like to see? There’s much more to this place than just the dump.”

“I suppose I’d like to see your old school, if that’s okay? And anywhere else that’s important to you.”

“Hmmm, well the school has moved building now, so there isn’t much I can show you there…” I tap my finger thoughtfully on my chin as I try to work out what might be suitable right now. “But what about the lake?”

“There’s a lake?”

“Damn right, there’s a lake. It’s awesome too. I can’t believe you haven’t seen it yet. Come on, let’s go.”

I grab his hand excitedly and tug him along with me. The lake is a beautiful, incredible place, it’s impossible not to like this town once you’ve seen the lake. This is perfect, Brandon will absolutely love it, I cannot wait for him to grow as excited as me…

“Oh,” I say in shock as we stand by the lake. “I guess I haven’t been here for a long time. It used to be so much nicer. There used to be flowers, and… other stuff.”

“It’s nice,” Brandon lies as he wraps his arms around me from behind. “Or at least, I can see that it used to be. Did you use to hang out here a lot?”

“I remember feeding the ducks here with my mom,” I reply softly, forgetting all about keeping the serious stuff at bay for a day. There’s just something about Brandon that makes it far too easy for me to open up to him. “It was so lovely then.”

Brandon’s lips move over my neck, making me shudder slightly. Butterflies flapped all over me. “And I’m sure it will be again someday.”

“Yeah… maybe.” I don’t want to hold out too much hope because aside from Brandon’s little project which isn’t improving the town it’s changing it, no one seems to care about here anymore. “We’ll see.”

Brandon spins me around to look at him with a cheeky glint in his eyes. “You know what we should do?” he gushes excitedly. “We should go swimming in it.”

“Are you serious?” I laugh. “It’s probably freezing! And the water looks quite dirty. And also we have no swimming stuff. There’s no way we can go swimming in there.”

“No, I know that, we could skinny dip…” But his words trail off as he looks at the water, finally seeing what I see. “Oh, maybe not. You’re right. It does look a bit grim. Maybe we should just sit beside it instead. Drink in the atmosphere, and not die from probably radiation poisoning… although maybe we would end up with super powers.”

“Yeah okay. Let’s do that instead. I think all the powers are gone.”

Brandon sits down and I perch on his lap with my arms around his neck. I glance down at him before dipping my head in to kiss him gently. Despite the dirty water and the tainting of my memories, it’s actually a perfect moment. The sun is dipping down, giving the world an orangey glow, and I’m here with the most amazing man I’ve ever met in my life.

I could fall for this man, I think with his lips against mine. I honestly could fall in love with him.

Chapter 10 – Brandon

“So, do you agree to the extra budget?” Hank asks me, sounding a little bit annoyed now. “I need an answer today. Do you think maybe you could take a look?”

“Oh, sorry.” I drag my eyes away from my cell phone screen where I’ve been looking at possible auditions for Lola to attend in the city for the past hour. I don’t know many people myself, but my dad does which means the Heath-Smith name will open doors she wouldn’t be able to alone. “Yes, I agree with that budget. Sorry I’m so distracted.”

Hank gives me a look as if he wants to say something, but he doesn’t quite manage to get words out. “Yeah, sure thanks, boss. I’ll get on it right away.”

“Hold on, Hank.” I stop him from going. “Wait a minute. Is there something you want to say? You look like you have something on your mind.” He shifts his feet awkwardly and won’t meet my eyes. Clearly this isn’t something that I’m going to like. “It’s okay, Hank. I won’t get offended. Whatever it is you have to say, just say it.”

“It’s just…” He breathes deeply, steeling himself. “I’ve heard all sorts of amazing things about you, work wise. I’ve heard that you’re a real demon.”

“Okay?” I have no idea where he’s going with this, but I’m intrigued.

“It’s just that you’ve been very distracted while you’ve been here. It hasn’t always been easy to get anything out of you, you know? At first I thought you must not want to be here in this small town. I know that it can’t be a very interesting project for you, but now… well now I’m starting to think that you might be in love.”

At the L word, I grab onto my phone and I shove it back into my pocket so Hank can’t see what I’m researching. I don’t want him to think that I’m trying to help Lola or that I want to bring her into my life more long term. He won’t understand that I’m just trying to be kind, to help Lola do what she so clearly wants to do with her life. It doesn’t mean I’m falling for her or that I want to drag this out.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I shoot back firmly. “But I’m sorry. I will take your notes on board and I’ll be more alert while I’m here from now on.”

Hank nods awkwardly, blushing as he realizes that he might have overstepped the boundary with me then, and he walks off leaving me alone to stew in my thoughts. Yes, I like Lola, but I certainly don’t love her. Just because I’ve spent far more time with her than any other woman in my life, doesn’t mean anything. She’s just the only interesting thing in this town, that’s all. I won’t have Hank stir me up like that.

Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

I glance at the screen to see Lola’s name there. My initial sensation is my heart skipping a beat, but then I realize that she’s distracting me at work again. I don’t want to speak to her when I’m here anymore, I do need to focus if I don’t want to let my father down, I need to separate her for my fun time, that’s all.

Oh damn it!

I hit answer, unable to completely ignore Lola. She has a pull inside my chest, a tugging sensation that draws me in, even when I know it’s bad for me.

“Hello?” I ask a little breathlessly. “Lola, everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” I cradle the phone to my ear as I soak in her lovely voice. I get so wrapped up in her words that I don’t notice her sad tone for a while. “Erm, it’s just my dad. He isn’t great today and I think I might need to take him to the hospital. I just wanted to let you know so you don’t turn up tonight and I’m not there. I don’t know how long I’m going to be…” She sounds guilty, which breaks my heart. None of this is her fault. I’m so glad I answered the phone now! I would feel guilty forever, if not.

“Oh no, that’s fine. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need driving or anything?”

“No, it’s okay. Dad’s in the car now and I’m just about to take him.” The concern falls off her tongue. “Just… letting you know.”

“Will you please keep me up to date? Anything I can do I want to be there.”

“Oh yeah of course, I will do, thank you.”

Once she hangs up the phone I start thinking about costs. I know there isn’t much that I can do for Lola and her father, but they might not have health insurance either. If so, that’ll cost them a fortune… I know she won’t want me to, but I can pay it for her. If I do it without her knowing then there’s nothing she can get upset about. Hopefully she won’t even realize, if she has a lot going on it might not even hit her.

I move away from the building site, which is now starting to look a lot more like the pictures than it did last week, and I make another call. Only this one to the local hospital. I speak to a receptionist there about forwarding Mr. Boots’ medical bills to me. Of course she won’t agree to it, since I’m not a family member, but she tells me if I can make my way down to the hospital within the next twenty four hours with a method of payment, she’ll sort it out with me. Relief floods me as she gives me something to work with.

I then ask her if there’s a specialist on board, which of course there isn’t because it’s such a small place, which gives me something else I can focus on. I can help find one, and pay for the specialist treatment to help her dad. I don’t like problems I can’t solve, that isn’t practical enough for me. When I have something I can do, I feel useful.

