Shaking out my hands, I question myself yet again as to why I agreed to this date. I’m beyond nervous, and I don’t know if it’s because I’ll be alone with Caden, or if it’s because I have no idea what’s in store for tonight. I tried to get him to spill, but he wouldn’t budge. A part of me is excited, but the other part is freaking out. Of course I’ve been out on dates before, I’m not a prude by any means. There’s just something nerve racking about Caden.
Caden Harlow.
His name always makes me smile. It’s nice to finally have a name to the man that makes my stomach fill with butterflies and makes me want things I’ve never thought of before. He’s a distraction, but I have to be careful. If I don’t keep my guard up, he’s going to turn into something I really don’t need. Nodding my head, I tell myself this is just a friendly date, and nothing will come of it. It’s just getting my pounding heart and my fluttering stomach to agree. Glancing at the clock on the bedside table, I only have five more minutes until he gets here. Yet another thing he wouldn’t budge on. I didn’t want him to pick me up because, well, I didn’t want him to know what room I’m staying in at the hotel. Caden was very persistent and, of course I caved. Even in a text message, he’s very hard to say no to. “Come on, Savvy. It’s just another guy, nothing more, nothing less.” Why am I so nervous when it comes to Caden Harlow? It can’t be because of his looks or smile. It’s definitely not his sarcastic charm. Who am I kidding here? It’s all the above really. He’s the type of guy that women flock to and would love to spend one night with him. He’s smooth, but yet I can sense he can be a bit demanding if he needed to be. That could be because he’s a cop, and cops have to be a little hard around the edges. Fuck he’s dangerous for me. I have a weakness for men that can make me laugh and make me think about them more than once.
The guys I’ve dated in the past were nothing but a means to an end. I’ve never really wanted the whole married with two point five kids or the white picket fence. It’s not being tied down to someone for the rest of my life that scares me. I’m not exactly sure what it is that turns me away from marriage, but I’m not going to lie to myself and claim it doesn’t have anything to do with me being adopted. It seems my entire life revolves around it, and I’m not proud of it. But how am I supposed to be committed to one person when I have such a longing for someone who just gave me away? When my parents told me I was adopted, everything I’d known changed. The way I look at the future isn’t the same anymore, and until I can get the answers I need, there’s no room left for me to give my heart away to someone else.
Which is why I’m very apprehensive about this date with Caden. He already has a hold on me, and while a part of me is attracted to that, I can’t fall down that rabbit hole. I fear I’ll never be the same if I do. I already have enough to handle, and I really don’t need a charming, drop dead gorgeous man to add to my problems. Huffing out a breath, I glance around my messy hotel room and wonder how different my life could’ve been if I hadn’t been adopted. I love my parents more than anything, and I’ll always be grateful to them for bringing me into their world of happiness. The thing is there could’ve been a totally different world for me if they hadn’t. I hate wondering about what could’ve been if my birth mother hadn’t given me away. I hate knowing there’s really no way to know for sure until I finally find her.
The ringing of my phone pulls me out of my thoughts, and when I see it’s my mom calling, my nerves instantly settle. “Hey, Mom.”
“There’s my sweet bird. How are you?” Smiling, I love hearing Mom call me by my nickname she gave me. “How is Columbus? Have you met any new friends?”
Laughing while shaking my head, it’s just like Mom to ask me a million questions. “I’m fine, Mom. Columbus is a nice little town, and I wouldn’t say I met friends, but there is someone.”
“Oh is it a guy? Is he cute? Tell me all about him.”
Sitting on the bed, I clutch my phone tightly. It’s good to hear Mom’s voice, and I wish we had more time to chat. My stomach knots knowing I’ve been so absent from my parent’s life, but I’m glad she called. I’ve missed her terribly. “His name is Caden, and he’s very attractive.” Mom listens as I update her on how I met Caden, and I’m surprised she never interrupts.
Once she’s caught up, she says, “He sounds like a very nice young man, sweet bird.”
“So far he seems that way.” Before Mom can reply back, I hear knocking on the door. “Mom, I have to go. I think he’s here for our … date.”
“Don’t forget to call me and tell me all about it,” she rushes out.
