“Am I being crazy for doing this?” I ask Kelsey. The minute Caden and I parted ways, I picked up the phone to call my bestie. “I mean I barely know him. Tell me this is insane.”
Kelsey sighs heavily over the line, and for a moment I fear what she’ll say. Calling her for advice has never been a bad thing, but for some reason, I want her to like Caden too. Wait … Did I just admit I liked him? “Savvy, I’ll be honest with you.” Swallowing hard, I wait for the hard truth. “This isn’t conventional at all. Like by any means. But.” She stops, and I hold onto the phone like a lifeline. “I have to ask. Are there feelings involved? Because I can understand why you would say yes knowing there’s something there, and also because I know you don’t want to give up on finding your mom.”
“I don’t know, Kel. All this is happening way too fast, and I’m not sure what I feel.”
“Stop making it so complicated. You always over complicate the simplest things.”
Leaning back in the seat of the rental, I know she’s right. “I know. It’s just … I don’t know. There’s something different about him that I haven’t figured out yet. And yes, he makes me feel things that I haven’t thought about in a long time, and things I’ve never even wanted. It scares me, Kel. Then what happens when I’m done here?”
“What happened to taking it one step at a time? Sounds like you’re trying to run before you can walk, Savvy. But I get why you’re scared, and it’s normal. My advice.” She stops again, and I swear she has this whole waiting in suspense thing down. “See where it goes.”
“That’s it? That’s all you’re giving me?”
“Didn’t you know? I’m charging for advice,” she laughs over the phone, and I shake my head. It’s good to hear her laughing again, and I hope this means she’s slowly beginning to heal. “All joking aside, just stop over thinking it. You don’t have to put labels on it. I’m suggesting to go with the flow. You like him, and you know he likes you, so what’s really holding you back?”
Honestly I can’t answer that because I can’t even answer that for myself. “Okay I’ll try and see how this plays out.”
“Good. I have a feeling this is going to work out for you, Savvy.”
“I hope so,” I whisper back.
“It’ll be fine, I promise.” Trying my best to agree with my whole heart, I thank her for listening, and we say our goodbyes.
Feeling better about my decision to stay with Caden, I set my phone in the middle console and pull out of Wal-Mart’s parking lot. “No labels. Just go with the flow,” I say out loud to myself as I continue to drive to his place. I probably should have this no label conversation with Caden too, just to make sure he doesn’t get the wrong idea. I wasn’t lying to Kelsey about how he makes me feel. But even coming to terms with it, I’m still scared this will all end very badly. I have to protect my heart first.
Why do I have such strong feelings for him of all people?
What is it about him that makes me want things I never wanted before?
Not able to explain it, even to myself, I push it aside and try not to think about it. For once, I’m really going to take Kelsey’s advice to heart. She’s always been my voice of reason, the one who tells me when I’m over thinking shit, and I know I can always count on her. There’s no one else I can rely so much on. Well maybe no one except my parents, but I really didn’t want to bother them. Our relationship hasn’t been on the best of terms since I left, and it does hurt my heart knowing I’m the reason it’s not the same anymore. Promising myself I’ll do better, it eases my worries about it some. It also helps knowing Mom called the other day, and I know no matter what, she’ll always be there for me.
Hoping once I find my birth mother, things with my parents will be better than they are now I take a deep breath as I wait for the red light to turn. When it finally changes, my stomach dips knowing I’m almost at Caden’s apartment. I still have no idea what I was thinking when I agreed to stay with him, but when he brought up giving up on finding my mother, it made the choice easier to make. I’m not known to just give up on something that I know can make a difference, and when I was really faced with stopping my search or take the chance to continue, well I would’ve been an idiot if I said no. And yeah, maybe Caden’s sweet words of giving him a chance too helped. He’s really hard to say no to. I haven’t really decided if this is a good thing or not.
Knowing it’s too late to turn back now since he has my suitcase, I pull into Falcon Lair. Taking another deep breath, I tell my heart to calm down. Why am I still so nervous to be around Caden? He’s just a guy. Okay, fine. He’s a guy I happen to like and so what if he makes me feel things I haven’t in, well, ever. Convincing myself it doesn’t mean anything, I park in the visitor’s parking and turn off the car. Grabbing the few bags in the back seat I picked up at Wal-Mart, I shut the door and lock it behind me. Making my way to Caden’s apartment, I have to take a few extra calming breaths before I stop at the door.
Knocking a few times, it takes only seconds for Caden to answer the door. He smiles brightly when he notices me, and I don’t even try to hold back my smile. It really should be illegal for him to be so handsome. “You waitin’ for somethin’, small fry?”
Shaking my head, I feel my face heat with embarrassment. How is it he always catches me staring? “Are you going to let me in or make me stand out here in his ungodly heat all day?”
He opens the door to allow me inside, and as I begin to step forward, he takes my bags away from me. “Did some shoppin’ at the Wally World I see.”
Shutting the door behind me, I quickly follow him to the small dining room table. “I mean a girl does have certain needs.” Caden places my bags down on the table, and I begin to go through them. He stands close beside me as he watches, and I try to act like it doesn’t bother me. Placing a few of the items I purchased on the table, I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he picks up the box of tampons. Turning to him, I watch him for a moment as he reads the box. “If you need to borrow some this month, I can totally share.”
He immediately drops the box, and I laugh at his shocked expression. “I think I’m good, but thanks.”
“You act like you’ve never seen feminine products before.”
“No, I have.” Grinning widely as he takes a step back from the table, he glances away from the tampons as he says, “I just didn’t know there was a full diagram for how to use them.”
Picking up the box, I hold it up. “Relax, Caden. It’s just tampons.”