“Is everything alright, boss?” Again I’m faced with Hank, the man who just told me my mind isn’t on the prize enough, and I’m distracted again. “You look… stressed.”

“I… I’m sorry,” I reply with a sharp shake of the head. “I know I’m not supposed to be distracted anymore, but something has come up and it’s something that I need to deal with.”

“I didn’t mean any offense when I said that, boss. I honestly didn’t.” Hank looks taken aback and I can hardly blame him. “It’s just… well, if you’re in love then we all know what we’re up against. It’s not a bad thing, we just know that boring details about a building can’t compete to that of a pretty face.” He pats me on the arm. “We’ve all been there, boss.”

I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. I know I don’t love Lola, and that I can’t ever love her even if I want to, but I can use that as an excuse for now. “Yes, I suppose that is the case. I don’t know why I didn’t just say that before. Now she needs me. She has a family medical emergency to deal with. I think I need to be there. Can you handle everything here?”

“Oh, I can handle it, don’t you worry about that. You just go and make this girl fall in love with you too… if she isn’t already.”

I can’t dignify that with an answer, I just need to get the hell out of here. I give Hank a grateful smile and I race to my car. I probably could walk to the hospital, but I want to get there quickly. I need to speak to the receptionist I dealt with on the phone, I want to catch her while she’s still on the desk so I can get the bill dealt with in a quick and discrete manner.

Once I hop into the car and I race towards the hospital I realize that looking at all these auditions, there isn’t any way they can happen here. I might want her to get everything that she’s ever dreamed about, and I might be the one who can open the right doors for her, but she really is stuck here. Her father needs her.

The realization that there isn’t any other option for us hits me hard, making me consider my feelings deeply. Maybe I do like her in all the ways that I’m not supposed to which is very hopeless. I never wanted to be the sort of guy that fell in love ever, I certainly don’t want to be the guy who falls in love with someone who I can’t be with.

I might have to distance myself from Lola once all of this is done. Maybe, for both of our sakes I need to stop seeing her quite so much. We are acting too much like we’re a couple. It isn’t healthy for either of us…

***

“Thank you,” I say with relief to the woman as I get my credit card back. “Now you have all my information, you can take the payment once it’s all done.”

I feel good knowing that I’ve helped. I’ve also asked the receptionist not to say anything to Lola or her father. I want this to be an anonymous donation, nothing more. Especially if I don’t want to deepen things between me and Lola. I don’t want her to see what I’ve done as a sweet thing and for her to feel deeper for me. If she’s falling for me it’ll be impossible for me to not fall for her.

“Thank you, Sir. All is done. Very kind of you.”

“Kind, but secret,” I remind her. “Thank you.”

With a deep sigh of relief I take a step backwards and my shoulders sag. Now that I’ve done what needs to be done, I’m back to not knowing what to do with myself. This sensation is so strange, in the city I always know what to do. I’m never stuck, feeling hopeless and a little lonely. Everything about this town is really messing with my mind.

Now, I guess I could go back to the building site, I could see how Hank and the others are getting on, although I know they don’t really need me, or I could head back to the depressing motel room staring at the blank, four walls. Urgh, no, even the idea of that place makes me want to throw up. It’s just a shame that I’ll have to spend more time there now. I can’t stay at Lola’s anymore if we’re going to be a bit more separate. I better get used to it.

I spin on my heels and start moving towards the door, preparing myself for what’s to come. But before I make it to the door, a hang claps over my shoulder which make me jump. For some reason, the sensation that I’ve just been caught doing something naughty fills me right up. My heart pounds, my stomach churns, my lungs squeeze tight…

And then I see her.

“Lola?” I gasp, feeling even worse. She isn’t supposed to know that I’ve been here. “I… I…”

“What are you doing here?” she asks in a shocked voice. “Did you come to see me?”

“No,” I shoot back rapidly, before realizing that’s stupid. What other excuse could I have? “Yes. I don’t want to intervene, I just want to check that you’re okay.”

She doesn’t look okay to me, she looks more stressed than I’ve ever seen her before. But I don’t point that out.

“So why are you walking towards the door then?”

I hang my head in shame. What a mess I’ve gotten myself into! “I guess I just thought you might not want to see me. I’m sorry.”

Chapter 11 – Lola

I pause for a moment as shock races through my system. Not only am I stunned that Brandon is here, but I’m also completely freaked out that he thinks I might not want him around. We’ve been growing closer, getting more connected to one another, learning and opening up. It’s starting to feel like maybe it could be more than it’s supposed to be.

“It’s okay that you’re here,” I tell him softly as I slip my fingers through his. The warmth of his skin feels wonderful against mine. “Did you want to come and meet my father?”

“It isn’t really a good time, is it?” he asks cautiously. Is it me or does he actually look scared? “I don’t think he’ll want to meet me while he’s in the hospital, will he?”

“He’s out at the moment. High on a lot of drugs and mostly asleep. So, I guess you won’t really be meeting him… but I could use some company if you don’t mind. Unless you have to get back to work, of course? I don’t want to get in the way of business…”

“I’ll come with you.” His face breaks out into a smile but I can still see the anxiety there. I feel bad for him, I didn’t mean for him to be frightened. “Anything to help, you know me.”

I lead him down the hallway, moving out of the way when a stressed looking doctor followed by two trainees push their way past us. This place is way too understaffed, it’s a travesty really, but I suppose people in a small town getting sick just don’t classify as important as the people in the city. Not that I’m bitter or anything…

“Right, this is the room,” I whisper once we’re outside. My heart thunders in my chest, I can feel it bashing painfully against my rib cage, but with Brandon’s hand in mine it doesn’t feel as bad as it was ten minutes ago. “Are you ready to go inside?”

He peers through the door to see the frail man my dad has become. I don’t see him that way myself because I remember the strong, powerful force of nature that he was once upon a time. Especially when Mom was alive, I think when she died he gave up fighting for everything so much and became susceptible to illness. I might be wrong, but that’s how it feels most of the time. Now, he’s lying in that bed, attached to an IV drip, on really high pain meds that have knocked him out. It’s utterly heart breaking for me.

“Oh bless him,” Brandon whispers, sounding incredibly concerned. “Is there anything we can do for him? Does he just need to sleep or something?”

“I think so.” I give him a one shouldered shrug. “I’m just waiting for the nurse to let me know. That’s where I was going actually. To find someone, but I bumped into you instead.”

“Right okay.” Brandon looks a little pale, like he can’t quite cope with what’s going on. It makes me feel terrible. “So we should just go inside and wait.”

I keep my fingers looped through his and I wave our hands back and forth while I look at him lovingly. “Look, Brandon, I really do appreciate you staying here with me, it’s such a kind offer but I can do this by myself. I don’t mind if you want to go back to your motel. I shouldn’t have asked you to come and meet my dad. Now that I’m hearing the words aloud, I can hear how crazy it sounds, so maybe we should pretend I never asked that question.”

He snatches his hands away from mine and puts them on my cheeks. Then he pulls me towards him for a kiss. As his lips crash into mine I can feel a desperation behind them which I’m sure comes from the dilemma that I’ve accidently put in front of him. This wasn’t ever my intention. I kiss him back, but my mind spins the whole time.