I agree, and hang up the phone as I stand. My stomach clenches with nerves again when I hear more knocking at the door. Sucking in a deep breath, I know it’s him. I don’t know anyone else since coming to Columbus, and as I glance back to the clock, I see it’s seven on the dot. I can add punctual to his list of attractive traits. Holding back a grin, I swallow hard before making my way to the door. With each step bringing me closer, my heart drums in my chest, and it’s the only sound I can hear. As I reach for the door, I notice my hand begins to shake. “Get a fucking grip,” I say out loud but softly because the last thing I want is for him to hear me and think I’m some nut job. It’s just one date. But nothing could prepare me when I open the door.
Shitfire. I’m in deep trouble with this one.
“Sassy Savannah, we meet again.” His voice is like warm butter. It’s like velvet, silk, and other smooth fabrics I can’t seem to think of.
“Uh … hey.” Clearing my throat, I shut the door behind me before he can get a look at the disaster my room is in. “Ready?”
“Well hold on now.” I stop in my tracks hoping like hell he doesn’t want to come inside. Feeling my cheeks flush, I nervously tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I have somethin’ for you.” For a moment, I hold my breath wondering what in the world he means. Watching him carefully, he pulls an arm from behind his back, and my eyes widen. “I wasn’t sure what type of flowers you liked, but these reminded me of you.”
“You got me flowers?”
“Umm, yeah,” he says quickly, and I wonder if he’s just as nervous as I am.
“But getting women flowers is sort of pointless don’t you think? I mean don’t get me wrong,” I start as I gaze at the beautiful white lilies. “I appreciate the thought, but they’ll just die in a few days.”
Caden grins widely as he says, “Which is why I got you this.” He pulls something out of his back pocket, and I can’t help but laugh when I see what it is. “My mama said this would keep them alive long enough until you can plant them.”
“Miracle Grow?” Taking the packet and flowers out of his hand, I gaze into his deep blue eyes. “Thank you. I love them.” He starts to say something, but I beat him to it. “How did you know lilies were my favorite?”
“I didn’t.” He simply states. Our gazes lock, and I swear my heart is fluttering around in my chest. I’d like to say the damn thing is about to beat right out of my chest, but surely that’s impossible. I mean that only happens in cartoons. But I can’t deny the way he’s staring at me like I’m the only woman he’s ever going to look at again. It makes me feel … things I don’t want to feel. Shaking my head, I tell him to wait for a second while I put the flowers in something. He tries to come in my room, but I shut the door before he can. “I’ll just wait here for you.”
Giggling as I search for something to place the lilies in, I tell my stupid heart to calm down. “So what. He got me my favorite flower and found a way to keep them alive. It doesn’t mean anything.” I shake my head at myself because I must be crazy now that I’m having a full blown conversation with myself. Glancing around the room again, I wish I had a vase to put the flowers in, but the water pitcher will have to suffice for now. I’ll have to remember to buy a vase later. Satisfied the flowers are fine until I get back, I make my to the door once more feeling the same fluttering of my heart. It has to be the after effects of the joint I smoked a few hours ago. I’m not proud to admit that I did smoke a joint earlier to prepare for this date. I just needed something to calm my nerves, but now it’s clearly out of my system, I wonder if maybe it does have a longer after effect.
Because really, it’s crazy to have these type of feelings toward a complete stranger.
Even as I think these words, there’s a little voice in the back of my mind telling me there’s something more going on here than just attraction. Not to mention, when I open the door again and meet his blue eyes, I have to suck in a breath. “Ready to roll?” I can only nod, as I shut the door behind me and follow him down the hall. “So let me get this straight,” he says as we walk out of the hotel. “You like lilies, but you don’t like when a guy gives you flowers?”
“Well when you put it that way, it does sound a bit ridiculous. It’s not that I don’t like getting flowers. It’s just sort of pointless because, like I said before, they die too fast.” Shrugging, I add, “It’s just a waste of money.”
He puckers his lips out, and I quickly look away. I can’t get caught staring at his lips. Because they’re not in any way begging me to kiss them. Just … not going there. “I get what you’re sayin’, but my mama always said givin’ a pretty lady flowers is a way to be a gentleman.” We stop now that we’ve reached what I’m assuming is his truck and he adds, “And my mama raised me to be a fine gentleman.” Turning my head to hide my grin, he opens the door for me. Before I climb inside his monster of a truck, he grabs my hand, and his touch alone stops me. “You look very beautiful tonight.”