“Alright I get it. You got me. Now can you please put them away? Preferably in a place I’ll never see them again?”
“Fine,” I say as I grab a few more items that need to go into the bathroom. Quickly making my way there, I place them in the cabinet under the sink. Walking out of the bathroom, my face flames as I notice Caden holding up the new bra and panty set I bought. At the way he’s staring at it, I can only guess what’s going through his mind. “I don’t think that color suits you,” I say while holding back a laugh as he brings the bra up to his chest.
“I don’t know. I’m diggin’ this red.” He turns toward me to give me a better look. “What do you think? I could totally rock this shit.” All I can do is shake my head because I swear, he’s so full of it. “I’m not sure about these skimpy things you call underwear though,” he says as he inspects them. “I mean not that I’m complain’ because you’ll look bangin’ in this, but I think these will ride up in my ass crack.”
Closing my eyes as I suck in a breath, I take a few steps to him and jerk my undergarments away from him. “No offense, but these are mine. Hands off.”
He lifts both hands with wide eyes as he says, “Okay … geez. I thought since we’re roomies now we’d share everythin’, but I can tell you are an only child.”
“You want to share underwear?”
He seems to think about it for a second before saying, “Well now that you put it that way, maybe I didn’t think that one through.”
“As much as I would enjoy you walking around in sexy lingerie, I think it’s best if we keep my underwear off limits.”
Caden raises an eyebrow and smirks then says, “Good point. I wouldn’t want to out show you or anythin’.”
“You wish,” I pipe back and playfully thump his shoulder.
“Ouch!” He yells out and holds his arm. “That hurt. I’m claimin’ abuse.”
“Seriously? I barely touched you.” Trying to hold back a laugh as he pokes out his bottom lip, I ask, “Are you always such a drama queen?”
Dropping his hand, he smirks. “I’ve been known to over exaggerate things from time to time. Just another one of my amazin’ traits.”
“How many of these amazing traits to do you have?” I ask sarcastically.
Shrugging his shoulders, he replies, “A lot actually. But I promise you’ll love each and every one of them.” Rolling my eyes, I have to it hand to him. He’s very cocky for someone that practically begged me to stay with him. “Come on. I’ll show you where you can put your things.” Following him once I grab the rest of my stuff, he leads me to his bedroom. I’m not sure how I feel about being so cramped in such a small room with him, but I manage to hide it. “I cleared out some dresser drawers for you, and if you need extra space, there’s some room in the closet.”
“I see you went a little overboard.”
He chuckles before saying, “Maybe just a little. Then again, you do have a lot of shit.” I start to pipe back with something sarcastic, but my stomach grumbles loudly instead. “I should feed you. Chinese alright with you?”
“That sounds great.” I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until now, but knowing it’s well in the afternoon, and I haven’t eaten anything since he brought me breakfast.
“Anything in particular you would like?”
I don’t even think about it before answering him. “Some Lo Mein would be amazing. Oh and some General Tso's chicken too.”
He nods and pulls out his phone and begins typing. “Anythin’ else I can get for you, small fry?”
Pursing my lips, I think about it for a second. “Can you get some of those crab rangoon things? You know? The stuff with crab meat and cream cheese?” He glances up at me with humor in his eyes and types again. I’m assuming he’s making a list of what to get. “And some brown rice would be great.”
“Hungry much, small fry?”
“Famished,” I say huskily. Licking my lips as he stops typing and gazes at me, my heart hammers hard in my chest seeing the desire in his bright blue eyes. I hadn’t meant it so sound erotic or anything like that, but he seems to bring out the lust in me. Shaking my head, I add, “And pretty please don’t forget the sweet and sour sauce. Chinese isn’t the same without it.” He’s still gazing at me, and I frown. “Caden? Did you hear me?”
Shaking himself out of whatever had him off in la-la land, he types away as he says, “Yeah, small fry. I got you covered.”
Placing my suitcase on the bed, I turn back to him. “Thanks. You’re the best.”
“Can I also get that in writin’?”
“Really?” Raising an eyebrow, he grins widely as I shake my head. I have a feeling I’ll be doing this all the time with him. My stomach grumbles loudly once more, and I ask, “Are you going to get the food or stand here and watch me all day?”
Putting away his phone, he seems to think it over for a moment. “Well you are way better lookin’ than Chinese food, but I know my small fry is hungry. So I’ll take one for the team and go grab the food.” Ignoring the way my stomach dips and how good it sounds he basically claimed me for his, I decide not to respond. He gives me a look I can’t really decipher as he makes his way over to me. Which is literally like two steps. Maybe three at the most. His room is so small, but it suits him perfectly. I was lying before when I said it didn’t bother me being so cramped with him. It’s totally sending sparks of desire through my veins. Reaching me, Caden brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’ll be back soon, small fry. Try to stay out of trouble, okay?”
Losing my breath at his closeness, I zone in on his lips. “I’ll try my best, but I make no promises.”
“Eyes up here, small fry.” Blinking rapidly, I glance up seeing humor laced in his eyes. “Caught you starin’ again.”
Playfully pushing him away, I mutter, “Whatever.” He of course, laughs and I turn back to my unpacking.
Feeling him behind me, I stand as still as possible when his breath grazes my skin. Holy shit. Breathe Savannah. “I’m leavin’ now,” he says huskily.
“Okay,” I whisper. He doesn’t move to touch me or anything, but just knowing he’s so close has my entire body on alert. I try not to think about how much I really do want him to touch me, kiss me, or something to make me relax. Suddenly I don’t sense him behind me anymore, and I hear him chuckle. Turning my head, I watch his fine ass walking out of the room. “Jackass!” I yell after him, and in return all I get is another laugh.
Jesus, Caden is trouble with a capital T.