“I’m coming in with you,” he finally gasps into my mouth. “I want to be here, come on.”

Then he takes my hand and he leads me into the room, not waiting for me to argue with him at all. As we enter and get nearer to my father, I forget all about Brandon’s inner dilemma and I suck in a deep tense air once more. This really isn’t easy. I’ve been through it more than once before, and it never feels anything less than stressful.

“So what will they do for him?” Brandon asks quietly. “What happens now?”

“They manage things, sort him out and send him back home again.” My voice cracks with emotion as I speak. “That’s all they can do, it can be a bit of a vicious cycle.”

Brandon puts his hands on his hips and he narrows his eyes. He looks like I did in the beginning, he wants an answer that just isn’t ever going to be there. I remember it well, but I’ve given in now. I gave my hope for a cure a whole lot of time and effort, and it exhausted me. Now I’m in a better place because I’ve accepted it. It is what it is, I suppose.

“And has he seen every specialist available? Has he dealt with every doctor?”

“We can’t really afford to see every doctor.” I know Brandon doesn’t understand this, he lives in a world where money isn’t an issue, but I need to make him understand. “So that holds us back but we’ve done everything that we can.”

Brandon parts his lips as I brace myself for him to say something that I won’t want to hear. It’ll be something money related and since that isn’t something that I can change I just don’t want to hear it right now. It makes my shoulders hunch around my ears.

But before he can get even the first word out, my dad makes a groaning noise that grabs both of our attention. The words fall apart on Brandon’s lips and my ears switch off from him. I race to Dad’s side and take the seat next to him so I can grab his hand. His eyes flicker as he tries his hardest to focus on me. At least that pained look is gone now, the medication must be working well. I’m glad, he needs that relief.

“Dad, are you okay?” I gush quietly to him. “What’s going on? What can I do?”

“L…Lo,” he practically whispers back, using the nickname that only he has for me. I wouldn’t like it from anyone else. “Sorry I got sick again.”

“Oh, Dad, don’t ever say that.” Tears fill my eyes. “This isn’t exactly your fault, is it? You can’t help it. I’m just glad that we got you some help in time.”

“At the hospital?” It breaks my heart that he doesn’t even seem to know where he is. “Yes, it’s very white. This must be the hospital.”

“Yeah, we’re at the hospital. I’ll go and get a nurse for you in a moment.”

“Is that not a nurse?” He peers over my shoulder and it takes me a couple of moments to realize who he’s looking at. Brandon’s standing right behind me looking awkward.

“Oh no, that’s not a nurse. That’s Brandon, he’s my… friend.” I cringe guiltily as I lie. He isn’t just my friend, but I can’t call him anything else either. “He’s helping me.”

Dad tries to sit up but the pain is too much for him to do so. Sensing this, Brandon moves closer so my dad can see him. “Hi, I hope that you feel… okay.” It’s so obvious that Brandon doesn’t know what to say, but the fact that he’s still here and he hasn’t run for the hills says a whole lot about him. “Sorry, I know that you probably don’t want me here, so if you want me to go, I can do so now…”

“Are you the reason?” Dad asks cryptically. When Brandon doesn’t answer, he senses that he needs to continue. “The reason that my Lo has been much happier recently?” My eyes widen in shock. I thought I was so discrete with my feelings. “Oh, I know that she’s tried to hide it from me but I can tell that she’s going through some big changes. I thought love because of the way she now bounces as she walks, and now I can see I was right.”

Me and Brandon share a panicked look. The L word is something we definitely shouldn’t say aloud but that isn’t something that we can say to my dad right now while he’s sick.

“Oh well, he’s my friend, we’ve been hanging out,” I stammer as a blush fills my cheeks. “It’s nothing to worry about, or nothing to get excited about. It is what it is.”

Urgh, there it is again, those words. They sum up more than I ever thought possible. Now I can see why Brandon likes them so much.

“Hmm, I see,” Dad replies, sounding a bit bemused. “Well, I think something different. I think there’s something much more between you, but what do I know? I’m just a sick old man lying in a bed because my body keeps failing me.”

I don’t know how to answer that question, it sends me into a spiral of panic. I can’t look at Brandon anymore for fear of what he’s thinking about my dad and his heavy words. Words that definitely shouldn’t have been spoken aloud, not when things are so confusing between me and him.

“Shall I go and get a nurse?” Brandon asks rapidly. “See what’s going on here?”

I nod rapidly and watch as he leaves in a hurry. Seeing him go makes me feel oddly vulnerable as I wait for the onslaught of questions that’s undoutably about to come from my dad. It takes me a few moments to even turn my neck back to face him because I’m in such a state of panic. And as I finally do I wish I hadn’t.

“He is more important to me than you’re letting on,” Dad says with the shake of his head. “I don’t know why you feel like you had to keep him a secret…”

“Because he’s going,” I jump in quickly before he gets carried away. “This is only a short term thing. We both know what it is. As soon as his project is finished he’ll be back in the city and it’ll all be over.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he replies in a matter of fact tone. “The long distance thing didn’t stop your mother and I in the beginning.”

“What?” I lean in, this isn’t a story that I’ve ever heard before. “You and Mom did the long distance thing?”

“We did.” He smiles to himself. “I actually met her when she came here on vacation. She was only here for ten days so it was a short term thing. But the amount of time we spent together was enough for me to know. I just knew that it was love.”

“How did it work?” I don’t know if I’m asking just to know or for myself as well, but I can’t resist. I need some answers. “When she went back home?”

“We wrote letters, we visited one another, we did all that we could to make it work. It’s just one of those things that if you’re both determined enough, you can make it happen, you know?”

I don’t know what to say. In all honesty this has left me speechless. It’s opened my eyes to the way that things can work if both parties want it to. I don’t know if that applies to me and Brandon, it hasn’t been long enough for me to be able to tell.

Then again Mom and Dad only needed ten days, so maybe I just need to pull my finger out and acknowledge how I feel. I know it, I just need to accept it.

Chapter 12 – Brandon

“And he’s out now, is he?” I say smilingly into the phone, cradling it close to my ear as I walk through the building site. “That’s good. All settled in back home?”

“Just about.” I can already hear how weary she sounds in her voice. “I’ve just got him into bed, and he’s looking much better.” She pauses thoughtfully and I give her a second to work out what she wants to say next. “Something really strange happened, as I left the hospital.” I don’t say anything even though I already know exactly what she’s talking about. “The bill for all the hospital care… it was already paid. Paid in full.”

I bite down on my bottom lip as I try to decide how I want to play this. I don’t really want to tell her that it was me but I don’t want to lie to her either. I choose to play it off as best as I can. “Well, that’s good isn’t it? Means you don’t have anything else to worry about… oh, hold on I have to go. Hank is trying to catch my attention, I think he needs my help with something. I better go but I’ll see you later on okay? Bye!”

Guilt crushes me as I hang up and I’m also acutely aware that it won’t be the end of it, but at the same time I don’t want to try and work out how to deal with this now.

“All okay, boss?” Hank asks me with a knowing wink. “Trouble in paradise?”