Sucking in a breath, I’m lost for words for a moment. It’s his touch alone that makes my whole body warm. What is it about him that makes me feel this way? And damn, he’s pulling all the stops out with this so called friendly date. “Th … thank you.” I bite my lip and hope it’s dark enough out that he can’t see my blush. He’s reduced me to stuttering. I’m grateful no one else is here to witness this. And maybe I did take my time getting ready for him, but I’ll never tell him this. I wanted to dress simple yet I also wanted him to notice me. Which is why I struggled for a good ten minutes to fit my ass into my favorite pair of jeans. The only problem with doing so, I hadn’t realized how much the washing machine shrunk them so now I’m supporting a muffin top because they’re way too small. Thank goodness I just bought a long and flowy tank that worked well with my jeans. It covers up all my frumpy parts. But regardless if he knew or not that I wanted him to notice me, he did and in my eyes that counts.
“You’re welcome, Savannah.” Oh holy hell. The way my name rolls off his tongue makes my legs feel weak. It should be illegal for him to be able to do that with just my name. All the other times he’s said my name, it’s always been playful and with sassy in front of it. Now it’s just my name. No playfulness, no sassy with it, and damn I like the way it sounds. “Are you alright there, small fry?”
Coming back down to Earth, I frown as I say, “There’s nothing small about me.” I’ve never really had a problem with my weight per say, but I know I’m a lot thicker than other women. But I’ve come to realize my curves are a part of me, and I’m learning to accept them and love them. Caden helps me get inside his truck, and he mumbles something I don’t quite catch. It sounded like he said something about liking what I’m putting out, but I can’t be sure.
Once he’s inside the truck, he starts it up and looks at me with the biggest grin on his face. I can’t help but let out a small laugh because he does look so adorable. “Ready?”
“I guess so. No turning back now.”
“You’re right. You’re mine for the night, Savannah.”
There he goes again saying my name like that. Why does it sound so good coming from those lips? “You can just call me Savvy. All my friends do.” He turns away hearing the word friends, and I quickly add, “It’s not like I can get out of this truck by myself anyway. So I’m sort of stuck.”
“My truck is a beast. Ol’ Betsy is a fine truck.”
Letting out a laugh, I ask, “You named your truck?”
“Hell yes, I did. You can’t live in the south and not have a name for your truck.”
“I’m from Florida, and I’ve never met anyone that had a name for their vehicle.”
“Well,” he starts then begins to back out of the parking lot. He pulls onto the main road before saying, “You haven’t been in Mississippi long enough to learn the ways of real and true southerners.” Shaking my head, I turn and stare out the window. Honestly he could be right but then again I don’t know much about Mississippians. All the guys I knew back in Florida were the preppy type, and they were way to snobby to have names for their expensive BMWs. Turning my head back to Caden when I feel a warm hand touch mine, I suck in a breath as he says, “Don’t worry your pretty little head. I’ll teach you everythin’ you need to know.”
Don’t think about his hand on mine. Don’t. Dare. Think. About. It. Oh fuck. His hand hasn’t moved, and why is it he seems so unaffected by it? That warm sensation I felt before is back in full force, and I swear the air in the truck is getting thicker. Swallowing hard, I try to find something to say, but all the words I’ve ever learned have suddenly left me. I have to question why his touch or why him? He’s a mystery. A dangerous and very attractive mystery. Getting a hold of myself, I pull my hand away from his, and I don’t miss the way his smile fades as I do so. “I won’t be around long enough to learn much, but I’ll take in all I can.”
Passing by the Leigh Mall, he stops at a red light as he turns to me. “What do you mean?”
“I’m just passing through,” I respond with a shrug. His eyes dart out to his window, and I glance away because for some reason I don’t like that he won’t meet my eyes anymore. For the rest of the way to wherever we’re going, Caden is silent. Not knowing what to say, I don’t try to start a conversation either. I feel as though I did something wrong, but I have no idea what it is. Deciding not to dwell on it, I let out a sigh as I take in everything around me as Caden drives. After we pass by Sonic, a little shopping area, and a gas station, I turn to Caden. “Where are we going by the way?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“I don’t really like surprises.”
“Aren’t you just a bowl of fun,” he says sarcastically. “I promise you’ll like it.”
“I don’t know. I hardly know you, and you’re a cop. What if this is all just a ploy to take me in or something.”
He chuckles softly, and I really wish I suddenly didn’t want to hear him laugh like that again. “I must be goin’ through an awful lot of trouble to take you to jail.”