“No, no, it’s all good.” I give him the brightest smile I can manage. “How’s it going?”

I glance around looking at everything he’s achieved. The guys have done a wonderful job here, they’ve brought the plans to life without much instruction from me. I’m going to recommend that my father use Hank and his guys on all future projects. They’re awesome. Okay, so maybe it doesn’t fit in with the rest of the town, I will admit that, but it looks good.

“Actually, Hank, I might have a side project for you and a couple of the guys, once we’re done here. If that’s okay with you? I’ll pay you well, of course.”

“Oh right, sure.” He looks a bit surprised. “What is it?”

I think of Lola and how happy she’ll be if I manage to pull this off. “There’s an abandoned lake around here, sort of over there.” As I aimlessly point, Hank’s face brightens in recognition. Of course he knows it, he’s obviously lived here long enough. “Well I want it renovated, if that’s okay with you?”

“Oh right.” He looks a bit confused for a moment but that soon passes. “Does this maybe have anything to do with your girl?”

“It does,” I admit. “I’ll give you all the details when I’ve worked it out.” My cell phone blasts out, grabbing my attention once more. I smile, assuming that it must be Lola again. I like it when it seems like she just can’t get enough of me. “Hold on, I better get this.”

As I move away from Hank and I stare at the screen of my phone, I realize that it isn’t Lola after all. It’s my dad which instantly has my heart leaping up into my throat. He hasn’t rung me once with good news since I’ve been here, it’s always been criticism and questions that are damn near impossible to answer. It sucks, and it makes me think about what Lola said to me when we first met. When she asked me if this is what I want to be doing with my life. It isn’t, I know that, but I don’t know what I want to do instead.

I suck in a couple of deep breaths, then hit the answer button. “Hello?”

“Brandon,” his tone is sharp, he doesn’t sound happy. “Give me an update.”

I squeeze my fists together, trying to keep some of my temper inside. I’m a freaking adult, I’m his son, and I’m high up in the company. Why does he have to talk to me like a child? It really winds me up.

“It’s going well. We’re ahead of schedule. I can email you some pictures if you like?”

“Hank has already done that, I want to know from your point of view. We are over the budget, aren’t we?”

Oh God, I almost forgot that part. “Yes, but there are reasons for that…”

“That’s what I want to know. That’s why I’m calling you.”

I let my eyes slide closed and I suck in a couple of deep breaths. “That might be something I should email you,” I say through gritted teeth as I try to keep my cool. “I don’t think I can go through it all on the phone with you now.”

Dad sighs loudly and angrily. “Fine, but I expect it this afternoon okay? And I need you to be more involved in the future. If investors want to know the numbers and what’s going on with everything you have to have all the information. If you don’t, you seem weak, you appear poor and unreliable. How do you think I’ve got so far in life?”

I don’t say anything to that, I just wait for his rant to come to an end. There’s nothing I can say that won’t make it worse. I’ve learnt this over time. I just grip my thigh hard so I have some physical pain to focus on rather than the emotional agony my father always gives me. Well anger and hate really, but it’s so damn negative.

“I get by because I always know everything, and if you want to be as successful as me, then you need to as well. I only tell you this because we care.”

“Right. Sure. I’ll get on that.” Urgh he’s winding me up. “I have to go now, bye.”

Once I hang up the phone I huff and shake my head. I wanted to go to the lake with Hank, I wanted to decide what I want to be doing, but instead I’m going to be pointlessly working out numbers for something that’s already been done. This feels like utter bullshit to me.

“You okay, boss?” Hank asks me.

“I need Archie,” I tell him grimly. “I need to set out a report for my dad.”

“Oh the boring paper work bit.” He rolls his eyes in an understanding way. “Let’s get this done.”

***

I collapse onto the grubby, uncomfortable bed in the motel room face down as a weariness overcomes me. I haven’t been staying here much, thankfully because I’ve had Lola to keep me company. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to last as long as I have done if I’d been forced to stay here. But now, instead of going to see her, I’m here.

What is going on with me? I think as I twist around in my bed to stare up at the slightly cracked ceiling. Why do I feel so churned up?

I know really. Speaking to dad always reminds me about what life’s going to be like when I return to the city. It makes me really understand that I need to keep my distance with Lola. I keep knowing that, but acting upon it is something else. Even now I know that it would be much better if I just kept away, but the tug in my chest is all too real. I’m torn.

I don’t move while I debate this inside my mind. Probably because I think if I don’t move then I will be able to keep away, but of course I can’t avoid the real world forever.

Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

“Oh God,” I murmur while turning over onto my left side. “What am I going to do?”

I decide to just tell her that I can’t hang out tonight. Maybe one night of distance will be the start towards our slow separation. The building work is getting ever closer to ending, it really won’t be as long as I’d like it to be in this town, so this will be good.

God when I first arrived here I didn’t think I’d see the day where I didn’t want to leave.

Just be strong, I tell myself. Just be strong and give an excuse.

“Hey, Lola,” I say warmly. “How are you? I’ve had a terrible day…”

“Oh well that’s why I’ve cooked you something.” I slide my eyes closed as I realize just how challenging this will be. “I thought you sounded a bit stressed earlier.”

“Oh that’s so kind of you, I am just a bit…” I don’t get my words out because she continues to talk over me as if she can’t sense my inner turmoil at all.

“I’m sorry, I know a big part of it must be my fault. It can’t be easy for you to look after me, see to my dad, and work your ass off as well. I just want to do something nice for you. To say thanks.”

How can I resist that? I know I can’t. Not without seeming like a real asshole. “Okay, sure. I’ll just get ready and I’ll be there.”

I push my weary body off the bed and I loosen my tie. I have gotten very used to spending time with Lola in a much more casual outfit than I’d usually wear. Everything with her is more comfortable and relaxed. It’s like a completely different life style that I didn’t even know I craved.

But of course I can’t crave it because it’ll never be mine. Yes, it might be a nice idea to think of doing something else with my life, it might be a good fantasy to consider taking control of my life and moving it into a new direction, but I can’t realistically. My dad has been good to me, even if he’s hard. He’s given me my position and opened up doors for me. He’s given me all the money I could want in life. I need him. Plus, without Mom all we have is each other, I can’t be a douche bag and let him down. I can’t leave him too. He might not say it a lot, and he doesn’t really act that way, but I do think he needs me.

As I throw a tee shirt over my head and I pull on a pair of jeans, I glance at myself in the mirror. I don’t recognise the person looking back at me, but I might as well not get used to it. This version of me won’t be around for much longer.

Just as I’m about to grab my car keys, my cell phone bleeps with an email coming through. I click onto it to see that it’s from my father.

‘Good job, Son. This is you taking control. I like to see you being a leader.’

A warm feeling fills my chest. See, he does respect me. He just pushes and pushes me hard to make sure I can get to where I need to be in life. I have to be grateful to him for that. I need to stop getting offended and to just embrace his words. He only has my best interests at heart. He wants me to succeed, I just need to want that for myself instead.

Maybe I don’t necessarily like what I do with my life, but then again who does? How many people are geuninly always excited to go to work every day? Barely anyone. Rather than worrying about what I like, maybe I should just work harder at getting better at it instead. That would be a much more productive use of my time. Being positive is always better thank being negative.

I need to get my head back in the city, to my real life. I have to force myself to slowly let go of here.

Chapter 13 – Lola

I’m all excited as I wait for Brandon to arrive. I’m wearing a floaty, summer style dress which clings to my hips and skims my legs mid thigh. It reveals just a little bit of cleavage too which is awesome. With my hair in two plaits running down my front, I think I actually look pretty good. Much better than I have done the last few days in the hospital anyway. I couldn’t help it then, I was too stressed to look good. I just wore whatever and looked a mess, but Brandon stuck by me the whole time. He really didn’t have to, but he did. That’s why I’ve cooked him a nice meal and I’ve brought some nice wine. I can’t afford much but I can do this for him. I can try and make him smile.

I also want to find out whether or not he paid the hospital bill for me. It isn’t going to be easy to get out of him, but it has to be him. Who else could it be?

As his heavy knocks come against the door, my heart flutters with excitement. I get a delicious thrill racing up and down my spine. He’s here, and that makes me feel like jelly.

I definitely like him far too much, I think to myself as I take the steps to close the distance between me and the door. It’s dumb, but I might even love him.

I don’t think that I’ve ever been in love before. I thought I was when I was with Rory, but that was high school, small town stuff. Mostly it was just comfortable, not the sort of thing to last full term even if my mom hadn’t gotten sick. I didn’t know any better then, but now I do. Now I know what it feels like when someone seems to complete me.

I think my dad must be right, I think there might be something genuine between me and Brandon and I actually believe it might be something worth fighting for. If Mom and Dad managed to make it work in a world before cell phones and the Internet, then surely me and Brandon can do it. We don’t even live that far away from one another, it’s only about an hour and a half in the car. It isn’t life altering distance. If we want to, we could do it. I know that I’m committed, I just need to work out if Brandon is as well.

“Hey there,” I say in a flirty tone of voice as I push the door open. “How are you?”

Instantly I can sense that he isn’t himself, I don’t even need to say anything. He looks pale and distracted, almost as if he doesn’t want to be here at all. I suddenly think back to the phone call we shared not that long ago and I was so keen to get him over here that I didn’t notice the strain in his voice. Maybe there’s a reason that he doesn’t want to be here.

My emotions fall flat, I feel my heart sink into my shoes. I don’t want Brandon to be here unwillingly. I was so excited, I’ve spent all day as soon as I got Dad into bed looing forward to being with him. Now he’s here and it isn’t like I planned it to be at all.

I fold my arms over my chest awkwardly as I step aside to let him in. I got all dressed up nice for him and he hasn’t even looked at me. It’s completely humiliating.

“Erm, yeah, good day,” he replies gruffly without even asking me about my own day. “The project is getting much closer to being completed now.”

Oh… maybe that’s it. Maybe he doesn’t like the idea of leaving. As soon as I fill him in with my idea to potentially at least try a long distance thing a go he might cheer up. I just need to wait for the right moment for it. I need to wait until he’s loosened up a bit.

“I suppose you’ll want a drink then.” I grab two wine glasses and fill them up while my heart thunders against my rib cage. My brain spins rapidly as I try my hardest to find the right words to say. “It must be good to know that you’ve done a good job though, right?”

“You haven’t even seen it,” he snaps back sharply as he takes the glass from me. “How do you know that I’ve done a good job? It might be a mess.”

I gulp noisily and I take my seat. All the fun has been completely zapped out of the night which causes hot tears to ball up behind my eyes. I don’t want us to fall out, I don’t want our magical few months to be ruined over nothing. Just because it has to come to an end.

“I just presumed,” I reply quietly. “Sorry, I didn’t think. Is that… is it because of all the time spent at the hospital?”

His shoulders sag, I can see all the tension visibly run off his shoulders. “No it isn’t that at all. I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel that way, I wouldn’t change all the time I spent with you in the hospital for anything in the world. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that then.” He sighs loudly and leans his elbows onto his knees as he slides into the other chair. “Hank and the guys have done a great job, I’ve loved working with them.”

I want to ask him what the problem is, but for some reason the words don’t come out my mouth. I fear I might burst into sobbing tears that rack through my entire body if I part my lips at all. I remain silent and wait for him to continue.

“I’ve been speaking to my dad today and he’s… he’s hard work,” he says, sounding defeated. “It’s just put a lot of stress on my shoulders, that’s all. Maybe I shouldn’t have come tonight because I don’t want to be bad company.”

I don’t think he’s telling me the whole truth, I think that’s probably a part of his bad mood, but I also believe that he’s tugging himself away from me. Probably because he feels like he has to. Somehow, I need to tell him what I think about that, but it won’t be easy tonight while he’s in this mood.

“Maybe we should just eat,” I say while indicating towards my table. “Have some food, then if you still aren’t feeling happy you can go back to your motel and spend the night there.” I rest my hand over his but I can sense him stiffen as I do so which makes me snatch away. I don’t want to put anything on him while he’s being this way. I understand but that doesn’t make it fair on me. “Unless you don’t want to eat at all.”

His eyes meet mine and we share a bit of a look. I can’t really read what’s going on behind his gaze but I can sense that it isn’t good. I hope that he hasn’t already made up his mind and that he’s already said goodbye to us.

“Let’s eat. Come on.” He stands up and leads me to the table where we both sit opposite one another. It’s a position that we’ve been in a million times before, but now it feels really different. “This looks lovely, Lola, thanks for cooking it.”

We eat in silence. I keep darting my eyes over to him as we do but he doesn’t give me anything. He’s as closed off as a damn book with a lock on it, which is killing me. I need to find a way to make him open up and there’s only one question I can think of.

“Do you think you might know anything about the hospital bill?” I push. “I’ve been racking my brain all day and I cannot think how.”

“Why would I know anything?” He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know anything at all.”

I nod slowly, completely shutting down myself. It was so obvious that he would have paid it, there isn’t anyone else around who would know or even care enough to pay. Plus, I don’t know another living person who has enough money to do so. All I want to do is thank him for his generosity and to work out a payment plan so I can get the money to him, but clearly, he doesn’t want to talk. About anything.

I need him to go. That thought hits me hard and like a thump in the face. All day long I’ve wanted him here, but the person I’ve wanted is my Brandon. The sweet guy who comes to watch me play, who helps me in the hospital, who comes to visit the lake with me. This cold version of him sucks. I don’t like it one bit. I need him to leave.

I decide to keep my lips shut. Maybe I don’t want to talk now either. I’m not the sort of girl who will take his bullshit lying down. If he wants to act like an asshole then let him. I don’t have to try and be all sweet to win him around. I’d like to be nice to him, to make him feel good, but not if I won’t get anything back.

I fix my eyes downwards and concentrate only on eating. Once I’ve consumed all that I want to, I jump out of my seat to grab a sweater to throw on over the top. I’m not about to make myself freeze just for someone who doesn’t even care.