Oh right. Because of the flowers. “I’m just saying.” I huff trying to play it off.
“Are you always this uptight?”
“Do you always call your dates uptight?”
“Only you, small fry.”
Shaking my head, I cross my arms. “Whatever. Don’t tell me then.”
“Now hold on to your britches.” Frowning, I turn to him as he adds, “We’re almost there.” He takes a right by KFC, and for a moment I think we’re going to the movies that’s located on the left side of the road. Instead, he keeps going straight but only for a few more seconds.
He turns to the first left, and I sit up straighter in the seat. “Falcon Lair? Are you taking me to your place?”
“The name is lame as fuck. I liked it much better when it was called Northern Heights, but I just live here.” Glancing around the area, there are apartments everywhere. They’re stacked on top of each other, and the higher ones are connected with a deck attaching more apartments on each side. The apartment’s office is on the left, and I notice a gate beside it. I assume it’s for a pool, and I like the layout of the apartments. It seems smaller than the others I’ve seen around town, but it seems homey. “It’s not much, but my brother and I like it.”
“Oh you live with your brother?” Caden has mentioned having brothers before, but he hasn’t given me many details about his family. I haven’t asked either.
Caden pulls into a parking spot and cuts the engine as he answers me. “Yeah, but he’s not here.” Taking the keys out of the ignition, he grins before saying, “I sort of bribed him into givin’ me the apartment for tonight.”
“You had to bribe him?”
He shrugs as he states, “If you knew my brothers like I do, you’d totally understand.”
“I’m almost scared to ask what you told him you’d do,” I say while laughing.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Laughing some more, Caden turns facing the apartments. He seems lost in thought, and I wonder what he’s thinking about. I do like the dynamic he and his brother seem to have, and it does make me curious to know more about him and his family. We sit in silence for a few more moments before I break it. “So uh … are we going to spend our date inside your truck all night or what?”
“We could, but,” he stops to glance my way and the way he’s looking at me, well, let’s just say it’s hot. His blue eyes seem to darken, and I lick my lips as I feel the sexual tension thicken. “I should feed you.”
“Yeah,” I huff out. “I’m starving.” He nods and quickly jumps out his truck.
Before I can open the door myself, Caden appears and does it for me. “Milady,” he says as he holds out a hand for me. Smirking, I hold in a giggle as I take his hand. Caden helps me out of his massive truck, and I have to remind myself to breathe. I don’t like he has this weird effect on me. I don’t like that I want him to keep holding onto my hand. As soon as I’m out of his truck, instead of doing what my body is demanding I do, I take my hand out of his. It’s better this way. If I let myself get involved with him, I just know someone will get hurt.
When he grins at me, I feel as if he knows what I’m thinking. Thankfully he doesn’t say anything, and I follow him as we make our way inside his apartment. “How long have you lived here?” I ask as we walk upstairs before stopping at the door.
“Since I was nineteen. My brother and I wanted some space from our parents, and we’ve been here ever since.”
“That really doesn’t tell me much since I have no idea how old you are,” I claim as he unlocks the door and he turns back to me.
His eyes narrow for a moment before he says, “What’s with the twenty-one questions?”
“I thought this is what people do on dates. You know? Talk. Get to know one another?” Letting out a nervous laugh, I add, “I mean I know it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date, but I’m sure this is how things go.” Damn. Now I’m even second guessing myself.
Caden lets out a loud laugh, and I glance around him wondering what’s so funny. “I’m just fuckin’ with you. Damn you’re gullible. And to answer your question, I’m thirty-one.”
Trying not to look shocked at our age difference, I sarcastically say, “I see being a smart ass is just another one of your charming traits.”
“You’ll learn to love me.”
“Doubtful,” I mumble, but I’m pretty sure he heard me anyway. He flashes me a cheeky grin before turning to walk inside his apartment. Following behind him, I’m really beginning to think he’s not exactly what I thought. It could be just how he is, and he likes to joke around, but I hope he knows I’m going to give it right back. I’ve never been the type of girl to let shit roll off my shoulders easily. I was taught to stick up for myself, and speak my mind. Honestly I hope Caden knows I’m not a pushover or someone he can play with. He better be glad he has his good looks going for him.
“It’s not much,” he starts as he turns on the lights. “But it’s home.”