“I suppose you’ll want to get back then?” I ask him in an icy tone that matches his. “I don’t want to stress you out anymore than you already are.”

His face tightens. “Don’t be like that,” he shoots back. “It isn’t that way at all. Like I said, I’ve just had a stressful day.” When I don’t say anything, he continues. “Look, I know that I’m useless tonight. I’m just dealing with a lot of stuff. None of it is your fault.”

“I’m dealing with stuff too.” I point towards my father’s home. “But you don’t see me taking it out on you.”

“No, I don’t.” He offers me a one shouldered shrug. “But clearly you’re a much better person than me.” I roll my eyes and turn away from him. “Look,” his tone becomes calmer, as if he’s dealing with a hysterical person rather than just an upset one. “I don’t want to be a dick, but I suppose we both need to think about this coming to an end soon. It isn’t going to be easy, but soon we’ll both be back to our real lives and all of this will have to end.”

My mouth runs dry with nerves, although I’m pissed off I know that it’s now or never. I have to say something or I’ll regret it forever.

“Does it?” I say softly. “Does it have to end?”

“I mean… yeah. It does, doesn’t it?” He gives me a hesitant look which suggests I might just be about to get through to him.

“No, it doesn’t.” I step close enough to him so we’re almost touching, but not quite. It’s an electrifying sensation that’s highlighted by how tense this is. “We could make it work with a bit of effort. I could come and see you, you could come to me, we could talk on the phone, text, we could… I don’t know. It isn’t that long distance, it isn’t worse than other people have done.” I take his hands in mine, breaking through the walls he’s put around himself. “We could just be together, if we both want it enough. It isn’t impossible.”

Please say yes, please want this as much as I do…

Chapter 14 – Brandon

I’ll admit it, she has me shell shocked. Her words, her promise of a future where I could actually make it work with the first girl who’s ever captured my attention is too much. I know it wouldn’t be simple, but I also know that it’s possible. I could work less, I could make the journey back and forth whenever I can to see Lola, and she can always come to see me. Yes, it’ll cost a lot but what’s money when it comes to love?

I can feel myself getting misty eyed as I think about how with a bit of effort we could really make this happen. I could actually just fall in love…

But then my dad’s face comes into mind and I imagine how scathing he’ll be if I tell him that I want to make a long distance relationship work. He won’t be impressed when I keep letting him down on projects because I want to see Lola. He’ll give me crap all the time, I’ll never hear the end of it. He’ll start pushing me back in the company because he knows that I won’t be fully focused. This is a classic case of love verses career and I don’t know what to do. I know my father made mistakes when he picked career, but I can’t exactly do nothing.

“I don’t know.” I snatch my hands away and run one of them through my hair. The stress is back, rolling through my shoulders and neck, making me feel sick. I should have stayed in tonight. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?”

“Well… why not?” All the color drains from her face while she waits for me to answer.

“Because that was never in the plan, was it? We never went into this as a long term thing. It was going to be fun for the both of us, just while I’m here. Then we go our separate ways, no questions asked.” I wave my hands around a little manically as I talk.

“We never discussed that,” she says with a head shake. “And things can change anyway, can’t they? We can develop feelings for one another.”

She has feelings for me. I don’t need to question that, I can see it written all over her face. I have feelings for her too, but that doesn’t make any of this less complicated. This is a mess.

“I don’t know about that,” I reply in a hollow sounding voice. I gulp, I can barely think right now. “I don’t know about any of it.”

“You don’t know if you have feelings for me?” Lola falls backwards, looking incredibly hurt. “I see, I didn’t realize. I just thought… with all the nice stuff that you’ve been doing for me… I thought that we were on the same page…”

I shake my head, but not because I disagree with her, because I can’t believe this is happening. I knew I shouldn’t come out, I could feel it, but I got sucked in because of Lola’s sweetness anyway. I got dragged along by her and now we’re stuck in this awful row.

“I don’t know what page you’re on, and I don’t know what page I’m on either. This is all just too much. You’ve thrown this at me without me being prepared at all. I don’t know how you expect me to react.”

Lola’s cheeks turn a funny shade of red and I can see that I’ve pushed her too far. “I’m pressuring you now? I thought that we were just having an adult conversation about things. I didn’t realize this was the sort of thing where I cannot say how I feel.”

I roll my eyes. The fire is back, but now I can’t be dealing with it. I just want something in my life to be easy. “It isn’t that. Don’t be that way, Lola…”

“I think you should leave.” She steps back even further away from me and indicates towards the door. “You didn’t want to come tonight anyway, so why don’t you just leave.”

I part my lips, desperately wanting to say all kinds of different things but nothing comes out. Maybe this is the best way. I don’t want to end a magical few months with an argument, but I suppose it creates a clean break. It’ll certainly be much simpler than trying to navigate a long distance relationship that’s doomed from the start.

“Fine, I will go. If that’s what you want, Lola, that’s what you’ll get.”

I gather myself up and head away from her. I try to keep my eyes fixed forwards as I move so I only think of the future and not the present that’s very quickly edging towards becoming my past, but at the last moment I can’t resist turning just to check. Her wide eyes are filled with sadness and tears, I can see that as soon as I walk out of here, she’ll fall apart which I feel horrible for… but how can I make this any easier? We both knew when we got into this that it would end this way. All we had to do was keep feelings out of it.

It’s safe to say that we failed.

Goodbye, Lola, I think in my head as I pull away from her. I know I should probably say those words aloud, but I just can’t find the ability to do so. I don’t want to make this any more painful than it already is. From this moment on, we will never see each other again.

We can’t. I have to keep strong. I have to leave this town as soon as I can and I can’t get dragged back in. Now that I’ve decided that this is the end, it can’t be anything else. We both have to move on, we both need to get back to real life, it’s the only option we have.

“Just go,” she spits out to my back, seemingly sensing the same thing as me. “Go and don’t come back. This is done here, we’re finished.”

***

I rub my sleepy eyes as I shove the rest of my stuff in my suitcase. After a night of tossing and turning and absolutely no sleep at all, I only know one thing. I need to get out of here now. I cannot spend another minute in this damn place. I just can’t do it. I’ll pop in to the building site on my way home and leave to make sure everything is under control, but I’m pretty sure that Hank has it much better than me anyway.

Have I got everything? I ask myself desperately as I look around the motel room. I’ll be glad to put this horrible room behind me forever. Am I ready to go?

Maybe I should go to Lola’s house to say a proper goodbye to her so we don’t have to end on a sour note, but I know that I’m weak, I know I’ll get sucked back in without much effort. This sucks, but it’s the way that it has to be. Even the thought of her face in my sleepy mind makes me feel a bit dizzy and sick. I just want to hold her, I want to wrap my arms around her and claim her as my own forever more, but I can’t give her false hope. I can’t delve into this feet first, especially when it can’t become something real.

I fiddle with my car keys in my pocket as I finish checking the place, waiting for my escape, then with a deep sigh I leave it all behind. I step out into the cool, fresh morning air and I slam the door behind me with a loud bang. It’s not a relieving sensation, but it’s what I have to do. The mixed up feeling that races through my body continues as I make my way to the reception desk and I check out, then it carries on as I get into the car.

I don’t look behind me as I pull away, I don’t even glance in the rear view mirror. I also make sure that I take the long way around so I don’t pass Lola’s home. There’s that familiar pull in my chest drawing me in, but today I’m strong enough not to follow through.

I’m picking my career over love.

Yes, okay so I know that there’s a chance that I might regret it at some point, but I have all my life to fall in love. I don’t think that Lola will be the only one for me, I don’t think that I’ll only fall in love once. I can use this as a learning curve to make it better in the future. She will just be a memory in my mind, a lovely few months, and I hope that once the hurt has passed for her, she will see me the same way.

I turn the music up as I get towards the building site because I’m trying to block out all of my emotions. I don’t want to think about Lola now, I just want to get this done. As I pull the car to a halt, I can see Hank and Archie already there which is good. I can get this done with just those two so there isn’t any unnecessary drama. I get that big fake smile on my face and I step out to greet them.

“Hey, boss.” Hank looks shocked to see me. “You’re in early, is there anything wrong?”

“Oh no, no not really.” I shake my head and wonder why I didn’t plan what I was going to say earlier. “It’s not that at all. It’s just… well the project is almost finished now and I have something that I need to get back home for. Do you think you can get the last few things done without me?”

Hank gives me an apologetic look, it’s almost like he can see that everything has fallen apart with my love life. I want to hold my head high and to give him a defiant look, but I can’t. My eyes fall downwards and I look at my feet instead.

“Sure, boss, me and Archie can take control of everything. I don’t think it’ll be more than an extra week anyway. Probably a lot less. I can keep you updated via email if that’s what you want?”

“Perfect. Thank you.”

“And, erm… what about the other project?” It takes me a few moments to realize what he’s talking about, but when I remember the lake, recognition flickers across my face. “After our little chat yesterday, we started it. We’re just going to get it as close to how it once was… if that’s what you still want.”

Maybe that’s a good idea. It’ll give Lola somewhere to go if she wants to remember me and her in a positive light. What we had on that day when we went to the lake was magical, made even better by the fact that she opened up to me in the most incredible way. She revealed parts of herself to me that I don’t know if many other people will get.

I would like to think of her standing there, when times get tough, just remembering.

“Yes,” I rasp back. “Please carry on with it. Like I said I will pay you well.”

“Okay, that’s great, boss. Will do.”

Once we’ve embraced and said our goodbyes, I hop back into the car with all kinds of thoughts racing through my mind. I’m hoping that the nearer I get to the city, the clearer my brain will become. The positive for me is that I can get some separation from all of this. I can go away and back to my real life. I hope Lola somehow manages to overcome it well. Somehow.

I can’t look back now, I just have to go. I’ve made my bed and I need to just lie in it.

Chapter 15 – Lola

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” my dad asks me with sympathy in his eyes. He reaches out to touch my arm as he gazes at me. “You look a bit… I don’t know, sad.”

“I’m fine,” I lie, despite the fact that I’ve been really sad for over a week now. I don’t want to upset him since he’s still quite frail. “How are you doing?”

“Oh you know me.” He smiles through the pain. “I’m used to it, I’ll keep on going.” He cocks his head and examines me closely. “But what’s going on with you? I know that you’ve just said nothing but I really don’t believe you. I know you better than that.”

I can’t even make myself smile. I know I probably should, to reassure him, but I’m too physically and emotionally exhausted to fake it. “I’ll be fine too. I’m resilient like you.”

I move into the kitchen to make a hot drink for me and Dad. I feel like we both could use some caffeine right now. I flick it on and watch it boil, all while my mind is reeling at a million miles an hour. At the moment, I’m the lowest that I’ve ever been. I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy again. To anyone else, that might sound dramatic but to me it feels impossible. Everywhere I look I see a reminder of the man I fell in love with, the man I offered myself to on a plate, and the man that I wasn’t good enough for. Even when we argued I didn’t mean what I said. I certainly didn’t think he’d skip town without saying goodbye.

No, I think as a tear streams down my cheek. I can’t think about him now. He’s gone and it’s just me and Dad left. I have to be here for him.

I take a deep sigh once the drinks are made and I try to keep some strength in myself. Then I finally brave, heading back into the living room to face my perceptive father again.

“I have a coffee for you here.” I put it down in front of him but he doesn’t immediately take it. “I hope that’s okay for you? I can make tea if you’d prefer.”

“No, no, coffee is fine.” He stares at me intently as if he’s trying to read me. I shift uncomfortably under his gaze. “Lola, can I ask you something?”

No, please don’t! Leave me alone, leave me to my misery, I think as I take a big sip of my drink. “Sure,” I say aloud.

“What happened to the long distance man?”

Oh God. My heart falls. I can feel the tears burning behind my eyes once more. I have spent far too long crying over this man, I don’t want to do it again. “He’s gone,” I rasp thickly. I want that to be the end of it, but of course it isn’t.

“Gone where?” Dad leans forward as if he wants to get closer to me.

“He’s gone home. He went back to the city and that’s the end of it.”

“How do you know that’s the end? Like I said, me and your mother managed to make it work. It wasn’t easy, but we did it.”

The tears fall, I can’t stop them anymore. “The difference is that you both wanted it to happen.” I brush the wetness away angrily. “I can’t change the way he feels so that’s that.”

It is what it is… urgh, I hate that God damn saying.

Dad slumps back in his chair looking defeated. I hate to see that disappointed look on his face, but at least he knows now. He knows that me and Brandon are done and there isn’t any coming back from it. My heart might be shattered into a million pieces in my chest but there isn’t anything that can put it back together. There’s no hope, it’s done.

“He left without saying goodbye.” I put the final nail in the coffin. “We argued when I suggested that we do the long distance thing and the following morning he was gone.”

“But you both seemed to make each other so happy. I don’t understand it.”

“No.” I stand up, unable to deal with this for another second longer. “I don’t understand it either, but there you go. His life in the city, his career, everything must be more important than me.”

I want to make a comment about being left behind again, just like I was when it came to Rory, but I don’t. I don’t want him to blame himself for holding me back, just like Mom would have done if she’d known. It isn’t their fault, I’m the one who wants to remain behind to help them. It’s all on me.

“Well I must have been wrong then,” Dad says with a shake of his head. “I’m sorry. I thought I saw something there, that’s all.”

A thick ball of emotion lodges in my throat, which makes me feel like I might vomit at any time. I can hardly breathe, it’s horrible, I don’t know what to do. “Well, you didn’t.”

I take my mug into the kitchen and toss the rest of my drink down the sink because I can’t stand to drink it. I lean over the sink and gasp desperately as the emotion washes over me in powerful waves. It feels like everything is closing in on me, that the world is crushing me. I need air, I need space, I need to be by myself.

“I’m going out,” I gasp loudly to Dad. “I just need to… to head to the shops. I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“Are you okay? Have I said something to upset you?” he calls after me. “I’m sorry, Lola…”

But I close the door behind me so he can’t hear me cry. Then I move my feet rapidly, I don’t have a direction in mind, I just keep on going until I’m far, far away.