Looking around his small apartment, I can see why he’s stayed here for so long. The living room has two couches against the wall. One is in front of the flat screen TV, and the other is on the left side of the wall by the two windows with a coffee table sitting in front of them. To my right, I can see a small dining room with a small round table. The kitchen is also on my right with an open wall theme. I assume the three rooms toward the back of his apartment is the bedrooms and a bathroom. “It’s cozy.” No doubt two men live here. The place screams man cave. Glancing back to Caden, he stares at me like he’s waiting for something. “What’s with the tea light candles?” They’re sitting on the coffee table, and a few are sitting on the opening in the wall that looks into the kitchen. Walking over to pick one up, it feels warm, as if he left them on for a while.
“Oh those. Funny story, I don’t do real candles anymore, but I wanted to do somethin’ romantic.”
Frowning, I turn around holding the tea light in my hand, I ask, “You don’t like candles? Have a bad experience or something?”
“You could say that. Let’s just say, candles are so overrated.”
Laughing, I can only imagine what happened to him. Setting the light back down on the coffee table, I let out a small laugh as I say, “I agree. Can you imagine the kinky fucks out there that like to be burned by the wax?” His eyes widen as I add, “Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for a bit of kink, but getting wax poured on you? That’s just … weird.”
Caden begins to rub his chest as he claims, “Fuckin’ weirdos out there. Thank sweet baby Jesus you’re not one.” He winks at me, and I can feel my face flush. “Come on, Sassy Savannah. Let me show you the ways of the cookin’ master.”
“Now this I have to see,” I call after him and quickly follow him into the kitchen. Noticing what all he has laid out on the counter, I snap my head up. “You’re making me pancakes?”
Putting his hands together, he says, “Here’s the thing, and I’m not proud of this but …” He looks away for a moment, and I can’t help but smile. “I’ve never cooked pancakes before, and you said they were your favorite, and well I have to give you your favorite food on a first date.” He turns to grab something out of the fridge before turning back around. “Just so we’re clear, all the other dates we have will include other people cookin’ for us.”
Admiring his honesty, I smile and shake my head at that last part. “Who said we’re going on any more dates?”
“I’m fairly certain after you’ve had my virgin pancakes, you’ll either want to go out again to make up for a horrible dinner, or you’ll love them so much you’ll be beggin’ me to cook them again. Win, win.”
“You’re very confident, aren’t you?”
Opening the fridge, Caden pulls out a beer and holds it up asking me if I want one. Nodding, he hands it to me as he says, “You know, I have this thing where shit sounds good in my head, but when it actually comes out, it doesn’t sound as good.”
“You have that problem too?”
He chuckles, a sound I really enjoy hearing, as he opens a drawer. Handing me a bottle opener, I pop the top off my beer and hand it back to him. “It’s good to know I’m not alone in my crazy world I call life.”
Jumping on the counter, I realize the kitchen is a lot narrower now that we’re both in here. “Look at it this way,” I begin then take a sip of the beer. “Life would be very boring without us.”
“I’ll drink to that.” We clink the tips of our beer bottles and our eyes lock for a moment as we both take a drink. Taking a big gulp this time, I glance away as he lowers his bottle from his lips. Snapping my head back up when I hear him clap his hands together, he loudly states, “Alright, let’s burn some shit.”
“I don’t think that’s how it goes,” I pipe back.
“Oh I know. Okay,” he says then gives me his full attention. “I’m goin’ to be honest here.” Raising my eyebrows, I wait for him to finish. “I might have never used this stove before.”
“You’re serious?”
“As a cucumber.”
“I thought the saying was cool as a cucumber?”
“You say tomato, I say tomahto. Same thing.”
Unable to hold back my laughter, I set my beer beside me as I cover my mouth. Caden watches me with a smile, and once I get control over myself, I hop down. “How about this? I’ll help you and show you the ropes. Then next time you want to impress a chick, you’ll at least know the basics.”
“Show me the ways of cookin’, small fry.”
Shaking my head, I wonder how in the hell he’s managed to go for so long without learning how to cook for himself. “I have to ask, how is it you’ve never learned to cook before?”
“If you must know, I have a secret weapon.”
Gazing at him, I think about it for a moment before I ask, “Your brother right?”
“Winner, winner chicken dinner.”
“What do I win?”
Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to ask him since now he’s looking at my lips, and I’m looking at his. His tongue slowly licks his bottom lip as he sucks in a deep breath, and for a second, I think he’s going to kiss me. My stomach flutters thinking of what that kiss would be like, and what it would feel like. But he surprises me when he steps back and raises his pinky finger to his mouth as he says in a high-pitched voice, “One million dollars.”
Smiling widely, I snap back with, “Groovy baby.” He laughs with me, and for the first time in a very long time, I forgot why I’m really here. I forget what my ultimate goal is, and for once I don’t mind forgetting.
Before I realize what’s happening, Caden takes my hand in his and twirls me around. He stands close behind me as I face the stove as he whispers in my ear, “I like hearin’ you laugh.”
The pounding of my heart in my ears makes me think twice about what he said, and when his hands begin to roam down to my waist, my entire body heats up. He’s so close all I can feel is him. All I can smell is him. Swallowing hard, I have to open my mouth to take in a deep breath. He’s making it so hard to stay calm and act as though he’s not affecting me. Warning bells begin to go off in my head, but my heart, the damn traitor, is beating so fast telling me to let go for once. It’s tempting to just give into Caden and lean back into his touch, but I can’t. Closing my eyes, I clench my jaw for a moment before I take his hands off me. “Alright, Mr. Grabby Hands. We have a meal to cook. You wouldn’t like to see me when I’m starving.”
Instantly I feel a chill as he moves away, and I’m glad my back is to him. I don’t think I could look at him in the eyes. That moment felt way too intimate. It felt way too good to be in his arms. I hear him sigh loudly before he asks, “What about some tunes? Then you tell me what I need to do.”
Nodding, I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he leaves the kitchen. Grabbing the box of Bisquick Instant Pancake Mix, I read over the directions just to have something to do. Soon Water Under the Bridge by Adele begins to play, and I glance up seeing Caden staring back at me. He doesn’t say a word as he makes his way back into the kitchen, but as I listen to the lyrics of the song, I wonder if he’s trying to tell me something. Deciding to let it go, I ask him where his pots and pans are. We work in sync, which is another thing I have to remind myself that doesn’t mean anything. I begin to make the pancake batter, and I explain every step to Caden. He never interrupts, only asking a question here and there. What I notice the most is how freaking small his kitchen is yet again. It seems every chance he gets, he touches me. First it was my arm, then a light brush on my hand, and now he’s moved on to grabbing my hips to scoot me over. And every single time he lays a hand on me, my body reacts. It seems I can’t help myself, and by the time we’re finished cooking, I’m actually craving his light touches.
Damn him and his addictive touch.
Trying to shake off Caden and his hands, I take a plate from him, and we both fill up on pancakes. He grabs the syrup, and we take a seat at his small table. “This looks really good,” Caden says I’m glad he’s sitting across from me. I need a break from him, and some distance will be good. At least I think distance is going to be good. Unable to stop myself from watching him take his first bite, I wish I’d actually thought before I let myself do so. My stomach clenches as he moans loudly letting me know he’s enjoying that bite way too much. He hasn’t noticed me watching him yet, or maybe he has, and he’s doing this on purpose. Either way, my lady bits are suddenly on fire as I stare at his lips. My mouth opens as he licks them free of the syrup, and Jesus, I sort of wish I was the one licking the sweetness away. “Are you not goin’ to eat?” Shit. Quickly glancing away and hoping he doesn’t notice my blush, I fight the urge to look up again when I hear him chuckle. It’s official, Caden Harlow is going to be the death of me.
We finish eating our meal in silence, and I don’t dare look up from my food. I won’t lie, I’m afraid if I do, Caden will catch me in the act again, or I’ll end up drooling like some lovesick teen. Taking the last bite and swirling it once more in the syrup, I let out a sigh as I enjoy it. Dropping my fork and wiping my mouth, I lean back in my chair and finally glance up. Noticing Caden is staring at me, I begin to think maybe I have something on my face. “What? Do I have syrup on me or something?”
He smirks before saying, “No. Just watchin’ you.”
“Well you can stop. It’s creepy.”
“Maybe I’m a creepy kind of guy.”
Rolling my eyes, I take a drink of my beer. Setting it down back on the table, I lean back upright as I ask, “So tell me something about you that no one knows.”
His eyes widen as if he’s shocked by my randomness, but it only takes him a minute to answer me. “That’s sort of a hard question to answer considerin’ I don’t keep secrets or hide anythin’.”
“Come on. There has to be at least one thing.”
Taking both of his hands and placing them behind his head, he leans back in his chair. Glancing away as I notice his biceps contracting, I bite the inside of my cheek. I swear he’s doing this on purpose. “I got it,” he says as he drops his hands and lays them on the table. “You have to promise not to laugh.”
Shaking my head, I grin. “I don’t think I can make that promise.”
“At least try to contain yourself then.”
“I’m all ears. Spill it.”
He lets out a long sigh, and I just know this is going to be hilarious. “Alright so when I was like nine or ten, I had a little incident with my zipper.” Frowning, I can only guess where he’s going with this. “It was more like a fight gone wrong. Anyway I was at school in the bathroom, and the bell just rang for us to go home. I was so focused on leavin’, I wasn’t watchin’ when I zipped my pants. It was the one time my zipper got stuck, and just so you know, zippin’ your britches while walkin’ is not a good idea.” Oh this is rich. I cover my mouth trying as hard as I can not to laugh. “I’m sure you can imagine how that ended. I was so embarrassed I got my dick caught in my zipper, I didn’t tell anyone. Needless to say, I suffered in silence for a few days.” I end up losing the battle with my laughing. I can’t help myself, especially since I see him visibly shiver as if he’s reliving the memory. His eyes cut to me as he deadpans, “Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. I still have a scar from that, and I’ve been very careful not to redo that again.”
My shoulders begin to shake as my laughter keeps coming. Tears even fill my eyes as I picture what it must have been like for him. “I’m … sorry … I just … can’t even.”
“I’m sort of disturbed by your lack of sympathy for my penis. It hurt like hell.”
Getting some control over myself, I wipe my eyes as I let out a breath. “I’m sure it was, but holy fuck. That was funny.”
“Happy to provide you with a good laugh.” Caden crosses his arms, but I see his smile. “I could ask you for an embarrassin’ story, but I’m a nice guy, so I won’t. Instead,” he starts, and I hold my breath waiting for what he’s about to ask. I have no clue as to why I’m suddenly nervous. Maybe it’s the way he’s looking at me with those blue eyes of his, or maybe it’s the way that grin turns into a cocky smirk. “If you had one wish, what would you use it for and why?”
Oh-kay. That was totally different than I thought he would ask. Caden has surprised me yet again for tonight. “That’s an easy one.” Using the tip of my finger, I rub around the tip of the beer bottle as I confess, “I’d use it to find my mom.” At his confused gaze, I explain. “I was adopted when I was six months old. My adoptive parents told me when I was sixteen, and I don’t know. Since then, I feel as if there’s a piece of me missing. I’ve been looking for her for years, and I’d almost given up hope until my dad gave me a vital clue when I was away at college.” Taking my finger off the bottle, I lean back in my chair and bring my legs up to my chest. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I glance down at my empty plate. “I had so many plans, and so much I wanted to do with my life.” Smiling as I remember my dream, my heart clenches when I realize how I’ve put my entire life on hold to find the one person that can make me whole again. “I wanted to be a photographer and travel the world with just me, a backpack, and a camera.” Looking up, Caden has his chin resting on his hands as he gazes at me. “Do you think it’s stupid to give up my dreams for someone who doesn’t want to be found?”
“No,” he says without hesitation, and for some reason, the confidence in his voice gives me hope. “It’s not stupid at all. If findin’ your birth mother means this much to you, then you have to keep goin’. Plus it’s not like you can’t go after your dreams once you find her.” I can’t seem to find the words I want to say. It’s as if he knew I needed strength to continue with my search, and he’s given it to me. Our gazes lock and for the first time, I realize there’s so much more to him that I thought.
Letting my legs drop, I grin widely as I hear Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd begin to play. “I love this song.”
Caden quickly moves out of his chair, and I watch him intently as he walks over to me. Holding out a hand, he moves his fingers back and forth. “Dance with me, Savannah.” Without giving it another thought, I place my hand in his. He leads me into the living room and drops my hand for a second to move the coffee table out of the way and to turn the volume up.