***

“Oh my God,” I mutter in sheer shock as I stumble across the place I never intended to go, but at the same time was where my footsteps have been taking me ever since I first left the house. “What the hell…?”

It’s the lake, my lake, the lake I always went to with my mother. The place I came to with Brandon on that one truly wonderful day we shared together, back when we were trapped in a bubble of happiness, when it felt like anything could happen. Even then I was aware that things would eventually come to an end, but it felt like it was so far away that I would have to ever deal with it really.

This is the lake I shared with my mom. Well, sort of. As I move my feet and I wander around the place I think it might be even better. Someone has been here making vast improvements, cleaning up the water, planting flowers, and building a small archway nearby. Instead of looking like a run down place where old memories have come to die, it looks so pretty that new memories could be created. I can even imagine weddings and other lovely parties happening here. It’s all too much.

“Ah.” A voice rings out from behind me, making me jump. “So, you’re the young lady.”

I spin to see one of the older gentlemen from the town standing behind me, looking at me like we know one another. He isn’t one of the ones who comes to my shows regularly, but I would’ve definitely seen him. “Erm, sorry?” I ask awkwardly.

He moves deliberately towards me with heavy steps. “You’re the one who captured the heart of my boss?”

“Oh.” It suddenly hits me. He must be one of the builders who worked for Brandon. How typical that I would be here completely by accident, trying to work things out, and someone connected to him would be here. “I see.”

“I knew it was a girl from the town, and someone who’s father was sick, but I guess I didn’t connect the dots.”

"You know all that?” I guess I’m shocked because I didn’t think Brandon would ever talk about me much. Especially when it seems that everything we shared has been so easy to discard. “Did Brandon tell you or do you know my dad well?”

“I know your dad well enough.” He stares over at the water. “Or I did. Back before he got sick he was the life and soul of the party. Always good fun. But yes, it was Brandon that told us all about you. He has a thing for you that boy.”

I growl angrily. “That’s not true,” I shoot back. “He didn’t care for me at all. We just… shared some time together and now he’s gone.”

“Then why did he do all of this for you?” He makes a sweeping gesture with his hand as he indicates around. “A man doesn’t do something like this unless he’s in love.”

The L word makes my chest constrict painfully. It’s something that I’ve been trying to ignore, something that I’ve been trying to push back down because I allowed myself to become so convinced that’s how I’ve been feeling.

“Yeah well, he also paid my dad’s hospital bills, but then he ran off without saying goodbye,” I reply bitterly. “Who knows why he does what he does. Maybe he just likes flashing the cash. It probably doesn’t mean anything.”

“I suppose you could be right, but I never saw him that way. I think he just got scared if I’m honest. Men don’t cave to commitment that easily, it takes them a while to decide that it’s for them.”

Maybe I would believe that if I didn’t know about Mom and Dad’s story. He knew that she was the one and he just went for it. It didn’t matter to him how hard it would be because he knew that he was in love. Again, I’m reminded that I’m not enough for Brandon and I never will be.

“Well, I’m not going to wait around for him to decide that he wants commitment. I want to just move on with my life.” As I glance around I know it’s not going to be easy with this constant reminder here, on top of everything else I have to keep me remembering, but I’m going to have to try. “It’s nice, a good job has been done and I’m sure that many people will enjoy it. But one of them won’t be me.”

“Well that is a shame.” He doesn’t sound shocked or impressed by me. Amused if anything. “Because I know that he would be good to you if you’d just give him a chance.”

“No way. I’m done,” I speak firmly. “I have too much else to worry about. I have the farm, my dad, my music… that’s all I need. Brandon and the rest of it, that can all just be gone. I’m done with it all.”

Done with love, that’s what I am. It brings along nothing but trouble. Men bring drama, and love brings broken hearts. I was doing just fine without all of that before and I can get back to that again.

“I have to go.” The man doesn’t answer me so I move anyway. Clearly he thinks our conversation is over anyway. “Goodbye.”

As I leave the lake I’m even more confused than before. Why would Brandon do something that seems so caring when he clearly doesn’t care? What the hell is the point? Maybe it is a money thing, or maybe he enjoys keeping women hanging on. Well he won’t have me. At least now there’s a strength inside of me, a determination that I won’t be caught in his trap for any longer.

I won’t cry another damn tear for Brandon Heath-Smith. It’s time for me to move on.

Chapter 16 – Brandon

One year later…

“Son? Are you even listening to me?”

“Oh sorry.” I drag my eyes away from the window and stare at him with a bit of a glassy eyed expression. “I am listening, I just… got distracted for a moment.”

A moment, a year, what does it matter? All that’s really important is that I still, after making the choice to choose business over love, putting my career first and thinking only of myself, I still don’t think I’ve done the right thing. I assumed that as soon as I got back to my real life, I’d forget all about my brief and magical time with Lola Boots, but somehow I haven’t quite recovered. Somehow, I’m not quite the person who I once was.

“Right, well as a CEO of the company, you can’t just get distracted. I’ve promoted you in good faith and every now and then you seem to be off in your own little world.” He pats me patronizingly on the shoulder. “You’ve worked hard and sacrificed a lot to be here. Don’t put all of that effort to waste now.”

I shake my head and ride my brain of everything that happened in the past. There’s no point in worrying about any of it now, thinking it through won’t get me anywhere. I left Lola in a shitty way, making sure there’s no going back, so there really isn’t any point in worrying about what’s happening there. It’s done. Over. No more.

“I know, I’m sorry. Please, let’s discuss these plans further.”

“At least this time you won’t have to be the one going to some ass end town to renovate it,” Dad chuckles loudly and spitefully. “I know how pissed off you were about that, but now that you’ve done it, you can make sure the next guy does it as well as you. The development you oversaw made a massive difference to that town, we need to do that elsewhere too.”

My heart races as I think about his words. Do I want to ask this? Do I want to know? I can feel my mouth speaking before I even say the next words. “What… what difference?”

“Oh the money we’ve made is amazing. It seems to have opened up the town and brought many more people in. It’s like a hive of activity now.” I can’t imagine Lola’s home being so busy. I don’t know if I like the idea much. “You should go and check it out, you know. See the positive difference that you’ve made. Maybe it’ll help you when you need positivity to keep you going.”

I gulp noisily. It would be so easy. I could go back, by chance, just to check up on the project, and if I saw her then it would just be one of those things… I could see how she’s doing, check that she doesn’t still hate me like I’m the worst person in the world, maybe I could see if she even might still like me… maybe a second time around I won’t pick my career over love. Maybe next time I will make the right choice.

“No,” I rasp with a shake of my head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

The idea is nice enough, but what if she does still hate me? Maybe she’s not even seen the lake or maybe she’s mad that I changed it. She’s certainly pissed that I left her. She could have text me, she’s had my number. I haven’t changed it for a year. I left her, I deserted her, and she hasn’t even asked me why. Maybe I don’t deserve her to, but the message is clear.

“Okay, well whatever. That’s up to you.” Dad shrugs and smirks. “It’s going well anyway. Now we need to work on the next project.”