Feeling my heart begin to race, I lick my lips as he stands in front of me. Slowly taking my waist, I move forward and place my arms around his neck. Laying my head on his chest, I close my eyes as we sway back and forth like eighth graders at a school dance. But it’s everything to me. This song has always been one of my favorites and just knowing Caden wanted to enjoy this moment with me, well that means something right? I don’t want to overthink it. I want to live in this moment, just for a second. So instead of pulling away like my head is telling me, I let myself relax. I take in Caden’s manly smell mixed with his cologne. I let his warmth flow into me, and when he rests his head on mine, I let out a content sigh. For so long I’ve forgotten what it was like to let someone touch me, or even hold me like this. It’s kind of a big deal I’m doing it now, with a stranger no less.
As the song picks up the pace, Caden takes my hand and twirls me around. He starts singing the lyrics, and I can’t stop myself from joining him. Although we’re both off key, it feels good to let loose. Laughing loudly as Caden pretends to play guitar with the solo, I throw my hands up as I let the music and the beat flow through me. We’re like two kids again as we dance and sing around his small living room, but I don’t care. I’m having a blast watching him, and his grin is infectious. I even cheer him on as he bends down to one knee as he continues to play his fake guitar. “I forgot how long this song was,” he yells out.
“I know. Isn’t it great?” Spinning around with my hands in the air, I start to remember my once free spirit. My mom always told me I reminded her of a bird. She said if I let my wings spread out wide, I could do anything. Then she would play this song for me, and she and I would dance around the house singing at the top of our lungs.
Which is why when the song begins to end, I feel a deep sadness in my heart. I realize how much I miss my parents, and I think maybe it is okay if I stop this crazy search and go home to the two people that love me unconditionally.
Glancing up as I hear the volume being turned down, I try to control my rapid breathing. I’m out of breath, and I’m sure my cheeks are flushed from dancing. Caden turns around and he of course, doesn’t look like he’s even broken a sweat. I, on the other hand, probably look as if I’ve just run five miles. When he stands in front of me, I hope and pray I don’t smell like body odor. How embarrassing would that be? His blue eyes meet mine, and I can’t seem to look away. He has me entranced in those bright blue eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his hand reaching up, and I suck in a harsh breath as he brushes my hair behind my ear then cups my cheek. I can barely think at this point because I know what’s coming. There’s no stopping it, and fuck I don’t think I want it to. “Do you know you’re absolutely stunnin’ when you let go, small fry?”
Not dropping my gaze, I let out a small laugh at his ridiculous nickname for me. Why he continues to call me that, I’ll never know unless I ask. Even if he’s half serious and playful at the same time, I still want him to kiss me. I don’t think I’ve wanted something so much from a guy before. His other hand caresses the other side of my cheek as he leans in. Shit. This is it. There’s no going back after this, and I know there’s no way in hell I can be friends with him once this is over. I want it too bad, and maybe it’s okay to enjoy one kiss for a moment.
Or two.
When his lips meet mine, I know a moment isn’t going to be enough.
Caden takes his time taking my lips, but I don’t mind. His kiss is tender and almost too gentle. Maybe he wants to see how I’ll react, but when his tongue touches my lips seeking permission, I eagerly open for him. As soon as I do, our kiss changes almost instantly. He groans as the air leaves my lungs, and I grab onto his shirt as I try not to fall into him even more. All I can feel is him, and all I can taste is him. He’s everywhere invading all my senses. Caden deepens our kiss when his hand snakes to my neck, and I find myself pulling him closer to me. Tilting my head the way the wants, I let him control our kiss. It’s everything I imagined, but at the same time, it’s so much more. It feels like sensation overload and desire begins to flow through me. My stomach clenches as he takes my bottom lip and nips at it, and when my hands roam up his back, I realize what I’m doing.
I can’t do this with him.
Pulling away, I step back putting some distance between us. His eyes snap to mine, and I try so very hard to control my breathing. Taking my hand and covering my mouth, I relive our first kiss. But I don’t want to. I can’t let him overtake me like that again. It’s pointless to be involved with him knowing why I’m here, and the fact I’m not here to stay. Seeing the hurt in his eyes, I glance down at the floor. “I didn’t realize I was so bad at kissin’, small fry.”
He’s trying to lighten the mood, but I can hear how tense his voice is. “No, it’s not that.” Looking back up, he waits for me to finish, but I don’t know how to explain why I can’t go there with him. “I … I think I should go.” He only nods then turns to the door. Following him back to his truck, my heart hurts knowing I’m pushing him away. I hate feeling as though I just made a mistake because I could see a life being with Caden. But maybe that’s the problem.
I don’t want to hand him the power to hurt me.